What a Lovely Way
a/n: Written for a prompt submitted to me on tumblr - please see the prompt at the end. Going AU right at episode 5x02.
She faints.
And on her first day back, no less.
One moment she's closing her file folder, slapping it onto the stack of finished paperwork to her left and pushing her chair back as she gets to her feet - and the next everything goes dark.
She slowly blinks open her eyes, winces against the glare of the overhead lights. Her vision is blurry, as if she's staring through a plastic shower curtain.
"Castle?" She murmurs, finding her focus by holding on to his familiar features. His face seems to hover above hers, concern drawing sharp lines into his features; his eyes are wide and so vividly blue. Oh, how she loves his eyes, she thinks sappily, and shit, did she just say that out loud? His palm is cradled to her cheek and now everyone in the precinct is going to know, and wasn't it supposed to be a secret?
"Wha' happened?"
"You fainted." Oh. That's... hmm. Odd. She's never fainted before. She remembers how desperately Anne Shirley had always dreamt of fainting, and how bland and disappointing an experience it was when at last she did. Kate can only agree with the fictional character's assessment. She blinks, struggles to sit up. Castle's hands wrap around her elbow and her shoulders, slowly guiding her into an upright position, and she leans her back against the side of her desk, waiting for the flickering pinpoints of stars to burst and disperse behind her eyelids as the dizziness fades.
"Are you okay?"
She opens her eyes, finds Castle kneeling before her, eyeing her with that raw concern that makes her want to cradle his jaw; she has to bite her lip to stop herself from leaning forward and kissing him, slowly, endlessly.
"I'm fine," she reassures him. She finds that it's the truth.
He makes her go to the hospital.
It is entirely unnecessary because she's just fine; in fact, she's never felt better but he keeps looking at her with such concern and worry and that always-present layer of devoted love and so she gives in, lets him guide her to her car and drive her to the emergency room.
And now she's sitting on a hard hospital gurney in the hallway of the busy ER with her tailbone going numb, having been poked and prodded, her blood drawn and an IV steadily dripping fluids into her veins while they are waiting for the results of what was surely just dehydration or lack of nutrition, seeing as how she had skipped lunch. It's been hours and she is starving.
"You owe me a really large order of fries for this," Kate grumbles, poking him in the chest.
"I'll even throw in a strawberry milkshake," he grins at her, his thumb tracing circles across the back of her hand. She can still see the lingering concern in his eyes that he can't quite hide. "Promise."
At last her doctor is striding through the hallway toward them. Castle's fingers tighten around her hand though Kate is sure he's unaware of it.
"It seems we've found the cause of your syncope." The physician glances at his clipboard, seems to catch himself when he meets her confused look. "Fainting," he specifies, scooting a stool close to her gurney and seating himself, and Kate wishes he would just come out with it; if something's wrong with her, she'd rather just know. Rip off the bandaid, and all that.
"You're pregnant."
Is she still breathing? She's not sure. Every sound seems to come from far, far away. As if she's underwater, whatever her doctor is saying swallowed by the pressure numbing her ear drums. She makes out words like heart rate and blood vessels, about vitamins and ultrasounds and seeing an OB-GYN and everything is fine, everything looks normal.
Normal? Like anything is normal when she's-
"I'm pregnant?" She whispers at last, her words choked up, only slowly climbing past the knot in her throat. Her eyes rise to his, and Castle is staring back at her with equally wide pupils.
"You are definitely pregnant," the doctor answers. Kate startles; she had forgotten he was still there.
"But how-?" Her fingers clamp around Castle's, nails digging into his skin. "I mean, it can't be, right? We always used protec-"
Kate cuts herself off, her eyes widening; sees Castle reach the same conclusion when he gasps in an audible breath.
That first night. Their first- That thunderous, rain-soaked night when everything ceased to matter but the electrifying connection between them, the heat of his lips, the fiery, all-consuming need; skin to skin, fingers clamped tightly together and her legs drawn high around his hips when they came together at last, no walls, no barriers, no thoughts.
She's pacing. Back and forth, back and forth, her breathing ragged and her thoughts racing in zig-zagging lines through her brain, too fast for her to grab on. She kneads her fingers together, squeezes until her knuckles turn white.
"Kate," Castle calls to her from her couch, his voice pleading with her in a tone of voice that's almost too painful, laced with so many things unsaid. "Come on, sit down. This stress can't be good for the ba-"
"How can you be so calm about this?" She whirls around, the bout of instant anger that flared through her quickly being consumed by an overwhelming feeling of helplessness and the icy grip of fear. "This is insane; it's too fast, it's-"
"Kate."
