"Well, Jethro, there is no point in dilly-dallying," said Ducky, "the boy will be waiting to learn his fate."
"Guess so," said Gibbs morosely, "go on, then. I'll back you up."
"Oh, no, Jethro, as team lead, I believe this is your responsibility. But I will back you up."
Gibbs scowled but complied. Ducky was one of the few people he could not intimidate. He took a fortifying gulp of his coffee and walked down the corridor towards the hospital room. Tony was sitting propped up by pillows and wearing a glum expression. He brightened a bit when he saw Ducky and Gibbs enter.
"Hey, have you come to spring me?" he made a move to throw the covers off and leave the bed.
"Anthony DiNozzo!" came Ducky's outraged voice, "do not even think of getting out of that bed." Gibbs shouted at the same time,
"DiNozzo, stay exactly where you are!"
Tony slumped back, defeated by this two pronged attack,
"No need to shout," he muttered.
"Indeed, Anthony, I apologise but you know that Jethro and I only have your best interests at heart. Now ..." Ducky paused, realising that Gibbs was remaining silent hoping that Ducky was going to deliver the bad news, "now, Gibbs will give you the prognosis. Gibbs ...," he said pointedly.
"All right, Ducky. I was getting there". He took another sip of his drink and swirled the cup thoughtfully, trying to estimate how much was left.
"Well ..?" said Ducky, after a few moments of continued silence. "Jethro, you do know that 'procrastination is the thief of time?"
"What?"
"A quotation from Edward Young, a English poet of the eighteenth century. It recommends doing what needs to be done today and not putting it off till tomorrow."
"Guess he was a pretty smart guy. For a Brit."
Ducky bristled and was about to leap to the defence of his compatriots but stopped himself with a chuckle, "Nice try, Jethro, but I will save my discourse on the sagacity of the British for a more opportune time."
"Well, Duck, looks as if that procrastination has done its work," and he nodded towards the bed where Tony had dozed off. "We'll tell him tomorrow," and he made to leave the room.
"Oh no, you don't, Special Agent Gibbs," said Ducky, "you will tell ANTHONY now." The loud sound of his name roused Tony from his sleep,
"What, what ...? I'm here, on your six, Boss. Er ... what, what?"
"Jethro has something to tell you, my dear boy," said Ducky in a sweet voice, "Don't you?"
"You broke your leg, DiNozzo," said Gibbs bluntly.
"I know," said Tony mournfully, "the nurse told me. When can I go home?"
Gibbs looked hopefully at Ducky who stood resolutely with his mouth shut. He sighed and carried on,
"Doc wants you to stay in overnight. Doesn't think you need surgery but they're gonna come down soon and put it in plaster. Just a simple break, shouldn't be any complications."
"Oh ... and I can go home tomorrow?"
"Possibly," said Ducky, "carry on, Jethro".
"The doctor said it will take about ten weeks to mend," said Jethro.
"Possibly," said Ducky, "carry on, Jethro".
"You'll be able to get about on crutches," said Gibbs.
"Oh ... so that means I can go home tomorrow?"
"Oh, for goodness' sake," said Ducky in exasperation, "this could go on all night. Anthony, you have broken your tibia. Fortunately it is a simple fracture which will, however take a minimum of ten weeks to heal so long as you follow your doctors' instructions. I would recommend that you take those weeks off as sick leave but I have little expectation that you will follow my advice in this matter. After a week of rest at home, I believe you will be able to return to work so long as you do not go out into the field."
"You mean I have to stay in the office for nine weeks?" squeaked Tony.
"At least," said Ducky firmly
"But I can help out, can't I?" said Tony hopefully, "I mean I could do interrogations, couldn't I?"
At Ducky's pointed glare, Gibbs reluctantly re-entered the conversation,
"Too risky, Tony. You know how interviews can get out of control."
"I could interview with someone else there," said Tony.
"No, we can't risk that. If something goes down we need everyone able to react immediately. You'd be a liability," said Gibbs.
"Oh," said Tony sadly, "but I can come back to work?"
Gibbs nodded, "Yeah, you can come back to work."
"Ahem," said Ducky meaningfully with a gesture to encourage Gibbs to continue.
"Yeah, about going home," said Gibbs reluctantly.
"Yes?" said Tony suspiciously.
"Ducky thinks you shouldn't go back to your place," said Gibbs in a rather cowardly way.
Ducky glared at Gibbs and then turned a gentler gaze on the patient.
