Title: On A Clear Day
Author: Dana E. Vassy
Category: MSR, character angst, personal tragedy
Rating: PG for reference
Spoilers: Anything up to Closure, plus Requiem. Nothing in between
though
Summary: Things don't work out as planned, yet again. I'm jumping on
the CC bandwagon and causing Scully some pain. I can't help it;
it's a personal thing that is part of my personal therapy.
Don't flame me please, I'm unbelievably pyrophobic. Push me on it,
and I'll tell you the really freaky fire story from my work.
Then YOU won't be able to light a candle ever again...
Disclaimer: Not mine. Not mine. And if I were skipping, I would
hear not-not mine, not-not mine. Dig?
Dedications: To Claire Jayne, *my* baby.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Even with her eyes pressed shut, the eerie sunlight penetrated her
fitful sleep. Resisting the tiredness that consumed her, Dana
opened her eyes to the cold light of day. Immediately, she
wished she had never awoken. With the harsh illumination she
felt the pain fill her body and mind like an oil slick, drowning
and destroying her will to live. Warm tears poured in rivulets
over her clammy skin. Her eyes stung with their bitter salt, the
aggravation of so many hysterical outbursts. Now, there was no
energy for hysterics. Just utter resignation to defeat.
The creak of hinges signalled his arrival. Laying whatever token
he had brought on the desk, he traversed the room to her side.
His pained expression concealed all but the slightest glimmer of
hope. Hope that today she might have accepted the truth.
The truth. How many years had she wasted in vain pursuit of shadows?
Shadows that had taught her everything and nothing at the same
time. Shadows that had given her the man she loved. The man
she was pushing away. It was all so damn pointless. What
did she have to show for it all? A broken heart; and a broken
spirit.
Without speaking, he turned to fetch her painkillers and
water. Words could only make it worse. Although he knew
the level of pain, there was little he could do to alleviate
it. She took the proffered medication grudgingly, avoiding eye
contact. Her icy blue pools had lost their sparkle, and she had
no desire to see her pain reflected in his face. Instead, she
gulped the tablets down her raspy throat and buried herself once
more in the thick covers.
Braving the storm for the first time, Walter asked whether she was
ready to call her mother. The solitary word took an eternity
to form in her weary mouth
"No."
Realising she had no great desire to converse with him, Walter
perched uneasily on the mountain of covers. He removed his
glasses to rub the bruised bridge of his nose - a familiar
indication of stress or discomfort. Pausing further, he waited
until the shock of red hair
resurfaced in curiosity.
"Dana...I want you to know that...well..." He sighed uneasily,
finding himself out of his depth. How many of his other agents
would he have taken sick leave for? How many more would he
nurse while they remained unresponsive? He knew that Dana
Scully was much more than a colleague - she was a friend. One
he was fiercely protective of. And in Mulder's absence, he
was all she had.
"Mulder will get back as soon as he can, Dana. I know you
trust him to. Whatever happens, he'll come back for you."
"But not the baby" she interjected sadly.
Taken aback at her bluntness, Walter hesitated before continuing.
"Dana, I told Mulder all those years ago that he better bust
his ass trying to find you. When you were abducted -I didn't
want you back just because you're a damn fine agent, but because
I like and respect you. I think I scared him a little. But the
sentiments remain. I've seen and experienced real fear, Dana.
And I only felt that again when I thought we had lost you. And I
feel it now, that you won't let yourself get past this...
"You have to get past this Dana. And I know it can't be easy.
But I swear I'll help you however I can. You and Mulder"
"Thank you sir-I mean, Walter..."
"You just hang on in there..." and with a strengthened smile,
Walter left her to her thoughts.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
4 months later
Dana rearranged the vase of flowers for the tenth time. Maybe
it was time to get back to work. Skinner had promised to reinstate
her without question, and no mention of the romantic liaison with a
colleague. Somehow that cold classification of it made the loss so
much easier to deal with. But a part of her knew Mulder was coming
back.
