Enjoy the Silence

Disclaimer: JAG and its characters belong to Bellisarius Productions. I'm just borrowing them for my, and hopefully other people's, entertainment.

Classification: H&M Romance, of course! ;-) Written for the HBX May Challenge. Told from Mac's POV.

Rating: M (or R)

AN: This is a birthday present, dedicated to Staz!

My dear Bossnat (wink),
Happy Birthday!
May all your wishes, dreams, hopes and desires come true!
Thank you for our wonderful, supportive, bubbly, indescribable, meant-to-be friendship!
(Of course, this is a couple of days early, but patience is not a virtue I possess very much of!)

AN: This is also part of Staz' and my unofficial 'Without A Word' series – the applying principle is no actual dialog is spoken and no names are mentioned. But who needs names; we all know about whom this is anyway!

Please enjoy, everybody

o o o o o o

Enjoy the Silence

All I ever wanted, all I ever needed,
Is here, in my arms.
Words are very unnecessary,
They can only do harm.
(Depeche Mode, "Enjoy the Silence")

It's funny how sometimes, decisions are made within a heartbeat. Decisions that had been unresolved for weeks, months, even years. It wasn't easy, not by a long shot. No decision with them ever was. But in the end, it was right. And all it had taken was a look. A connecting of eyes and of souls. Suddenly it was clear that it was going to happen. She knew. He knew. And it was going to happen tonight.

They had been on an investigation together and were on their way back home. The weather had been ugly all day and was only getting worse. Heavy winds were fiercely howling, and rain fell in torrents. The small government car skidded back and forth across the two-lane road, while the windshield wipers no longer managed to make a difference in the gushes of water that ran over the car. Dusk settling in only exacerbated the poor visibility conditions.

Her eyes were firmly glued to his strong hands gripping the steering wheel. He was fiercely concentrated, trying to keep the car under control. She could read it in the immovability of his body, the tight hold of his hands. His clenched jaw and the stare of his eyes. His heavy breathing scarcely audible over the deafening drumming of the rain onto the roof, yet she was aware of that, too.

Their driving had slowed down to a crawl. No longer was it possible to even make out the road, not to mention the sign-posting. They were almost past it when she noticed the sign for a parking lot. Yet he had seen it as well and carefully steered the car down the exit ramp and toward the interstate service area.

He stopped the car when they reached the parking lot, and only then let out a long, shuddering breath. Relief swamped over her; she hadn't realized she had been that tense. She could still feel her heartbeat in her throat. Feeling silly, she forced a couple of long breaths through her body in order to calm down. Then risked a glance in his direction, to see how he was doing.

To her surprise, he was looking at her. Staring, really. And when her eyes met his, her heart skipped a beat, then sped up again to lightning speed. Making all previous breathing exercises for naught.

Just like when he was driving before, now all his concentration was solely directed at her. His eyes held hers with such piercing intensity, communicating such a myriad of emotion that she had trouble sorting through them all. Yet overriding all others was an emotion she had never seen him direct at her before – blazing passion. There had been glimpses, she realized now, but they had always been subtle, hidden, and she had never been able to read them correctly. Now it was blatantly obvious, and excitement and fear were each battling for predominance in her mind.

God, how long had she dreamed, hoped, wished, longed for this to happen. For him to feel what she felt for him. Come to think of it, maybe, on some subconscious level, she had been aware of his feelings. Had been waiting for him to let her know. To let go. Or maybe it had been her that needed to let go. Let him in. Either way, it no longer mattered. For now, they both knew.

He simply kept looking at her, and she felt her face flush. Warmth spread through her body, and her tummy was fluttering in excitement. The drone of the outside rain and wind drowned out all other sounds, and the tension was thick around them. There was no need to speak.

She could only look at him while their lives shifted and then, almost audibly, clicked into place. Everything that had happened had led them to exactly this point, and she was no longer afraid.

So she gave him a small nod, then unbuckled her seatbelt, opened the car door, and started racing toward the entrance of the motel attached to the service area. She didn't even need to look. She simply knew he would chase her. Would be right behind, next to, in front of, and around her. Like he always had.

Their short run had left them both drenched to the bone, and she shivered when they entered the chilly room. He moved toward the radiators to turn them up full speed, while her eyes scanned the room. She couldn't help but stare at the one king-sized bed that dominated the small room. Her resolve was replaced by a jitteriness that raced through her insides and into her limbs. She still didn't question their decision; it was the how that made her nervous. Who would take the first step? Would it be awkward? Would he like what he got? She probably looked like a drowned rat, with her hair drenched and her clothes soaked. A flash of lightning alighted the skies outside, immediately followed by the forceful boom of thunder. She fled to the bathroom.

In harsh, artificial light, the mirror showed a woman in her mid-thirties, with flushed cheeks and dripping hair, that still hadn't acquired enough self-esteem to not flee from the love of her life for fear he wouldn't be pleased. It was pitiful, really. She sighed.