"We all know that your apartment is your sanctuary, Anthony, but we all also know that the elevator is a bit uncertain and while normally climbing three flights of stairs is no hardship for you, it is certainly not advisable in your current ... er ... status."
"I can manage on crutches," protested Tony, "'I'll be fine."
"Anthony, I would not recommend it. That leg has been broken before and it would be foolish to run any unnecessary risk. You need to find alternative accommodations at least for a few weeks."
"Where am I going to go?" asked Tony, "I guess I could find a hotel?"
"We're not going to send you to a hotel, DiNozzo," said Gibbs.
"Boss, that's really kind of you but your downstairs bathroom is tiny. I don't think I could hop into the bath and I couldn't make you give up your couch."
"Not my place, DiNozzo," said Gibbs.
"Oh, of course not. I didn't mean to assume ... I mean, I didn't really expect you to put me up," said Tony flushing with embarrassment.
"Hey," said Gibbs, in a gentler tone, "it would be no problem but we already thought about it and realised that my place wouldn't work."
"Oh," said Tony in a slightly happier tone.
"Neither Timothy or Abigail have the necessary space. Ziva's apartment has the same elevator predicament as yours. You know, I begin to despair at the state of Washington's housing stock," sighed Ducky.
"You know, Jimmy's a good guy but I don't really want to impose on him and Breena. You know, newlyweds and everything," said Tony.
"Indeed, that would not be a good solution," agreed Ducky.
"Hey," said Tony in sudden alarm, "you're not sending me to stay with the Director are you? Cos, I know that he's warmed up to me a bit but not enough to have me as a house guest. I'd rather take my chances with the elevator. Or perhaps Phyllis Delaney would let me stay with her."
"Who's Phyllis Delaney?" asked Gibbs.
"She's got the ground floor apartment in my block. Moved in last year. She says she's a psychic, keeps wanting to give me a reading. Says she thinks someone is trying to talk to me over the great divide. She's got a pet bat."
"Good Lord," said Ducky, "no, Anthony, the solution is obvious. You will come and stay with me. I have a downstairs bedroom with a walk-in shower. The previous residents had it put it in for their elderly father when he came to visit, it will be ideal."
"Great," said Tony, "I can use the facilities for the seniors."
"I know it's not ideal, Anthony," said Ducky a little stiffly, "but I thought you might be grateful."
"Oh, Ducky, I am," said Tony suddenly horrified that he might have offended Ducky, "it's really kind of you and I am grateful. It's just that this morning I was going for a run round the park and planning a weekend playing football with my buddies and now I'm looking for ground floor housing with an easy access bath. It's a bit of an adjustment."
"I understand," said a mollified Ducky, "but I think it will work out fine, my boy. You will be able to have your privacy, I'm sure Timothy will set up your television for you and whatever else you need. And I still have mother's piano. I used to play the oboe in my youth; perhaps I could take it up again and we could play duets."
"Sounds g-r-e-a-t," said Tony in an unconvinced voice.
Gibbs cleared his throat, "There is one other thing," he said.
"Go on," said Tony, "I can take it."
"You won't be able to drive," said Gibbs.
Tony opened his mouth to disagree but then clearly worked out the mechanics in his mind, and closed his mouth despondently.
"And I fear you would find getting in and out of my Morgan too difficult," said Ducky.
"We figured you wouldn't want Ziva to drive you," said Gibbs. Tony shuddered at the thought. "McGee lives just round the block, so most days he'll be able to drive you," said Gibbs.
Tony nodded. Part of him felt grateful for all the care he was being offered but another part of him just wanted to be alone and independent again.
A nurse came in, "Mr DiNozzo, we're going to take you down in a few minutes to get your leg seen to. I'm just going to give you this painkiller and sedative, it'll just take the edge of so you don't mind too much what the doctor does to you. Is that OK?"
Tony nodded, he didn't really want to take too much notice of what happened when his leg was being set. The nurse gave him the injection.
"I'll be heading home now," said Ducky, "make sure your new room is all shipshape for you. Chin up, Anthony. Everything will be all right."
"Thanks, Ducky. I'm sorry about before. I am grateful."
"Don't give it a second thought. Cheerio!"
Gibbs, left alone with Tony, sat down by the bed. "You OK, Tony?"
"Not really, Boss, lot to take in, you know. But I'll be fine."
"Sure you will be," said Gibbs, patting him on the shoulder and watching as Tony's eyelids drooped. "I'll stay a while. Make sure you're OK."
"Thanks, Boss," said Tony sleepily.
