When Pigs Fly
Part one: It's Alive!
It was another fine day at the Winner mansion, the birds were chirping, the chipmunks were scampering, but in the kitchen lurked something so evil, so vile it could drop an ox from 50 meters. Releena was cooking...again.
Releena: Dum de dum, dum. What a fine morning! Oops! There goes the omelets! *Fire alarm starts to beep*
Fire alarm: Bee-eep! Bee-eep! Bee-eep!
Duo steps out of his room and rubs the sleep from his eyes, then notices a thick black smoke coming from the kitchen, or what was the kitchen, now a smoldering pile of cinders.
Duo: What the shit is goin' on?!!
Trowa opens his door.
Trowa: Not again.
The rest of the doors open and various Gundam pilots step out.
Quattra: Stop drop roll! Stop drop roll! *Rolls into the kitchen*
Heero's door opens and a girl with black hair runs out screaming.
Girl: Fire! Fire!
Trowa: This all seems vaguely familiar...
Heero grumbly walks into the remains of the kitchen and puts out some black crispy stuff that was on fire.
Releena: You saved me! I love you- *Stops and sees black-haired girl holding on to Heero*
Girl: Oh Heero! Your so brave!
Heero, noticing everyone staring at him: Uh, thanks, I guess.
Releena: Wh-who is that? *Cheek starts to twitch*
Duo: Your in trouble this time! *gets elbowed by Trowa*
Heero: Uh, no one in particular...
Girl: Oh, and thanks for taking me lingerie shopping Heero!
*Releena's face goes blue, then red*
Heero: Uh I can explain....It's Duo's fault, really!
Duo: Sorry dude, can't pin this on me. *snickers*
Trowa: It was your fault Duo.
*Duo sweat drops*
Heero: He made us go to a strip club last night to 'loosen up'.
*Releena glares at Duo*
Duo: He's lying...I swear! Can I call my attorney?
Releena: You accuse my Heero of LYING! HOW DARE YOU!! *starts to grow even redder*
Quattra: Excuse me, but what is your name miss?
Girl: My name is Minmay. Nice to meet you. *smiles*
Releena looks at the goofy expression on Heero's face and throws Minmay out the window.
Releena: Anyway, I made breakfast! *Frowns when she hears various groans*
Now go sit down before it gets cold!
Duo, under his breath: Don't think w need to worry about it being cold.
Releena comes back in with a tray full of charcoal, I mean breakfast and sets it on the table.
Releena: Now eat up!
Everyone stars at the food, then at each other.
Heero: Uh, no offense..
Releena: Yes Heero-chan?
Heero: Uh, how did this all happen?
Releena: Oh, well first I was making diner..
Duo: Breakfast.
Releena: Breakfast, when all of a sudden the eggs caught fire. So I tried to put it out with paper towels when those caught fire..
Wufie who has been silent all this time grunts after hearing that.
Releena: So then I poured some water on it to put it out...
Heero groans: That water wouldn't have come from that bucket outside would it?
Releena: Why yes it did!
Heero groans some more: That was last nights oven grease.
Releena: So that explains the explosion...
About that time elsewhere in the city some other people were having breakfast.
Gene: Bet I can eat more than you can pal.
Goku: You're on!
Both men start to eat furiously.
Jim: Gene! We don't have time for this! We need to find the leyline.. Are you paying attention?
Krilin: I don't think so, by the way... what's a leyline?
Chi-Chi walks in and sees Goku eating all the food for the breakfast party.
Chi-Chi: STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!!!
Goku stops, but Gene continues on.
Gene: Chew, chew, gobble, mnfgdl!
Jim thwacks Gene over the head.
Chi-Chi: You two pigs go away! I need to prepare!
Elsewhere again...
Rick: Test commencing for the new Valkerie prototype!
The jet takes off and does some fancy maneuvers, then changes into a giant robot.
Around that time a familiar looking mech rips and angel apart. Then it spots Rick's Valkerie in Gerwalk mode.
Asuka: That must be some new type of angel! I'll get it!
Rick spots the insane looking beast-mech approaching him and fires his cannon at the thing.
Rick: You bastard alien! DIE!!
Asuka: It talks! this one's different! better use the *da-da-da-da-ta-da* Lance of Longinus-onginus-nus-nus!
Rick: What's a Longinus?
Asuka chucks the lance at Rick's mech. Rick dodges it. The spear hurdles through a passing 747.
On that particular 747 was Zechs.
Passengers: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Zechs heads to the cockpit and takes control of the plane, landing it safely.
Zechs: What the hell? Two battling mechs must mean one thing...TIME TO PARTY!! *gets Tallgeese and whoops up on both mechs*
Zechs: My hands are stained with blood and whatever.. goo was inside that red monster thingy. I must avenge my country and fight for peace and... *stopped by Noin*
Noin: You already avenged your country, and your hands are clean.
Zechs: Grumble, grumble....
Rick climbs out of the smoldering wreckage of his Valkerie and Asuka lies prone on the ground, little tiny Tallgeeses circling her head.
Meanwhile somewhere else again.
Tenchi: This breakfast is good Sasami!
Ryoko: But what about my cooking Tenchi?
Tenchi: Uh, not now...
