"Well Edward, why the heck not? Don't you want me?"
"I'll always want you as long as you'll have me"
"and I'll always have you as you'll want me."
"I'll always want you Bella."
"So then what is the problem?"
"I don't want you to do this just to be beautiful, because you are."
He smiled. "Edward be serious, I am not beautiful, is that why you
don't want to turn me? Because I think I'm not beautiful enough for you?"
It was true, even though I tried hard to deny it in my mind,
just in case Edward really could see my thoughts.
"Bella" he whispered in my ear "you are the most beautiful girl
I have ever seen, in my very long life vampire or not, and it hurts me
when you say that you are not beautiful. Do you want to hurt me?"
"N-no, I just want to stay with you forever, an you won't let me."
I could have killed myself for stammering. Edward laughed,
"I'm not holding you back, if you want to become a monster so much,
then why don't you run off to Carlisle?"
I scowled "No."
"why not?" Edward always asked the hardest questions.
"I can't answer that."
"please Bella, it is so frustrating not to be able to hear what you are thinking."
" You will laugh."
"no, I promise I won't, have I ever broken a promise to you?"
"yes." I whispered the word, and immediately hated myself, I was thinking
of that awful day in the forest when the hole had first appeared.
"it will be as if I never existed" He had promised, and I was glad he had broken
it. "It wasn't as if you had never existed Edward, I need you."
I looked down at my shoes, hatred for my self boiling up in me.
He pulled my face into his chest, and let me cry, ruining his shirt.
When I looked up I saw that he looked like he was crying. His face was a
mess of pain, and his hair was drooping slightly. It was a sin making him unhappy.
"I'm sorry Edward" I choked on my tears "that was an awful thing to say."
"No, it wasn't, it is the truth, would you rather I hadn't broken that promise?"
My face turned into a mess of alarm and panic,
"No Edward, don't leave, Please!" tears came streaming down again.
"shhh, don't worry, I am a selfish creature, and I could not bear to leave you, I nearly died the first time, and I couldn't bear to imagine you…"
I looked up at him, "Edward, please turn me?"
"I can't Bella. I'm sorry, you know my conditions."
"I am marrying you aren't I?" I showed him the ring that adorned my left hand.
I let it sparkle in the light of the kitchen chandelier. He smiled
"yes you are, but remember you're condition?"
I smiled "yeah."
"Charlie is in the driveway, maybe go to the bathroom, and wash your face, and brush
your hair, before you tell him, maybe then he won't think I
placed a knife at your throat."
I laughed. "okay, love you."
"love you more." He said as he left
"hey that's not fair!" I cried just as he slipped out the kitchen window.
I walked to the bathroom and locked the door.
The face in the mirror was not very recognizable, but, It certainly did look like Edward might have placed a knife at my throat, a thing I knew he would never do. It didn't take long, so just as I was getting out, Charlie yelled
"Bells? Are you cooking anything because I've got a big catch here!"
I smiled, "Hey dad, nope, I was thinking you might get a catch."
I cooked the fish while making small talk with him, enjoying the calm
before the storm, I just put the ring in my pocket, and went on cooking,
if he ever wanted to see what was going on.
"You're very pleasant tonight, what was your day like?"
amazing, slightly maddening, and a little sad.
"good. Edward and I went hiking." Which was slightly true.
At the mention of Edward's name Charlie stiffened a little, but kept
on making pleasantries. I served dinner. "So dad, I have something to
talk to you about. My hand was on my left pocket where the ring was
hiding, and probably snickering. "What is it Bells?"
"Well Edward and I were talking," I pulled out the ring which was definitely snickering now, "and we decided on something."
"Is it what college you are going to because Bella, honey, Dartmouth is where
you should be going, even if he is going to Alaska."
"I'm going to Alaska dad, you know that, but umm, it is a little bigger than that."
I slipped the ring that couldn't stop laughing onto my finger and I picked up my
glass with that hand. I pulled it to my mouth, and swallowed.
"What is it Hun?" grr. Why did Charlie have to be so oblivious? Well dad,
he got me something. "what?" there was an edge to Charlie's voice now.
I held my left hand up to him, "Like it?" I squeaked.
