Love Hurts
The sun streaming into his penthouse bedroom stirs him from his slumber. As he squints against the light his eyes find her on the edge of the bed slipping on her boots. He reaches for her before he can stop himself. As usual she slides out of his reach tearing the scab on his heart off once more. He knows every time that this is how it will be. He knows the next morning always hurts him but he just can't say no to her. Each time he foolishly hopes the morning will be different but it never is. She glides out of the room and politely shuts the door. He screams his frustration into his pillow.
The first time it just happened. He came back from a mission, the adrenaline still flooding his system and she just walked up and kissed him. No hello, no debriefing, just a kiss. The moment their lips touched he never stood a chance. For years he had wondered what those lips felt like but never had the courage to find out. He always had some excuse: Clark, Jimmy, the job, etc but excuses is all they were. When she kissed him what else could he do but make love to her. He fondly remembers tearing her blouse off as the animal in him awakened at her touch. The other women in his life didn't ignite his passion the way she did. Her lightest touch drives him mad with desire.
It wasn't till the next morning he learned his mistake. He remembers lying there paralyzed as she explained that these things happen in their world. She was ok with it happening from time to time but didn't expect or want anything else. She chose him because she knew he would understand. She gathered her clothes and walked out. Never realizing she walked right over his heart.
Later when he saw her hard at work on her computer he tried to swoop in for a quick kiss. No one was around so he thought it would be ok but her hand on his lips stopped him cold. She then drove the dagger into his heart by giving him a brief smile and then going back to work. She had said what had to be said that morning and didn't feel the need to discuss it further so she didn't. Having never been in this situation before, he wandered away a bit stunned. He wanted to fight for her but he didn't. He still isn't 100% sure why. He tells himself it is because he was respecting her decision and figured she would come around in time. The truth is he is simply not strong enough to risk offering her his heart knowing she will only throw it back. So he settles for the moments she gives him. In those moments of heat, he can pretend she loves him. Pretend she will be there in the morning but she never is. "Just once let me wake to her beside me." he begged the universe. That morning would be worth anything to him.
Chloe finished zipping up her dress, slid on her boots and sneaks out. Oliver stirs and reaches for her. Telling herself she doesn't want to wake him, she darts out of reach. Ever practical, she always plans her outfit very careful when she went to see Oliver. Nothing too hard to remove or put on but nothing slutty or out of her normal style. She makes sure no one has a clue. She has enough ego to admit her outfit always highlighted her features not that she worried about that as he is always eager enough to take her however she offers. She smiles as she remembers that time she felt the urge after they had just dug themselves out of the rubble of a collapsed lab they had been a bit too slow to escape. She remembers that the dirt and grim that covered her body didn't deter him at all. She is glad he understands this, whatever this is. She is truly grateful for Oliver not pushing to define anything and just accepting what she is offering. Since Jimmy's death she just hasn't been able to feel anything except during the brief moments her and Ollie are together.
Clark was typing away at his desk when a blur of movement blew most of the files on his desk off it. "Bart!" he snaps at the young man munching a candy bar at 8AM who just appeared next to his desk.
"Sorry but you gotta help. Oliver is in another of his moods. We have no clue what is going on but he looks like I died or something." Bart quips trying to hide just how concerned he is about his boss and friend.
"You say he has been having these episodes how often?" Clark says while still trying to finish his article. Perry doesn't carry if the world is at stake. He expects his reporters to turn in on time and there is no way Clark is letting Lois bump him again just because he is a little late finishing.
"It's about once a month but we can't figure it out. We go out on a mission like usual and he is fine but the next day he is all depressed and distracted. Victor, AC and I can't figure it out. We tried talking to him but he cut us off. When Victor suggested Oliver talk to Chloe he really flipped. He made it crystal clear he doesn't want Chloe to know about these episodes so now he drops over one of our places. It's not like he doesn't have a massive penthouse all to himself! He never says much just eats pizza and drinks beer till he falls asleep. Personally, I think he is losing it." Bart rambles.
