Gaara/Sakura drabble based on a very good song, probably takes place post-Should I Tell Her?, written sometime between chapters. I wrote this in more than one shot and more than one mood, it's odd how it seems to reflect through the writing.
Breath
By Socially Suicidal
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Breath.
"Cherry Blossom," I rasped, wrapping my arms around her waist from behind her. She turned her head and smiled at me. It was that enticing, sweet, beautiful curve of her lips that made me pause every time it appeared, just to bask in its beauty and wonder why it was placed on her delicate face. She twisted around in my arms and faced me, placing her hands on my shoulders, still smiling. We stood in my Kazekage office, her back now facing the window which over looked Suna.
I had been waiting for her arrival for the past four days, the length of time it took for the journey from Konoha to Suna, plus an extra day when I got the message.
"I missed you." The three words hummed; her voice like a lullaby. My favorite lullaby, a lullaby I wanted to fall asleep to for the rest of my life, metaphorically speaking of course. Her arms wrapped themselves around my neck, pulling me closer to her. The height I had on her didn't faze her as she leaned closer to me, also pulling me forward even more towards her.
I moved my head to nuzzle my face in the creamy skin of her neck, my way of responding that I had missed her too. Of course, I had much more than merely missed her when she returned to Konoha from her mission in Suna. (Once she had finished her medic work in the academy and hospital, she had been required to return to her village after spending the absolute maximum time she could with Arina, my siblings, and me.)
Saying I missed her would be like saying the desert has only some sand. It was a clear understatement, the understatement of the millennium. The time she wasn't here, like any other time, was so close to unbearableit had to be a sin. The Sand bijuu inside me was livid, like any other time his mate was not in his presence. I was extremely unstable; my moods shifting like sand in a sand storm. I knew my unease affected my family, but it was an inevitable thing when she was not here, in Suna, with me.
She started pulling her head back, away from me. I snarled in protest, bringing my hand to cup the back of her head in order to keep her where she was. An animalistic action, yes, but also an affective one. She sighed, her breath fanning against my ear. She sighed because she wanted to tell me something or do something and my stubbornness for being in all contact with her was keeping her from doing so.
I grunted in surrender, unwillingly pulling my face from her warm neck. I redirected my face in front of hers. She smiled again and pressed her nose against mine, then against my cheek, until I got impatient with her little prelude for whatever she was planning. I growled irritably, and her smile grew. Tilting her head some, she pressed her lips against mine. I instantly closed my eyes and leaned down into her.
Soft, supple, warm, sweet, against rough, dry, cold… it was so utterly and completely wrong that in some demented aspect it felt so right. As cliché and immoral as I know that is, the absolute contrast of the feeling, to my deranged mind, was absolutely right in every aspect in which I could think. The most disturbing part was, indeed I knew this, that it felt right to taint her in such ways though I knew it was so wrong, and yet, I couldn't keep myself away from her; her radiance, her kindness, her warmth, her touches, her kisses… To say I wasn't used to not being in control would be false, due to the reigns the Bijuu has had on me all my life, but the way in which she made me lose control was different in a way I could never get used to.
It winded me, much like all of her kisses did. They always took me by surprise. No matter how predictable or chaste they were, though they were rarely either, I was always surprised at her willingness to perform such a human affection with a monster… a demon.
With every smile she walked into demon's claws. With every touch she closed those claws. With every kiss she tainted herself as a demon's. Knowingly and willingly… How could someone of her intelligence be so completely and utterly stupid?
So stupid as to walk into a cave renowned as a demon's inhabitance. So stupid as to open a demon's jaws to devour her whole. So stupid as to walk into a sandstorm blowing across barren desert. So stupid as to sacrifice herself to a demon, then allow the same, sick, sadistic demon what was left of her. This I simply could not comprehend, what would will her, the intellectual, strong kunoichi that could have so much yet chose the nothing, to give her self to a demon.
It was like she enjoyed taunting the demon, hanging the kill that could not be committed right in front of his nose. It was like she enjoyed being in the demon's claws, allowing herself and her light to be contaminated by the demon and its darkness. I could not decide whether to identify her as a sadist or a masochist.
Truly, though, I knew that her light, no matter how infected the demon could render it, would never be diminished. No matter how the demon coveted her light, its rays would remain shining unto those surrounding her radiance, allowing them to bask in her glory, despite the demon's selfish will that it wasn't so.