"yes Isabella, but you do know that you should be wearing it on the other hand ,
as that hand signifies marriage." His voice was cool, and he perfectly articulated
every letter. "well." I gulped "That is kind of what I wanted to talk to you about."
"that Edward got you a nice ring and that you forgot that you should be wearing it on the right hand rather than the left because you can scare your parent's into thinking things?"
"No." he was making this epically hard.
"that Edward and I are"
"You and Edward are what Bella?"
"getting married." I whispered.
"No, you are not." He said simply, "Because Edward would have the decency to
ask my permission first."
"well Dad, I think he knew that you would say no."
"damn right I would say no, because you are MUCH to young, and I am not letting you make the same mistake your mother and I did."
"So I am a mistake?" I whispered
"Bells Hun, I didn't mean it like that…"
"Then how did you mean it?"
he stammered for a few seconds and then silenced himself.
"Edward and I are getting married, we are going to Alaska, and I
just wanted to let you know in case you wanted to come to the wedding,
but I guess you don't, right?"
"I want to Bella, I just want to be sure this is what you want."
"I don't want Edward to feel like a piece of junk the rest of his life,
and I don't want you doing that to a person."
That hit home.
"Dad, you aren't a piece of junk."
"well why don't you ask your mother I'm sure she feels just great about
herself, she got you by default, she got a brand-new great start.
I have, well look."
"Dad, you have me."
I immediately knew it was a lie, because after the wedding Charlie would
never see me again. Could never see me again.
But he smiled anyway. "yeah, I guess I do."
Then Edward knocked on the door, and things pretty much fell apart.
Charlie straightened up slowly, and walked briskly over to the door.
When he opened it Edward was standing there, gorgeous as an angel, and
obviously braced, for Charlie's blow up.
"I am sorry Edward, but Isabella and I are having a little chat right now,
and we are not open to visitors."
"oh of course sir." Edward said smoothly "I just need to borrow Bella for one
second, we will be right here on the porch." His eyes smoldered,
the unfairness of it was useful at times.
"fine." Charlie finally answered "you have 5 minutes, exactly."
"thanks sir. I'll have her back to you then."
Charlie just grunted, and turned away. I knew though that he would be back
in a couple of seconds. Edward and I walked out onto the front porch.
"how's it going?"
"oh as if you don't know." He smiled "yeah I do, but Charlie is still listening."
"well it isn't going very well, Charlie kind of exploded and then started talking
about making mistakes and being a bad person, and I just…"
"your sure you want to do it this way, there is an alternative, remember that."
"No there is no alternative, and this is only half the battle, I still have to tell
Renee, and she has this thing about early marriages."
He looked worried, and upset. "If you are uncomfortable doing this you don't have
to, don't do this for Me."
"I'm not doing this for you, I am doing it because I want to."
"your positive?"
"yeah, I'm pretty much set with my decisions." He smiled then and kissed me.
When it was over I went inside. Charlie was sitting at the kitchen table,
but his face looked flushed, as if he had just run there. When he spoke he was
out of breath.
"What did he have to say?"
"actually he wanted you ask if I was sure, because he understands that
you aren't very enthusiastic about this decision. He also knows Renee won't be
to ecstatic about this either."
"Well how… nice of him" Charlie looked unhappy to use the words Edward
and nice, in the same sentence.
"look Charlie, I am marrying Edward."
"why?" It was an incredibly complex question. I could say, I want to become
eternally beautiful and thirst for human blood, I want to become part of
and incredibly ancient family, I want to leave my best friend behind as my enemy.
"because I love him."
"I don't think you are old enough to know what love is."
"well I most certainly am."
The rest of the evening Charlie scowled, and I made a speech for Renee.
I wasn't going to just say the speech, but I wanted to have something ready
in case she caught me off guard, which would probably happen once or
twice. I decided that I should leave that for tomorrow, a procrastination that would hopefully save me many hours, even though calming her down would still take a while. This was going to be very hard. But it was what I wanted wasn't it? Doesn't the baby robin have to leave the nest and take flight to learn to fly, and survive? I added this to my speech with a smile, that would make Renee speechless, and I would have another few moments to relax myself while she though of something that counted as a word. When I was finally done, I folded up the now decrepit piece of paper, and changed into my pajamas. I had bought some reasonable pajamas after I had been embarrassed that first night. Thinking of it made me smile, and blush.
