Precursor to the pilot episode to the life of the Akatsuki
Warning: this is our first work, so to begin:
We do not produce, condone or affiliate with yaoi, plain and simple; this is to stop animosity and to put this out there in case anyone brings forth requests.
Yuri is OK, also to stop any animosity from this, one of us is homophobic and as homo is used to derogate guys, male = homo, female = lesbian, man = no, girl = okay.
The homophobe is a guy, please understand, the other is a girl, not only a girl but a fan-girl, her potential husbands are Kisame, Kakuzu, Hidan, Zetsu and maybe Tobi, but that's pushing it.
EVERY Akatsuki member is put into a pairing, so as to make sure no-one is lonely, except Orochimaru who prefers to be alone as he can use other peoples bodies to masturbate.
Girl claims religion as Jashinist, and as suck claims masochism as a lifestyle, so if this appears, you have been forewarned and she cannot help it, Hidan makes her so.
If you wish us to use specific techniques in writing (BDSM, Bondage, Rape, or other) send them in with your email address to sharpieandgizmo and we will get back to you.
This does not follow the storyline (Kisame excluded) or any already set equivalent paths set out in Naruto as we do not own it.
Girl is undergoing hormonal difficulties and randomness may apply, if it gets out of control, please notify us and we will try to restrain, torture and rectify the problem-maker.
Profanities will apply as it is core to some characters. Example, Hidan , enough said.
WE DO NOT OWN NARUTO AND NARUTO CHARACTERS.
Now… On to the Character Profiles.
Character Profiles
Kisame Hoshigaki
Age: 32 Current Partner (Citrus): Aisu Satsuriku
Skin colour: Blue-ish Sexual Preference: Heterosexual
Preferred weapon: Samehada Favourite Music Genre: Rock & Metal
Favourite Movie: Sharknado
Favourite Games: Dragonball Z Boudakai HD Collection & Bioshock 2
Current Gaming Consoles: Xbox 360 & PS3
Backstory (original upbringing used) : Kisame is a family oriented person who believes in cleansing of the soul and polishing of the sword AKA he cleanses his soul at the strip club and polishes his sword using the internet and dirty magazines (does not believe masturbating equals loss of virginity) he's job with the Akatsuki is the undertaking of lunch collection and the elimination of corrupt politicians (anyone in government against Akatsuki morals, Beliefs and members), He spends his days of under the closest table with empty Sake bottle in hand, on the table, on the ceiling fan, and wedged in-between his girlfriend's breasts.
Itachi Uchiha (Literal translation = weasel sparkly) (proper translation = sparkly weasel)
Age: 21 Current Partner (Citrus): Arelosia Nekohana
Skin Colour: slightly tanned Sexual Preference: Heterosexual
Preferred weapon: GenJutsu Favourite Music Genre: 70's & 80's
Favourite Games: Sonic Adventure and Skies of Arcadia
Current Gaming Consoles: Sega Dreamcast and PSX
Backstory: Itachi was a lonely boy, he lived in a house where his father expected everything from him, his mother didn't talk to him and his little brother talked too much to him. He shunned them all and left his home in search of greener grasses, the night he left his whole clan was assassinated, including his little brother Sasuke by an enemy ninja, who transformed into an Itachi disguise, when Itachi found out he was overjoyed at his newfound freedom but sorrow that he could never return to Konoha ever again. He sought refuge and found it in the halls of the Nekohana clan estate where he improved his ninja skills considerably and found Arelosia, who was undergoing the same kind of life he was having excluding the annoying sibling. So he told her of his previous actions and took her away with him. After 3 years of free travel and collecting bounties for income they found refuge in the halls of the Akatsuki Hideout where they were tested and allowed a place in the organisation.
Hidan
Age: 23 Current Partner (Citrus): Kayla (Nickname: KittyKitty MeowMeow)
Skin Colour: White normally/Black in combat Sexual Preference: Heterosexual
Preferred Weapon: 3 Bladed Scythe Favourite Music Genre: Death Metal
Favourite Games: Splatter House & Mortal Kombat (All Excluding MK V DC)
Current Gaming Consoles: Anything that plays Gory Bloody Extremely Graphic Games
Backstory: loved to blend live mice as a child, he always forgot to stick the lid on though, Hidan had no parents growing up, he fashioned his first scythe from lawn mower blades and a kendo stick, he then proceeded to dismember everyone in a 300 m radius, he was 12 yrs old, for some unforeseeable reason the people of this village didn't appreciate this, but they weren't around for long, he grew lonely and found a large book that he couldn't read so he looked at the pages and recreated what he saw, unknowingly summoning a god with the same personality traits he possesses, the god told Hidan that he was created using Hidan's image and mind and gifted him with a present that only the craziest sadists could dream of, he gave him immortality and an unbreakable and recreated form of his original scythe, complete with intricate carvings in the blades and hilt that when blood has been drawn, reveal prayer diagrams of Jashin and partial images of Jashin himself. He then was guided by his one master to the door of the Akatsuki Hideout and granted immediate membership for his previous actions.