I was so selfish and yet could do nothing to stop it. Like everything else, not just by making me selfish, in every way she made me feel so defenseless. My impenetrable sand shield, my ultimate defense, both metaphorically and physically, had a crack. A crack of pink hair and cherry blossoms, a crack in which only one person could fit. And I knew that I would be the death of her, for my defense was cracked by her and thereby useless against her and for her, though again I could do nothing about it but remind and plead her to get away time and time again.
More warmth flooded through me as warm lips moved against my own. My hand in her hair fisted the pink locks as my grip on her tightened. A shiver racked my spine as her fragile but skilled fingers traced a line on the back of my neck from my collar to my hair line, then into my hair. Her fingers twirled my hair, running her fingers through the scarlet locks, resulting in my shuddering again. Finally, the need for air ended my bliss as she pulled her lips away from mine.
The warmth left me, and I stood, holding her still, with her face inches from mine, completely breathless. Her kiss, sweet, warm, passionate, like always, had taken the breath right out of me. Her pulling away, though for an essential need for without she wouldn't be standing with me, had been pouring salt into the open wound. It burned, and the burning would only cease, I knew, when her medic hand touched me again.
I forced my eyes open and released her locks from my grasp, allowing them to fall to their shoulder length.
A small smile on her pale cherry lips, she nuzzled her face, much like I had done earlier, into my neck, the same lips under my ear. Her voice was soft, but there was firmness behind her words, "Tsunadae-sama has given me a very important mission here in Suna…" I could feel the beginning of her healing chakra entering me as she whispered the words she always did, as it was like our code, when she was allowed by the Hokage to stay in Suna. "'This mission is of utmost importance,' Tsunadae-sama had said, and that it was vital I stay for at least… six months."
I snapped my widened eyes down to the top of her head, where her leaf headband shinned metallically up at me. Six months. Six months, she was allowed to stay with me for six months! Usually, the duration of her stay would be the equivalent of that in weeks, or less. But six months! Twenty-four whole weeks with her, I was being spoiled beyond that of the norm.
Two opposite emotions swirled inside of me like a cyclone. Guilt that my selfish need to be with her would be taking her away from her beloved home and friends for six months. And of course, I felt an overwhelming happiness swelling that she would be staying with me for six months. I wasn't sure which of the emotions was stronger, the guilt or the bliss.
I knew I was going beyond my normal selfishness, which would only keep her from all that she loved in Konoha for a month at most. Keeping her in Suna with me for that extent of time, six months (I realize I have repeated the extent of time numerously, due to the fact I was in total delight that I could say it without adding another sin to my extensive list for lying), would be like keeping a flower from growing; truly, just being with her in anyway would be the equivalent to such an action. I just kept stomping on the flower trying to keep it from flourishing. I kept it from sharing its beauty with the rest of the world, for I allowed no such beauty to occur. Though, the difference between her and the flower was that despite of how I stomped, how hard or how vigorously I pounded upon her with my demonic pollute, her beauty still seeped through and managed to stun me senseless. Guilt was a powerful emotion, when splayed the right amount on an already at fault being.
Despite the guilt, the selfish yearning for her presence stood strong and hard in my mind, for it was not only that of my yearning, but for the bijuu's as well. My yearning, which was powerful enough by my own need to have her near, was at least quadrupled by the sand demon's demand for his mate. The happiness I knew would feel by her presence for six months was partly due to the relief of the desire for her presence by me, but mostly the bijuu. This factor was as well a part to the guilt I felt for taking her away from Konoha. In spite of all guilt I could possibly muster, I feel the joy in her presence over powered the negative emotion, though I feel I inadequately described my bliss; however I doubt I couldadequatelydescribe it either.
Having her near, or even the knowledge of her close presence, had a calm and pleasant affect all on its own… knowing that she was there to calm me if I lost control (though it happened rarely, but still, it unnerved me knowing it was inevitably going to happen again sooner or later), knowing that when I got home I wouldn't be coming to a long, lonely night with only my siblings to say "Hello" and "Goodnight" to, though our bond had indeed strengthened over the years, there was only so much comfort I could find in their presence compared to hers. Also, I felt as if a heavy weight was lifted off my shoulders. With her being with me, I knew she was safe. Although I knew she was perfectly capable of defending her self (not to mention, with the protection of Naruto and all the rest of the Konoha shinobi who she was so close to), I couldn't help but wonder if she was always alright or not. Nonetheless, there was a new danger she was exposed to, one even with her skill, if it got to a certain point, she would have no protection. No protection, with the exception of her bizarre dominion she had over me, from the demon lurking under my skin. Her dominion was over me, not the bijuu who she had only little influence on (as influence as his mate to who could convince him merely of not killing anyone to cross his path, including her when he lost control though of which she was dimly aware, or of this she dimly noted). Now, I realized, I was getting back to the negative whereas the positive is what I should have been thinking about (as it seemed natural for my mind to focus on the "pessimistic" thoughts, as she had once referred to them as). I knew, if she was here in Suna, if she was hurt and I'd be there to protect her but when she was in her village I had no way of knowing immediately and, thereby, was useless.
