Dean sat silent in the car, street lights flickering overhead, as he guided the Impala down street after street after almost deserted street. He yawned suddenly, felt more tired than he'd felt in a long time, eyes blinking hugely, trying to blink the road, the world back into focus once again. He stifled another yawn, hand pressed against his mouth in a fist, before he glanced over at Castiel beside him.
The angel was quiet, more silent than usual, face taut with tension as he stared straight ahead, eyes trained on the road like it was the most fascinating thing for him. Dean glanced back at the road, felt more troubled than he should, wondered why Castiel was so silent.
"Cas? You okay?" he asked, voice gruff and cutting through the silence, making Castiel flinch.
"Yes. No. I don't know, Dean," Castiel cryptically replied, eyes flickering to Dean's for the briefest of instants and flickering away again.
"Way to clear that up, Cas," Dean chuckled, breath snorting through his nose at the angel's evasive reply.
His mind wandered over the past hour, of taking Castiel to a brothel, after proclaiming that the angel wouldn't die a virgin on his watch. He remembered the tension that held Castiel's body stiff, the abject look of fright held deep within Castiel's beautiful eyes as he stared pleadingly at the hunter, at the way he seemed to flinch when approached by a pretty lady named Chastity. He heard again Chastity's screams, the way she'd run off before Castiel and Dean were ejected from the brothel, of how the angel had read her mind and told her things he had no way of knowing - if he were a mere man, that was.
"If it's about the whorehouse,. Cas, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't think we'd get thrown out," Dean told Castiel, wondered if it was that that was bothering the angel.
"No, I'm not worried about being thrown out of the den of iniquity, Dean. We should never have been there in the first place," Castiel replied, voice without any real rancor.
Dean didn't know what to say to that, and confusion reigned supreme in his head. Then he spoke again.
"So what is it, then? What's got ya so jumpy, huh?" Dean asked, glancing over at Castiel once more, saw him squirm slightly in his seat as though uncomfortable.
"I believe I have an erection, Dean," Castiel replied, looking vaguely embarrassed over his own admission, eyes glimmering down at his own groin and back up again.
Dean couldn't help it - he laughed, reached out to clap Castiel proudly on the shoulder.
"Awesome, dude! Welcome to the world according to humans," he said, shaking his head, while still chuckling. "So who was it? Chastity? Any of the other women tickle your fancy? Who's got you so riled up?"
Castiel remained silent, eyes shifting guiltily towards Dean's face and remaining there, gaze a heavy weight against Dean's face. He couldn't deny any longer, to himself, or to Dean, that it was the hunter he wanted, and always had. He didn't need women, he'd never wanted them, when he had everything he craved in the hunter. Dean's eyes flickered from the road, to Castiel's weighted expression, listened to the silence from the angel, before he sighed.
"It's me, isn't it? That's why you couldn't go with any of the women at the whorehouse. You want me," Dean said, voice bland, expressionless, as he tried to digest the information that Castiel had given him with a pointed stare and a silence.
He blinked, felt surprise, pleasure, even pride coiling through his body, that Castiel wanted him, and his surprise was heightened when he realized that he didn't feel disgust, repulsion or anger by Castiel's silent admission. To be loved by an angel, wanted by an angel was something worthy of happiness, pride, not disgust, Dean thought. He smiled over his own acceptance, examined his relief for the red-tinged emotion that it was, before his smile grew, pleasure tickling through him on gentle, feathered wings.
"Dude, you do realize I've never been with a guy before, don't you?" Dean asked, gently, as he tried to find a place to park that was private.
"You don't want me," Castiel announced, voice sad, rejected, shoulders slumped beneath his tan trench coat as he turned away.
"Hey. HEY, Cas. I didn't turn you down, dude. I was just saying I've never been with a guy before," Dean said, as he pulled the Impala into a deserted parking lot and killed the engine.
The night around them was deafening in its intense silence, surrounding them, shrouding them in borrowed privacy and seclusion.
"I'm not a guy. I'm an angel," Castiel said, proudly, back straight and proud as he turned to face Dean once more.