Brushing my teeth I heard sounds of snoring come from the living room. Being grumpy always made Charlie tired. I brushed through my tangled medusa hair a few times, and then gave up. When I got to my room Edward was already standing there, looking out the window. "Hi." I said, and he turned and smiled.
"Hello. Are you sure about all this, Charlie's dreams are… " He trailed off leaving a million words buzzing around in my mind, bad, nightmarish, erotic, upsetting, dizzy?
"His dreams are?"
"Troubled." He finally decides. "I hope this isn't to hard on him. I wasn't very kind when I told him the big news." I sat down on my bed, my brow furrowed.
"Don't worry, he knows."
"What does he know?"
"He knows that you love him, and the thing that's troubling him, is that he knows you love me too, because he hears you talking in your sleep."
"Well… I do." I said smiling up at him.
"Well," he said looking surprised. "Really I never could have guessed, I thought all reasonable girls, would be willing to give up their souls just to stay with a monster forever." He laughed and smiled the crooked smile, I love so much. I laughed too, because I loved to watch him laugh, it was a very nice thing when Edward laughed.
"I suppose girls all over the world would be willing to give up their souls for the most beautiful creature on the planet."
"Sorry, but that position is already taken."
"By who?"
"You." I smiled and then said sarcastically
"Yes me, with my haystack hair, and muddy brown eyes."
"I'm going to miss your brown eyes."
He took a strand of my hair, and placed it neatly behind my ear.
"I think I might miss them too, but I would miss you more."
"You have to get into bed, it is going to be a very big day tomorrow."
"Yeah, I guess it will be, Renee is going to be very hard to deal with."
I frowned and stared into his beautiful topaz eyes—they were slightly darkened, he hadn't been hunting in a while, he didn't like leaving me, and I didn't like it much either, though it was very selfish of me.
"Do you want me to tell her?" Edward asked looking a little happy to have the chance. "I think I should probably tell her, but will you come when I have to call her, she might want to talk to you or something." Or I might chicken out and have to get Edward to tell her. No. I banished the thought. The crooked smile returned.
"Alright." He kissed my cheek, and my heart went racing. He laughed again
"Bella Swan you simply must get control of that heart of yours!" I scowled
"It's not my fault, your just so…" perfect, indescribable, wonderful, beautiful… the list could go on forever, so I settle with "good." He laughed again, and forced me to get under my flannel covers, and he held me in his arms, singing my lullaby. I wanted to talk to him more, but I knew I would be asleep in a matter of minutes, so I just closed my eyes and let his lullaby take me to a wonderful dream where I was in a wedding dress, and walking down the aisle of a remarkable place that I realized was our meadow, and my grin increased in size, everyone was clapping and even Charlie walking next to me, his arm linked in mine was smiling looking down at me happily. When we get to the altar he lets me go, and a singe tear runs down his cheek, and I kiss his cheek. Edward is standing at the altar, smiling his beautiful crooked smile. He is dressed in a black tuxedo, and he looks marvelous in it, or rather, he makes it look fabulous. Alice and Rosalie are at the side smiling, laughing and I laugh too. Utterly happy. Emmett is standing with Jasper next to Rosalie, because Edward couldn't choose between them, he made them his best men. Then the priest starts his sermon, and we all go quiet, but I just can't stop grinning. But something isn't right, Where is Jacob I wonder, though The smile stays on my face, and I continue to look forward, I can see the entire crowd behind me, and Jacob isn't assembled there. My happiness turns to panic, didn't he get an invitation? Did he simply decide not to come? Billy is here, looking quite uncomfortable, but where is Jake? He isn't anywhere. Then the dream shifts, and I am in the woods outside of Jake's house, in my wedding dress, getting it muddy, and torn, but I don't care, and I am yelling "Jake! Jake where are you? You said you would come! I started to cry, but I kept on through the woods, and then suddenly I want Edward, and so I say
"I chose him Jake, I chose him because I love him like I can't love you!" And then I'm in Edward's arms, on a couch that I've always imagined whenever I thought about my dream home. I'm lying there smiling and looking at the rings on my hand.
