He kisses the tips of her fingers. She smiles, uncomfortable with his seriousness, his adoration. She's always been weird about feelings like these. Maybe they won't last; maybe they're too much for her heart to stand.
She runs her hands through his hair, feeling the softness of it. She kisses him, suddenly, softly at first but then with a sense of urgency. Maybe fear. He pulls away and just looks at her, not with judgment or even concern, just curiosity. He knows she wants to be okay. She wants to be strong, fearless, infallible.
She lets a tear fall. She doesn't speak, doesn't apologize. He wipes it away with his thumb and his eyes stay locked with hers. She blinks and another dances down her cheek.
"I love you." he whispers.
She shuts her eyes, swallows hard. She knows.
She brings her palm up to her face to smear away the rest of the salty drops that have painted her cheekbones. She lays herself back onto his bed, her head hitting the firm pillow. He remains sitting but leans over her slightly, takes her hand.
"You're safe here. You're okay."
She turns her face away but continues to clutch his hand.
"I don't know how to stop." She says, finally. He can hear the sadness in her voice. "I don't want to live that way, not anymore. But I don't know how to let it go. It makes me feel like I've failed her."
Her confession makes his heart sting.
"You did everything you could, Kate. You did everything you could without getting yourself killed. It was more than enough."
She turns her head to face him. He can see the tears beginning to swell behind her eyes again.
"The only way it could have been enough was if I got him, if I had figured it out."
He lets go of her hand and lies down beside her on the bed. They're each on their side, facing the other.
"You did the right thing, Beckett. You needed to let it go." He pauses, taking her hand and bringing it to the scar between her breasts. "Your mom would want you to live. She would want you to be safe. She would want you to be happy."
She smiles slightly, bringing her right hand to the side of his face, her thumb brushing his cheek.
"I am happy, Castle."
She leans in to kiss him, first his forehead and then his lips, tentatively. He pulls her in to his chest. She can feel his heart beat against her temple. He strokes her hair, kisses the top of her head.
"I just…I need to learn to be okay with the fact that I might not ever know everything about what happened." He feels her heart break as the words come out of her mouth. He's proud of her. He wishes she would talk like this more often. He loves her quiet strength, but sometimes he wishes he could know more of what goes on behind her eyes.
He feels her tears drip on to his t-shirt, his chest. She pulls back to look at him.
"I'm good like this." She says, a smile spreading across her lips. "Just being here with you. I don't need my badge or my gun. I don't need the puzzle. I just want to be with you." She pauses. "And I want to be okay. I don't want to constantly be scared that someone's trying to kill me."
He smiles back at her, amazed by her openness.
"You're incredible." He says, brushing the hair out of her eyes. "You're so strong."
"I love you, Castle." She says softly, moving to rest her head on his shoulder as he lies on his back. She closes her eyes and sighs deeply.
He's never been more at peace.