EXTREMELY Important Note: This is my late at night writing.
It was early nigh' as cats gathered in StarClan. They were awaiting someone special to arrive, but many were impatient. Specifically a dark grey, long-haired she-cat, who was known as Yellowfang.
"Why won't the damn tom ever show up on time? This proves she-cats are one hundred percent better! We don't need no stinkng toms!" Yellowfang was a bisexual feminist who liked to complain.
"Calm down, Yellowfang. Toms are what makes the world go round," Bluestar was a straight, anti-feminist she-cat who abandoned her kits. Her grey fur was for some reason called blue, and everyone rolled with it. Yellowfang rolled her eyes.
"You are so darn frustrating, Bluestar!"
"At least I'm not gay."
"Shut it, Bluefur! I'm bisexual!"
That's when everything changed. Excitement filled the air as a fiery red tom materialized in front of everyone.
"IT'S FIRESTAR!" someone yowled.
"It's good to see me, isn't it?" Meows of agreement spread. "Oh, no need to respond, that was rhetorical."
"Shut it with the speeches, you ginger skunk butt. We have something far more important to say than you thinking the world revolves around you."
Firestar blinked, confused, "I thought it did."
"You are as blind as a newborn kit."
"Firestar, there is a prophecy, and it's extremely important."
"It's pretty damn important if you ask me."
"You can cuss in heaven?"
"Shut it."
"Oak, Willow, Dark and Squirrel will have powers that only compare to the stars, but it is up to them if they use them for good or evil."
"Huh I wonder what Oak, Willow, Dark and Squirrel means," Firestar shrugged.
"No one knows," sighed Yellowfang, a bit paranoid. "Firestar, you must return. Sandstorm is about to start kit-"
"Son!"
Firestar turned, and gasped, "Dad?"
"Yes, it is I, Jake!"
"Seriously, Firestar you need to go," urged Yellowfang.
Jake stared at his son. The gay tom could see the joy in his son's eyes. "I'm gay, son, and you are bisexual. I didn't love your mother. I love Tallstar. Farewell, my boy." Suddenly, the stars around Firestar disappeared, leaving Firestar in his den at 1 AM. A yowl sounded. Omigod, Sandy's kitting! He rushed to her aid, finding Cinderpelt already at his mate's side. It was hard, but Firestar watched as the kits slipped out, one by one. My my, they're beautiful! Three she-kits (eww) and one tom! Let's hope the she-kits are all mighty warriors and-
"Firestar? The light ginger one... she may not survive." Firestar's joy faded away. But the oldest, a dark she-kit, scrambled on top of her, warming her. "She's so weak and cold, but hopefully the oldest will look out for her."
"I sure darn hope she will, because it's extremely cliche for one kit to die."
Cinderpelt murmured, so Firestar couldn't hear, "it's more cliche for them all to live."
Sandstorm licked each one carefully, with several annoyed mews from the oldest, who just wanted milk. "I think we ought to name them."
"Yes, that'd be smart, so we have something to call them."
"Shall we start with the youngest?"
"Yes."
Firestar immediately knew what to call her, "Oakkit!" Sandstorm agreed. It was perfect.
"She's so soft hearted, and so is the name Oak. Perfect. Now, the next one, the bushy tailed one?"
"Squirrelkit? Get it? 'Cuz her tail's like a squirrel's?"
"Not funny, Firestar, but I agree, that's a good name."
"May I have input too?" asked Cinderpelt, "I have a good name for the next one."
"What, kid?"
"Horsekit."
Both Firestar and Sandstorm were disgusted. "Eww!"
"Our kits are too special to be named something trashy like that!"
"What's wrong with the name Horsekit?"
"It's… barbaric!"
"Uh, no it's not, there have been cats named Horse before and it's completely normal."
"Well, we don't want our kits to be normal! Now, Firestar, shan't we name it Darkkit?"
"That's perfect. His fur is so red that the name fits like the perfect shoe."
"What the hell is with y'all and metaphors?"
"We're supposed to be in Britain, Cinderpelt. Y'all is-"
"I have an American accent, you Scottish cats," hissed Cinderpelt.
"Actually I'm Irish-" Sandstorm began, but Cinderpelt hissed again.
"You know what I mean!"
"Now, for the eldest, how about Willow?"
"Yes, I can she'll be swift like a willow tree in the breeze!"
"That's a simile, and you don't know tha-"
Both Sandstorm and Firestar hissed, "shut up annoying critic!" Cinderpelt rolled her eyes.
"Now, Sandy, let's be off to sleep then, eh?"