Hello all. This is my first and probably only fanfic for Snk. I obviously do not own these characters, their situation, or their gear, just these words. This is my fanfiction, originally.

Enjoy

Levi

I looked out the window, seeing the rain but unwilling to acknowledge the inconvenience it posed. I didn't want to go out, working and pretending like it wasn't everything that could be wrong in the world. I didn't like pretending, but often enough, that's what it came down to, and so I would pretend that humanities situation wasn't as dire as the battalion-recruiting events made it out to be. I became such a good liar from telling myself that that I could easily ignore my instincts when it came to my unit. But this rain... It grated my nerves.

I sighed onto the window, immediately upset that it made a heat stain on glass whose glamour had long ago faded. Headquarters wasn't of any use to us but to keep Eren safe, to chain the monster inside while looking for a way to use it. For the benefit of humanity, humanity itself might need to be sacrificed. I still didn't like keeping the kid, however stubborn and annoying he may be, caged. The basement is cold and dark, and wet in the rain, and the echoes of nightmares permeate in its vertices. And then, there's the rain…

I wiped the window with a cleaning cloth, quickly turning away from the windowpane, away from the rain that made it hard to pretend, to ignore the problems I would soon have to face. The river will flood, and dirt and grass and grit will track in, and I will carry on with more men and women, and more deaths, and more mourning. I sighed again. I didn't want to hear my thoughts anymore.

I sat beside my desk, a shadow cast around me from the only oil lamp in my office. I tilted my head, listening for echoes of lost feet in this castle, or the distress in nighttime moans as someone calls out a lost comrade's name. I got tired of hearing those, and was mortified in the silence following the plea. But tonight, they were hushed, and replaced by the growing force of the loud rain and the cold drafts tainted with the smell of clouds.

I laughed some, a chuckle to ease whatever tension I imagined. Normally I wouldn't do so. Normally, I was surrounded by people needing a strong commander; surrounded by things that are anything but humorous. But it seemed appropriate, and irony was quite fond of my company. I leaned over my knee on an elbow, and let out all the held in breaths and panic and pain from the last few months. Every so often, I can't help but do so.

"Corporal?" I heard from the doorway, and my head flung up. Maneuver-gear aside, I very well could have harmed my neck from surprise-whiplash. Damn him if he wasn't supposed to be walking around at night, or that he walked in on a less-dignified moment of mine, still, I was surprised to see concern in Eren, a softness in his eyes I didn't think his permanently-furrowed brow capable of. I would never be able to look at him without seeing a monster, but at this moment, I was glad to see him. I don't know why, and I didn't really care to know the reason, so I chose not to punish him for being out when he wasn't supposed to. He had followed the rules up until this point, and some slack could be allowed, especially now. Monster and all, I saw the human in him, the distinct desire for revenge, and the empathy and misplaced rage when it came to his friends. A week out from the 47th expedition outside the gates, I expected higher tension and raw nerves, and would be disappointed if my unit didn't meet the prospect with a few sleepless nights.

"Corporal?" He said again, voice softer and louder at the same time, speaking over the intensity of nature's chaotic tantrum. He saw that I wasn't going to yell or react badly, so he let himself in, past the wooden door that creaked slightly to reveal him to be wearing sleeping clothes. "Are you okay?" He asked. I'd never expect to see him so child-like, so innocent. The monster chose it's body horribly so. I would prefer not to kill him.

I retracted from leaning over, the pain in my chest caused by stopping a scene of emotions I preferred to pretend didn't exist. The rain brought a lot out in me. "Yeager, you look cold. Take a coat," I motioned to the coat-hanger in the opposite corner, a shadow among shadows. He was taken aback. I smirked some. "You're off the hook this time," I said. "This isn't a test, and it doesn't have to be anything you don't make it to be. Go, stop looking stupid, and take a damn coat. Then come back, and take a seat." I motioned to the armchair across the polished wood desk. He hesitated, then bolted quickly when I stared too strongly. As much as he made himself to be a fighter, and as much as he was motivated, he was weak and broken and timid. Loud, ignorant, a know-it-all, irritable, violent, I found it remarkable how easily he distracted himself, and annoying how easy it was that he could be deluded.