Kakuzu
Age: 91 Current Partner (Citrus): Taiyou Satsuriku
Skin Colour: Brown Sexual Preference: Heterosexual
Preferred weapon: Tentacle Threads Favourite Music Genre: Rap & Rock & Metal
Favourite Games: Big Money (PopCap) & Evil Genius & Borderlands 1+2
Current Gaming Consoles: All Major Consoles (Including 2DS and 3DS)
Backstory: 'he was a poor boy from a poor family'(we do not one this song or Queen) he grew up on a wooden floor because the house had no walls or a roof. His family lived off of spit roasted rat, stewed cockroaches and if they were lucky, the odd brussel sprout. It was harsh living in a lush, beautiful spring environment. You may think this sounds stupid, as they could of cut down the closest tree to make walls and a roof but laws got in the way, but not just any laws, in laws. You see, the in-laws owned the whole forest and that means every strip of bark. If anything was to be taken, they would be sentence to death. So when a 7yo Kakuzu found the dirt road out of town, he took it. After that he took up bounty hunting to make a living for himself. A little while later he fell into a hole filled with a weird goo made from experimental jutsu performed by Orochimaru's grandfather. That goo made him immortal. Years later (and we mean yeeeeaaaarsss later) he found the Akatsuki and finally had a home (awwww lol)
Zetsu
Age: Unknown Current Partner (Citrus): Bara
Skin Colour: Black & White Sexual Preference: Heterosexual
Preferred Weapon: OM NOM NOM NOM
Favourite Music Genre: Both agree on Nirvana
Favourite Games: Cut the Rope Akatsuki Edition & Fallout 3 + New Vegas
Current Gaming Console: special edition Xbox 360 made of Human Organs (it actually works!)
Backstory: Zetsu was two twin brothers named Kuro and Shiro. Kuro was mean, moody, temperamental and smart but one SOB. Shiro was shy, quiet, and selfless, out of tune with what was going on and was obsessed pop rocks. They were taken away from their abusive parents by the department of human services and then were sent away to a scientific research facility for scientific experiments. After countless experiments, both children presented great skill as ninja. But Shiro could not handle assault techniques and Kuro had no sense of stealth. So after careful contemplation and convening meetings with the village elders they decided to research into human unison jutsu (fusing two different people into a singular one) this took longer than expected and the children had already grown up into their teen years and had developed feelings for some of the research staff, even after these staff members trying to dissuade the elders the decision stood and the jutsu was to go ahead. It was all going smoothly until the stage where they were to be combined, some idiot brought in his birthday cactus and tripped over the 2cm tall speed bump (which shouldn't have been there, mind you) and threw it as he fell, but it didn't land inside the jutsu circle and no-one paid heed to the now screaming people who would turn into the screaming person, the elders thought this to be a regular part of this jutsu and after 4 days they finally were brought together. When this happened he was dubbed Zetsu and after being named a large spiked plant-like crown burst from his neck ( it seemed as though the cactus was holding on to a Venus fly trap seed, as this was what it looked like) when this appeared he had a psychological fit, killed all the research staff and fled to forests unknown, after 100 years he was found gorging on spit roasted intestines and sautéed brains, he was then offered a chance to 'bite back' at society through the Akatsuki as their spy and wireless camera.