There are two now, the engagement ring, and the second one I realize is my wedding ring, and I love it, I love being here on my dream couch with my dream husband, and then when I look into the great eyes of Edward I see myself in their reflection, I am beautiful a vampire, but something isn't right, his eyes are red, and so are mine.
"Why are our eyes red?" I ask, and he laughs, but it isn't Edward's laugh, It is James' cool dead, horrible laugh, and then it turns to the laugh of the volturi, all laughing together, at me, I realize I'm not on the couch anymore, I'm on the floor a hard, stone floor and I'm writhing in pain and then it stops, Edward is next to me and now he is writhing, "NO!" I shout and then pain is back on me, I cry out in agony
And then it turns to Edward again and he shouts "Bella let me do this, I need to keep it off of you!" and I scream "NO!" but nothing comes out of my mouth when I scream, the inside of my head is filled with screaming, and aching, and it won't stop and Edward won't let them stop hurting him, to go back to me, and they all laugh when he protests. And then my head is filled with two things. One is a word, and the other a sound. The sound is my lullaby, and the word is Love. It all takes the place of the screaming and the agony and then I am in my bed again, sweating despite the cool of Edward's panicked face close to my own breathing hard, his breath is sweet and soothing, and so my eyes fluttered open. "Edward, don't go, don't… don't don't please don't!" It was all I could say, Edwards panic increases, I can feel it, though I don't know how, and he replied "Bella, love I won't leave what's the matter? What happened all you said was 'I chose him Jake! I chose him because I love him in a way I can't love you' and then you kept repeating the words 'love' 'Edward' and 'no'!"
The panic in his voice scared me. "I'm fine Edward, I swear I'm fine. I just had an awful dream, that's all." I brought my clammy hand to his alabaster face, and he calmed down. He kissed my hand and I smiled. "See I'm fine really."
"What was so horrible about your dream?"
"I was at our wedding" His face drops "nothing bad happened there, I was terribly happy, and then I realized Jacob wasn't there, and it made me mad, so the dream changed, and I was in the forest, and I was calling for Jacob, and then I really wanted you, and I was suddenly on this couch I've wanted since I was a little girl, and you were there with me, and we were married, and I was a vampire, and then I looked into your eyes, and they were red, and so were mine, and then you laughed, but it was James' laugh, and then it changed to the volturi's laugh, and Jane was hurting us, but you wouldn't let her hurt me, and she was hurting you so much." I stared to cry then, and Edward's arms tightened around me, and I finished "and th-th-then I-I-I j-just th-thought about m-m-my l-l-lullaby and th-the w-w-word l-l-love, a-a-and then it was over and E-Edward it w-was aw-awful." I broke into sobs, and he held me humming and patting my hair with his soft hand until I slept a dreamless sleep.
In the morning I felt an awful taste in my mouth, and so I asked Edward to give me a minute. "Sure." He said, feigning a yawn. I laughed and went into the bathroom. I brushed my teeth so hard my gums bled, and then I had to wash my mouth out thoroughly before going back to him. The dream was only barley gripping at the corners of my mind now. The vivid things I still remembered were deep evil red eyes, and agonizing screams coming from my most beloved. I shuddered, and slipped back into his arms. "Are you alright now?" he asked sounding worried.
"Yes, I'm fine—" I was about to say you know how it is to have a bad dream, but then I realized he probably didn't. "I just was in a bit of a state." I finish.
He still seemed a bit worried, but a crooked smile broke the tension, and all was forgiven. "You must never worry me like that." He whispered. I could tell that I really had scared him, and I felt awful. "I promise I will never ever do anything of the sort!" I cry placing my left hand to my heart. He laughed. I loved making him laugh.
"What for breakfast?" he asks. He had learned all of my favorite food.
"Cocoa-pops, or a granola bar?"
"hmmm, healthy or yummy?" I pretended to think it over. "I think I'll go with yummy!"
I jumped out of bed assuming Charlie was already gone, and I ended up spending a very awkward moment at the foot of the stairs, him with his hand at the doorknob. If I had waited three more seconds I could have avoided it. Charlie tried to look me square in the eyes, but I averted his gaze. "Call Renee today." He muttered and left. The door didn't quite close, so the house acquired a bit of a draft before I heard the sound of the cruiser starting up and exiting the driveway.