I Wouldn't Want You to Want to be Wanted by Me: A Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks Fan Fiction

Deep into the places stories have to start - A Fear of Falling Under - Darren Hayes

Tonks lay in her bed in St Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries unaware that she was even there. She had been sleeping for two days straight and was in a rather poor condition. Beside her sat a man who, though still quite young, had a prematurely lined face and light brown hair flecked with grey. His tired face was full with worry and sadness. This man was Remus Lupin.

He was at St Mungo's under the request of Albus Dumbledore that Nymphadora Tonks had someone to be with her while she spent a little longer at the hospital. After the trouble at the Ministry of Magic, Voldemort returning and the death of an innocent man wrongly accused of murder, someone was bound to end up in hospital. Quite a lot of people did. Tonks however, had been knocked out quite heavily and suffered some damage. So at this, Dumbledore felt somebody should be there when she woke. Remus offered, knowing all to well what it felt like to wake from a terrible night to find himself alone with no one to care. So here he sat waiting anxiously for Tonks to come around. He stared out the window thinking to himself whether Tonks knew about Sirius and everything that happened.
"Remus?" said a quiet, hoarse voice.
He spun around, "Oh Tonks, thank Heavens you're okay!" he said touching her arm gently, "I was so worried."

Tonks had a blank look on her face. Her eyes flickered around the room. "St Mungo's? What… Remus, what happened?"

Remus sighed and folded his hands gently in his lap, "the Ministry," he said, "you were fighting Bellatrix Lestrange and she knocked you out. You've been out cold for two days."

"Oh… dear," she said, "and everyone else? Kingsley, Mad Eye, Harry, Sirius? How are they?"

Remus took in a deep breath then sighed once more. Unable to meet her eyes, he looked out the window and said "Bellatrix killed Sirius, Tonks. Everyone else is fine, but Sirius, he's…" he broke off.
Tonks sat bolt upright and sat on the edge of her bed. Her eyes were wide and full of disbelief and her shoulders were shaking uncontrollably.

"I'm so sorry," said Remus quietly.

She started to cry silently into her hands. Remus looked at her sadly. He knew he was the one who had to tell her but it didn't stop him from feeling incredibly heavy inside. He took the crying girl in his arms as she sobbed on his shoulder. Remus stroked her bubblegum pink hair and said nothing. Nothing needed to be said.

Eventually Tonks let go, wiping her eyes and looking about for a tissue. Remus handed her his handkerchief. She took it gratefully and blew her nose.
"It's not fair…" she said at last.

"Nothing is fair these days," said Remus sadly.

"But I could have – I mean if I tried harder…"

"Tonks, you did the best you could do. You did all you could do. Sirius would have been proud of you. You're a strong young woman, and you did everything you could possibly do," said Remus.

Tonks looked up, her eyes were red and puffy and her face was unreadable, "It's just…"

"I know," said Remus touching her shoulder, "but right now you should be lying down. You need food; I'll go find someone for you."

Tonks smiled a little and did as she was told. 'He is much too nice' she thought to herself.

-----

A week later, Tonks was discharged from St Mungo's. She and Remus were to be meeting up with Mad Eye Moody and Mr. and Mrs. Weasley the next day to welcome Harry at King's Cross.

"I think we better get you home," said Remus after they'd left the hospital, "and I'll come by tomorrow morning to see how you are, and we can go to the station together."

"Okay, Remus," Tonks smiled, "but how are you going to get me home then?" she added with a funny glint in her eyes.

"Well you apparate don't you?" he said, mildly confused by what she meant.

"Well, I know where I live…" she said, "but as for you, you don't. Am I right?"

"Ah…" said Remus. He hadn't thought of that. He was planning on escorting her home safely, but he had no idea where she lived.
"Thought so," she laughed, "we'll just catch the underground shall we? That way you'll know."

Remus smiled.