She ran her hands through her hair, slicking it back behind her ears. Then she bent down to the sink to wash her hands. She was aware of him even before she saw him, and when she looked back up into the mirror, he was standing behind her, his intense gaze once more directed at her by way through the mirror.

He took a step closer, and her breath caught in her throat when his body touched hers. He was like a powerful magnet, drawing her in. Opposites attract, so they say. She sank back, bringing her upper body to rest fully against his front. Even though they were soaked, and their clothing was cold, she could still feel the heat radiating off his body and seeping right into her. On each side of her, he entwined his fingers with hers, then brought both their arms around to fold across her middle. Holding her tightly to him while resting his head on top of hers. Their expressions reflected back at them were solemn, both aware that this was their irreversible turning point. They remained like that for long moments, both seeking the reassurance that they wouldn't want it to be irreversible either. And just like in the car earlier, everything stayed unabashedly clear.

Still watching his face, she brought their intertwined hands up to the top button of her uniform jacket. She opened it, then let her hands drop to her sides when he had gotten the message and moved down to the next button. Almost in slow motion, his hands made the journey down her jacket, popping open button after button while his eyes remained steadfastly locked with hers.

When he reached the last one, he pulled her blouse out of the waistband of her skirt, then his hands smoothed their way back up, where he made quick work of her tie. Next, the buttons of her blouse met the same destiny. Her breath caught in her throat when his fingers finally reached her bare skin. Slowly, reverently, he parted jacket and blouse, then trailed his fingertips over her stomach, to her waist, then up her sides to her shoulders. Blazing a trail of fire wherever he made contact. Her limbs weakened with the tenderness of his touches and the worshipping he paid to her skin.

Having arrived at her shoulders, he pushed her away gently, momentarily severing the connection of their bodies to take off her jacket and blouse. Both slid off her arms and dropped unheeded to the ground. No longer self-conscious, she reached behind to quickly undo the closure of her bra, then leaned back against him, her body already bemoaning the loss of his. The combination of the cold wetness of his uniform hitting her skin, together with the heat of his body, made her shiver and goose bumps march across her skin.

He smiled when he noticed the changed surface of her skin under his fingertips, and his smile told her more than a thousand words. She answered him with a telling smile of her own, and shrugged off her bra.

Immediately, the love and tenderness in his eyes was joined by fiery passion and longing. This visual proof of how much he wanted her turned her whole body into one tingling, quivery mass. Anxiously, achingly awaiting more of his touches. She didn't have to wait long, as his hands once more began their journey over the soft skin of her stomach. Not leaving out an inch of her skin, his hands went discovering. While two sets of eyes followed the journey in the mirror, watched how his large hands encircled her narrow waist, how his fingers spread out, covering the expanse of her tummy. She had to smile when his index finger tickled her belly button. Then his fingers gradually traveled upward, closer and closer toward the underside of her breasts.

She almost went into sensual overload when he finally skimmed his hands over them. The combination of observing him touch her this intimately, seeing his look of awe directed at her body, at her, and simultaneously feeling his fingertips on her was almost too much. She looped her left arm back and around his neck. Holding on. It was all she could do to remain somewhat stable on her feet while a heavy warmth pooled low in her belly, making her cheeks flush and turning her knees wobbly.

Then he placed one hand on each of her breasts, covering them completely. It was a meaningful gesture, both lovingly sweet and caveman-possessive. And she accepted it as such. He was all she ever wanted.

Giving into the feelings, her eyes fluttered closed and she fell back heavily against him, her head coming to rest on his shoulder. All sensation became more pronounced in the quiet and small space of the bathroom. Her blood was boiling, her pulse drumming loudly in her ears. She felt his heavy breathing, his chest heave and sigh in rapid rhythm. The clenching and unclenching of his powerful abdominal muscles. His fingers teasing the tips of her breasts, sending daggers of electricity through her body with every new foray he made. Became conscious of his arousal against her back, and her whole body went limp with her now complete awareness of him.

Suddenly it was all too much, and the passion that had slowly built between them erupted with the force of the next thunderclap rumbling outside. She turned in his arms, desperately searching for his mouth. The need to kiss him was so overwhelming that she whimpered when his lips finally came in contact with hers. She led her tongue slide first across his bottom, then his upper lip, reveling in his taste that was still a little familiar and yet devastatingly new. He opened up to her at her soft begging, and lips and mouths and tongues met with burning desire and crushing need.

She sank against him, drank him in, and he gave to her what she had been missing all her life. He moaned; a deep rumble low in his throat that made her insides ache with the need to hear it again, and again, and again. She brought her hands up to his front and hurriedly unbuttoned his jacket. Eyes closed, mouth tangled with his, she could only go by feel alone and fumbled desperately as her hands were trembling. He didn't make it any easier as his arms hugged her to him so tightly that she hardly had room to maneuver. Yet she was nothing if not persevering, and eventually had jacket and shirt unbuttoned and coaxed off his body. Next, his undershirt had to go, immediately. She desperately needed to feel him, needed his skin on hers. She tugged it out of his pants and moved it up, while her fingertips and nails grazed across his stomach and chest. Visible shivers ran through him at her touch, and his breathing became more rapid. She reveled in the fact that she could make him feel the same abandon that he unleashed in her. It was a heady feeling, leaving her dizzy and wanton.

