I'm not writing this for attention, I'm writing it so YOU know the truth, you see I'm a simple old man. I live in my house with two trees (who I may or may not have had sex with) One day I saw a fine looking gal running down the street. She stared at my sexy old man body and could not resist she gave me Pokemon. This Pokemon game was snot normal it had a yellow puss liquid coming out of the cartridge. I thought it was a glitch so I popped it into my game child. When I was young and during the Civil war the confederate soldiers only had one pastime we played Pokemon.I can still remember on D-day when Pokemon Black and White came out. it was amazing to pop Pokemon blue back into my game child the screen booted like a normal screen, until it screamed. Then the logo for GameFreak appeared in a blood red. Then I saw Blastoise as he was shitting on the ground and the trainer was crying. I pressed start and I saw oak but something was different his eyes were open. Than came his grandson who I named 'Yankee Doodle' the game than started I saw my character but he was not inside his house but he was OUTSIDE HIS HOUSE! I THAN HEARD A CREEPY VOICE! But I ignored it. I than seeing my trainer see Oak. Oak instead of helping e got out a sawed off shot gun and began to fire AT ME. Vietnam Flashbacks were coming back, he than jumped on my trainer and licked his Yankee doodle. I screamed at the game and Oak killed himself I than found a Charmander in his corpse whom I named 'Pen15' Me and Pen went on a magical quest killing every trainer we came across until we saw Yankee Doodle and his Blue Squirtle whom he nicknamed 'WATERDICK' I than could feel a hand going down my shoe it was Yankee doodle than I saw a time portal as I was flung into the future now I gotta get back HOME! HELP ME YOUNGINS! HELP GRANPAPA GET HOME!
He died in the beauty salon days after the salon lady would not stop giving him perfume.b