Sasori
Age: 35 Current Partner (Citrus): Esmeralda
Skin Colour: Preserved Sexual Preference: Heterosexual
Preferred Weapons: Puppets Favourite Music Genre: Metallica (Master of Puppets)
Favourite Games: Tactics Ogre The Knight of Lodis & Saints Row 2+3
Current Gaming Consoles: GameBoy Advance and Nintendo Wii
Backstory: At a young age Sasori played with action figures until someone showed him how much better it is if the action figures had strings. After that his parents saw him and eventually showed him how to make and control small puppets. He continued to practice and make bigger and more elaborate puppets until someone from the Sand Village puppet corps taught him to battle with puppets and to created deadly weapons with poisons. With continuing practice he joined the puppet corps where he discovered how to make human puppets. Years later he became the head of the puppet corps and with careful research he turned in himself into a puppet. Later on a mission he found the third kazekage's corpse and turned him into a human puppet. When the villages found out they blamed his death on him and he was forced to leave the village.
Deidara
Age:19 Current Partner (Citrus): Candice
Skin Colour: White Favourite Music Genre: Heavy Metal (Hammerfall)
Preferred weapon: Explosive Clay Figurines
Favourite Games: World of Tanks & Team Fortress 2
Current Gaming Consoles: PC and MAC
Backstory: Deidara had a massive family of 7 brother and 7 sister with his parents. Deidara was the youngest but got the first born treatment because all of his siblings had jobs and families and he did nothing. His parents told him to do something or he would be shipped out like the kid down the street (it was Hidan). After that he decided to sell artwork. There was only one problem. He had already blown it up. After all his art was fleeting, it was in an instant and an explosion. As he could not sell his art because he had already blown it up, he start to be a pyro technician. He did that successfully for 4 years until he made a firework to big and created a giant crater were his village was. After this he joined the Akatsuki because people did not appreciate his 'art'.
Tobi
Age: Unknown (Mental age: 8) Current Partner (Citrus): Lola
Skin Colour: Unknown Sexual Preference: what's that?
Preferred Weapon: none Favourite Music Genre: anything with candy in it!
Favourite Games: Viva Piñata & Candy Crush
Current Gaming Consoles: iPad & Xbox 360
Backstory: I don't think he even knows what it is.
Pain
Age: Deceased Current Partners (Citrus): Kami & Konan
Skin Colour: Corpse Sexual Preference: Heterosexual
Preferred Weapon: Rinnegan
Favourite Music Genre: Anything with an electric guitar (except surfie music)
Favourite Games: Rocksmith 2014 & Plasma Sword & Power Stone 1+2
Current Gaming Consoles: Sega Dreamcast & Xbox 360
Backstory: Pain was the bastard child of a feudal lord who was in charge of the world annual convening of the Kages and his father didn't want him but also didn't want to give him up as his error would be made public so he locked him up in the dungeons for his whole childhood. Pain did not know anything of his origins growing up except that the room smelt, the floor was damp and cockroaches were icky, he spent most of his time on his tattered hammock thinking about not very much as he didn't know much at all. One day he found a hole in the wall big enough to escape from but small enough as to not be noticed by the patrolling guards, so he took his chance and crawled out and saw light and colours and a whole lot of open space, until the guards saw him, took him for a commoner and put him into the CBD of the village. With this freedom pain somehow managed to waltz out the front gate, fall of a cliff, get back up again and found rabbits delectable. Later in his travels he meet a young girl named Konan, who unlike him, did not grow up in a dungeon. They continued to walk around, until they found a big set of double doors and Konan went 'that's scary' and Pain said 'I could get a group of people together to take over the world with this house' and then Konan slapped him. And that slap had the power to change his whole psychological make-up to change him into the Pain we know today.
Konan
Age: None of your Business! Current Partners (Citrus): Pain & Kami
Skin Colour: White Sexual Preference: Bisexual
Preferred Weapon: Paper! Favourite Music Genre: Party Music & Dubstep
Favourite Games: Paper Toss & Paper Mario & WarioWare D.I.Y
Current Gaming Consoles: iPhone & Nintendo 64 & Nintendo DSi
Backstory: Konan was a special child, she made paper dolls, papier mache(sp?) and life size models of people (using paper). She didn't do much else, which was seen as a problem because the forests around the village were declining, being logged and torn to pieces at an unimaginable rate. So she was booted from the village and made to fend for herself (she racked up a debt of 9,999,999,999 ryo). After a week she met Pain in his deranged undead form, but she didn't mind the rabbits.
Aisu Satsuriku
Age: 28 Current Partner (Citrus): Kisame Hoshigaki
Skin Colour: Slightly Tanned Sexual Preference: Heterosexual
Hair colour: Black Favourite Music Genre: Metal in General & Rock
Eye Colour: Red
Clothing: Black sleeveless top that ends before the belly button, Black Camo Pants, Black Ninja Sandals, Large Coat w/High collar, khaki sword sheath on back, black belt holstering fan and ninja tool bag, headband around sheath strap.
