AN: So, I had this long AN typed up, but my computer ate it. So, don't flame me, but I appreciate C/C. This isn't my first fanfic, just my first for this site. ;) More is coming dearies, I'm not sure where it's going yet.
Fortunately, I don't own Twilight, else it would suck as badly as this. XD Yeah, it's all Stephenie's. Oh, and the lyrics are Dashboard Confessional - Stolen. 3
I don't know why.
My hair tumbled across my pillow, and I felt numb. That's what frightened me most, the feeling of numbness, the feeling of nothing, the eternal void. The tears slid glittering down my cheeks, absorbed by my already damp pillow.
It was worst in the morning. When I didn't feel his touch, or hear his voice. The very things that had been my very existence for so long. If I closed my eyes, I could almost see his face, but it was always contorted in a cold mask, not the face I had loved - still love - so much. A small sob shook my chest, and I rolled onto my side, not bothering to wipe the tears that dripped off my nose onto the hardwood floor.
I don't know how long I lay there, trying to think of nothing. I'm such a hypocrite. I say I feared the nothingness, yet I strived for thinking of nothing. Which was worse, the nothingness or the pain? To this day, I still can't answer that question.
At some point I must have fallen asleep, and I was awoken by a loud thud and pain shooting down my side, I had fallen out of bed. I rolled onto my back, not bothering to check the bruises that I was sure to have, or the wet spot by my arm. It seemed that Charlie hadn't heard, since he hadn't come running up the stairs. Again. If I had had it in my heart to be amused, I would've been amused. He seemed to think he could do something for me. It was laughable. I closed my eyes again, hopefully sleep would bring relief.
Yet, I knew that it would be the farthest thing from relief. The dream. As usual, I clawed my way through the forest, searching, searching. What was I searching for? What is there to search for? Why would I search?
I could feel it coming, I could feel myself tense to jerk awake, even in my dream, but I didn't have the strength to wake up before it happened. Then, there came the answer. There was nothing to search for, I wasn't searching for anything. All that greeted me was the void of nothingness.