Finished, Clark emails Perry his article with 3 minutes to spare so he can now give Bart his full attention. "I can try talking to him" Clark offers even as he dreads the thought. Oliver has done a lot of good with his Justice League but Clark has just never been able to agree with Oliver's methods. Still Oliver is his friend too so he gets up and follows Bart at super speed over to Bart's place. To say its Bart's place is not entirely true as Oliver pays the bills and keeps the frig stocked for Bart. When Clark follows Bart into the apartment, he is not at all surprised to see the disaster Bart calls home. There aren't enough maids in all Metropolis to keep up with Bart's messy habits. Oliver is standing on the balcony occasionally sipping a beer staring out over the city clearly lost in his own thoughts.
"Hey" Clark says as way of greeting but Oliver doesn't react. He just sips the beer in his hand. Clark is truly concerned because even at the height of his party days, Oliver never drank this early. Clark walks out onto the balcony enjoying the morning sun on his face as he tries to find another approach. "They are worried about you." he tries.
This gets Oliver to turn his head to face Clark. A small sad half smile on his lips when he replies "Nothing to be worried about. Just dealing with another rough night."
"You seem to have a lot of rough nights lately I hear. If you don't want to talk to me how about Chloe?" Clark suggests. He realizes his idea is a mistake as he sees Oliver tense at the mention of Chloe's name.
Oliver freezes at the mention of his angel's name. "God I hate her." Seeing Clark noticed his slip, he snarks "She is your dumping ground, not mine."
Reigning in the flare of annoyance at Oliver for his comment with more truth than Clark likes to admit, Clark retorts "I am sure she would listen to you. She is really easy to talk to."
"Talking to her isn't the problem, Clark. (sighs and runs his hand through his hair) Just butt out. I will be fine. Oh and not a word to Chloe." Oliver orders.
"Something is going on. Why won't you let your friends help you?" Clark queries.
"I am a big boy Clark. I will handle this in my own way." Oliver replies turning to stare out over the city once more.
Unable to think of anything else to say Clark stands next to his friend until he can no longer take the silence. The cry for help only his ears can hear is a welcome relief giving him the perfect escape. Clark feels guilty for that thought but he can devote any more of his attention to Oliver's problem right now. Now he has a job to do. "Maybe I will talk to Chloe about it later. Oliver reacted when I brought up Chloe."
Chloe hummed her way through her day. The sex last night was particularly fierce. Unable to sleep after such an intense session, she had dived into her computer. Before the sun was even up, she had found another of Lex's labs. Pleased with her success she sends out the alert to bring the team in together. Quickly everyone except Oliver checks in. Bart sounded a little odd but he often did. She chuckled to herself at the thought of an annoyed Bart zipping back from wherever he had ran off to. He must be pissed to not get the day off.
An hour later Oliver still hasn't replied. Oliver is always the first one to answer her signal. Growing concerned she calls the guys to see if they know where he is.
"Oh hey Chloe. Boss man's out of commission at the moment." Bart replies cryptically.
Realizing why Bart sounded off earlier, she replies "You don't have to cover for him if he is out with one of his bimbos." She should be hurt that is out of the prowl so soon after she is out of his bed but she isn't it. This is exactly why she chose him. She does wonder who his latest trophy is. Bart's reply throws her for a loop.
"What are talking about? Oliver hasn't closed the deal in months. Maybe that is why he has been drinking so much lately. Poor bastard must have major blue balls." Bart blurts out and then cringes inside when he realizes what he just said. Oliver is so going to kill him for letting it slip to Chloe.
"Bart you better be in front of me in ten seconds" she replies tersely thoroughly pissed that something has been going on and no one told her.
Eight seconds later a terrified Bart appears in front of her desk. "Look he made us all promise not to tell you. He said he would handle it but he hasn't been. In fact he gets worse after every mission. We can't figure it out. On mission and right after he seems fine but the next day all he does is mope and drink. He has been rotating sleeping it off on our couches." Bart stammers in the hopes she won't kill him or tell Oliver.
She knows instantly what is bothering Oliver and kicks herself for not seeing it before. She thought he understood. She will have to deal with this. "Thanks Bart. I will take it from here. Why don't you zip off to Mexico for a few hours?" she offers and poof he is gone. Gathering her stuff she heads to Bart's to confront Oliver.