Favourite Games: Sudeki & Soulcalibur IV
Current Gaming Consoles: Original Xbox & Xbox 360 & 3DS
Backstory: Older sister of Taiyou. She was orphaned due to the Shadow dragon inside her. Eventually became a genin rank ninja at 10 with her sister. At 14 became a Chunin and at 18 became a Jounin all with her sister. One day when she came back from a mission she was forced out of the village for an unknown reason with Taiyou in tow. A couple of weeks later, both her and Taiyou joined the Akatsuki.
Arelosia Nekohana
Age: 22 Current Partner (Citrus): Itachi Uchiha
Fur Colour: Black w/red socks and a purple tail-tip. Sexual Preference: Bisexual Ear Colour: Black Favourite Music Genre: Hard Rock
Eye Colour: Red (sharingan pattern)
Clothing: thin strip leather outfit from Saints Row 3 (the one in Leather & Lace with the massive metal ring in the centre)Headband around ring in the centre.
Favourite games: Conker's Bad Fur Day & Ty the Tasmanian Tiger
Current gaming Consoles: Nintendo 64 & PS2
Backstory: Arelosia grew up in the Nekohana family estate as she was the current heiress at the time, she trained at the local dojo in the arts of Kendo and Judo and excelled at these to such an extent that she was also trained in Ninjutsu, she became quite fluent in the Lightning style and the Earth style and trained for many years in these areas until the time where her and Itachi left for yonder passes.
Taiyou Satsuriku
Age:28 Current Partner (Citrus):Kakuzu
Skin Colour: Slightly Tan Sexual Preference: Bisexual
Eye Colour: Dark Purple Favourite Music Genre: Hard Rock & Power Ballads
Hair Colour: Blonde
Clothing: Red trench coat, brown denim jeans, Camo tank top, Black ninja sandals and a racoon fur hunting cap. Headband hanging out of trench coat pocket.
Favourite Games: The Darkness & State of Decay
Current Gaming Consoles: Xbox 360
Backstory: Younger sister of Aisu. She was orphaned due to the partial amount of the blood dragon's chakra inside of her. She was promoted at the same time as her sister with the ninja ranks. She and Aisu were kicked out of their village after Taiyou set some buildings on fire.
Kayla
Age: 22 Current Partner (Citrus): Hidan
Skin Colour: Black Sexual Preference: Bisexual
Hair Colour: Black (Neko) Favourite Music Genre: Star-Wars type classical music
Eye Colour: Yellow
Clothing: Short dark blue pleated skirt and a Japanese school girl sailor outfit, Headband around neck
Favourite Games: Killing Floor & Skyrim
Current Gaming Console: PC
Backstory: Kayla was a child prodigy in her village on the edge of Honolulu, she was skilled with the Needle-throwing Ukulele and the Poison Bomb Coconut Punch. She was seen as so good that the village feared her after she managed to drug the whole of the patrol guard battalion surrounding the village, WHILE ON DUTY!. She was cast out and she sought refuge, finding it by sneaking into the Akatsuki Hideout (Not an easy task).
Bara
Age:25 Current Partner (Citrus):Zetsu
Skin Colour: Tan Sexual Preference: Heterosexual
Eye Colour: Orange Favourite Music Genre: Metalcore
Hair Colour: White
Clothing: Light blue kimono style top with matching shorts, Dark blue ninja sandals, Headband around waist like a belt.
Favourite Games: The binding of Isaac & Final Fantasy X & Doom 3
Current Gaming Consoles: PC & PS 2
Backstory: Bara was a child of special circumstance, she was born under a star constellation of power, granting the newborn a special boon to assist it with life in times to come. Bara was born under the Sign of the Phantom, granting an ability that allows the lucky child to become ethereal and pass through physical objects, but must be mastered or they may materialise halfway between a wall for example. With this she got into much mischief in her childhood, getting out of her room, letting the dogs out, poisoning the stew, but best of all, she managed to evade being killed by phasing through the outer wall during an attack that devastated her whole village and then in the aftermath where the bandits were getting drunk and molesting the survivors she assassinated every last one and shepherded her remaining people to the Village Hidden in the Stone for refuge and protection though she decided she didn't want to be cooped up in a perimeter and guarded again so she went to live in the forest and be one with nature. Throughout her time there she was known as the "Dryad of the Marshes" and "Maiden of Oak" as she lived in a great tree fortress with the animals. Then came a day where the tree she lived in spoke to her ' I cannot shield you from the people anymore, just as you old home fell, so shall I, follow the Shadow Cloud on the 'morrow's sunrise and you shall finally find peace, but you will have to work for it.' So she followed its advice, phased through the front door, initiated HERSELF! And now is one of their top agents.
