This is a fanfiction tale dedicated to AmeRain
Wishing you a very merry Christmas and a happy and safe New Year.
DISCLAIMER: Kaze Hikaru is a manga created by Taeko Watanabe. I am merely borrowing the characters to play parts in my story.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: ---o--- denotes a change of scene. Single lines written in Italics indicate the character's thoughts.
Like Moonlight on Water.
PART I.
Nishishin House, better known as Shimabara, was one of the most popular evening entertainment sites in Kyoto. Tonight, like all other nights, the house was ablaze with candles and colourful lanterns; the air was heavy with the scent of flowers and perfume; the music was rapturous yet soft enough to permit conversation and laughter could be heard throughout its many rooms. It was teeming with guests. The whole house was filled with men seeking to escape the rigours of their daily life. For them, one evening under the trained services of provocative, witty, elegant and irresistibly beautiful geishas was worth all the money they could afford if only they could have that brief sojourn of relaxation, fun and ultimate pleasure.
She knew this and yet she could not stop herself from feeling repulsed by the very idea. She thus found herself alone out on the balcony, having eluded her companion for the night. The night wore on and the jokes turned bawdy and clothes became scanty and eventually, couple after couple retired to pursue their personal activities in private. Still she waited it out. Everything had been fine and the silence that finally came, broken only by an occasional trill of laughter from a passing couple on their way to retire, was a welcome recess. The crickets had begun even their evening song and the moon had now risen high in the sky embracing everyone with its soft light.
Yes everything would have been fine except that she suddenly found herself no longer alone.
From the moment he stepped out to join her, the lovely visage of moonlight dancing on the lake disappeared from her line of vision and all her surroundings came to a standstill.
"Something on your mind, Kamiya-san?"
She looked up at his face, startled to find him so close that despite the evening shadows, the soft moonlight still allowed her to see the crinkles at the corners of his mouth that was almost always turned up in a slight smile. She took a deep breath and looked away. She'd been avoiding this all night. She'd come out here and practised all the words in her head throughout all this time yet now, she would have much rather faced an army of enemies than turn and tell him what was on her mind.
"I- I just- " She began and found herself suddenly unable to think. He had stepped closer and dropped an arm on her shoulder, leaning ever so slightly on her. She could only manage to shake her head.
He nodded. She didn't need to turn to see it. He was so close she felt it against the brush of his hair against hers. "It's not easy for you to understand, Kamiya-san." He began in a rare moment of clarification. "These men need an outlet for their tension. We train and work so hard that sometimes, we all just need a moment to forget. The women here understand what these men need and they are willing to undertake the trade."
She didn't reply. Had she been in a more rational frame of mind, she might have wondered why he was here with her, rationalizing their visit to this house of pleasure, instead of participating in the stress-relieving exercise he was advocating for his men. However, at that moment, all that she was aware of was him. He was so very close.
She could feel his warm breath brushing against her ear like a feather, teasing its way down her nape to her heart, intermittently enveloping her in its warmth and sending shivers down her back, making her toes curl and uncurl, turning her hot and cold. He was so close that she could even smell his scent. It was intoxicating – a light blend of citrus and herbs and it overwhelmed her senses because it emanated from him. Against the wild thundering of her heartbeats, she could hear him speak again, though she really didn't understand his words. He was ever so close but the sound of his voice remained so gentle, washing over her like waves caressing the ocean shore and yet, like the waters that ebb, its impact leaves the sand forever changed.
"Kamiya-san?" She gasped in surprise, not from the barely audible query but from the sudden movement that caused her to be turned to face him. His hands enveloped her shoulders and they felt incredibly warm. Blankly, she looked up at him peering concernedly down at her.
"Are you feeling all right?" It seemed like his lips were only a breath away. She swallowed, finding it suddenly hard to breathe.
"Er-Yes, Okita-Sensei." She somehow managed to croak out despite the thickened condition of her throat. "I-I'm f-fine."
"You don't look fine." He peered closer at her. "Your face looks awfully red. Are you feverish?" This was followed by his warm hand on her forehead and cheek. It was all she could do to keep her hands at her sides. How she itched to touch him back, to trace the outlines of his handsome face.
Nervously, she pushed his hand away, ensuring the contact was as brief as possible. Somehow she managed to find her voice. "I'm fine. Really. It's just a warm night."
