Life isn't fair. Most people learn that early and often in the course of their time on earth. Unfortunately, some people seem to be cursed with being reminded over, and over and over how much trying to get by each day can hurt. How much it can hurt to finally open your heart to only have it crushed in a vicious circle of hope, brief joy and never ending pain.
It seemed that William Cranston was one of those people who were fated to never be happy, at least not for long. He thought he had found his joy in Jason Scott… a man he had known since the tender age of 10, shortly before his mother had been killed in a car accident that spared his life by some minor miracle. After taking a break from Rangering and finally getting what he wanted out of his life, by way of taking his relationship with Jason above and beyond that of brotherly affection.
That assumption was shattered when the others who made it to Jason's funeral saw the shape Billy was in. To say he was falling to pieces would have been kind. Kim knew her oldest friend had been destroyed by Jason's death… the fact that he had been killed in the line of duty, doing what he loved did nothing to assuage the grief that consumed Billy in the days following the funeral service. Kim had stuck around to see what, if anything she could do for Billy other than to give her support and love to the most important man in her life. She stayed at the house with him, at least for the first night until he realized he couldn't sleep in their bed alone…not yet anyway. It was in Kim's hotel room that he finally broke the silence that had consumed him since Jason's passing.
Billy laid in the adjacent bed, and stared at the ceiling fan as if he could make it shatter by force of will alone, as if it would help him deal with the grief, as if it could make him able to face the prospect of being alone again. Kim crawled over to him and sat within reach in case he needed or wanted comfort from her. By the time Billy finally spoke, Kim was half asleep, curled into his side unconsciously seeking Billy in her sleep. They had shared a bed as friends many times before, but in her half-conscious state it didn't register that he may not be ok with the contact for a while.
Kim awoke after being dumped on the floor unceremoniously by Billy when he tensed up from the contact with Kim. He sat on the bed, not quite himself; until he slowly realized Kim wasn't in bed with him but she was in the room still. "Kim?"
"Down here Bill. You kicked me off… sorry I was half asleep when I rolled over to you. I didn't mean…"
Whatever Kim was going to say was stalled by Billy offering her a hand up off the floor and pulling her into a fierce hug. "No, don't apologize for anything Kim. There's nothing to say sorry for. You only did what you normally do when we bunk together. I know you didn't mean to hurt me. Right now, I don't think it's possible for me to hurt any more without being incapacitated." Billy sighed and stood up. He went over to the bar, perused the selection then went back to the bed… he's done enough self medicating with Jack Daniels over the last few days, and he didn't feel like a lecture from Kim on his habits.
Kim said nothing; she merely laid there while Billy climbed back into the bed with her and sighed. "Bill, do you need anything? Before you answer you do understand I'm not trying to patronize you, right?"
"I know Kim; everything is a blur right now. I feel like I've been beaten within an inch of my life and thrown to the sharks for fun. I keep waking up from the nightmares, I can't function right now. I don't know how to go on right now. What I need and want I can't have… barring committing suicide and assuming there is an afterlife." Billy turned on his side, facing the window as he watched the sun set on a day that had been so beautiful, except for him. "Kim, I feel so empty and hollow inside. I feel as if I've finally broken for good and this time there's no fixing me. I couldn't even pick a suit for him. You had to do it… I feel so fucking empty, alone and scared."
Kim felt her heart breaking for her oldest friend, and wished she could grant him his hearts desire, that couldn't be. She wanted to embrace him, but she had no idea if Billy would be ok with her comforting him. "Bill, I don't know what to do or say for you. There's nothing I can do that will help, other than being around when or if you need me. I wish I could take away the pain, but all I can do is offer my support as your friend. I love you, and am here for you." Kim gently rubbed his back, and leaned her head against his shoulders, noting how tense he was.
"Don't … please don't touch me. Nothing personal, I just can't bear it now. Besides, we'd lie in bed like this… on rare mornings when we had no where to go and nothing to do. It's too much Kim, just too fucking much for me." Billy edged out of the bed, away from Kim and started to toss his clothes into the overnight bag he'd packed to stay with her at the hotel. Kim sat there unsure what to do, now that he'd vetoed any physical comfort.
"Are you going back home?"
Billy stopped in the midst of balling up a pair of jeans to put in the bag. "Yeah… I need to make some calls. And I'm sure I have a few messages on my cell phone. I kind of disappeared when I came here to hide. I couldn't cope with any one else offering their condolences. I know they mean well, but I'm not able to deal now. You can come with me if you like, but I know you need to get back to work soon as well. How long did you take off Kim?"
Kim sat there and watched Billy pack for a bit before she answered. "As long as I needed to Bill. For as long as you need me." She then got off the bed and started to pack up her belongings as well. Maybe if she stayed him at the house, he'd be a little better…maybe.
Billy said nothing, as his voice would have been suspiciously thick if he could have found words for the gratitude and affection he felt for Kim at that moment. Once he was packed and Kim had gathered everything, they checked out. On the drive over, Billy said nothing until after they were inside the house and Billy slid to the floor in the living room for a bit, then he finally stood up, as he fought off the desire to faint.
"Well, I'm back." He said to the house as he trudged upstairs to their bedroom. "My bedroom", he thought aloud as he opened the door to the chaotic state he'd left the room in. Billy sat on the bed, and realized his hands were shaking and he was breathing erratically. Kim had come up, to check on him and saw the vacant expression on his face.
"Bill?" Kim queried gently as she stopped at the threshold of their room. She wouldn't go in, couldn't do it for some reason.
