Always On Your Side
The first day was the hardest. When she woke up the next morning and realized his bed was empty, he was no longer in the house, and was probably never coming back, she almost wanted to just curl up and die. Tifa pulled the covers over her head and buried her face into her pillow. For the first week, all she ever did was cry. Never in front of the children, never in front of the customers, although the absence of her cheerful demeanor did not go unnoticed. Still, every day she would let everything out in the morning, pull herself together to run her business and take care of her family, and maybe sometimes in private she would have a moment or two to feel sorry for herself.
Everything she had worked for had felt so betrayed. Maybe it was silly of her to hold on to the hope that someday he'd learn to love her. Maybe it was stupid to think that she might someday replace what he had lost when he lost Aeris. But she had worked so long and so hard for that dream to become a reality. She had sacrificed so much for him for things to turn out the way that they did. What hurt the most was the horrible unanswered question she found herself asking:
Does he even know, or care, that hurt me so much?
She never let herself scream or cry when he left. It seemed selfish and childish to ever expect him to return her feelings if he didn't have them. It didn't mean that was a hard reality to live with. But she would be lying to herself if she said that when he walked out out the door, never to return, she felt like throwing something at him. Grab him by the shirt and shake him. Make him understand just how unfair and how terrible all of this was, and how cruel it was for him to do this to her after everything they had been through.
The first week was the worst. Once the sun rose on the eighth day, she was all cried out. Maybe she had used up all the tears she had. Maybe she couldn't feel anything for the time being. That all would change when memories of them appeared throughout the day, and that awful reminder of how much he had let her down would show it's ugly face again. Still, she couldn't bring herself to cry anymore. Those feelings of pain and betrayal stuck with her but by then, she told herself he wasn't worth anymore tears. That helped a little.
Be fair, Tifa... she told herself as she rinsed and dried the dirty mugs from behind the bar. How would you feel if someone you didn't love did all of those things for you? It wouldn't be right if they expected you to love them for it. It would be expecting too much of them... so why does it still feel so horrible?
She found herself glaring at the glass in her hands. It wasn't like her to feel so bitter. Someday, when she could get a better grip on herself, she'd be back to her happy, friendly self again. Today just didn't seem like one of those days.
It hurts because you chose him over your mission when he was in that hospital in Mideel... spent hours...? Days...? Weeks...? Roaming the Lifestream, piecing together his memories, and bringing him back to his normal self again.
One mug was clean. She started on another.
Because he let you fall asleep beside him the night before that last battle... because he let you have that moment...
Another one finished. She picked up another.
Because when everybody left him behind in that crater, you stayed behind to help him. And all he could talk about was meeting her in the Promised Land...
Another one finished. She picked up another.
And because he stayed with you, for all of these years, and made you think that there was a chance that we could be a real family...
"Tifa?"
It was like someone had dumped a bucket of cold water over her head. Her posture straightened dramatically and her eyes went huge. The last thing Marlene needed to see right now was Tifa's beat red face and watering eyes. She picked up on enough as it is without seeing it right infront of her.
"Ahh...! G-Give me a minute, Marlene..." she stammered, putting the mug down in a hurry and proceeding to wash her hands. It took a few seconds for her to regain herself after she turned around to face the little girl...
Only to realize that she wasn't alone. Barret had come home.
"Oh...! Barret!" she smiled and moved forward. "What are you doing home so early? You sounded so busy when you were in Corel, I didn't think we'd see you until next month at least!"
"Yeah, well," he reached into his back pocket and pulled out his phone. "I got a call from my little girl sayin' her Mama's picked up Spikey's gloomy personality. Had to see this for myself. Told myself there's no way Tifa's turnin' into that mis'rable fool."
The shock must have registered on her face as soon as he said it. Immediately Marlene looked ashamed of herself, and Barret's next words didn't help matters.
"An' look at that!" he pointed at her before dropping his arm at his side. "A couple more words an' you'll probably start cryin'. Good thing I came when I did!"
It was an embarrassing moment to say the very least. Not so much for the fact that he said it, but for the fact that she knew it was absolutely true. Her heartache had turned her into someone she's not. That had to be the case if Marlene felt it necessary to call her father and bring him home for her sake.
