It hadn't been so long ago that I was still in school. With nothing more to worry about than what essay was due next. But then I graduated, and the little bits of the world outside the walls of Hogwarts that I'd heard became all the more real.

And I had to do something about it. So that's how I found myself here, at the head-quarters of the Order Of The Phoenix, fighting against the rising evil that was Lord Voldemort and his Death Eaters. I wouldn't have seen myself here, three years ago...

I'd been in Slytherin. Something which hadn't helped when I'd first joined the Order, for obvious reasons. But Dumbledore was determined that I be included. And I'd like to think that now, after a year, they finally all trust me. More than they trust Severus, anyway. But three years ago, the thought of joining forces with a bunch of Griffindors was beyond me. Unthinkable.

I'd been friends with Severus back then too, and another boy, Regulus Black. We were inseparable since we started at Hogwarts together, being intimidated by the same people for years before we finally rose to the highest rank and were the ones able to inflict the same kind of torture on the younger years.

"We'll leave here together too. You know there's talk of an uprising?" He'd said it one night when I'd snuck into his dorm. I had known, but I hadn't known his own opinion on the events happening on the outside. At that time, I would've followed him wherever he went, and if he said he agreed with Lord Voldemort I'd have stood by his side and received the mark which would scar the rest of my life.

"I've heard. It's hard not to, we're in Slytherin, remember? If I have to hear one more brat bragging about how his mummy or daddy just joined the Dark Lord's ranks I swear I'll Crucio them myself." I declared that night, carefully watching for his reaction. He smirked, not even looking at me.

"You know, mother expects me to join them when we leave here." He said it quietly though, the conviction that was usually in his voice not so evident. There seemed to be hope.

"Do you want to join them?" I asked him, heart in my mouth and just as softly. I kept my eyes trained on him, waiting for any sign that he was having as many doubts as I was. But instead, I watched as the worried look fell from his eyes, to be replaced with cold, hard determination. And malice.

"Of course I do! I want to help the Dark Lord rid the world of those filthy mudbloods for good."

I swallowed. "Don't you have any doubts?" I knew it was a long shot, I knew I should've probably kept my mouth shut, but I wanted to know so desperately that I wasn't alone in how I felt. That my best friend understood how scared I was. But he sneered at me. With such disgust he could have rivalled Lucius Malfoy in that moment.

"Is poor Amelia scared? If you aren't with us, you're against us. You're going to have to decide. Or I doubt you'll be around to be my best friend anymore." I swallowed again as I felt tears threatening to rise. I'd lost my best friend that night, and I knew I'd never get him back.

Things wouldn't be the same again because of some little man who liked to draw on people's skin. That was one of the last times I spoke to Regulus. Two weeks later, my parents were murdered. Killed by Voldemort's followers because they refused to join his ranks. I heard someone say in the common room that it had been a waste of perfectly good pure blood, but if they were traitors then they had it coming. After that, my mind was made up, I couldn't betray my parents like that.

But just like that, I'd lost my best friend. And the man I was beginning to fall in love with. Life's cruel. But I'd learn that it was a lot harsher on him.

I hadn't ever intended to join the other side though. That in itself felt like some kind of betrayal to my old friends. Mostly Regulus. What if I ended up killing him? What if he killed me? Being on opposite sides in a war neither of us really understood had never been top on the list of things we wanted to do when we'd finally left school.

But then there was this one night. I was going home, living in London after leaving Hogwarts, and I heard a scream from a flat down the hall. I'd never wanted to get myself into anything, no trouble, no danger. But I found myself walking down the hall towards this door. It was locked. I was about to turn around, and then heard a voice muttering, "we should kill the kid too, the Dark Lord will want a thorough job done."

I wish I had been braver. Or faster. Or smarter. But I wasn't. I heard that little girl die that night, and then I knew I couldn't sit by and pretend the war wasn't happening.

That's when I met the others.