My first attempt at writing comedy... Hope you like it! All reviews are welcome, they make my day :) On with the show!
"Do you honestly think this is going to work?" Bruce asked Tony breathlessly, staring in awe at the small watch like device Tony was working over. "Of course it will! Tell me Bruce, when has my technology ever failed. What's that?... oh, you're right-never!" He flashed Bruce a devilish grin. "Well there was that time when you made a bet with Thor about Mjolnir..." Bruce mumbled. Tony's cheeks mysteriously gained two spots of red. "We agreed never to mention that again." Bruce snickered. "We did, but it's just too funny not to mention..." He was interrupted by a cry of delight by Tony "Aha! Oh my God it's working! I actually did it- I've made a bullet proof shield!" Bruce couldn't see much difference apart from a small blue glow that had appeared on the clock face. "How do you know its working? You haven't tested it yet!" Tony froze, looking stunned. "An excellent point!" A maniacal gleam lit up his eyes. Bruce groaned. "Well, I know the perfect way of testing it...Assemble the team!"
"What is it now Stark?" Natasha demanded grumpily, flinging herself into a chair. Steve, Thor and Clint followed suit. "I, with my awe inspiring and phenomenal genius have managed to invent a bullet repellent shield. There is one for each of you. To test it out, we will storm the S.H.I.E.L.D base! Who's with me?" He looked around eagerly at the unimpressed faces surrounding him. "Tony, are you crazy? What's the point? Why would we need to break in- we work there!" Steve asked, staring at him. The other's nodded their agreement. Tony let out an insane laugh "We're not going to go in as ourselves! I have a genius plan. We pretend to zombies! That way we scare the living daylights out of our dear boss, Fury, and test if my shied works! It's perfect!"
cricket...cricket...
"Oh, come on guys, it will be fun!"
"Why Tony? Just...why?" Natasha asked weakly. Tony stared at her like she was mad. "Revenge! Have you guys forgotten about those God damn slime monsters he made us deal with last month? We had to go in the sewers! They exploded over us! EXPLODED! I couldn't get the goo of my armour for over a week! And it STANK!" He waved his arms wildly in an effort to put his point across. "We need make sure they NEVER make us deal with ANYTHING like that again!"
The avengers frowned at the memory. "I almost forgot about that... you're right, that kind of torture requires revenge- I still have goo marks on my suit! I'm in" Steve cried, standing up. The others looked at him in amazement. "Well, if Steve's in, I'm in" called Natasha, walking over to join them. "Whatever, sounds like fun. Count me in to!" Clint answered, not looking up from where he was polishing his bow. "It sounds like an adventure! A quest worthy of my attention- I will join you!" Thor boomed, slamming Mjolnir into the floor for emphasis. Tony winced at the damage. "Well, I guess I'll just stay here and..." Bruce paled under the fierce looks "Don't make me force you" Tony said dangerously, looming over the scientist. Bruce squeaked. "Okay! I'm in too!" Tony's face broke into a grin.
Agent Riley cursed angrily under his breath. He was on coffee duty again! He was an official agent; he shouldn't deal with such mundane stuff as getting the coffee! Still, if it was for Agent Hill he didn't really mind...He hissed as some of the scalding hot liquid sloshed over the side onto his hand. Walking down the corridor, he froze as he heard a load banging coming from the walls. And was that... groaning?" he backed away slowly; terrified, as huge dents began to appear in the metal wall.
Suddenly, with an almighty crash it split and out came...The Avengers. Agent Riley stared in horror. Their skin had turned a horrible green-grey colour, with the odd blue patches. There were a few tears and bite marks in places which oozed a horrible yellow substance, and their eyes had turned a bloodshot red. Zombie Steve turned towards the Agent, and began to lurch forward slowly. "Brains...Brains!" he grunted, his arms outstretched. Screaming like a little girl, Riley flung the coffee into the air and sprinted down the corridor.
There was silence for a few seconds before the Avengers began to splutter wildly "Oh this is brilliant! Natasha, you're skills with make-up are truly remarkable! I'll never hide your gun collection again! Right, we need to split up and 'attack' our designated areas. And make sure some people shoot at you- I need to know if my bullet shield works!" With that, he waved cheerily before grabbing Bruce and sprinting in the direction of the cafe.
Maria Hill looked up, startled as a man sprinted into the room, screaming hysterically. Sprinting up to her he fell to his knees, his eyes wide and staring. He began to babble. "Calm down Agent..." What was his name again? "Ripley. What's going on?" Riley gasped frantically "Avengers...zombies! And Steve... brains...eat brains..." he trailed off shuddering. Maria stared at him, wondering what had happened to his sanity. Her eyes wondered over to the door again- and she stepped back as Natasha and Clint staggered through the door.
They turned towards her. She slammed her hand into the emergency evacuate button, before grabbing one of the agents trying to escape and using him as a human shield. The two 'zombies' stumbled closer. Hill whimpered, and flung the agent at them "eat his brains instead! Don't eat mine! No! No! Stay away from meeeee..." She screamed frantically as Clint reached towards her. Her skin turned ashen as she fainted, dropping to the floor like a stone.
Both Natasha and Clint looked at her, sniggering. "What should we do with her?" Clint asked. "I still haven't forgiven her for saying I looked weird with my hair short... lock her in the cupboard!" Clint nodded, picking her up and carrying her to the cupboard. Both Avengers then left the room, continuing on to their next target. The agent who had been used as a human shield uncurled himself, and stood up. He looked around the room for a few seconds, before screaming and running for the exit.