"Um," he coughed, sitting uncomfortably, fidgeting in the coat that was too large for him, that belonged as a spare for Erwin Smith. I'd been staring, thinking too hard, letting the oil run low in the limited light, and the poor boy was left with wide eyes as I came back to the present.

"Relax, Yeager," I said, shifting focus, accidentally looking outside, and regretting it immediately. Dirt, mud, moisture, cleaning, killing, dying. This castle wasn't a safe house. A titan could easily break it. The walls could be compromised again, and this place would be like any other. I was staring again.

Holding his eyes, eyes more preferable to the reality of the flimsiness of this castle, I gave up on niceties, unable to focus on politeness and managing fears at the same time. "Or not. Be uncomfortable if that's what you choose."

"Sir, are you okay?"

"Shut up."

And he did.

"You need to learn how to control your impulses. That's your problem," I added, kicking my boot-clad feet onto my desk, irritated at the dust they kicked off but ignoring it the best I could. He remained quiet, sinking into his newly-donned Survey-Corps. jacket.

"If you had just a tiny, almost unfathomable amount sense of self-preservation, of rationality, you might actually be of use to us. If you were just—"

"You want me to control myself? Just like you were right now? Is that what control is? You called me in here to berate me, right?"

"Idiot, I didn't tell you to sneak around. I could have you punished right now. Do you want to clean basement again?"

"It's raining!" He exclaimed. "It won't stay—"

"It's going to be a long night then," I cut him off.

His eyes widened. Innocence and caring were severed at the thought of working, and soldered into place was outrage. He stayed in his seat, but barely. "Right now? Right damn now, you want me to clean a continuously wet dungeon and pamper your obsession with tidiness? Why the hell—"

I raised a quieting finger. "Idiot, I wasn't serious. But I could be. So keep your mouth shut unless I tell you to do otherwise. You remember the deal we made, and the consequences of breaching it. Do you understand?"

He opened his mouth, but a glance at me from his downturned eyes made him withdraw and nod politely.

I sighed. I didn't know where I was taking this, nor did I know what I wanted. A distraction, definitely, but what else? I didn't go any further down that path, and reached under my desk to the bottom pull-out. I presented a bottle of wine to Eren. The boy was 15, but he'd seen too much not to have had a drink. And I thought too much not to have company when I plan on getting drunk. "It's not so appealing to taste, but it can get the job done if you overlook the fact." I took the glasses, and set one down on his side of the red-wood counter, pouring the alcohol to the top. "Finish it."

He looked from me to the shiny glass and its bloody contents. He wanted to say something, and had manners enough to not say it.

My eyes rolled on their own accord. "Say it if you can't keep it in."

Irresolute to commit, he just shook his head and took the drink. A disgusted look contorted his face at first sip, and he looked to me before looking back. I suspect that he'd never been drunk before, yet surprisingly enough, his second pull from it was the final one. Gulping, cringing, he sat the empty crystal down. The silence that surrounded us as he met my glare was only imagined. Listening intently and intensely, the rain still poured, harder now than ever.

"Yeager," I let slip by, accidentally. I didn't know where the sympathy came from, but there it was, in my tone, disgusting me beyond belief. His eyes, hard and serious in holding mine, suddenly softened into something closer to embarrassment, but not quite pure, underlined with a guilt that was unknown to me. He looked down, letting his bangs cover his eyes. "Eren," I started. The word tasted sour and like suffering, and felt strange to use, but under the unusual circumstance in which we found ourselves here, alone and reluctantly willing to talk, I forced myself to be as kind and intimate as I could. He looked at me for a split second before cowering into the coat, and shrinking into the shadow. I brought my feet down and leaned forward in my chair. "Eren, look at me when I talk. Now, or I will be having you do feet-numbing, nerve-killing chores."

Even then, he took his time. "Levi," he said. My voice caught, my response suddenly vanishing with shock. He was pleading, tire hanging in his wide irises, with the possibility that he was already drunk. Drunk and aware.

"Say it," I started.

"You just told me that I need to control my impulses, right?"

I nodded affirmatively.

"Do you value control? I don't know if I'm speaking out of line, but I sort of already thought that about you. And confirming it, just now, and seeing you just a moment a – "

"You're completely out of line," I tried, accordingly so with what he was saying, to take control back from the situation. I don't know why I let him in, in the first place. The opinionated brat was prone to acting recklessly, I knew damn well. "You have no right to wonder anything about me."

