The Magic Man
Chapter 1/1
Disclaimers: I don't own any of the JAG characters in this story. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.
Spoilers: The Season Nine episodes. 'Four Percent Solution' and 'Retrial.' I may be taking a bit of license with the dates and times. 'A Merry Little Christmas' and 'Hail and Fairwell I' will be referred to as well.
A/N: This is a reaction fic for 'Four Percent Solution'. It is also a challenge fic for the months of September and October combined. The required words are as follows: magician, crash, laugh and whisper for September and jack o lantern, bet, smoke and blanket for October.
A/N: Once again, many thanks to Karen for her beta reading. You are super beta, kiddo!
Rating K+
1935
Thursday
October 16, 2004
Harms Apartment
North of Union Station
Mac closed the door of the elevator, pushed the button and it began to descend. She could not get out of the building fast enough. Just moments ago she had been eager to see Harm, to talk to him, finally ready to talk about a subject she had been avoiding for months. She had heard the familiar timbre of his voice through the door before she knocked. Though she had yet to see his face, she felt comforted by the sound of it. When she heard him laugh as he approached the door to answer it; she thought Mattie was with him. He had sounded happy and when he answered the door he looked so comfortable and more at ease than he had been in months. Not to mention so handsome that it nearly took her breath away.
When he said they were just getting ready to sit down, she didn't have any idea that Alicia Montes was there. Harm wasn't nervous or uncomfortable, why should he be? It was none of her business who he was seeing. He had obviously moved on and in a way she was happy for him, though she thought that the 'moving forward' that Harm did, would be with her. He was moving past her and she had no one to blame but herself.
When Harm had stepped away from the door to take something out of the oven, Alicia stepped up and stood in the doorway, inviting her in, as though she and Harm together, were inviting her as a guest. It hurt her to think of it. She felt whatever hopes she had of talking to Harm, and finally begin to work on their relationship, crash and scatter into a million pieces.
She walked out of the building and opened the door of her car. She looked up at the row of windows of Harm's apartment and said aloud. 'It's too late,' her voice was a mere whisper. She was on the outside, looking in, once again.
It was going to be another long night.
1045
Friday
October 17, 2004
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
Harm stood in the break room pouring himself a cup of coffee when Mac walked into the room. She was sorely in need of caffeine. Last night had been the 3rd night in a row she hadn't been able to sleep. She had only to get through the rest of this day and then maybe she'd be able to get a handle on this insomnia this weekend.
"Hey, why didn't you stay last night?"
"I didn't want to intrude, Harm."
"It was no intrusion, Mac. It just wasn't the time for what we had to talk about. Alicia had come over to work on the Wainright case. I didn't want to be rude."
"Of course not. Don't worry about it." It was time to change the subject, this was embarrassing as hell. "So you're going to try to help her re-open a case that's over 20 years old?"
"Her arguments do have some merit. I was skeptical at first, until I went out to Leavenworth and talked to him."
"Are you going to try and pull a rabbit out of your hat again, Harm?" She gave him an indulgent smile.
"I'm no magician, Mac."
"Oh I don't know, you have your moments…I'm sure Alicia thinks so." She couldn't keep from ribbing him about his date last night. She hated that she felt that Alicia had taken her place in Harm's life, though she hadn't made a move in his direction in months.
"What do you think, Mac?" His sly grin challenged her. "Don't you have an opinion?"
"I do, but I think I'll plead the 5th." As she looked at him, she saw again how happy he was, more like the Harm she knew when she first came to JAG. He was more mature than he had been then, but she recognized the light in his eyes and it broke her heart that she hadn't been the one to put it there.
Suddenly Mac didn't feel like teasing, this was painful and she felt exposed. The time to talk about it wasn't in the middle of the break room at JAG either. She picked up her coffee mug and headed back to her office. "I've got to get back to my office; I have to get out of here early today. I'll talk to you later." She walked past Harm and left the room.