"Ouch- You're squishing me!" Bruce hissed at Tony. "Well if you'd just move- I need to get this in the perfect position" He whispered back. They were both in the air vents above the cafeteria, looking down on the unsuspecting employees eating lunch. Aiming carefully, Tony gently threw a small spherical object down onto the floor below, then shrank back and waited.
Five seconds later, there was a mighty bang, and the sound of something splattering the walls. Flashing a grin at Bruce, he kicked open the vent, and 'toppled' down into the cafe. Straightening up, he began to snarl and stretched his arms out, trying not to laugh at the stunned faces covered in green goo surrounding him.
He shuffled towards a young female agent, who was standing next to a table holding her lunch. Doing his best zombie impression, he quickened his pace towards her. She didn't move. He stopped suddenly, and let out a strangled roar. She looked at him unimpressed. Bruce had climbed out of the air vents too, and stood awkwardly in the middle of the bemused faces.
Tony stopped roaring seeing it had no effect, and crept back towards Bruce, feeling the glares of everyone in the room burning his skin. Silence. "Well... This is embarrassing. I guess we'll just leave you to your lunch now. Bye!" They both backed towards the door, noticing the angry expressions of the people covered in slime. Reaching the door they turned then began to sprint away.
The SHIELD employees looked at each other. "AFTER THEM!" someone screamed, and they all ran through the door after Bruce and Tony. "RUN FASTER!" Bruce shrieked, seeing the mob gaining on them. He tripped over and was immediately grabbed by several people. "BRUCE! NNOOO!" Tony cried, seeing his friend captured. "I'LL BE FINE! LEAVE ME TONY, SAVE YOURSELF!" Bruce's muffled voice called out from the centre of the swarm. It was too late. Their pursuers seized Tony then marched back into the cafe carrying them both, kicking and flailing.
Steve and Thor crept along the corridor towards Fury's office, giggling like schoolchildren. Their way had been clear due to the alarm telling people to evacuate, and the few who remained had collapsed, terrified, at the sight of them. Putting his finger on his lips, Steve made a 'sshhh'ing motion towards Thor before rattling the door handle. He pulled his hand back, stuffing it in his mouth to stop himself laughing. He then knocked, making quiet zombie noises as he did so. There was no answer, so he stood up, gesturing at Thor to deal with the door.
Nodding, Thor slammed mjolnir into it, blasting it off its hinges. Fury was sitting at his desk, and his face paled at the sight of them stumbling in. "What in the hell?..." Thor moved towards him, swinging his hammer drunkenly. "Brains...Brains!...BRAINS!" They both screamed. Fury stood up and activated his emergency glass shield, cutting them off from his side of the room. He then ran and 'hid' in his cupboard, slamming the door as he did so.
Thor and Steve creased over laughing. "What did he do?" Natasha and Clint asked, coming through the door behind them. "He...hid ...in...His...cupboard!" Steve shrieked gleefully, snorting with laughter again. Their faces cracked into identical evil smiles. "Where are Bruce and Tony?" Clint asked, looking around.
"Here" Tony answered, staggering out of the vent. Bruce crawled after him. The other four stared in horror at the sight of them- they were covered from head to toe in food and slime, and both had bright red slap marks on their cheeks. Bruce's glasses had been broken, and were currently stored in his shirt pocket. They both had dazed looks on their faces. "What happened?" Steve asked. "Never ever interrupt an Agent from their food. Ever." Looking at each other, they silently agreed not to question his answer. "Well I'd say over all it was a success, even if we didn't manage to try out you're shield. Guess people were just too frightened to shoot" Clint said, smiling wickedly round at them all.
"I wouldn't be so sure about that." The Avengers shrank back in horror as Fury emerged from his cupboard. He was armed to the teeth, and currently pointing a huge machine gun at them. His expression was murderous. "Run" he hissed "Run for your lives you motherfu-" The Avengers didn't wait to hear the rest. "RRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGG GGHHHHHHHH!" Fury screamed, tearing down the hall after them.
Lamps and computers shattered as they were hit with bullets, which froze as they came within a foot of the Avengers. Tony stopped in astonishment "Yes! It works! IT WORKS! I TOLD YOU BRUCEY!" he sunk to the floor, crying in happiness. "TONY, RUN" Thor roared, picking him up and sprinting after the others.
"YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST BREAK IN TO A TOP SECRET FACILITY! GET BACK HERE YOU FREAKS, YOU WILL LIVE TO REGRET THIS!" Fury screeched flinging his empty machine gun aside and loading another. "OH GOD! RUN! RUN FASTER" Natasha yelled. The exit door was in sight. Swinging his hammer, Thor grabbed hold of Tony, Bruce and Steve before rocketing off into the sky. Clint quickly fired a grappling hook from his bow, and then clung on to Natasha as he was whisked to the roof of the opposite building. The pair quickly sprinted off out of sight. Fury was left on the ground, snarling incoherently, waving his guns around in anger.
An hour later, Bruce finished drying his hair and joined the others in the living room. Tony was still ecstatic about his invention working, and was currently prancing around the room, singing. The others were sitting in chairs, numb expressions on their faces. "Fury's going to fire us..." Natasha whispered brokenly. "If he doesn't murder us all first" Steve agreed. " It was worth it" They all looked in shock at Clint. "What? It was; the expressions on Fury and Hill's faces!" They all snorted at the memory. "We have definitely got to do something like this again" Tony said, cackling. To their surprise, the others found themselves agreeing- winding up the SHIELD employees had been too fun to only happen once.
So...Thoughts? Hope you enjoyed it! :)