"Dude, I know you're an angel, but you're riding a guy, aren't you? But I still never turned you down," Dean repeated, gently, reaching out to gently touch Castiel's shoulder, fingers rubbing at the angel's shoulder soothingly.
Castiel turned luminous blue eyes onto Dean, pleading look trapped deep within their translucent depths as though begging to understand, begging for Dean to show him what he meant. Dean sighed, turned away, turned back and couldn't even begin to find the words to explain himself, when even he didn't know what he wanted to say, what he felt inside.
Everything was a confused mass inside of him, emotions roiling and rising to the surface to be reclaimed by another and another and another. He sighed again, pinched the bridge of his nose between thumb and forefinger and begged someone unknown for help and guidance.
"Cas, it's not that I don't find you attractive - seriously, I think you're hot - but it's just .... I'm Dean Winchester. I go with girls. I've always gone with girls. I leave them as soon as I can. I don't want to do that to you. I don't think I'm good enough for you," he said, wondering why he was even revealing that much to the angel beside him, when he'd only just come to the same conclusions himself.
Usually he didn't admit a thing to anybody, not even his own brother; so why was he doing it now? Why was he confessing all to the angel, and treating this like a chick flick moment that he usually avoided?
"Then don't. Don't leave me. I think you're good enough," Castiel replied simply, head tilted to the side as he regarded Dean closely. "I've been watching you closely, Dean, and I think you're good enough. I don't want anyone else, no matter what you say."
"You're not gonna take no for an answer, are you? Not that I'm saying no, before you start," Dean replied, lifting one hand from his lap, and sighing through his nose with a loud exhalation of breath.
Castiel remained silent, simply watching Dean as the hunter thought, eyes shifting lazily in the dim parking lot beyond the windshield. He waited, watched, still shifting uncomfortably beneath the pressure of his erection still straining against the dark fabric of his pants. He reached out tentatively, rested one hand on Dean's knee, smiled when the hunter didn't pull away, or try and brush his hand off.
"It's okay to be afraid, Dean. It's okay to love and be loved in return," he said gently.
"Is that it? Are you saying you're in love with me?" Dean asked, turning to face Castiel in surprise, grinning despite his initial reaction.
Castiel smiled in return, caught the look of longing in Dean's eyes before it was replaced by the wall that Dean usually put up to guard himself against the world.
"Yes. I loved you from the moment I dragged you kicking and screaming from Hell. I loved your perfection, your beauty, your tenacity on the face of all things. I love you, Dean," Castiel said, laying everything he felt bare for Dean to take, accept, to trample on if he so wished.
Dean smiled, lips shaking with some hidden emotion that Castiel didn't quite catch or understand, watched as a tear fell down Dean's cheek unchecked.
"You don't think you deserve to be loved," Castiel stated, as he peered closely at Dean, understanding flooding his being with a warm backwash of love and light, purity unbidden, unmatched by anything else that had gone before.
"Not by you. I don't deserve to be loved by you," Dean forced out, unable to turn away from the gentle expression on Castiel's face. "Not you of all people."
Castiel nodded slowly, eyes never leaving Dean's face, gaze intent, loving, understanding.
"Yes. You do. Deal with it," he said, with the faintest flicker of a smile when Dean suddenly laughed.
"You've been hanging round me too long, dude. You're starting to sound like me," the hunter said, nudging the angel gently with one outstretched hand. "Don't ever change."
Castiel remained silent once more, smile flickering across his face again, before he looked down at the erection still tenting the front of his pants.
"I know - it isn't gonna suck itself," Dean snorted, with a laugh at Castiel's surprised expression.
Dean smiled when Castiel laughed, a beautiful sound that filled the car with sudden warmth and made Dean shiver suddenly with need. He didn't realize properly until that moment how much he craved Castiel, how much he'd always craved Castiel, even though he'd never admitted it to himself before now.
