I do not own Supernatural or its characters or make any money from them.

It was all over, the demon that killed Dean and Sam's mom and Jess was destroyed. John could finally rest in peace.

Sam was happy, he could live his life now, to go back to college but he wasn't totally happy because he knew that Dean wasn't coming with him, and he was going to miss him like hell.

Dean... well... Dean was going to miss Sam, more than he thought, since the day Sam told he'd go back to college, Dean was quiet, wandering, never talking.

Since they were children Dean had been in love with Sam but was afraid of how John would react. Between that and the fact that Sam was his little brother, he kept his feeling inside. He tried to date girls but it never worked. Every time he came home with a new girlfriend Sam freaked out. After his fifth try he gave up, and never brought home another girl. After that they were always a one night stands.

***

Sam was in his room, the TV was on but he wasn't paying attention, he was trying to think of a way to convince Dean to go with him to Stanford. They'd always been together, until that fight with John. Sam was torn, he didn't want to be away from Dean, he couldn't be. They had spent 2 years without talking or seeing each other, and during that time he started dating Jess. He had loved Jess; she had helped him, without knowing it, to push aside his feelings for Dean and the memories of him from his mind. But now... there's no Jess.

"Whatcha watchin'?" Dean asked entering Sam's room and lying down beside him.

"Nothing... just looking for something to watch..."

After a long silence...

"What do you want Dean? You didn't come in here for nothing."

Dean gave a long sigh. "When are you're leaving?"

"At the end of next month."

"That soon?"

"Yeah… classes will start and I have a few things take care of before then..."

"... Do you really wanna go?"

"Of course I do! I want to finish college, get my job-"

"Get married, have kids, and die old in your warm bed."

"I was going to say 'have my own place'. "

"Don't you want to marry anyone?"

"..."

"...?"

"..."

"Aw c'mon Sam! Don't tell me you're still thinking about Jess??"

"She was my girlfriend! I was in love and I wanted marry her!"

"Ok, ok! I'm sorry... It's just... It's been... long time... I thought you... well... you know... we've talked about her before and... Sam I know it hurts but... Jess is not coming back, you're young! You can still find someone!"

"I know Dean, I just don't want to right now, ok? I still love her... too much..."

"Then why don't you stay here? If you go back to school you'll remember her all the time."

"Dean, don't! Don't start ok?"

"But why not?"

"I don't want to stay here! Everything reminds me of dad..."

"But... he's gone now..."

"What's your worry? Why do you want me to stay so much?"

"...Nothing... just... well...we talked about being a family again... so I thought…"

"Well... We can be family again... but I want to go back to school, have a normal life. You can come live with me there, you can study too."

"Sam, you know that we'll never be normal. Not after everything that happened."

"Still... you can come live with me."

"Nah... I'd kill all those college boys and stupid girls..."

"Well... you know what you want, the invitation stands. I really thought you wanted be a family again..."

"Yeah... ok... I do... but I don't think I can live like normal people..." Dean rolled off the bed and left the room with a sigh.

Dean went to his room pissed and punched the wall for a long time, and cried, and cursed. 'Why does he want to go back so much?!??? We could stay here and... How-How I'm gonna tell him this? He loves Jess... he loves... girls... and I love him... shit!'

Days had passed and Dean and Sam barely talked. During the nights Dean would go to Sam's room and watch him sleep, sometimes he caressed his hair being careful to not wake him up, not realizing that Sam was awake the whole time. Sam was confused by Dean's attitudes so he decided try something. The next day he spent all day out while Dean was at home, as soon as he entered the house he headed up the stairs and hollered "Going to bed!" on his way up.

"Already?" Dean asked from the living room, "It's not even ten yet!" He sounded childish to Sam.

"Yeah, but I'm tired." Sam answered somewhat coldly.

"Oh, ok…"

Sam took a shower and went to bed dressed in his boxers and a t-shirt, and then... he waited. One hour later the door cracked open. He closed his eyes and waited for Dean to come closer. Dean sat beside his sleepy younger brother, staring at him. After a few minutes he whispered.

"Why do you have to leave? The days are passing and you don't care? I'll miss you... I wanted so much to say that I love you, to hear you say you love me back... Damn, Sam... There are so many things I want to say and I don't even know where to start-"

"Why don't you try from the beginning." Sam said suddenly opening his eyes, frightening Dean.