Billy looked up and bolted from the room until he got to the couch. Kim followed in case he ran out of the house. She stopped after he did, and sat near him…"I can't do it. I can't live here anymore Kim. I need to leave. Put the house up for sale and leave." He was holding a throw pillow as he sat there near tears, and Kim sighed. She knew coming back would hurt, but she didn't realize it would be so hard to even set foot in the room.
"Where would you go? Billy, didn't you say you'd be damned if you ran from anything else in your life?"
"I did, but I can't live here anymore Kim. Please, you've got to understand that. I couldn't even be in the room for 5 minutes. How the hell am I supposed to come home to an empty house, and sleep in that bed, alone?" I can't. You don't understand what Jason is… was, will always be for me. No one can." Billy sat there, and rocked as he tried to compose himself. Their friends had seen how badly torn up he was, but only Kim saw the absolute destruction Jason's death was causing Billy. She didn't know what to do, but she didn't want to let Billy run off like this.
"Bill, please consider it… think it through before you run off. I'd miss you horribly, but if it's what you feel you must do, I support you ok?" Kim sat back and waited for him to do or say something.
Billy sat up and tossed the pillow to the side in disgust. "I have to Kim. There's no if, and or but about it. It's what I need to survive now. Besides, you have a way of finding me no matter how well I hide." Bill stood, surveyed the room and looked over at Kim before he grabbed her hand and gently tugged to get her to follow him.
"Help me. I can't deal with packing his things alone. After I've boxed the clothes to donate, I'll drop it off. I'll call my realtor and let him know the house is on the market, furnished mostly and to take a decent offer. I'm not going to give myself time to talk myself out of this. I'll pack up some clothes, then once I've found a place and ship the other things. Maybe a smaller place, a nice two bedroom apartment instead of a house." Billy stopped muttering and slid back the closet door, surveying Jason's clothes.
Kim stood there for a moment, not sure of what she should be doing to help Billy or if she was needed for moral support. Billy grabbed a couple of bags out of the closet, and tossed one to Kim. "Here, if you could take the dress clothes, I'll get hi...his other things."
Billy packed up the clothing that he could drop off on his way out of town, and left the other things for Kim to box up. Once he was done, he went downstairs and waited for Kim to join him… she did after pushing the packed boxes to one side of the bedroom and joined her long time friend on the couch. After his earlier outburst, she wasn't sure of how to act around Billy. He'd gone very quiet as he stared at the TV; not really processing what was on. Kim cleared her throat and looked at Billy to get his attention.
"Sorry, my mind was wandering somewhere far away. I'm ready to get out of here, and get away for a while. The realtor has keys, I've left him a number to get in touch with me so I'll be available whenever this place is sold." He clicked off the TV, and looked over to his best friend, especially now that Jason was gone.
"Are you sure you really want to do this Bill? I know it has to be hard now, but to just up an go like this?" Kim queried gently as she looked into his eyes and saw the depth of his suffering. She could have kicked herself for even asking such a thing when he looked at her with sorry and anger in his expression.
"Kim, you know I can't cope right now. I need to leave. He's in every crevice of this house, and I cant bear to be here, not now… and not six months from now either. Luckily, I'm in a good position to just go as you said. My father disowned me after I told him about me and Jase, hardly any of us still live here and I cant see the Scotts right now… his dad reminds me too much of him. It hurts me to be here, please understand that I'm not leaving you, I just need a clean break and time to get myself together again. You have my cell number, don't be afraid to use it ok?" Billy hugged her and kissed her on the cheek as he stood up and grabbed the suitcase he had packed and his laptop. For now that was all he needed to take, he could always come back and get anything else he wanted before the new owners moved in.
Kim returned his kiss on the cheek and followed him out to her car. After a brief hug and a tearful good bye on both their parts, they had each gone their separate ways. Kim went back to her new life in Los Angeles with Adam as her business partner and renewing her relationship with Tommy Oliver. Billy drove aimlessly heading south to La Jolla and checking into a hotel for a couple days until he could get appointments to look at apartments in the Southern California area. He eventually found a place that was a decent price for California and settled in for what seemed like a life of solitude and bitterness. He stayed incommunicado with his former friends for the next couple of months until he had an unexpected visitor on a Friday night.
"Who the hell could that be? Hardly anyone knows where I live let alone any one who would drop in on me like this? Billy muttered as he went to look out the window and nearly fainted when he saw who was at his door. He opened the door to his clone, which looked nearly as bad as he did the night Jason was killed.
"Um, hi. I thought you were in Stone Canyon. What brings you here Will?" Billy stammered as he stepped back to let William in. His clone stepped in and dropped his bag on the floor and turned to face Billy. "I felt your pain, I could tell how bad you were hurting. It took me a while to track you down, I almost thought I'd have to contact some of your friends and break our pact. I can't explain it Bill, but I've been miserable for the last couple of months… and I went to your old place and I saw that it was sold and someone else was living there. So I did a little checking and found you'd moved south and here I am. If you want me to leave, I'll go, but I've been worried about you."
Billy was stunned. He hadn't seen Will in years and had no idea they were still so connected. When his clone had been shot and kicked off the side of the hospital, all the others had assumed that he had been killed. What his former teammates didn't know is that because William wasn't one hundred percent human, he couldn't be killed easily, and his ability to teleport came in very handy as he plummeted over the side of the building. Once Billy found that he was still quite alive, but not really well he made a deal with his clone to help him start a new life, away from Angel Grove and Billy kept quiet about his existence. In all the years since, they always kept in touch via email or brief phone calls, but hadn't met in person since Billy's return to Angel Grove several years prior.