Esmeralda
Age: 1190 (Immortal) (Physical Age: 28) Current Partner (Citrus): Sasori
Skin Colour: Black Sexual Preference: Bisexual
Hair Colour: Deep Blue Favourite Music Genre: Techno
Eye Colour: Green
Clothing: Large Purple rippling skirt that flows all the way to the floor, a Black metal breast plate with a brass spine along the back, Vault Hunter earrings, a spider necklace.
Favourite Games: Hercules (PSX) and Ultimate Spiderman
Current Gaming Consoles: PSX and Original Xbox
Backstory: Esmeralda wasn't cut out to be a shinobi, she wasn't a very good acrobat, she couldn't focus Chakra and she didn't have the skills necessary to throw kunai. But she was, how do you put it, well equipped and a target for the eyes, so to speak and used this to her advantage. (not the advantage of persuading rich people to give her massive sums of money, but the advantage that she could seduce someone and just when they think it will all go their way, Kunai in the windpipe time!) she was an expert 'Femme Fatale' assassin, she required backup if she was going after a feudal lord or equivalent but she NEVER failed a mission, this caught the Akatsuki's eye as well and she was sent a proposition to join and everything she needed would be provided free of charge, she joined the following hour and Kakuzu had to pay for all her expenses.
Candice
Age: 18 Current Partner (Citrus): Deidara
Skin Colour: White Sexual Preference: Bisexual
Hair Colour: Red Favourite Music Genre: Pop
Eye Colour: Blue
Clothing: Brown long sleeve top, Black leggings, Blue Ninja shoes. Headband on forehead
Favourite Games: Boom Rocket Mania & Battle of the Bands
Current Gaming Console: Nintendo Wii and Xbox 360
Backstory: We do not know because she will not tell us. She also said to mind your own business. So we set up a mission to find out, who we sent was missing some fingers when they came back.
Lola
Age: 25 Current Partner (Citrus): Tobi
Skin Colour: White Sexual Preference: Heterosexual
Hair Colour: Pink Favourite Music Genre: Pokémon theme songs
Eye Colour: Changes colour with emotion
Clothing: White top with Hello Skitty on it, Red knee-length skirt with white shorts underneath, Black boots that go half way up her calf
Favourite Games: Chu Chu Rocket & Medarot Navi Kuwagata version
Current Gaming Consoles: GameBoy Advance
Backstory: Lola was the daughter of two aspiring medical ninja who were quite adept in their own fields of the science and she was inspired by this, but her parents were incredibly strict (for health reasons, of course) so she was kept inside under lock and key, she was allowed into the library and the lounge room but that was about it. She spent her time sifting through pages of medical reports, jutsu techniques and the history of medical advancements. She began training in these while her parents were backs were turned and somehow managed to summon a great badger (named Honeycomb, and he had a massive dwarven beard) who upon summoning granted her exit from her captivity, ending up in a hole right in the centre of the Akatsuki Hideout and she was almost assailed by Hidan until she proclaimed she had medical skills and he revoked his attack. She is now the Akatsuki's Chief Medical Practitioner.
Kami
Age:24 Current Partner (Citrus): Pain & Konan
Skin Colour: Brown Sexual Preference: Bisexual
Hair Colour: Green Favourite Music Genre: Your Favourite Martian
Eye Colour: Green
Clothing: Large white button-up shirt with a black zip vest on top, Black pleated skirt, Ninja boots like Sakura, Headband around thigh
Favourite Games: Lips & Dance Central
Current Gaming Consoles: Xbox 360 & Kinect
Backstory: She was born into a family of liars, cheaters and cut-throats and one of these said people got very rich doing what they did and had 3 children. When her father died, the estate had to be divide. When her older sister found out about this, she immediately called the estate guards and order Kami to be shipped to a faraway country. Half way through the voyage, Kami heard the other sibling was murdered and when she heard this, she escaped with methods unknown. She managed to slip into the hidden Akatsuki dock.