disclaimer: i dont own anything

The calm in the club was shattered as the Plymouth was transported back to this dimension and ploughed straight through the wall of Caritas. Dust billowed around the room coating the floor, the walls and all the tables that had been knocked over.

The car came to a halt, throwing all of the occupants forward in their seats. The grin on Angels face went from ear to ear, a few days before he was unsure that they'd even get back but now they were and had managed to rescue someone that was thought to be long missing or dead.

With the club being destroyed they all began the walk back to The Hyperion, the atmosphere between them was electric, each of them unable to contain their excitement about the latest adventure.

Angel heavily pushed the doors open at the entrance as the group breezed inside, the smile on his face slipped as he felt the despair seeping out of every pore on the redhead that was standing across from them. Their happy little bubble had burst; everyone stared at her in stunned silence.

Numbness crawled its way up from his toes and engulfed him within seconds, if his heart could beat it would have slowed then stop as Willow took a deep breath. He didn't need her to say anything, he knew why she was here and it was tearing him apart "It's Buffy"

Willow's breath hitched in her throat at the mention of her best friends name and she looked to the ground with unshed tears in her eyes. She began to move closer to him, she didn't know why she wanted to but she felt the need for comfort and wrapped her arms around him.

Angel was rooted to the spot, staring into nothingness, when he felt her warm body press against his as she pulled him into an embrace; uncharacteristically he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her flush against her body, his cheek nuzzling against her head.

Her slight frame shook as she began to sob; he closed his eyes and squeezed her gently. He was never one to console someone in this manner but they shared an almost similar amount of grief, although he was sure that his was greater.

Cordy looked around at the others then nodded, without word they left the pair alone and headed upstairs to their respective rooms. She climbed the stairs then turned back to look at them, she wiped a stray tear away then made her way to her bedroom.

Once her sobs had eased Willow pulled back and looked up into Angel's dark chocolate eyes, she wanted to tell him what happened but she didn't know if she could relive the events of that night. Sensing the tension in her frame he tipped his head.

Silently they walked side by side over and into the office that he had claimed as his, he knew they would have to talk but didn't know if he could trust himself not to let his emotions overcome his stoic features. He didn't want to break down in front of her.

Angel shook his head as Willow began to say something, he knew that she would explain in detail what had happened to the woman he loved but he didn't want to know the details. All he knew was that he would never be with her again.

Willow placed her bag on the desk then took out a video that was labelled 'Angel' she smiled a little as she pushed it towards him. His dark eyes fell on the plastic brick; he knew it was from her; whether or not he could watch it was a different matter.

"I've got to get going…" she wiped her eyes then walked back over to him to be pulled into another hug; Angel closed his eyes and held her again. She was his last tie to her and now she was going home, they weren't exactly best friends themselves but he considered her important in his life.

As she walked away he looked over his shoulder "Take care, Willow…" the redhead nodded once then walked out through the doors and out of sight. Although they hadn't said much, he knew that they didn't have to.

Angel picked up the video and twisted it around in his shaking hands; he wanted to watch it but knew he couldn't. Using his supernatural speed he placed it into the top drawer of his desk and locked it safely away.

Oooooooooooooo

Cordelia stood at the bottom of the stairs in the basement that was used as a training facility watching Angel as he practiced Tai Chi, since Willow had brought the sad news of her passing three days ago; he spent all his time down here doing nothing but this.

His movement was elegant and looked serene but she could tell by the straight line of his jaw that he was focussing too hard, doing his best to keep his emotions in check "Angel?" when he didn't reply she came further into the room.

"Angel… please, it's been three days"

She flinched when she met his cold dark eyes, she didn't want to upset him but she couldn't let him wallow and be alone. He needed someone by his side. His brows descended upon his face until his glare made her back away then head upstairs.

Once she was out of sight he let out a ragged breath and punched the nearest wall, pain coursed its way up his arm which he embraced. Welcomed it even, it showed that he still felt, he had been numb since he came back from Pylea.

By the time he had climbed the stairs he could hear that everyone had cleared out and left him alone, it was still day time so he couldn't leave himself. In a daze he grabbed a blood bag from the fridge and tore into it without heating it, realising he hadn't ate in over a day.

In the pit of his stomach he felt something brewing, the hairs on the back of his neck stood straight out. Something was calling on him, he felt an unknown entity grab onto his body and pull him closer; without realising he had unlocked the drawer and was now holding the video tape.

It was bittersweet, if he watched this, this would be the last time he would ever see her; he would watch it once; only once. Yet this was his last link to his love, he had to watch it to see what she wanted to say to him but couldn't.

His steps were taken with ease, holding the flimsy plastic casing with great care as he made his way up to his room to the old TV and video player that gathered dust from misuse. He steadied his nerves long enough to slide it into the slot and push play.