Once they'd arrived at Tonks's stop, they got off and Tonks led the way. She was chatting away freely, unaware that a group of old women had given her reproachful looks because of her bright hair. Remus was walking along side her, half-listening, taking in his surroundings. It was a nice, quiet town with neat little terraces lining the streets, a small park surrounded by several park benches and leafy green trees.
"Well, this is it," said Tonks.

They'd come to a halt outside a small building of apartments. There were only three stories and a small, neatly kept garden out the front.
"Home sweet home," Tonks said, giggling afterwards, "I'm on second floor."

"Oh, okay," said Remus, "would you like me to walk you up?" he asked.

Tonks smiled, "sure."

Remus followed her inside, carrying her small bag. They entered a hallway with white walls with various paintings of random landscapes hanging on them. They walked up a flight of stairs and came to her door.

"I guess I'll be seeing you tomorrow then," said Tonks.

"I guess so," said Remus giving Tonks her bag.
"Well… thanks so much, Remus. This really means a lot to me, you know? Having you there and everything. It means heaps."

She hugged him then smiled, "Well, see you tomorrow," she winked.

Remus smiled, "Goodbye Nymphadora."

She gave him a jokingly stern look, laughed, winked once more, and then closed the door behind her.

Tonks pressed her ear against the door until she heard a tiny pop, telling her that Remus had disapparated home. She took the bag that Remus had carried home for her to her room, then made her way to the kitchen. She passed her tiny lounge room on the way, looking at all the photos she'd hung on the wall. It used to look like the wall had wallpaper on it, but you wouldn't have known now. It was covered in various sized frames which held photos of her family and friends from school and the Order. He eyes came to rest on a photo of her and Remus that was taken at Grimmauld Place. She'd always liked that photo. They were both smiling as they sat together at the long kitchen table playing wizard chess (which, she remembered, she had gotten so badly beaten at). Tonks smiled to herself as she stopped looking at the picture and left to make herself a cup of tea.

"He is truly," she said to herself, "the most amazing man I have ever met."

She stopped dead.

Did she think what she thought she did? Most definitely. It was a hard thing to process, could she have fallen for Remus Lupin?

'I think so', said a voice in her head.

Tonks sighed, got her cup of tea and made her way back to the lounge room. She looked at the photo once more. Remus looked out of it with a smile and waved. Tonks's heart did a little flip.
"Yes," she said out loud with a sigh, "I think I have."

And with that, she smiled a little, let out a sad sight, and fell into her favourite squishy, emerald green armchair.

-----

There was a knock on the door.

"Merlin!" cried Tonks, who was still in her purple paisley pyjamas, "oh dear, oh dear," she muttered, "Sorry, Remus, I'll be there in just a tick!" she called out.

She had totally forgotten Remus would be coming around to see her. Tonks scrambled to the door and opened it.

"Wotcher, Remus," she said, "I totally forgot."

"Well, that's not a problem really," said Remus, "I think I did come a little too early anyway."

Tonks's pale cheeks were a little pink. Partly because she'd been so flustered after racing to the door, and partly because she was still in her pyjamas (which she made note that Remus had probably already seen her in a dozen times anyway, after quiet some time they spent at Grimmauld Place, she figured everyone had). It was more that she forgot that he was coming.
"You should come in," she said, indicating him over the threshold and into the lounge room, "just make yourself comfortable. I need to change. I'll be two minutes."

She hurried into her room leaving Remus along in the lounge room.
Remus looked around. It was, in a little way, quite what he thought her home would be like. A little bit colourful, all sorts of odd knick-knacks sitting on shelves, mismatched furniture that still managed to go well together, lots of photos. The one thing that surprised him though, was how neat everything was. From knowing her for a year and a bit, he had never been inside her apartment, and he figured, knowing her personality, that she'd be a tad unorganised. But everything had its place here and it all went together neatly.

His eyes found the photo wall. He walked over to it, looking at all the mismatched frames and their residents. There were photos of what looked like Tonks with her parents, photos from her school days, photos of people from the Order. He scanned all of them, passing over a photo of himself, Sirius and Harry all waving out from the frame, to a photo of him and Tonks playing chess. He smiled, remembering how he had completely flattened her at that game.

