TITLE: I Feel Your Pain

PAIRING: IruKaka/KakaIru

GENRE: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

RATING: T

WORD COUNT: 1,612

SUMMARY: (Two parts, first in Kakashi's POV and second in Iruka's.) Kakashi has only watched the ever-joyful Iruka from afar, but when he gets close he can see—and truly witnesses—the pain that Iruka is hiding inside.

DISCLAIMER: If I owned Kakashi and Iruka there would have been a lot more of both of them in chapter 420!

WARNINGS: Attempted suicide and angst?

NOTE: I felt bad for not putting up my planned smut...or my Valentine themed oneshot...so here's something that just came to me. The parts are basically the same thing, but in difference perspectives. I tried to repeat a few though processes, so make it more...I don't know. If you find any errors please tell me. I love reviews, criticism and just anything from you all!

You're always surrounded by people. Adults, children...you're never alone. Someone is forever accompanying you, and I can never approach. How could I? You're the adored chuunin sensei, and I? I am a killing machine and nothing more.

But, what would you do if I did? If I walked up and said something besides the usual 'yo'? Would you reply? Would you even notice my pitiful existence? Of course you would. It would be shallow, I know, but you can't not reply to someone. Anyone. You are so kind that you could never let a person down hard.

I sigh behind my mask that keeps everyone out and turn away from your laughing face. I see too much innocence in you...too much life.

I don't deserve you.

I am nothing more than a harbinger of death, meant to live and die alone. So utterly alone. I keep barriers between myself and others to make sure that they aren't hurt, so that no one can hurt but myself. It's my ultimate penance for being so messed up.

More than once I catch myself watching you, but this time I see something different. Your smile falters for only a fraction of a second, but I see it. I see utter pain in your eyes and it saddens me. Your eyes don't deserve to look like that, ever.

You say your farewells to the group surrounding you, and I feel compelled to follow. I stay back in the shadows and remain an ever silent spectator. A heavy weight descends upon my chest as I see your expression open up to more pain as you get farther away from the crowds.

I hover in a tree and watch you through your window. I berate myself silently. If you found out that I...I am stalking you...how much would you hate me? Could it even be expressed in words? I should leave.

I can't.

My eye widens as I see you pull a kunai from the holder on your thigh and bring it up to your wrist. Before I could move you draw it across your wrist and the crimson life-liquid seeps through the edges.

In a moment, I'm there.

My thin fingers wrap around your wrist and I know my visible eye is burning in untold fury. I do not aim it at you, I swear.

Please, don't shake like that...

I'm not mad at you, only your actions.

You wrench your arm away and I can smell the fear in your chakra. I back off immediately and try to apologize, but the words can't form in my throat.

Your voice shakes as you ask me to leave. I blink slowly. What? Are those...You're crying now and not bothering to hide it. I watch the blood drip from your abused wrist as you point back toward the window I had bolted through. I can't move, even when you shout at me to leave.

Why?

Because your eyes are begging me to stay.

I step closer and my chest clenches painfully when you step back. Please...don't run from me. I reach my hand up slowly and remove my barrier. The mask is useless now. I want you to see.

See my anguish, but do not fear.

See my errors, but do not judge.

See my pain, but do not pity.

My hand reaches out and I touch you gently. You are too shocked to move away and I pull you close. My arms cradle you against me as you begin to shake and my voice whispers soft nonsense words to you. I ignore the cracks in my endless supply of brainless syllables. The gibberish is lethargically soothing you, but too slowly.

You aren't getting better. I lower my lips to a salty cheek and begin to kiss your tears away. I am so nervous. I don't try to hide it, for when I finish kissing away your tears my lips hover for a moment before they meet yours.

I love you.

The words thump agonizingly in my chest. I know them to be true. I whisper them to you, over and over. You pull me closer, your shaking is less now.

Don't worry, you're with me now, and I won't let you go. I want you to be safe with me. Forever.