Angel took a few steps back until he made contact with his bed and sat heavily down on the edge. The screen flickered with spots of grey and black then popped with a picture of what he vividly remembered as her room.

There was a noise then a few seconds later she appeared on the screen, her long blonde hair curled around her face, her lips pouting as she looked down to the ground. He could feel a lump rise in his throat as he was faced with her beauty, when she was still among them.

She licked her lips then smiled at the camera, looking straight at the camera, looking straight at him "Hi… Angel" her fingers ran through her hair, pulling it to one side trying to calm her nerves. The look on her face was unreadable.

"So I guess if you're watching this then… then I guess I'm dead" she forced a smile "Dawnie's the key and Glory wants her, so she can open up a portal and cause, literally all hell to break loose… I mean, Sunnydale is like hell already, why would she want to do that on a major scale, doesn't she get how icky that would be?"

Her hands flailed around as she spoke, it looked like she was engrossed in the story, not even bothered by the mention of her death moments ago "So I have to stop that, she's my sister and that's what I know, I'm not just a slayer, I'm her sister and I love her"

"I'm not saying that I'm not expecting to win but she is a god after all… and apparently death is my 'gift' why couldn't my gift be a cute outfit or a nice pair of shoes" she air quoted gift, her nose twitching in abhorrence.

Angel straightened his back as she focussed her attention directly on the camera again "Angel, when you left me I hated you, I hated you so much for hurting me. I didn't understand why you done that and sometimes I still don't"

He could see her eyes well up with tears "I know that it was for the best, I now know that you done it for me, you wanted me to live my life to the fullest… I just know that if you were here and ended up getting… hurt?! I'd never forgive myself"

She wiped a stray tear that had escaped "I love you… I will never stop loving you Angel" she chuckled sadly then sighed "If I do… die then I want you to keep going. I want you to fight. Just keep fighting and do it for me… if you don't then us…"

Her hand pointed at herself then towards the camera, her tone hard but caring "What we went through, falling in love - being apart… then it was all for nothing!"

Angel felt a mix of emotions swirling inside of him; he still loved her, never in his long miserable life had he loved anyone before. She was the shining light, the one that guided him from the dark and showed him that he would make a difference.

It was because of her that he began his quest to better the lives of those most unfortunate, a saviour of the people, the champion for the people. It was also because of her and her death that he felt like throwing it all away, his reason to live wasn't living herself.

On the screen during the pause Buffy had wiped away more tears, her bottom lip wobbling as she tried to regain her strength "I know that you are strong enough to get through this… you will be okay and you'll still be the same Mr Stealthy creature-of-the-night guy I love"

The smile on her face was one of such love and adoration that it caused his heart to clench with sorrow, her emerald eyes were now wide and she same closer to the screen. Buffy placed a kiss on forefinger and middle finger then pressed it against the screen.

Her face turned serious as she repeated the words she had spoken earlier "Just keep fighting" her hands reached around behind what was being recorded then the screen flicked to black. The only sound in the room was that of the TV, struggling with being used for the first time in months.

Angel sat on the edge of the bed, just staring, staring at the screen that was now empty; his body tense from her words. He closed his eyes and took a few unneeded deep breaths, the things she said were true but trying to move on here? He couldn't do.

Making up his mind he packed a small bag full of his clothes then headed downstairs, it wouldn't be long until the sun would set and then he would leave. In his elegant scripture he wrote down his thoughts and plans then left it where someone would find it.

Oooooooooooooo

Coming to Sri Lanka was at first a wise decision, it came his the time to work through his grief and begin to feel some emotion. It soon turned sour as he learned that the monks were non-other than creatures he had sworn to kill, the demons had to be eradicated.

Fight. Just keep fighting.

The silence would have been serene, almost nirvana, an everlasting peace after three month of getting over heartache but of course, there was something sinister. Reopening his eyes he pulled his hood down and began to fight.

Her voice was as clear as day in his head, he had plans on stopping his crusade for selfish reasons yet he knew that he couldn't. He had to do it for her. Feeling the animalistic urge return, he done what he does best and slain the demons.

Feeling something change, he knew that it was time to go home and face the demons that he had left behind in LA. Without looking back, he stepped out from the monastery, he couldn't hide from them any longer, he had to try and be strong.

Going home would be difficult; he would be faced by death and destruction pretty much on a daily basis. The urge to give it all up still lingered, his heart still hurt to know that he loved her and would never see her again but he had to go back.

Although he hadn't fully gotten over what happened to Buffy, he knew that he had to go back and step up. Step up and be there for his friends and be there for the people that needed his help, he'd do it for them.

And for her.