Sinking in the Shallow End

by plerbert

"Feliciano had so many thoughts, and he was drowning in them. He needed someone to pull him out, but first, he needed to realize that he was still only in the shallow end. It wasn't that he was in deep water, or that he couldn't swim. It was his own fears and worries that made him forget he could still touch the bottom. All he needed to do was stand up." SUICIDE & MAJ CHAR DEATH

please read: before we get started I just would like everyone to know that this is also on AO3, and actually has a lot more chapters on AO3. So if you're liking the story and I've not updated it, you might want to check AO3.

characters|| North Italy, Germany, Japan, Romano, heavy mentions of Holy Roman Empire, light mentions of Spain, Prussia, and China (Austria and Hungary are also breifly included in the prologue)

ships|| mainly a Germany & North Italy & Japan (platonic mostly) , but it does have subtle Germany/North Italy and North Italy/Japan

WARNINGS|| major character death, mentioned suicide attempt (nothing graphic), mentions of depression, and light violence

PROLOGUE

Dear Diary,

They always say that you don't know what you have until it's gone. I know that for a fact now. Gabriel slipped in and out of my grasp within what seemed like a matter of seconds. It was like I was watching all the sand pour out between the gaps of my fingers. I now wished, more than anything in the world, that he could be back at my side. I know that will never happen though, at least not anymore. I watched the boy basically fade away in that toxic white prison. Systemic Lupus Erythematosus. He lost a war to his own body. He slipped into a coma after a while. I don't think he could take it anymore, so he kinda just ran away from it all. Though I still remember all of it, I remember seeing him in so much pain. I remember how he would reassure me that he was alright, and that he would never leave me. I remember all of his dinky little promises that even he knew he couldn't keep. "You and I forever, Feli. I promise." and "Don't you worry, I'd never leave you. I promise!". I promise, I promise, I promise, I PROMISE! Even though it was years ago, it still felt like it all happened yesterday. Maybe because after that day, all the other days blurred together. I didn't want to remember. I don't want to remember.

Till next time,

Feliciano.

"I don't think he'll ever wake up." Feliciano heard the doctor say, muttering staged apologies as if he read from a script. He said the same spiel over and over again, so what made this time any different. He heard Elizabeta sob. "What are you suggesting?" Roderich asked, as if the doctor was mad. "I know this may be hard for you…" The doctor trailed off, trying to piece together the rest of his sentence as if it was a puzzle. "I think you should consider taking him off life support." The doctor finished. Elizabeta covered her mouth to hold her sobs. "You can't!" Feliciano jumped into the room from behind the doorway. "I won't let you!" He screamed, spreading his arms out to try to protect Gabriel from those monsters. Elizabeta kneeled down and scooped Feliciano up. She tried to contain her tears as she carried Feliciano out of the room. He kicked his legs and screamed. "Wait! Wait, please!" He begged, banging his fists on her head and shoulders. "I have to say goodbye!" He screamed, squeezing his eyes shut. She stopped dead in her tracks and slumped down to her knees. She released him from her grasp, and he dashed wildly to the slightly older boy that lie tucked in the small sterile bed. He scrambled his way up the side of the bed, sitting right next to the boy. He shook him gently. "Gabriel…" He pleaded. "A-at least say goodbye." Shimmery tears slipped from his eyes, and left tracks on his face. "I'll still wait for you," He mumbled. "you know that? I'll wait forever and ever! Just like we promised! You and I forever, Gabriel." He said quietly, encasing the boy in a tight yet gentle hug. "I'll see you soon." He heard a faint whisper. "Gabriel?!" He shouted, not knowing whether he was just making things up. Suddenly Roderich picked him up, towing him out of the room. "Gabriel? Gabriel!" He screamed, wildly confused. "No, wait! He said something?! Gabriel?" Roderich shushed him, saying it was just his imagination. The door was closing, the last time he might ever get to see him again. "I'll still wait for you!" He yelled once more, and the door closed.

And it was true, he'd wait forever. At least he thought he would.