I highly recommend listening to: Ellie Goulding - I know You Care
It was an inspiration to this one-shot. Also, it sets the mood quite nicely.
When she wants to feel him touch her skin... she stands out in the snow. Always preferring an open space with random trees encircling her.
Her arms are held out, open and inviting, and she prays that he hears her soft voice somewhere up above. Always praying that he is the only one to hear her and not someone else. Face presented towards the skies.
At times, she thinks that maybe he's around her. All around her. The snow that falls from the pure white skies is his fingers gently touching her. Because she knows that he doesn't quite realize how amazing it feels to just merely make contact with another's skin.
Whenever a snowflake touches her lip, slowly landing and melting away at the warmth, she merely imagines that it's his mouth. Pressing coldly against hers, because he himself doesn't know how to kiss innocently. Because physical contact with someone like her is foreign as it is... strange.
The chill she feels run through-out her body is what she imagines to be a nonexistent passion he feels for her. She wondered if there was ever a person he loved that his passion was so aggressive; that chilled her to the very core.
But when she settles on the thought of him actually loving someone. Someone else. Not her.
It breaks her heart.
Then she understands.
That's why he doesn't ever come to her.
That's why she hasn't seen him in months—almost a year.
She understands that... there had always been someone else... someone that wasn't—her.
When tears finally form from behind her closed eyelids... she imagines the tears to be the great pain she feels that is overflowing. Because... there is just too much pain to be held within a small body.
"Castiel..." Finally, she falls because all of the sudden the weight of the snow that have gathered over her forehead, over her shoulders, and over her arms... feel like his answer. A silent answer that says, 'Stay down. Stop.'
Her eyes open and what was a snow storm has turned to utter silence. White silence.
The sun peeks through the white out of the sky. The snow flakes scarcely make way from above.
Then, she's just cold. Resting on her knees. Cold.
She's never felt this sort of emptiness. A heart suddenly void of anything at all. Perhaps, this is what he feels towards her. Nothing. Because, why would he? What made her so special all of the sudden?
Nothing.
Nothing made her special.
But it was nice to pretend while she still could.
And from out of the silence, she hears a breeze, the birds who hid their faces are now flying off in a rush.
It's a whisper... but her name echoes from behind her.
She's afraid now. Afraid. Upset. Confused.
She can't face him. Because now she's too frightened to. Yet, there's that feeling of pride and adoration that he actually came! He came, for her.
"Lenore," then he's in front of her... kneeling down and looking at her. His hand is warm against the cold skin. He pushes his thumb against her reddened lips before gliding back and forth. He's trying to warm her. Because he knows she's gotten cold—not just physically but emotionally.
"I'm here, child." his rough voice breaks the serenity of the calm. "I'm here."
He doesn't tell her but she realizes that this will be the last time. The last time out in the snow. The last time praying for him to hear her. This will be... the last time he holds her and presses himself against her—merging what energy he has into her freezing soul.
He kisses her, because now he realizes she understands what he's going to do.
And ever so gently does he deepen the kiss. She clings to him; like a last breath she would breathe. He panics slightly, her eyes close and he prays that she re-opens them. Because he's lost without them.
She is the one to pull away.
"I love you." her voice is barely there. "I love you." its a tad louder now. "I love you."
His right hand grips her face now. "I know."
She's ready. She can feel how hot his skin is starting to become. "I know..."
When she opens her eyes, she breaks his heart. Because, now he sees just how open her soul is to him. He almost falters, he can't bring himself to do the deed.
He almost leaves when she starts to nuzzle his palm while taking her hand and holding it against his. She's asking him to do it. Easing him to end her suffering. She's asking him to break his own heart by doing this.
"I know you care." it's the last thing she says before the world suddenly becomes loud, it becomes bright—then ending in one full swoop of darkness.
Castiel holds her limp body in his arms.
He saved her. Saved her from the ruin. All of it.
When she would finally wake up... she wouldn't remember anything. Because, it would all be a dream.
But... why couldn't she keep dreaming... why not?
When she finally did wake up, the world was uncomfortably white and clean. The warmth she felt wasn't a nice feeling. It was too lonely. Too singular.
There are people talking to her now. Checking her body, touching her skin with unfamiliar fingers.
She realizes now.
She had been asleep for so long.
It's almost a painful need.
A throb in her chest and she flinches when a woman gently prods the area above her heart.
She wants to go back to sleep now. Wants to go see... see what?
She wants to see that person in her dreams.
Even though his voice was rough against her ears, his appearance almost turbid and out of place, he was familiar and perfectly comfortable in a stark contrast to this situation.
Why couldn't she dream?
Why... not?
Comments, feedback and constructive criticism are most welcomed and appreciated!
Thank you for taking the time to read this one-shot!