Arriving at Bart's she finds Oliver passed out on the sofa. Beer bottles litter the area around the sofa along with several empty pizza boxes. "Oh Oliver. Why didn't you tell me" she wonders as she studies his unconscious form. She is seriously tempted to dump a bucket of water on his head. He should know better than to let any woman, even her mess him up like this. She doesn't have the heart to though. She realizes he must be in love with her. Why else would he do this to himself? Thinking back on their encounters she has to admit the signs were there. He never mentioned another woman around her when he used to at least banter with the boys about the latest supermodel or actress on his radar. The odd little look he gave her each morning after which she took as a bit of guilt in his eyes, she now knows was pain at her leaving him. "He always reaches for me when I get up." "I am sorry Ollie." she tells his sleeping form. She then heads back to the Watchtower. There she cancels the meeting saying one of her sources fell through and she wants to reconfirm before they move. It is a lie they all know but it will help protect Ollie's pride and privacy. She is confident that the rest of the team doesn't know what is going on and she hopes to keep it that way.
Oliver groans as he wakes to a pounding headache. It is dark again which is good. He prefers the night. Always has. Kicking beer bottles out of the way he stumbles to the bathroom to clean up. Refreshed from the shower, he checks his phone. He sees several of the usual messages but two that hold his attention. Chloe sent out an alert and then a few hours later canceled it. This is odd because she would never send out an alert until she was sure so her story about needing to double check something sounds false. It is now that he notices the faint order in Bart's apartment. Her distinctly Chloe smell is here! "She must know! I am so going to kill Bart." Oliver thinks as he grabs his jacket and races out of the apartment. He has to reach her. He has to explain.
Chloe doesn't need to check her building cameras to know Oliver is on his way up. She just senses his presence. Steeling herself she struggles with what to say. The elevator opens and her ragged would be prince charming rushes into the room. "If only I still believed in fairytales." she muses as he approaches.
Panic nearly overwhelms Oliver when he sees her sitting behind her desk staring at him as he exits the elevator. In his rush to get here, he really hadn't figured out what to do once he was here. "Chloe." he says as a question, hope, and pain.
She doesn't stand and come over to him. She is clearly using the desk as a shield. She is in her "working" pose which nearly shatters Oliver right then. If she was in her "off duty" pose he could have clung to hope but this pose tells him nothing but pain is coming. Trying to save himself he counters "Look, I know there is nothing real between us. I know you are just looking for some comfort. I am sorry for screwing that up."
His apology throws her a bit. She can see the naked pain in his eyes so much like her own. She braces herself and forces herself to say what needs to be said "Oliver, I should apologize to you. It is wrong of me to just use you. You deserve better."
His frightening laughter makes her fear his sanity. He strides up to the desk and places his hands firmly on it as he states "Deserve! I don't deserve the moments you give to me! But I won't give those up not matter the cost. I am not asking you to love me back. I am not asking for more than we have now. I am asking, no begging, you not to rob me of those moments we do have."
"Oliver." She starts to say but it's one of the few times in her life she has no idea what to say.
"Look I know I am not the kind of guy you can love. I get that. I can handle that. When a man worthy of you comes along I will step aside. Just give me however long we have till he gets here, please." he begs. Right before her eyes the Queen mask shatters and a tear makes it way slowly down his cheek. The splash it makes when it hits the desk top is like a cannon blast.
"Oliver, it isn't you who isn't worthy. It's me. Since Jimmy died, I just don't feel things like I used to. Something inside is broken. I am not sure it will ever fully heal. Not even the mission stirs me. To be honest and fair the only time I feel anything is when we are together." she admits as her own tears make their way to join his on the desk.
"Chloe, you are the most wonderful, incredible, sexy, AMAZING woman I know and believe me I have met more than my fair share." Oliver tells her as his heart clings to a thin reed of hope.
Smiling her light a thousand rooms smile, she replies "Thanks but you're just saying that cause you know you can get in my pants." Her feeble snark helps both of them and they laugh harder than the poor joke merits.
"One day at time. Just like everything else we do." Oliver suggests.
"I don't want to hurt you." she swears to him.
"Sometimes the pain is worth it." he answers. He reaches out to her and for the first time she doesn't pull away. It is a beginning.