He tilted his head to one side, tapping a finger on his mouth, still enthrallingly near. "I asked you a question three times and you didn't even hear me. Now, you look like you're about to collapse from lack of breath."
She frowned at him, determined not to be moved by the warmth of his concern even though her heart wanted to sing. "Truly, I'm fine." And then she felt his breath on her ear again. The torture was almost intolerable.
"I could have sworn that was a shiver that just went through you." He persisted and she felt like she was going to lose her mind. Instead, she frowned harder and set her teeth mulishly, refusing to look at him.
"You were asking…?" She queried, almost normally.
"It's nothing of importance." He waved nonchalantly. "It's late. Let's call it a night, shall we?"
He smiled his usual enchanting smile, a shadow of concern apparent in his gaze as he swept his arm around her and turned her towards the stairs.
"Rest well, Kamiya-san.."
On that note, Kamiya Seizaburo, who in future will be renowned in history for her courage in the face of an army, made good her flight.
---o---
"Did you tell him, Sei?"
The voice was soft, the question an urgent whisper. She turned to face the lady who'd spoken and gave a sad smile.
"I couldn't." She shook her head. "In this garb and all, I'm pretending to be a man and… oh, Satono-san…" She paused, unable to stop the helpless sigh escaping her lips. "…it seemed inappropriate somehow."
Satono clucked her tongue, a gesture at odds with her youthful sophisticated appearance, and yet for all her elegance, the concern in her face was purely maternal. "You do remember that he knows full well that you are a girl?"
"I know… I even practiced what I would say to him and rehearsed my response with every scenario that came up in my head." She shook her head in frustration. "But when the moment came, I just couldn't. Not now… Not here…"
Satono gave her a sharp look. "The setting shouldn't matter, Sei."
"I felt u-uncomfortable… out there with him.. and..." Sei began then stopped. She herself didn't quite understand the tumultuous emotions that went through her so how could she put it in words to explain?
"I told you already that Okita-sensei is not like the rest of his men. He does not like to indulge in the pleasures that the rest of the common men pursue here."
"I know." Sei sighed."… I just don't understand myself at the moment."
"Will you talk to him tomorrow?"
Kamiya turned away, fixing her gaze up at the moon. The white orb looked calm, nestled against the dark velvet sky.
"Satono-san, Okita-sensei is to me, like the moon, just as placid and mild, ever so gentle and kind." Her gaze fell on the lake, where the silent waters lay illuminated with the mirror image of the moon. "You know, he is so close and yet so far away that I would not dream of reaching him."
"Sei, he is with you every day."
"I don't mean it literally." She sighed again. "I know he is all good and true and honourable and I know it with a certainty that it hurts because I love him all the more for it. Yet behind his smile, I wish I knew what he is thinking."
"So you won't take a chance to let him know how you feel just because you don't know what he is thinking?" Satono-san sounded confused. "Surely, the fact that you have a chance at all to tell him is enough reason to take that chance?"
She gave a slight shake of her head and then turned back to face the room. "It is already enough that I stand here in this world, close by his side, able to see him every day, listen to his voice and know that he is safe."
"So you will fight by his side, and not tell him, knowing that at any moment tomorrow, all might not be the same again... that you might not- that it might be too late…" Satono-san's voice suddenly broke into a sob.
It was then that Kamiya Seizaburo finally understood. The shadow of the man that stood between them was that of her brother. She had lost her Ani-ue but to Satono-san, Yuma-chan was her beloved and soul-mate, the only man who loved her enough to not care about her background and instead ask her to marry him. It was a tragedy that forever haunts Satono-san.
Helpless against the irrevocable past, Sei could only rush forward to clasp the taller woman in an embrace. "I'm so sorry, Satono-san." She said softly, as her own eyes misted with tears. "In truth, I only wanted to stay with him and savour that moment. I wanted to commit this rare moments that I spend alone with him, in peace, forever in my memory. I lost count of time and when my chance came to speak, I just lost my courage."
She felt the gentle hand that brushed away her tears. "It's all right, Sei." Satono-san smiled through her tears. "Don't mind this old woman and her tears. I live in the past but you have your whole life ahead of you. One day, when the time is right, everything will fall into place and you can tell him then."
Or perhaps Okita-sensei will tell you first, my dear, that he loves you and always have...