Harm turned to watch her leave the room. "When?" 'What just happened here?' Harm wondered. Was she angry that they hadn't bee able to talk last night? There was something else, he would bet on it.
1830
Friday
October 17 2004
Outside Mac's apartment building
Georgetown
Mac had gotten back home about a half an hour before. As she closed the door on her Corvette, she decided then that she couldn't stand the thought of going inside just yet. The late afternoon was cool, with the smell of Fall in the air. Commander McCool had given her a lot to think about and walking seemed to be helping her begin to sort it all out. She had gone in search of sleeping pills, but instead, had been given some perspective on her life she hadn't had in some time.
She walked up the sidewalk toward her apartment building and saw the lights on in the windows of the town homes on her street. She looked up at the darkening sky and saw wisps of smoke coming from the chimneys of some of the homes on her block. She had always loved this time of day; just before dark, when quiet seemed to settle over the neighborhood.
Many homes had already decorated for the season; it was all very tastefully done, for the most part. Mac's favorites had been the little hand made, paper jack o lanterns that were grinning at her from the windows. Proud parents exhibiting their children's Halloween art… she had wanted to be a proud parent. Mac walked past her house and continued down the street looking at each house, and as she did, she remembered a day dream she had held in her heart for years.
She saw herself on a normal day, sitting in her kitchen, or anywhere in her house. Doing something mundane and normal, reading a book or the paper or reviewing a case file. She hears the voice of a small child calling 'Mommy…Mommy.' She looks up and reaches out, opening her arm for the child to step into. It is a little boy; he smiles and looks at her….with Harm's eyes. Her doctors words came back to her, 'Your chances of carrying a child to term are less than 5 percent.'
All the possibilities were over, all the dreams of having a child with Harm, gone. Her heart broke at the thought of it. As her eyes welled with tears, she neared her apartment again. Turning into the small courtyard in front of her building, she was startled when she saw Harm sitting on the front step.
"Where have you been, Mackenzie? I've been trying to get you on your cell phone for over 2 hours."
She didn't answer his question, fearing he might detect the tears in her voice.
"Where are you parked?" Mac cleared her throat, turned back toward the street and quickly wiped a tear that threatened to escape down her cheek. As her vision cleared she saw that he had parked in the empty space next to her car and she hadn't even seen it. She answered her own question. "Oh, I guess I was lost in thought. How long have you been here?"
"About 10 minutes, I was about to give up until I saw you walking back toward your apartment. You didn't answer my question, Mac. I tried to catch up with you at work but you had already left."
"I had an appointment at Bethesda."
"What kind of an appointment?"
"I saw Dr. Chen and…I saw Commander McCool."
"Oh….do you want to talk about it?" Harm knew Dr. Chen was her gynecologist. He also knew that the counselor she saw when the Admiral had ordered it was Commander McCool.
She looked at him directly. "I don't know. Do you want to come in?"
"Sure." He returned her look. She was going to talk to him tonight, one way or the other.
Harm followed her into the building.
"I thought you might have a date tonight." She was baiting him, but she couldn't seem to help herself.
"No…I don't." He volunteered nothing else, this was a familiar dance, and he could do it backwards.
After she unlocked the apartment, he followed her inside. She dropped her purse on her dining room table and was a bit taken aback when she turned to speak to Harm and he was standing right in front of her.
Harm was close enough to really look into her eyes and see that she had been crying, a lot. "Mac, tell me what's going on."
Mac felt the tears well in her eyes again; she fought the impulse to tell him she couldn't deal with this now. It would be so easy to send him home, but then she would just be alone again. 'Why do you always choose to be alone?' Commander McCool had asked.
Her chin trembled with emotion and she felt as though she were starting to lose control.
Harm sensed this immediately. "Mac, talk to me…what is it?"
Mac took a deep breath, trying to get control of herself. His being so kind to her was harder to take than when they fought. His kindness softened her heart and made it more difficult to hide her feelings from him. "This has been a really tough day, and I haven't been sleeping much lately."
Harm listened silently.
