In A Heartbeat Chapter 1: Tonight, I wanna Cry, a csi fanfic

Title: In A Heartbeat

Author: Lexi Lou Who

Copyrighted Song: 'Tonight, I wanna cry' by Keith Urban

Summary: Everything can change in a single heartbeat

Warnings: Angst, Slash, Language

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI or the lyrics to 'Tonight, I wanna cry' by Keith Urban

A/N: Hey all! Lexi here. So, You all wonder why I took the original one off. Well, it's simply because I didn't like it. At first, I liked it, but when I read it a week ago, it didn't seem right. So, I took it off and rewrote it completely. Well, I hope you like this EDITED version. Enjoy!

Thanks to Sparkleblsmchyld. Kudos to you!

Alone in this house again tonight,
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine.
There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me.
The way that it was and could have been surrounds me.
I'll never get over you walkin' away.

Nick sat on the couch in the living room with his fourth - or fifth; he'd lost track - beer on the coffee table in front of him. The TV was playing a football game, but it was muted. All he heard was the silence of the house that was once filled with happiness, laughter, love and lust was now filled with silence, sadness and memories of what happened last night before shift.

With a sigh, he took another long sip of beer and set it down on the table before he looked around and his eye caught sight of a picture on the table beside thecouch, an ever-familiar picture. It was of him and his lover in happier times - at their anniversary last month. His lover kissing Nick's cheek as he took the picture. It made the memory of what happened last night flood through his thoughts and filled his heart with regret.

He didn't mean to do what had, honestly. He was just angry, that was all. It had been a long day with a really tough case and when he had come home, he just wanted to hug his love and make it all go away, not stand there and argue; and do what he did. It was all his love's fault.

'No, it's not. It's mine,' Nick thought. 'I shouldn't have taken my anger out on him and because I did, now he's gone, probably forever.' Nick felt tears well up in his eyes and he quickly wiped them away as he let his mind reply the whole scene again.

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show.
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control;
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain.
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain.
From my eyes,
Tonight I wanna cry.

FLASHBACK

It had been a long shift for Nick Stokes. A tough, long, hard and emotional case, to be more specific.

He had been paired up with Catherine to take care of a DB in the suburbs. When they got there, they found out that it was a nine year old boy, curled up in his bed with a bullet on the side of his head and his brother, a year older than him, covered in blood and gun shot wound to his arm. That's what started the emotional shift for Nick.

The babysitter, a young 16-year-old named Ashley, was watching them. She said that she was downstairs, watching TV after she had put the boys to bed. It was only 15 minutes after she had done so before she heard a gunshot and a scream. When she ran upstairs, she found a gun tossed aside on the floor, one boy injured, and the other one dead.

It had seemed like that the younger brother, named Jason, had killed the boy, who was named A.J, but it had turned out that at the angle Jason's wound was at, it was inconsistent with a self-inflicted wound. When asked, Jason wouldn't talk, but was finally pressured to confess that Ashley had raped A.J, then shot Jason, then A.J when threatened that they boys would tell. Later, Ashley confessed to raping and killing A.J.

It took all of Nick's strength to try and not burst into the room and beat the girl, but had later been found in the locker room by Warrick, crying.

'At least Greg can help me feel better.' Nick thought, smiling at the thought of his young boyfriend, as he walked up to the door of his house and opened the door to find Greg pacing in the living room and instead of a 'Hey Nick, How was your day?' He said the one thing that Nick didn't expect and dreaded hearing.

"I want them to know, Nick." He said. Nick kicked off his shoes and raised an eyebrow in confusion. "I want everyone at the lab to know about us. I'm tired of living in secrecy." Greg said, following Nick into the kitchen. The Texan CSI took out a beer from the fridge and shook his head.

"No." He said simply as he opened it and took a drink, feeling really, really stressed atthat moment. He didn't need this and just wanted Greg to drop it, like they usually did when Greg brought it up. But by the determined look on the blonde's face, he could tell that he wasn't going to drop this.

"Why the hell not, Nick?" He asked, apparently angry at the answer. Nick looked at him and took another drink as he thought up of a good excuse.

"Because…because I'm not ready yet." Nick said. It felt unusual as it came out of his mouth. He could obviously tell that it was a lie and apparently, Greg could too as his eyes grew angrier.

"Bullshit, Nick! Tell me the real reason!" He shouted as he, once again, followed Nick into the living. Nick turned to him, beer in hand.

"Because I don't want to, Greg!" He said back, angry and temper rising by the moment. He had to keep it under control before he did something he'd regret. Greg glared at him and relaxed his body a bit, but never relaxing the expression in his eyes.

"You're embarrassed of us, aren't you?" He asked, his voice calm and accusing. Nick looked outraged at the accusation and shook his head.

"No! I'm not ashamed. I never was, Greg." Nick protested to him, but Greg wouldn't hear it.

"I know you are, Nick. Maybe there shouldn't be an 'us' anymore until you're finally ready to tell them about us." Greg said, angry. He said more, but Nick couldn't hear anymore under the rage he was in. His vision turned red and felt himself get angrier by the moment until he couldn't help himself.

He raised his hand and backhanded Greg across the cheek so hard that it made Nick's hand red and caused Greg to fall backward onto the ground.

Greg stared up at Nick with tears in his eyes and Nick lowered his hand, anger suddenly seeping from him as he lowered his hand. Before he had a chance to say anything, Greg got up and ran into the hallway, slipping into his shoes and grabbed his keys before he ran out the door.

Later that night, Greg came by his apartment and took his stuff out, not saying a word to Nick.

END FLASHBACK

Suddenly, the ring of a telephone brought Nick out of his thoughts and made him jump. With a shaky hand, he took the phone that was sitting next to him and answered it, praying in his mind that it was Greg, calling to apologize.

"Nick, It's Grissom." The older CSI said, which made Nick's heart sink just a little bit more than it already was. Nonetheless, he tried to sound casual instead of sad.

"Griss…what's up?" Nick asked as he noticed the way that Grissom's voice sounded…sad, angry, anxious, out of breath. Then, Grissom said the sentence that made Nick's heat shatter.

"Greg's been in an accident." Grissom said, his voice grim. "He sustained many injuries and flat-lined on the scene, but they managed to bring him back. He's in surgery now."

"I'm on my way." Nick said, tears threatening to spill over and hung up the phone before Grissom could say anything. He sat there for a minute, thinking, before he put his hands to his face and started to cry when the reality hit: Greg, his Greg, had gotten injured, had escaped from the world for a moment and there was a chance he was going to die.

And it was all his fault.

After a few minutes of sobbing on the couch, he managed to pull himself together enough to slip on his shoes and grab his keys before he ran out of the apartment into the rain, saying a silent prayer in his mind:

'Dear god, Please don't take Greg away from me. I love him too much for him to die.'

Tonight I wanna cry.

A/N: Well? What'd you all think? I'll post Chapter 2 soon. Please R&R!