NCISNCIS
All went according to plan. Tony went home the next day, or rather, to his temporary accommodation at Ducky's house in Georgetown. Ducky was firm in his refusal to let Tony go to the Navy Yard for the rest of the week. He hadn't yet found his oboe and, in any case, Tony wasn't up to playing the piano but Ducky unearthed a boxed set of Ealing comedies and they enjoyed a few nights of movie discussions instead.
Meanwhile there was some anxiety at NCIS as word went round that Tony would be coming back to work after the weekend to be on desk duty for at least two and a half months.
"Director Vance, you know that I think very highly of Special Agent DiNozzo," said Delores Bromstead at the weekly meeting of department heads with the Director.-
Director Vance looked a little quizzically at Delores. It seemed an unlikely alliance but DiNozzo's secret Santa gift exchange seemed to have sparked a deep friendship. "I sense a but," he said.
"Special Agent DiNozzo is excellent at his job," she continued, "but he is the nosiest person in this building and there is some ... concern about what he'll unearth if he's stuck in the building for three months."
"He's bad enough when he's hardly ever here," agreed Win Francis, head of janitorial services, "but what will he be like if he never leaves? Three months of undiluted DiNozzo!"
"And what are people afraid he'll find out?" said the Director.
The department heads all suddenly found their folders of intense interest and failed to reply.
"So what do you suggest?" asked Vance eventually.
"Perhaps he could be persuaded to recover at home?" said Josiah Witts, head of catering, "you wouldn't normally expect someone to come to work with a broken leg."
"I think Agent Gibbs might have something to say if his Senior Field Agent was at home for ten weeks," said Vance.
The others looked thoughtful at this, wondering which would be worse: a DiNozzo trapped in the office or dealing with Team Gibbs without Tony as a buffer.
"I'll give it some thought," said Vance, "if there's nothing else, I'll bring this meeting to a close." When the others had left, he turned to his secretary, "No need to minute the comments about Agent DiNozzo."
"No, Sir," she agreed, thinking that the next few weeks might be interesting.
Left on his own, the Director thought for a few minutes and then looked at his diary. He chuckled to himself, "Why not?" He pressed the intercom for his secretary, "Have Agent Gibbs come up here, please."
Gibbs arrived a few moments later and breezed confidently in.
"What you want, Leon?"
"Agent DiNozzo?"
"Should be back at work next week. Desk duty for a few weeks."
"Dr Mallard's report says ten weeks at least."
"That a problem, Director? He can do good work at the desk."
"I don't doubt that, Gibbs. There's some ... let's say, misgiving about having him on desk duty for so long."
Gibbs laughed, "Not my problem, Leon."
"No, but it might be mine. I don't want the smooth running of this office disrupted."
"What you want me to do? DiNozzo doesn't want to sit at home for weeks and it'd be a waste. You don't like waste, do you , Leon?"
"Deputy Director Craig is going on a six month secondment to Homeland Security," said Vance.
"Yeah?"
"It's part of a program to build co-operation between the Agencies," explained Vance.
"They going to send you a temporary deputy?" asked Gibbs.
"No," said Vance, "I said we could manage. But I've just looked at my diary. Lots of things coming up. British fleet is paying a ceremonial visit, we're hosting a couple of security conferences, a review of FLETC courses."
"So?"
"I thought that Agent DiNozzo might be able to do some of that work. He could have an office up here. Might make people relax a bit more if they didn't think he was watching them all the time, keep him busy, focussed."
"You're going to make DiNozzo your social secretary?" asked Gibbs in disbelief.
"No, he could still do some of your team's research work but it would be good to start passing some of the paper work to Agents McGee and David. That should free up time for him to do some of the other things I have in mind".
"He'd still be on my team?" said Gibbs, "I'd have first call?"
"We'll work something out," said the Director vaguely, "there might be some days he'd mostly be working on my tasks."
Gibbs frowned, wondering if the Director was up to something. On the other hand, he had some concerns about a bored DiNozzo trapped in the office. He didn't like ideas that weren't his, however, so he raised another objection.
"Can't see all these navy chiefs and high ups wanting to be fobbed off with a Senior Field Agent, Leon."
Leon chose not to respond to that, "I don't seem to have a report on Agent DiNozzo's accident yet. I understand it happened here?"
"It's on its way to you, Leon. Gotta go, man down, you know," and Gibbs was gone, leaving Leon with a satisfied smile on his face.
NCISNCIS
Later that day, the Director knocked on the door of Ducky's house. Ducky opened the door,
"Why, good evening, Director. What may I do for you?"
"I'd like to see Agent DiNozzo, if that's convenient."