He stood abruptly from his chair, clutching the green weave of military-grade material in his hands as the room became drafty, and the door creaked close from suction. "Sir! Levi! You asked me, remember? Why can't you —"

I was already up, striding quickly to his side of the room. He was taller than me by a significant amount of centimeters, but that didn't make him less intimidating than I was. He pulled back, immediate flashes of fear crossing his expression. "I can't… What? What can't I do? What makes you think you have the right to an opinion? And to tell me that opinion? You're alive by privilege and for your potential. You are humanity's tool. You are my subordinate. You," I grabbed his plain white linen collar, pulling him to the window that I'd cleaned, forcing him to gaze outward and into the real world. "You don't know a thing, so you don't get to feel entitled to answers."

I could feel him shaking. It was unnerving. It kept me silent for more than a few seconds.

He was brave, I gave him that, knowing he was about to say something. "Levi," he said softly and worriedly, still using my name. "I know I'm a kid. I know why I'm alive. I shouldn't have a reason to, but I like you enough to care. I… was just going to say… say that, if you ever wanted company, I wouldn't let you be alone. You can't take on the world completely by yourself… I'm sorry, Corporal," he shied away from my relaxing grip, turning to leave.

I sighed. I felt bad immediately. "Eren, look outside for a moment."

He turned back, a cocoon in his cover, obedient but frightened and upset. "Am I supposed to see something?"

"What do you think of when it rains?"

He considered it for a moment. "I… I think of some very dark nights. Bad memories… The memories are always there, but when it rains, it makes them so damn strong and vivid and almost… real…" He looked embarrassed, casting his eyes down to his feet and tucking away. "Sorry."

"I asked you, so you're required to answer," I started, realizing something, and feeling guiltier than ever. "Were you walking around because of the rain?"

He tried not to, but the pain was evident, and the humility equally so. He was hidden, at this point, but let me see the motion of him nodding, yes.

I swallowed. "Do you often do so?"

Another unvoiced confirmation.

"I know the basement isn't comfortable, and I know the rain is worse when you can hear it everywhere, but I can't have you moved. You know that. If I could, I would," I added. "And… and… I'm speaking to you, so look at me. I'm sorry about a moment ago, yelling. That was excessive."

"I deserved it," he tried to smile, tried to pretend like he still wasn't shaking, and not acknowledge that he had moved closer to me.

I looked to him. He didn't look back, too stubborn and frazzled to do so. "I won't hurt you, if that's what you're thinking whenever you see me. You know why I had to do that."

He rolled his eyes. It had affected him, and the memory turned over in his thoughts as he pretended to be made of steel. "I know that."

"You're a brat. I know it still bothers you," I added under my breath. I wasn't going to be getting more out of him than that. Just as well, nothing being said would be acknowledged in the following days. We looked outside and watched the scene.

The first time since the rain picked up, the sky thundered loudly, and a flash followed, illuminating us for just a moment, in a light that was inhuman and unnatural and able to tell every secret the darkness liked to keep. Eren jumped, a sound catching in his throat.

What could have got into me? I knew I was doing it, I knew I was going to do it, I didn't want to, I would regret it, and so would he. But I put my hands on his shoulders, turning him to face me completely, and stared as sternly and without emotion that I could manage, making up like I didn't mean anything by physical contact. I squeezed his skeletal shoulders, sure I was hurting him from the intense white in my knuckles, but he just took it. His eyes were moist.

He got a bit closer, obvious and not hiding it. "Yeager, if you're going to do it, then do it. Second-guessing yourself is a fatal military tac—"

He already pushed aside my hands and put his arms over my shoulders, warmly half-covering me in embrace. I cringed, not expecting such an action from the boy. I both despised and tolerated it.

I let it happen for only a minute before speaking up and pushing away. I'd given him more than I wanted to, than he deserved, or was even required. "Get down stairs now. No more wandering tonight. Next time, though," I added as he was leaving, in the door-way with a flush in his pigment. "If you need a place to walk , I'm usually awake."

He wanted to smile. He didn't though, and nodded curtly before setting off.

The rain let up some.