I was slammed quite violently back to the reality in which my Cherry Blossom was once secure in my arms. Once, being the operative word, because she had started to pull away in our once embrace. Just before I was about to let the bijuu's animalistic instincts guide me, as to growl and yank her back into my chest, I saw the expression on her face. Like every otherdamn thing she did, it nearly winded me.
Her expression was that of pain, to be blunt and vague. Head hanging and shoulders slumping, she felt rigid in the half embrace I held her in. Her bangs fell over her forehead, partially covering her brow and eyes. The visible part of her brows furrowed, and as I scanned her face, the expression didn't lighten. Her jade eyes held pain, though was hard to read due to their downcast position. She bit her lower pink lip as it quivered in a nervous and unsure manner.
Finally, she spoke, though in a very quiet manner in which I had to use the bijuu's advanced senses to hear it. "You-you don't…" I already knew where this was going, and already anger was pulsating off me, "…want me here… for that long"
Sucking my breath in through my teeth, I growled. She always had this ludicrous insecurity that she was a burden to me and sooner or later I would be tired of her and discard her. Only when she misread me did she think the two latter, because she had more trust in me, or so I like to believe. She misread my silence, I realize I was mulling for at least five minutes, and thought I didn't want her to stay in Suna for six months, thinking I thought it was too long. She felt inferior to me in some sense that I couldn't wrap my mind around, as it didn't make sense. I blame that damn Uchiha for her pointless insecurities. He made her feel so damn useless and annoying and weak for so long he burnt it into her mind. Even thinking about that bastard made, and still makes, me infuriated. How could that possibly make sense in her mind, that I didn't want her with me? That damn bastard screwed with her mind more than I could ever comprehend!
"Gomen-," I cut her ridiculous apology off by pressing me lips firmly against hers. I pressed her against me again, and wrapped one arm tightly around her waist. My other hand pressed against her neck, allowing me to keep her in the same position. I moved my lips against hers, trying to be gentle as possible and kiss her insecurities away (though this method wasn't exactly my preference, she seemed to be a bit more accustomed to it). This uncertainty of course wasn't her fault, as I could find nothing to fault her with besides being the luring kill of a demon.
As she started to gasp against my lips for air, I moved my face to nuzzle her neck. "Gomen, Gaara." She whispered in between heavy breaths. I nodded into her neck, knowing we both had our flaws, though the scale tipped drastically, very drastically, almost at a 90 degree angle, toward my side.
I just held her there for a while; one of her arms settled around my waist and her other hand sliding through my hair, enjoying her scent, feel, and warmth.
Only when she spoke in a soft tone was the silence broken, "What were you doing before I so rudely interrupted you?"
My words were muffled due to my mouth's position against her neck, but comprehensible none the less, "Waiting for you." It was so predictable I could almost see the roll of her eyes.
"And before that?" She asked again, and I could hear the sigh behind her words. I grinned into her neck, though it fell with my next statement.
"Paperwork,"
Again, I could almost see her smirk, "Aha, as I thought. Now come on, I'll help you with it." As she tried to move I restrained her, not letting her move from my arms even an inch.
"Done,"
Now, I could sense her disbelief. "You couldn't have-," I shifted so that she was able to see my desk, clear of any thing besides my empty mug of coffee and the one paper she had brought with her from Tsunadae. My grin returned with a vengeance.
"Wow," she breathed, "you waste no time do you?" Of course she already knew this so I just continued grinning, letting her get over the fact that I had actually completed the mountains (though not as massive as on Tsunadae's desk and not nearly as unorganized) of paperwork that refilled itself seemingly every hour.
At exactly that moment, when the last whisper of her words escaped her lips, my office door was slammed open. My shield went up immediately as the Bijuu protected his mate and I felt my body close defensively around hers.
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