"Do you like that photo? I've got another one," Tonks had reappeared in the room, now dressed in a purple Weird Sisters short and a heavily patched pair of jeans.
"I beat you didn't I?" said Remus, turning to face her. He was smiling teasingly.
"Well only because I've never been one to be good at chess," Tonks said, pointing her finger into his chest, "so you would've won anyway."

Remus laughed, "You said you had another copy?"

"Oh, year, I'll just get it for you," she said as she walked over to a book case and took out a large album. She flicked through it and pulled out the photo, "here you are."

"Thank you," said Remus taking the photo and looking at it before slipping it into his robes.
Tonks's heart did the same little flip as it had the previous day.

"Would you like a cup of tea?" she asked, "we haven't got to be there for a little while yet."

"I think I would actually, thank you," he smiled.
He followed her into the kitchen and seated himself at the table while Tonks sought out some tea cups (which, like the furniture, were all mismatched pieces of crockery). She handed him a large, white mug covered in ting orange sports that was filled with tea. Remus drank.

"So, are you feeling a bit better today?" he asked lowering his mug.

Tonks took a sip from her own mug (which was white and detailed with delicate flowers around the brim), "a little," she said, "I mean, of course I've felt better, but it is kind of expected."

Remus nodded, "Well, if you ever need anyone, I am here," he said.

"I know," Tonks smiled.

-----

They left Tonks's apartment at eleven thirty and apparated to King's Cross. They met Moody and greeted Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. A family of muggles stood nearby, who Tonks guessed immediately that they were the Dursleys. Mrs Dursley caught a sight of Tonks and looked away reproachfully. Tonks laughed, it was the pink hair. It had that effect on people who weren't used to things that were out of the ordinary.
A group of school students made their way through the barrier. Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny were among them. Mrs. Weasley hurried over to hug her two children, then Harry.

"Hello, Harry," smiled Remus once Mrs. Weasley had released Harry.

Tonks was smiling as she stood next to Remus. Harry looked at all of them, bewildered.

"Hi," he said, "I didn't expect... what are you all doing here?"

"Well," said Remus with a slight smile, "we thought we might have a little chat with your aunt and uncle before letting them take you home."
And so they did. They discovered how undelightful the Dursleys really were as they let them know what was going to happen over the summer with Harry.
Once Harry had given them a final goodbye salute everyone began to mill around. Remus decided to leave.

"Alright," he said, "I'd better get going. See you later everyone."

"Wait!" called a voice as he began to walk.

Tonks was hurrying over to him.

"Yes?" said Remus.

"Do you mind if we walk?"

Remus thought it was a strange request.

"Not at all," he said.

They left the station in silence. It wasn't until they had walked a fair bit that anyone said anything.

"What's going to happen with the Order?" asked Tonks in a small voice.

Remus took a while to answer. He had wondered the same, now that the headquarters may be out of use.
"I've wondered the same," he said truthfully, "I think it will continue, that's for sure, but as far as headquarters goes, I really don't know."

Tonks merely nodded.
"Is there something troubling you?" asked Remus, aware that she was unusually quiet.

"Oh, no no," she said, "I've just got alot on my mind lately. With everything that's happened... and other stuff. I'm just not sure of anything at the moment." She shook her head, "It's nothing really."

Remus looked unconvinced but decided not to question her.
"You just remember what I said this morning then," he said, "and that you can tell me anything. I'm here to listen."

Tonks smiled. "I know," she said as she had earlier that day, "I best be off. I've got a little bit more resting to do, like you told me to. Then I've got six days straight of work," she added rolling her eyes.

"Well, then I guess I'll be seeing you some time over the summer," said Remus, touching Tonks gently on the arm, "See you later."

And he apparated on the spot, leaving Tonks standing alone, her heart doing flip after flip.