"Of course, do come in. I'm just preparing our evening repast. Roast saddle of lamb with neeps and tatties."
"That sounds delicious," said the Director politely if untruthfully."
"Neeps and tatties are turnips and potatoes," Ducky translated, "you are most welcome to join us."
"Thank you, but no," said the Director, "I want to be home for the kids."
"I understand, another time, perhaps. Let me take you to Anthony. He was asleep when I came home but he needs to wake up to eat."
The Director followed the doctor into a pleasant, sun-filled room which looked out on to the garden. Tony was indeed dozing in an arm chair. Ducky cleared his throat, but when this didn't rouse his house guest he walked up and shook him gently by the arm,
"Wake up, Anthony, you have a visitor."
"What, no, no, I don't want to go to school today," came the mumbled response.
"That's quite understandable, Anthony," soothed Ducky, "but you need to wake up properly."
Tony did then wake up properly. When he saw his visitor he reached for his crutches to stand up. The Director stopped him, he had noticed that Tony always stood up when he came into the squad room; he guessed it was something to do with his boarding school training.
"Don't get up, Agent DiNozzo."
"Well, I leave you two alone," said Ducky, "call if you need anything, Anthony."
"How's the leg, Agent DiNozzo?" asked the Director.
"It's fine. I'll be able to come back to work next week," insisted Tony.
"You're sure you'll be able to keep awake all day?" asked Leon drily.
Tony flushed with embarrassment. "Ducky makes me take the pain-killers. They don't make me loopy but they do send me to sleep but he says I can cut down on them when I get back to work."
"I'm glad to hear it."
"Er, thank you for coming to see me, Director," said Tony, slightly puzzled by the visit.
"I wanted to check you were going to be fit to return."
"Oh, I'll be back," insisted Tony.
"Yes, your return is ... er ...much anticipated," said Leon, choosing his words carefully. Tony looked happy at this. Leon continued, "I have a proposal about the work you will do while you are recovering."
"Yes ...?" said Tony cautiously, "I thought I'd be working for Gibbs. Just desk work, I know I can't go out in the field or do interrogations."
"And you will be doing some of that," said Vance.
"Some?"
"I have some other work which I would like you to do. Deputy Director Craig is going to be on secondment to Homeland Security for six months ..."
"Yeah, so I heard."
"How did you hear that?" said the Director sharply, "that was confidential, nobody was meant to know. Or did Agent Gibbs tell you?"
"Er ... no, I can't remember where I heard it," said Tony.
The Director didn't know whether to be impressed at Tony's sources or annoyed that the secret had been leaked. He began to understand the misgivings of NCIS about an Agent DiNozzo chained to his desk. He continued, "There are various events coming up which it would be good to have someone else taking responsibility for in his absence."
"Such as?"
"The British Royal Navy is visiting Norfolk, we have some security conferences and we are starting a review of FLETC courses."
"And you think I could help with those?" said a clearly dubious Tony.
"Yes," said Vance firmly, "I do." He sensed that Tony was trying to think of a polite way to say no, so he played what he was beginning to think was a winning card, "I'm still waiting to receive a report on your accident, Agent DiNozzo. Have you completed your statement yet?"
As he had expected, Tony shuffled a bit uncomfortably and said, "I'd be happy to help, Director. It would be good ... um ... good experience."
"I thought so," said the Director, "now let me explain in more detail."
Ducky returned a few minutes later to announce that the meal was ready.
"Are you sure you won't join us, Director? I could always make up what I believe is termed a 'doggy bag' for your dear children."
"No, thank you, Dr Mallard, I must be going. Agent DiNozzo, I will see you on Monday. Assuming, of course, that Dr Mallard gives his approval."
"Thank you, Director, it is good to have someone paying attention to my medical expertise. Now, let me show you the way out."
In a surprisingly short space of time, Ducky returned.
"Why, Anthony, is there anything wrong. You look a bit shocked."
"Ducky, you're sure those pain-killers I've been taking aren't making me loopy?"
"I told you, Anthony, they will only deaden some of the pain. They have no other adverse effects."
"So, that really was the Director of NCIS who just left?"
"Yes, Director Leon Vance. Now, what's going on, Anthony? What was the purpose of his visit?"
"To offer me a new temporary job."
"Indeed? And what is that?"
"Ducky, you're looking at the new Associate Deputy Director of NCIS."
"Oh, my," said Ducky.
Tony laughed.
"What is it, Anthony?"
"I've just realised. I'm going to be Anthony D DiNozzo, ADD".