"You... you're awake???" He manages to say.

"All the times you came in, yes." Sam said sitting up.

"Oh fuck!" Dean said, getting up to leave.

"No, you're not leaving! What did you mean with everything you said??"

"Nothing, Sam! I'm just... I... I'm trying to get used to the idea that you want to have your own life... without me... and-"

"And stop lying, Dean!"

After a long sigh Dean said, "I don't want to talk about it ok... at least... not now"

"Ok Dean, act like you always did, you say that I shut myself off, but look whose doing it now."

Dean left, Sam was pissed and he was still wondering what was killing his brother inside and why he didn't want to move with him.

***

The day to go back to Stanford had come. Sam took the day to pack and when he finished it, he went talk to Dean.

"I... I can take you, you know that, don't you?" Dean said with his head down not looking at Sam.

"I know, but I don't want you to. It's better this way..."

"Ok... if you say so. Bye Sam."

"Bye Dean... you know, if you change your mind you'll be welcomed... but if you don't... you can visit me whenever you want..."

"I know... I know..."

The brothers hugged each other for a long time, and then Dean whispered in Sam's ear "I love you. I really do."

"I love you too, Dean."

"No Sam, not this kind of love..."

Sam was speechless. Dean turned around and went to his room.

***

Sam spent the whole trip thinking about what Dean had said, his house wasn't at the campus but, near it. His old place had been left untouched, he remembered Jess, all the moments they shared together, their bed. Shaking these memories off, he unpacked, cleaned, took a shower and went out to buy food. He came back still thinking about Dean 'Why couldn't he just move in? Why does he want to spend his life hunting things? Why couldn't he just be normal for once?' The answer to his last question came as soon as it ended "Because we've never been normal." Dean said once. 'Yeah... you're right, Dean, we're far beyond normal' As he thought this his cell phone rang. When he saw the name on his caller ID a smile spread across his face.

"Dean!"

"Hey Sammy... did you get there already?" Dean said trying to cover his nervousness. He had spent the whole day trying to decide if he'd call Sam or not.

"Yeah, actually I've already cleaned everything, I just came back from the grocery." Sam was so happy to hear his brother's voice that let the nickname pass.

"That's good! Well I... I just called to check on you..." Dean said blushing.

"Oh... ok... I did!" And then silence. Both knew that they were there but neither of them spoke.

"I love you too, Dean." Sam whispered. Dean smiled shyly and blushed.

"Dean?"

"Yeah little bro?"

"No... nothing... nevermind..."

"What, Sam?"

"It wasn't important..."

"Ok, look I gotta go, I have to finish somethings here."

"Right... good night, Dean." Sam said after a long sigh.

"Night Sammy, I'll call you later." Dean said hanging up.

Sam sat on a chair looking at the phone 'Why I didn't tell him that I missed him? Why I didn't insist that he come?' His chest was aching and without notice, tears fell. He dried his face and went to bed.

For a few days Sam struggled against thinking about Dean during his classes and the rest of the days. Since Dean's call he spent all day with his cell in hand. Sam was about to give up when one night he was lying on his bed and Dean called. He was so anxious that he didn't wait for the finish of the first ring.

"Dean!"

"Hey Sam! What's up?" Dean said simply, trying to hide his nervousness.

"I'm... I'm fine, and you? I waited for your call..."

"I'm sorry, I was busy."

"Oh... ok... I've been pretty busy too."

"School is getting hard?"

"Yeah, a lot of homework and essays.. you know.."

"I can imagine..."

"Ham.. Dean, when will you'll come to-"

"Look Sam, I'll call you later, something came up ok?" and he hung up.

***

Dean called once, in a while and Sam tried to call to invite him to spend the weekend but Dean never answered the phone or replied to his messages. Dean was also distant, Sam tried to keep a conversation going but Dean always cut him off and hung up. One day when Dean called, and Sam decided he had had enough of this game.

"Hi Dean." he said coldly.

"Hey Sammy! Busy?"

"It's Sam and I think I'm the one who should ask this."

"What? What do you mean?"

"Dean, every time you call you're different, you've been acting like this for 2 months! Look if you don't want to talk to me you shouldn't have called first place. And don't come on with the 'checking on my little bro' excuse." Sam said angrily.

"No, Sam! I wanna talk to you!"

"Then why are you doing this?!"

"Can you open the door first, before I can explain?"

"Huh?!"