Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki and sadly never will...
Chapter 1
He could remember the time that he first made love to her. Kanan, the perfect woman, he could remember her scent, her taste, and her warmth. He yearned to be back within her embrace, but knew the only place he could see her was in his dreams, even his dreams never really did her any justice. Her bright emerald eyes, her long chestnut colored hair, and her gentle warm smile. Yes, she was his mirror image, if he was a woman, he would surely look exactly like her, after all, he did have a "pretty face." That's right, it suddenly hit him, the desire he felt for was wrong, it was illogical, but most of all it was sinful. Kanan was his older sister, it's not like he was a pedofile, he did not just randomly decide, "Hey! I am bored. I am going to fuck my sister." It was more like a slow dance, a dance that ended with their unity, and a dance that would eventually lead to their demise. After all, they were a sinful pair, but as vile as their unity was, they were still in love.
Love, however, was not enough to bring her back to him. He could vividly recall the past, the horrible events that lead to Kanan's death and to his demonic transformation. Why was he cursed with these thoughts? Why? Why? He asked himself. He began to tremble. His mind was once again playing tricks on him. It was a blur, a fragment, that day, that horrible day.
Those stupid fucking villagers and their selfishness. So, they were orphans, so they were incestuous and sinful, the only thing that mattered was their love. That's why he went as crazy as he did; that's why he butchered and slaughtered them. He shuddered as he looked at his hands, something he had done thousands of times before today.
His hands were, and always will be, covered with the wretched scent of blood. Blood that was not his own, blood that was definitely his, his hands seemed to always be covered with the combination of the two. After she died, he did not know what to do. He had after all, just watched the love of his life, pierce her impregnated belly with the dull edge of a dagger. He was confused, emotional, and sore. His aching muscles were screaming and cursing, his mind was unstable, and he was blood thirsty; what was he supposed to do? Her blood covered his hands and he felt his gag reflex failing. He wanted to vomit and did. His hands sheltered his eyes and he felt the coagulating blood intermingle with his salty tears.
At the time it seemed like a good idea. He pulled the knife out of her gut and watched as more blooded proceeded to flow after it's withdrawal. He marveled at the brilliance of the blade and how the blood made his next action tragic and crazy. He was comforted by the thought of them reuniting and smiled with a touch of insanity as he pressed the blade firmly to his troat. He remembered how much anguish he relieved by grazing his neck with the object. The blood, as well as his pain, evaporated as the blood flowed from his neck. He cut his wrist next, followed by his arms, legs, and inner thighs.
If he was going to die it was going to be in the same cold dungeon with his now cold sibling. But he was fearful, cowardly, and did not want to die. He could feel a touch of humanity take a hold of his black soul. He stumbled to his feet and limped out of her cage. He tripped up the stairs and found himself in a solid white room. He continued to walk, he remembered seeing a long black corridor and then a dismal brown forest. Somewhere deep within his brain was the survival instinct, and it was telling him to run. To get away from her before, what little life he had, overflow through the openings he viscously sliced through his skin. .
He still had the blade, he still had his memories and he effectively, by slaughtering the thousands of demons, had his vengeance. He lay in the cold mud and stared up at the sky. He cursed at his clumsiness, and cursed at the branch that tripped him It was going to rain, he thought as tears once again fell from his eyes. Hakkai felt himself losing to death as his body became colder and colder, please, he begged let me see her, let me hold her and let me dance with her one more time. "Kanan" he murmured as he began to close his eyes, "Kanan, I love you."
Author's Note: Sorry about the Grammar and so on, this time I tried a non shounen-ai type of first chapter this won't be present very long though, it will eventually be a Hakkai X Gojyo. This time I did get my friends to look over and I used Grammatik on my word processor, if there are anyother mistakes please alert me, and like always please R&R.