"Marlene," she walked over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Why don't you go and check on Denzel. Barret and I have to talk for a bit."
The little girl didn't need any more convincing. She nodded and was up the stairs before another word was spoken. When she was completely out of sight, Tifa sighed hugely.
"I'm sorry you had to stop working because of all of this. She shouldn't have called you. I shouldn't have given her a reason to make her call you."
"Oh man, it's worse than she told me, ain't it?" Barret shook his head and moved towards the bar. "He really took off, didn't he?"
This was not the conversation she wanted to have. She didn't say a word as she moved behind the bar.
"...Too bad that's fool's brain ain't as big as his hair." Barret continued as he took his seat. "Couldn't see what he got right infront o' him. Coulda had him somethin' real' nice if he had his act together."
Tifa shook her head as she pulled out a large, clean mug. "I don't want to talk about him, Barret." she filled up his beer and placed it infront of him. "He's... he's just not my problem anymore."
She could feel his eyes on her. It was killing her to look so weak infront of him. She made her way out from behind the bar and took a seat beside him. He took a long drink before speaking again.
"He ain't the only one who knows what pain is, ya know?" he set down his drink and lowered his head. "You think he'd know that. It ain't like he wasn't there when I fought Dyne. It ain't like he didn't see Corel for himself, or see how all them guys hated my guts for what I did to 'em... or that my wife is dead, too."
Tifa rested her arms on the counter and just stared down at it. It was really unusual to hear Barret try and cheer her up for a change. "...You're a lot different from him, though." she said. "I mean, you had Marlene. You had to take care of her. You can't raise a little girl if your mind is in the past."
"Yeah? He coulda had her too. An' that boy upstairs. An' you." his word hit her like a bullet. Immediately she lowered her head into her hands and took a very deep breath. "If he had any sense he woulda known that. An' ya know... she was a nice girl. She was funny. It hurt us all real' bad when that happened, but that was long ago. She's where she's gotta be, now. He can't go chasin' after the dead. It ain't gonna do him no good."
He must not have realized what he was doing to her. When he looked over at her and saw that she hadn't moved an inch and still had her face in her hands, he realized he was probably messing this whole thing up. She just said she didn't want to talk about him, and here he was, going on and on about him. Maybe it was time to talk about her instead.
"Listen, I ain't no good at this whole thing. I usually don't hafta cheer you up, you always fine on yer own." he sighed. This was not easy. "He ain't a very happy guy an' you need someone who's gonna make ya smile an' laugh. An' I don't know if you know this but there's a whole lotta guys out there who'd line up at yer door if they knew you were single. I ain't tellin' ya to rush into anythin' so you take yer time, but Tifa... don't turn into that guy. Shit, girl, you don't wanna be that guy. Can't raise those babies if yer mind is in the past, right?"
When there was still no response from her, he pushed himself away from the bar and stood up from his chair.
And put his arm around her.
One moment she was on the brink of tears, and the next her eyes were bulging. She felt her torso being pulled against his chest and felt his arm holding her against him. In all of her years of knowing him, Barret had never done this. He usually saved that sort of affection for Marlene and Marlene only. And yet here he was, hugging her.
It was so awkward at first, but after those moments of shock passed, she allowed herself to relax. All things considered, she probably would have done the same for him if he was upset. Barret was every bit a part of her family as Marlene and Denzel were, after all. Suddenly it didn't seem like such a bad idea that he came all the way back here for her. He was only looking after his family.
"Thank you, Barret." she whispered. With that, he patted her on the back and let her go.
"You'll do fine, Tifa." he smiled at her and then looked towards the direction of the stairs. "An' I know you been watchin'! Ya can't sneak up on me!"
The moment Tifa turned around and saw Marlene at the foot of the stairs, she could not keep herself from laughing. She slapped a hand over her face and shook her head. If Barret's hug felt unusual to her at first, it must have looked positively hysterical to the children. Barret's laughter soon joined hers and she felt his hand on her shoulder.
"There we go! I think we got her back for good now, Marlene!" he laughed. "Whaddaya say we close down the bar an' go have fun today since I'm in town?"
When Tifa finally stopped laughing, she took a deep breath and nodded to him.
"I think that's a great idea."