The Ugly Duckling by Hans Christian Anderson
Revised as HONK!
The Swan, the Cat, the Duck, and the Nosy Auntie Maur-Maur
Ugly was a swan. He was loved excessively by Penny and his mother. But his mother loved him differently then Penny did. Well, you understand. Auntie Maur-Maur was nosy. She had two heart attacks already for some reason. No one knew why. This is how this is set up. So this is for humor and nothing else. That is how the story goes. May I begin? Too bad! I am anyway.
"Haha!" said Beaky, "You're name's Ugly!" Everyone else except Beaky had gotten over the fact that Ugly used to be Ugly. I mean, grow up, stupid duck.
"I know," said Penny, "And he's so sweet!" She began kissing Ugly. Suddenly, Maureen appeared between them.
"Oh!" said Maureen, the nosy one, "I just love happy times!" They make me so happy! Are you engaged? Are you married? Are you dead? Are you insane? Are you cheating on her, Ugly? Do you love him, Penny? Who wants some crackers? Let's go to the hardware store! Do you have Mario Car Racing on your Nintendo DS Lite? How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"
"CHUCK THIS HONEY!" screamed Ida as she banged a pot on Maureen's head.
"Oh," said Penny, "I didn't know you were so violent."
"I get violent when someone tries to touch my children or children that I was forced to adopt not under my own will," Ida said as she glared at Ugly.
"You should rename him 'Sexy'," said Penny.
"I'm just cute," said George, who had renamed himself because he didn't like his original duckling name.
"I'm not cute," said Drake, "I'm HOT! COME TO HOT DADDY! I'M HOTTER THAN BRAD PITT AND YOU KNOW IT!"
"You scare me sometimes," said Ida, "No, I take that back, you scare me all the time."
"I'M GAY!" screamed the Turkey as he hopped around gobbling, "I LOVE YOU GEORGE!"
"AAAAAHHH!" screamed everyone as they ran away. The Turkey chased them all over. They finally stopped outside an old shack to take a breath when it started to rain.
"RAIN!" screamed Maureen.
Author's Notes: I'll be back!