A/N
A sad little story I wrote for a Creative Writing class. I hope you read, enjoy then review!
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"This is dispatch; we have a four car pileup on Rte 49, east bound at the intersection of highway 33. Several casualties." the call came in over the radio in the ambulance.
"Let's go." Bobby, my partner, punched the lights and peeled out of the parking lot where we had been scarfing down beef burritos from Taco Bell in between calls. I held on tight - I still hadn't gotten used to the insane weaving in and out of cars and the speeding around corners.
"You Ok there, Jim?" Bobby asked, noticing my green face and white knuckles. He laughed. "Don't worry. You'll get used to it soon." I just nodded and help on tighter to the armrests. It was over soon though, as we pulled up to the site of the accident.
"You OK to check that green car on the right?" asked Bobby, as he opened his door. We climbed out and I nodded. "I'll be working on the red one if you need my help. Don't hesitate to holler." Bobby ran off to help the people inside the red car. I took a deep breathe, then grabbed my kit and ran towards the green Toyota that was incredibly smushed. I peered in the driver's side window.
"I'm a paramedic, don't worry, I'm going to get you out of here and you're going to be fine." I said as I took in the situation.
"Mommy?" My heart broke as I looked into the backseat where there was a little girl around the age of 5, who was obviously very hurt. She was cradling her arm, which was most likely broken, and there were several contusions all over her body. She lay crumpled in the backseat, unable to move.
"Don't you worry, sweetie. I'm going to take care of you and your mommy." I reassured her. My first child. "Dear God, what kind of world is this that a child that young has to experience something like this?" I inwardly cursed as I turned my attention to the woman in the front seat. "Ma'am? Can you hear me? Are you all right?" I asked as I began to extract her from the smashed car.
"I'm fine," she whispered in my ear. "Just take care of Molly."
"I promise I'll do everything that I can." I promised her as I managed to free her from the car. "HEY, BOBBY!" I yelled.
"YEAH?" His voice came from somewhere on my left.
"I NEED SOME HELP OVER HERE! BRING A BOARD!" I yelled back. There ware other ambulances arriving on the scene so it was now safe for Bobby to come and give me a hand.
"BE RIGHT THERE!" he yelled. I continued to hold the woman in place until Bobby arrived with the stretcher. Gently, we placed her on the stretcher and placed her in the care of some of the other paramedics then turned our attention back to the car, with Molly still trapped in the backseat.
"There's a little girl around 5 trapped in the backseat," I informed him. "She's pretty badly hurt. I don't think she was wearing a seat belt." Bobby placed a hand on my shoulder.
"We're going to do everything we can." Bobby surveyed the car. "You're going to have to go in and get her. That openings too small for me." I hesitated, unsure. "Don't worry! You'll be fine. I'm right here if you need me." I nodded then took a deep breath and crawled back in through the driver's side.
"Hey there, sweetie. Remember me?" I asked as I took stock of her injuries. This was not good - Molly was barely conscious, and her pupils were fixed and dilated. Gently I began untangling her from the remnants of the car.
"How's it going in there?" Bobby asked from the outside of the car. "You OK?"
"I've almost got her out, but she's in really bad shape." I called back. "Molly? Molly?" I turned back to the little girl, who had slumped forward. I checked for a pulse. I couldn't find it. "NO PULSE!" I called out to Bobby, beginning to panic. No way was this little girl going to die on my watch!
"Get her out here!" Bobby called frantically. Finally I managed to free Molly from the wreckage and placed her on the stretcher Bobby had ready and waiting. I placed her on the stretcher and Bobby checked her pulse and flashed a light in her eyes. "Ready with the paddles!" he ordered as he began CPR while I charged the paddles.
"Ready!" I said and Bobby stood back. "CLEAR!" and I placed the paddles on Molly's chest. She jerked as the electricity ran through her body. Bobby checked her pulse –nothing.
"Again." he continued CPR while I recharged the paddles.
"Ready. CLEAR!" Her body jerked again. Bobby checked for a pulse. He shook her head. Still nothing. I started recharging the paddles again, but Bobby stopped me with a shake of his head. No. "Damn it!" I cursed. It wasn't fair! I looked up and saw the driver who had caused the accident getting out of his car, not a scratch on him. He was drunk. My blood boiled with rage my hands balled into fists. I wanted to slug that idiot. Did he know what he had just done? Robbed this little girl of her life and a mother of her daughter? I was consumed with my fury and sadness, but then Bobby placed a hand on my shoulder. I turned and he looked me in the eyes.
"I know. It's hard when you lose your first patient, let alone your first child. Up until then you think you're Superman. You can save anybody." He shook his head sadly. "Well, we're not Supermen. Nobody is. We're all just men doing the best they can in a situation they are placed in We can't save everybody, no matter how hard we try or how much we want to. Sometimes there is simply nothing we can do, despite all our efforts. We aren't God, and we don't have power over life and death."
"Does it get any easier? The deaths, the loss? I mean, what am I supposed to tell her mother? I promised..." I asked Bobby, tears threatening to spill over.
"No, unfortunately, it doesn't get any easier. You just learn how to deal with it better. But the day you stop feeling the deaths and the pain, is the day I'll start to worry about you. Because that will be the day that you become a robot, a creature with no feelings or compassion. And to be a paramedic, those are crucial. As to what to tell her, tell her the truth. That you did everything you could, that there was nothing you could do. She was simply too far gone to save. She may hate you, there is nothing you can do about that, but whatever her response, just know that what you tell her is the truth. There is NOTHING you could have done to save her daughter. It is not your fault she died." I nodded and Bobby squeezed my shoulder. I took a deep breath, then headed over to where the woman sat. How was I supposed to tell her that her daughter was dead. That sweet innocent girl, there was so much she could have done in her life. Tears again threatened to roll down my cheeks. I approached the stretcher where the woman lay. Gently I walked up and took her hand. She looked up at me.
"Molly?" she whispered, "Is she OK?" The tears in my eyes finally spilled over. I squeezed her hand.
"I am so sorry. There was nothing I could do."
"No. No. NO! Molly!" sobs racked her body, and she struggled to get up, to go to her daughter. I gently restrained her.
"Ma'am, I am so sorry, but she was simply too badly injured for us to save." She seemed to give up, and she collapsed limply in my arms, and the light went out of her eyes.
"Molly…." She whispered once more, and she started silently sobbing. I placed my arm around her. No matter what Bobby said I would never get used to this.