She deflates, sinks onto the couch beside him, her body falling heavily into the seat cushions as sudden, utter exhaustion joins the raging war of emotions within her. Is this what pregnancy hormones feel like?
Oh god. She's pregnant. She's having a baby. They're going to have a child.
His hand reaches for hers, folding her fingers between his larger ones. His grip is warm, instantly comforting the frayed nerves wreaking havoc in her stomach when he tugs her hand into his lap, strokes his thumb across the tender skin of her wrist. She lets her cheek sink against the ball of his shoulder, her eyes sliding closed as she breathes in the scent of his shirt.
"I freaked out, too, when Meredith found out she was pregnant. Completely freaked out." His voice is quiet; earnest, and Kate opens her eyes once more, tilting her head to watch him while he speaks.
"I got drunk; we were fighting. It's... not a time in my life I'm particularly proud of. I'd just turned 24, we were barely even dating at the time; we were just having fun, you know? And I was terrified; I felt like I was still a kid myself, so how could I possibly raise one?"
"How did you get past it?"
"I just... It sorted itself out."
"It sorted itself out?" She scoffs, pushing away from his side to poke him in the bicep. "That's it? What kind of an answer is that?"
Castle chuckles, grabbing for her hand to flatten it against his thigh, his palm on top of hers. "I know it seems almost impossible right now when this is all so huge and life-altering and scary. And it is, it's all of those things. It's okay to be scared. It'll always be a little scary; I mean, we're having a kid, we're going to be responsible for him or her for the entirety of our lives..."
"You're really not helping, Castle," Kate grumbles, but tucks herself into him once more, against the reassuring warmth and strength of his chest.
"But then you hear that heartbeat for the first time on the ultrasound, that unbelievable whoomp-whoomp, a bit like a helicopter, and it's the most incredible thing you've ever experienced. Until they hand you this tiny, shriveled, absolutely perfect human being, and it's so amazing, you can't even grasp it. That you helped make this tiny human, they're a part of you. And you'll still be scared but you'll also feel joy, and love, like you've never felt before. And the rest... that sorts itself out. The responsibility will always be a little scary, no matter what age they are, but you take it day by day, you figure out what they need, and you just do it. Having Alexis… It's been the most rewarding thing I've done with my life. And this baby, our baby, will be just as much of a joy. Even more so, because this baby will have you as their mom, and you are extraordinary."
Kate sniffs, swiping away a tear trailing down her cheek. "It does sound amazing, when you put it like that..." she murmurs, and Castle trails his fingers into her hair, tucking a few strands behind her ear to cradle her cheek in his palm.
"It will be amazing, Kate."
"And you're not afraid it's too soon? For us, I mean? We've barely been dating for two months..." She trails off, realizing the moment she speaks the words that it's a redundant question. What does it matter, now that it's already happened? They'll just need to deal with it. But that doesn't help rein in the fear that the strain on their budding relationship might be too much for them to handle. She's barely made peace with herself, feels like she's still sorting through and rearranging the pieces of her life.
He's cupping her jaw, tugs up her face to look at him. "I've loved you for a lot longer than two months."
Kate smiles, a wave of joy suddenly welling up through her, like a geyser, fast and hot and powerful, stretching her cheekbones wide with it. "I love you too. I love you so much."
His lips find hers, drawing the last words of her confession into his mouth as he kisses her deeply, his tongue sliding inside, curling against hers. His fingers trail into her hair, curve around her skull to draw her closer against him, his other hand sliding around her waist, tugging her over as she glides into his lap, wraps her arms tightly around his shoulders. She sinks against him, can taste the wonder in his kiss, the amazement and joy he's feeling, the inherent promises to both of them. His hand keeps wandering, curving around her shoulder, brushing the side of her breast until the warmth of his palm settles over the plane of her still-flat abdomen. Their kiss slows and then Castle rests his forehead against hers, his eyes sparkling with wonder.
"We're going to have a baby."
She nods, covering his hand atop her stomach with her own, feeling his warmth seep through her skin.
"We made a baby," she whispers, incredulous, still a little stunned. Already this feels larger than life; a miracle, meant to happen for them, maybe, if she allows herself to believe it, because it happened so fast, with such slim odds.
"And from our first time, too!" Castle marvels, as if he were reading her thoughts. And then he ruins it.
"I'm a stud!" He winks at her, and Kate smacks the back of his head playfully before she leans in, the breath of her whispered words caressing his mouth.
"Oh yeah?" Tugging his bottom lip between hers, she nips at the soft flesh. "Prove it!"
END
Prompt: "Kate gets pregnant just after their first night in 'Always'. She panics; you can take it from there." Thanks for the prompt, Anon!
Thank you for reading.