She had to let go of his lips to get the undershirt off him, and when they were both left bare-chested, they touched base once more by locking eyes, holding one of their silent conversations that told them everything they needed to know. And then her arms wrapped around his neck, and his arms came around her, lifting her up to carry her to the bedroom.

Almost reverently, he placed her in the middle of the large bed, then took off the rest of her clothes. When she was completely bared to him, he took long moments to take in the sight of her, her body only illuminated by the faint street lights filtering in from the outside, and the occasional flash of lightning. She felt as if she was going to melt under his loving, piercing, desirous, awed looks.

When she couldn't take the anticipation anymore, she reached for him to join her on the bed, and they met in a long, sensual, slow kiss. While the rain drummed restlessly against the windowpanes, he adapted to the splattering rhythm. Strong, gentle, erratic and fast, then soft and measured, he delved deep into the recesses of her mouth. She fervently met his every caress, eager to learn the hidden secrets of this passionate man. Soon his lips started wandering, over her jaw and down her neck, before he went on worshipping her body. Paying attention to every patch of her skin, he explored her with touches and kisses, from her neck down to her toes, and up again. She became putty in his hands, her responses uncontrolled, wild and undisciplined. This didn't feel like anything she had ever experienced before. He eagerly took what she offered, yet he gave without expecting anything in return; was focused solely on providing her pleasure. Nobody had ever been this selfless with her, and her eyes welled up with the realization of what she had finally found. This amazing gift that was granted to her.

She should have known he would make love the same way he flew – with ardor and passion, with unabashed joy and abandon, with fierce concentration and completely in tune with the instruments he manipulated. She had to smile at the fact how really glad she was that she could finally consider her body, herself, an instrument handled by him, before the ability to think completely left her and all that remained to do was feel. She was spiraling away, clinging to him, her hands digging into his shoulders, wiggling helplessly under him while nimble fingers and his mouth brought her higher and higher, then carried her over the edge. Light splintered through her, and she pulled his mouth to hers to share it with him in a fiercely passionate kiss.

And then it was time. Time to come together for their last first time. Time to end the dissatisfying dance that they had engaged in for years, and replace it with a new one. Eyes locking with his, she wrapped her legs around his hips, urging him on. And when they finally became one, she was overwhelmed with the realization that they simply fit together. It was perfect. She should have known that, too. Finding their rhythm, they moved together in the age-old dance that they now made theirs.

Once more, she was soaring. Heat spread through her in waves, and her body quivered and weakened with every new sensation. Above all else, she was aware of him. Of his large, strong body claiming hers. Of his passionate responses to her every movement, every tremble of her body. Spurning her on. Bringing her higher. Carrying her farther. And of the tight grip he still had on himself, not yet willing or unable to give into the abandon completely. She wasn't sure whether he held on to make sure of her pleasure before giving into his, or whether he simply couldn't give up all his control, no matter the situation. She had to find out; had to make sure he completely trusted her to enable him to let go. Knowing it was vital for them to let go of all their demons together. So she fought the urge to close her eyes, and locked her gaze with his. Met every stroke of his with equal ardor while her eyes tried to slice through his worst fear. Not needing words, she promised him that she would never leave him. Just like she knew he had just battled her deepest insecurity – by showing her she deserved to be loved like this.

And then the passion overwhelmed them both, their movements growing more erratic and desperate, ever closer to approaching their final destination. It was then that he truly let go of his last barriers. A sense of elation joined the swirl of emotions running through her when she saw and felt how all civilized parts of him were overruled, pushed aside by the primal man inside of him. The one who claimed her body and her soul. Suddenly, she could read him so well. The desire he had held back for so long. The passion he enjoyed giving as well as receiving. The fears he held, and the love he felt; it was all embedded in the way he cradled her to him. It was all for her. And when she came this time, the quivers of her body took him with her. They clung together while everything they were and could be came together in that one magnificent, desperate, aching, fulfilling, burning, warming, sparkling moment of love.

They held each other for a long time, neither willing or able to move, locked in a tender, sensual, soothing kiss. While their breathing calmed and they both reveled in the wonder that was them. Outside, the thunderstorm had moved past, yet the rain continued to splatter loudly against the window panes.

Tomorrow they would talk. They would make important decisions. And above all, tomorrow would bring the beginning of the rest of their lives. Yet for now, they didn't need words. All that needed to be said had been expressed with actions. The love they felt for each other had become obvious in every kiss they shared, every touch they issued and received. Tonight, they were going to enjoy the silence.

THE END