"I didn't really intend to see Commander McCool, it just sort of happened."
Harm could see how upset and weary she seemed now, as she stood in front of him, her arms folded in front of her chest. He understood that she needed time to compose herself, so he reached for her arm and gently turned her toward her bedroom. "Go take a shower, I'll wait. I have a feeling this might take awhile."
Mac hadn't really expected that one, but as she stepped toward her bedroom she decided that a shower was a good idea. Maybe it would give her time to get a handle on her emotions, she felt as though she were on the verge of standing there crying like a baby. "I'll be right back."
Harm had started to remove his jacket and looked up at her, his voice was firm and his gaze direct.
"And I'll be here."
15 minutes later….
Mac walked back into her living room and the sight that greeted her warmed her to her heart. Harm had started a fire in the fireplace; the room seemed to glow with warm yellow light. Harm must have heard her come into the room because he walked out of her kitchen carrying two cups of tea. He nodded toward her couch. "Sit down; I'll bring your tea."
Mac walked over to her sofa and sat down. Harm placed their tea on her coffee table. He bent down and caught Mac by her feet and turned her on the couch. "Here, put your feet up." He took a light chenille blanket from the back of her couch and draped it over her legs. Walking over to the other end of the couch, he sat down, lifting her feet and putting them on his lap as he did.
Mac watched him in amazed silence. Everything he was doing was comforting her to her soul. She needed this so much, even if it was only done in friendship, his consideration meant so much to her, she felt so much less alone.
"Comfortable?'
Mac nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat so that she could talk.
Harm looked back at the fire and then back at her. "Can you tell me about what happened today?"
He wasn't demanding, he was asking her.
"As I said earlier, I had an appointment with Dr. Chen. I have been feeling a lot better, so I wanted to talk to her about the possibilities…about my chances…for having a child."
Harm listened quietly. He could see the struggle she seemed to be having. Hoping to put her at ease and wanting nothing more than to hold her, he reached for her hand as he allowed her feet to move to the floor. He pulled her into his arms and much to his relief she came willingly, slipping out from under the blanket and securely into his embrace.
She tucked her head under his chin and his closed his arms around her. As hard as talking about this was, his gesture made it so much easier. "She said that my chances of conceiving were less than 5." She raised her head and looked at him.
"We talked about other ways, Mac." His eyes were full of patience and understanding. She did love this man.
"I can't allow you to do this, Harm. Don't throw away your chances of having a family of your own on me."
Harm frowned, "What are you talking about? I'm not throwing anything away. I told you that it didn't matter how we became parents as long as we became parents…together." 'Don't do this Mac' he thought. 'Don't push me away.'
Mac couldn't look at him just then. She did love him, she couldn't deny it anymore.
Harm leaned forward slightly and kissed her forehead. "Mac, don't you know by now how I feel? I don't want to be with anyone but you, and I don't care how we become parents, I just want to be with you." He pushed the hair back from her face and tipped up her chin. "Do you remember what you told the judge in court, when you testified on my behalf at Mattie's custody hearing?"
"Yes"
"I feel the same way about you…I have for a long time." He traced her jaw line with his finger.
She looked up at him and saw the love in his eyes that she couldn't deny. She'd been a fool to think there was anyone else. "Harm." She reached up and gently stroked his cheek.
Harm couldn't wait anymore; he closed the distance between them and kissed her gently on the lips. As he started to back away, Mac stopped him with a nip to his bottom lip and then the top. He pulled her body closer to him on the couch and kissed her deeply.
When he broke the kiss he touched his forehead against hers, slightly breathless
"Mac…don't give up on us, on a family for us. There has to be something we can do."
At the moment all the possibilities that Mac thought had been lost to her, to them, had opened up again. She knew there was a lot to work out between them; but she also knew that when they were together, anything was possible.
Mac smiled thinking that Harm just might be able to pull a rabbit out of his hat in this case.
He might not be a magician, but the hope he had been able to give her in the space of a half an hour made him a magic man… in her book.
FIN