Like when he had disappeared in the desert, or to Russia, she was
certain of his return. Only now, she couldn't be sure she
could trust her feelings.
Watching children play out of her window, she felt the
familiar pang. Like with Emily, she had been so close again,
only for her happiness to be crushed. The warm tears she had
tried to restrain for weeks came coursing back. Her body was
racked with stifled sobs, as she tried to conceal her grief
from the empty room. Except it was no longer empty. She felt
strong arms round her waist and hot breath on her neck. He
was here. Not even opening her eyes, she leant back into the
security of the embrace. All at once, the world seemed a better
place. The tears stopped as quickly as they had started. She
turned around in his arms, her petite waist allowing the deft
movement. Unblinking, she made contact with his beautiful eyes.
His beautiful hazel eyes. They were apologetic and joyous at
the same time. Dana had a million questions, needing answers;
she had so much to tell him, yet it could wait. She simply stood
there, drinking in his scent and re-learning every line on his face.
The face that had haunted her dreams for so many months. And here
he was, holding her like he had never been away. Pulling her even
closer, he kissed her.
It was a simple kiss. One full of emotion, but restrained in
the fear that it would overwhelm them both. Breaking the union
of lips, Dana placed her head on his firm chest. There were no
tears now, just a contented smile. Part of her wanted to cartwheel
across the room, and another part wanted to slap him for taking
so long. That could wait; now she just wanted to be held, to
be loved.
The silence was broken by Mulder.
"Scully, I - went to work, and I spoke to Skinner. I know
about...about the baby; and God, I'm so sorry Scully. If I
could have, and I never even guessed, and I wanted to be
here and..." He trailed off, his voice threatening to betray
his tears.
"I wanted us to have children, and when I thought you had
another chance, I was so happy. Then Skinner told me about -you
know -the miscarriage; I just wanted to get here and, I don't know,
hold you. I was supposed to always be there for you Scully...we
said that when we became a couple. And I just wish there was
something I could do..."
She listened to his ragged breathing a moment longer before she spoke.
"You're here now Mulder, that's all I need"
They stood together in that moment, hoping it would never end.
Mulder wanted to talk, a serious talk, but decided that her
apartment was the wrong place. Leaving her on the couch,
he darted about her apartment, gathering various objects. Dana
was puzzled as to his intention, but was quite happy to let him
carry on. Finally, he emerged from the bedroom with a huge bag
packed to the brim. With a goofy grin, he said nothing more
than "Day trip. Get your car keys"
Bemused, Dana lifted her keys and headed out the door with
him. As he took her hand she realised how much she had missed
him. The physical comfort was as welcome as his encyclopaedic
knowledge of her. She let him drive without argument, preferring
to gaze at him rather than the road. It felt like they had a long
drive ahead.
Later, as they stood on the east coast, Dana knew he had picked the
place purposely. She felt her troubles lighten at the might of the
ocean. She had always felt comfortable by the sea, a side effect of
being a navy brat. Mulder still seemed in awe of the sea's
power, and his grip tightened around her shoulder as the waves
crashed ever closer. Whatever he wanted to discuss would take a
while to emerge.
"My mom used to bring me out here after Samantha disappeared"
he explained. Scully noted how he no longer used the phrase 'was
abducted'. All part of the journey she supposed.
"She used to tell me that on a clear day, you could see all
the way to England. That's how I decided I wanted to go to
Oxford."
"Yeah? Well Barbra Streisand told me that on a clear day, you
can see forever" Scully deadpanned. It was the first joke she
had managed since Mulder had been taken. He gave her a quizzical
look, before returning his stare to the sea.
"Scully, we're gonna have some clear days again, aren't we?"
"I hope so Mulder. In fact, I'm sure we will"
"So, um, you want to hear what happened to me?"
"Well, okay. But be warned. I have a very low boredom
threshold..."
The pair laughed for a while, before talking of the more serious
matters. But no matter what happened to them now, Dana was
sure they would make it. She had all she ever needed.