Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and Co. nor while I ever.
Notes: My friend and I had been goofing around one day and this crack filled crazy came forth. I apologize for anyone that is repulsed or suffers from lack of oxygen that comes from laughing. Some characters may be OOC which sort of works out in this. At least in my opinion.
Chapter 1
Rule 1: I am not allowed to tell the first years the name of the Forbidden Forest is misleading and that it is actually safe.
It was another beginning to another year at Hogwarts, school to witches and wizards. Astra Callisto sat down at the Slytherin table waiting for some of her close friends one of which was Ember Crevan. She spotted the dark red head and waved her over.
"Ember!" She shouted to which tons of other Slytherins glared at her for shouting in their ears. Ember looked at her for a second and contemplated running the other way, but she would only run so far before Astra caught her. Ember looked up and sighed and walked over to sit with her fellow fifth year.
"I am so excited." Astra said bouncing up and down at the table.
"How are you a Slytherin?" Ember asked. Astra stopped and stared at her, "I have no idea."
The two spotted their other friend who was in the Ravenclaw house, Marilla Shaw. She waved at them before sitting down next to all of their fellow friend, but who was also in Ravenclaw Caroline Rose.
Ember and Astra talked till Astra saw Chris Hollings, her boyfriend. She said bye to her friend quickly and ran over to him hugging him quickly. Surrounding Gryffindors and Slytherins made faces at them and called them traitors until Astra looked at both sets and said, "I'm sorry what?" Both sets scurried away and Astra nodded.
"I'll talk to you after dinner," Chris said hugging her, "it's almost sorting Hat time."
Astra ran back over to Ember who made a gagging motion at her and she was slapped playfully by Astra. They sat patiently waiting for Professor McGoganall to bring out the Sorting Hat.
"I wonder who we get." Ember said.
"I hope we don't get another Malfoy." Astra muttered while looking at fellow Slytherin.
"You would go ballistic on them, poor little first years." Ember muttered. Astra smiled and looked back up at the head table.
"RAVENCLAW!" the hat shouted as a boy walked toward the said table. Everyone cheered at the Ravenclaw table. For most of the children being selected, none had been Slytherin, until now.
"SLYTHERIN!" a young girl smiled and Astra stood up and shouted, "IN YOUR FACES!"
It went quiet and Ember slowly shrunk away from her and the new member to the Slytherin house stared at her. Most of the others in the room just blankly stared at her because they became use to her.
"WE HAVE MORE!" The Weasly twins, Fred and George, shouted at her.
"YOU KNOW WHAT! GO SU –" Ember wrapped her hand around her friend's mouth and forced her to sit down at the table while looking at her.
"What?" Astra asked her.
"You can't say that with kids around." Ember hissed.
"I was going to say suck my big toe." Astra said eyebrow raised. "What did you think I was going to say?"
"Nothing." Ember said quickly and turned around. Astra refrained from making any outburst during the sorting. Professional McGoganall watching her may have been another reason to that.
Slowly the number of new students dwindled down and they were able to finally eat.
"Food." Astra smiled.
Ember shook her head, "I wonder how you have not ate all the food off of our table."
"Oh I can." Astra said looking at her friend, "It's just the food keeps appearing!"
"Why are we friends?"
"Because I'm awesome and you need to bask in it."
"Yeah alright sure."
The two ate and finally after they were full they returned to their common room near the dungeons. Inside the common room their dear friend, Angelica Gonzales was sitting in one of the chairs waving at them to sit by her.
"I wish we could go into the Forbidden Forest." One first year said from behind them. As Ember and Angelica were speaking Astra smirked evilly and turned around to the first years. She walked towards the first years and still with the smirk on her face said, "Welcome welcome little first years."
They looked up at her as she continued, "The Forbidden Forest, a misleading name. It's sort of like Iceland and Greenland."
"What?" the girl said staring at her. Astra threw her head back and laughed speaking once more, "I believe the professors that named the forest just wanted to get a kick out of it."
Astra smiled warmly at the two first years that were skeptical of her. Astra placed her hands on her hips and lent forward toward them and said, "I go in there all the time, perfectly safe the only dangerous thing in there is tripping over tree roots when it gets dark. I mean I am a fifth year and I do know what I am talking about. Would I mislead you?"
Yes I would. Astra said thinking to herself.
"Well," the girl said looking at the boy, "I guess not."
"Well I have friends to talk to bye!" Astra said turning around and sitting down back in her chair holding her fingers in that villain sort of way.
This is why I am in Slytherin. She thought more to herself and chuckled at the thought.
The next morning everyone headed for the Great Hall for breakfast. Astra sat forcefully down in her chair and flopped her head on the table. Ember and Angelica looked at her and continued to talk to each other till a teacher ran into the Greta Hall shouting, "Madame Pomfrey! Some first years have been attacked in the Forbidden Forest! There is about twenty of them!"
Said teacher ran from the head table and out of the Greta Hall. Astra rose her head and smirked. Ember caught on to her friend's expression.
"Please tell me that was not you tricking the first years."
"I would say no, but that would be a lie."
"You sent first years into the Forbidden forest!" Ember hissed at her. Astra nodded and placed her head back on the table and groaned out, "Sleep."
Suddenly everyone watched as Dumbledore stepped down from the head table and walked over towards Astra, Ember, and Angelica.
"Astra can you come with me for a moment." Dumbledore said. She winced as she raised her head, "Sure my friend."
The two walked out of the Great Hall and all heads turned to watch the pair leave. Ember and Angelica watched. The two looked back at each other and Ember spoke, "She's going to be expelled."
"Watch she won't get expelled."
"You think her parents pay him to keep her here?" Ember asked.
Angelica nodded and ate the food on her plate and Ember followed suit.
Astra sat nervously in Dumbledore's office and looked around. None of her shenanigans ever got her to his office, and this called for her to be scared shitless. The door opened and Dumbledore walked in. Astra stared looking at the man as he sat down and looked at her.
"Astra–"
"I AM SO SORRY!" Astra shouted out.
"You're forgiven." Dumbledore said looking at her, "They are all alive with minor injuries. There is your punishment to deal with though and Professor Snape is informed."
"Yes sir." Astra muttered.
"You will serve a one hour detention for the rest of this week." Dumbledore said.
"Yes sir." Astra said. She had gotten off a lot easier than she expected.
"But there is one more thing."
He's going to make me have all my classes with Malfoy. Astra thought horrifying herself.
"You have to make a rule book for Hogwarts and it shall be posted in front of the Great Hall every Saturday."
"Oh." Astra said eyebrow raised, "Is that it?"
"Yes. You may leave now."
"Thank you." Astra said and left running for the Slytherin common room her robes swishing as she ran past with a smile on her face.
"That is awesome." Angelica said staring at Astra who was walking around their dormitory room.
"I know! I thought I was being expelled this time!"
"You should make this your first rule." Ember said looking up from her book on magical cats.
". . . That . . . is a bloody brilliant idea!" Astra walked over to her bed and got out parchment, ink, and a quill and wrote in neat clear hand writing: Rule 1: I am not allowed to tell the first years the name of the Forbidden Forest is misleading and that it is actually safe.
And that is the end so review and favorite or what ever it is you people do.