He felt relief wash through him with the admission, felt his body relax when he finally admitted the thing that he'd always known - he was in love with Castiel, wanted him, needed him, craved him more than he'd ever wanted, needed, craved anyone else. He sighed, wondered if that made him gay, shook his head with the thought that it didn't really matter in the larger scheme of things. Things like love mattered, finally finding someone to be with, to spend time with and enjoy. He felt like the world suddenly made sense, as though something had clicked into place for him, and clarity and meaning swept in, made Dean feel something worthwhile for the first time in his life.
He sighed, reached out, touched Castiel's face tentatively, tenderly, and was surprised into a smile when the angel pressed soft lips against the palm of Dean's hand. Dean leant forward, pressed lips against Castiel's mouth gently; just the merest brush of lips against lips, breath tickling and mingling in an almost chaste expression of underlying need. He claimed Castiel's mouth a little more forcefully, deepened the kiss, found Castiel respond, soft mouth working beneath his own. The kiss was awkward at best, clumsy, wet, yet so undeniably sexy in its chasteness, that Dean murmured his approval into Castiel's slightly open mouth.
His hand reached down between them, loosened Castiel's belt, unzipped his pants and freed Castiel's erection from his boxer shorts. He heard the hiss from the angel's throat when cold air hit upon exposed flesh, soon replaced by a murmur of surprised pleasure when Dean took Castiel's cock deep into his mouth.
The hunter was surprised at the feel of Castiel's dick, hard, yet soft at the same time, skin silken and warm against his tongue, tasting of salty pre-cum and Castiel. He moaned in approval, thinking that he could very easily get used to this, especially if it was Castiel's dick in his mouth.
He slowly started bobbing his head between Castiel's legs, moving his lips over and around his erection, pleasuring him with teeth and tongue and lips. He felt Castiel writhe beneath his careful ministrations, moans of arousal issuing from his lips, trapped deep within his throat, his chest, arousal hanging thick and heavy around him like a cloak.
Castiel's eyes were wide, staring off into some unseen distance, pleasure coiling through his body like a monstrous snake at the feel of Dean's warm, wet mouth surrounding his cock. He moaned, hand resting lightly on Dean's shoulder, fingers laced through the hunter's short hair as he came closer to completion. He had no idea that it could feel as good as this, couldn't deny that it would remain unmatched by anything else he would experience.
His back arched up from the seat of the Impala, mouth stretched wide in a soundless scream as he came, flooding Dean's mouth with his thick release. He shuddered against Dean, felt the hunter pull away with a barely audible pop. His head lolled uselessly and he moaned, sated, pleasured, still halfway to being aroused. His hands rested lightly by his sides as Dean sat up, looking satisfied, pleased smirk in place on his still shining lips.
"I take it you liked that?" Dean asked, with a chuckle.
Castiel nodded wordlessly, felt robbed of speech and incapable of forming a proper response to the hunter and Dean smiled. The hunter leant forward, claimed Castiel's mouth again in a heated, searing kiss, tongue sliding into Castiel's mouth insistently, tasting of Castiel's own release, and Dean himself mingled. Castiel was intoxicated, lost, hungry for more, unwilling to relinquish Dean's lips when the hunter pulled away for air. He chased his mouth eagerly, made Dean smile with the gesture, green eyes twinkling in the light.
Castiel barely noticed when Dean freed his own erection from the confines of his jeans, hand working over his stiff member confidently, until the hunter came, pleasured shouts filling the interior of the car as he released his spunk into his own hand. They sat there, sated, silent, unmoving, blissful with each other's company.
"We're gonna do this again, right?" Dean asked Castiel, quietly, gruffly, voice sounding hopeful, yet fearful of knock back or reprisal.
Castiel nodded, then said - "Yes, Dean. I'd like that."
Dean smiled, then said - "I'm not gonna leave you."
"I know," Castiel smiled, knowing that it was the closest that Dean would ever get to saying - "I love you" - or at least the closest he was going to get right now.
They remained silent, eyes locked, breath heavy, mingling, fogging up the windows against the cold night air outside. There was nothing more to be said, everything to be shared, experiences together to be cherished, for as long as each would allow it. They knew that they had forever in each other's arms and both were content with that ...
-fini-