Ayeka: Scram you old mummy woman, Lord Tenchi, please allow my too banish that demon right now!
Yosho: Sorry, no banishing at the table.
Sasami: I added a special ingredient to the eggs! Kairaishi! Now Tenchi will do whatever I tell him too!
Ryoko and Ayeka: Marry me Tenchi! *they both snap*
Tenchi: Suddenly I feel as if I have to marry someone named Me.
Sasami: Haha! No ones name is Me!
Washu: Backfired, serves you right!
Ryoko: Where did you get that Kairaishi?
Sasami: At a place called Cat Cafe. Why?
By then Ryoko is gone off to the city.
Azaka! Kamadake! We're going to the city!
Azaka and Kamadake: Yes ma'am!
Meanwhile at the Winner mansion, Quattra has been knocked out by Releena's crap.
Heero: Told you. Pay up.
Duo: No fair! Quattra's a wimp of course he passed out!
Heero: Omea o Korosu!
Duo: Here you go! *hands Heero the wad of bills*
They all hear the sound of vernier engines and see Tallgeese land in the front yard, right on top of Wufie's garden shrine.
Wufie: YOU TRADER BASTARD!!*draws his katana and hacks away at Tallgesees leg*
Tallgeese kneels and it's right knee squashes Wufie. The hatch opens and Zechs exits.
Meanwhile at Goku's house...
Jim: C'mon you big idiot! Let's go!
Gene, who's drunk: Uh, okay?
they get inside the Outlaw Star and zigzag away.
Meanwhile again..
Rick: Commencing test on second Valkerie prototype...
The jet takes off again and is immediately side swiped by a drunkenly Outlaw Star.
Both planes careen out off the sky and fall on the Winner mansion.
After the dust settles everyone looks around until they spot Gene.
Everyone: Get him!
Just as the angry mob reaches the cowering Gene and red rose slices through the air and impales Quattra through the arm. A caped guy lands on the floor.
*Funky music starts to play*
Caped Guy: Drunks are for the amusement of the people and should not be beaten! I am Tuxedo Mask! Protect his pure heart Sailor Moon!
Gundam pilots and everyone look around baffled.
*Tuxedo Fag, I mean, Mask looks around*
Tuxedo Mask: Uh, Is this Dr. Tomo's mansion?
Heero: Omea o Korosu! *Points gun*
Duo: Hey, put that down Psycho! Uh, look Tux, can I call you Tux?
Tuxedo Mask: No
Dou: Anyway Tux... This is the Winner mansion, Tomo lives three blocks down.
Meanwhile at Tomo's mansion
Sailor Moon: Oh no! We're in danger! Tuxedo mask should be here any second. * Heart villains move in for the kill*
Back at the Winner mansion...
Tux: Well I'll be on my wa- *gets shot in the back by Heero*
Rick: I gotta get back to my base...bye by- *sees Minmay holding on to Heero*
YOU THIEVING BASTARD! YOU DARE TOUCH MY MINMAY!! * attempts to chase Heero, but gets shot in the arm*
Rick: Owwwwwwwwwwww! MY ARM HURTS!
Quattra: MINE HURTS WORSE!!!
Heero: Dammit, I missed.
At that moment two Evas appeared in the formerly-know-as-mansion's yard.
Asuka: That's him! The crazy idiot who trashed my Eva!
Zechs: It's that girl! I thought I finished you!
Shinji: I'll kill you for that sex!
Zechs: My name is Zechs! ZECHS!
Shinji: Whatever, DIE!!
Heero, stopping the Eva before it stomps Zechs: HOLD IT! No one kills Zechs but me!!
Just then Goku and Vegeta fighting Cell crashed into the debris of the Winner mansion.
Cell: Hmmmm, what an interesting situation!
Goku: Kaaaaameee..
Cell: Let's make a tournament out of this! All 'mech' pilots are free to enter!
Goku: AAAAAAMMMMMEEEEEEE!!!
All mech pilots: Yeah! great idea!
Goku, pointing his hands down at Cell and the Winner debris: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
A blue flash lights up the sky over Tokyo...
Everyone stands in the even more destroyed house of Quattra's.
Quattra: My arm! My house! My teddy bear collection! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Cell thumps Quattra's forehead and send him flying to Okinawa.
Meanwhile at Tenchi's house....
Tenchi: I must Go! I must marry the one named Me!
Ayeka: Lord Tenchi, don't you now my maiden name is Me?
Ryoko pushes Ayeka through a wall and snuggles up next to him.
Ryoko: Tenchi, My name is Me! Really! It's Ryoko Me!
Tenchi sighs and heads out the door, searching for Me. Suddenly he hears a faint but growing scream.
Screaming guy: aaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
A blond boy falls into Tenchi's arms.
They look at each other for a moment.
Tenchi: Who are you?
Quattra, pointing to himself: Me? I'm Qua-
Tenchi: It's you! Me!! Now I must marry you!
Quattra: This is *sob* the happiest day of my life! *sob*
Ayeka and Ryoko come barreling out side after hearing the word marry and none of their names.
Ayeka and Ryoko: WHAT? Tenchi! Don't be fooled!!!
Meanwhile Duo, Trowa and Wufie put up mech fighting tournament posters all over town. Duo's posters are placed randomly on anything around him, such as telephone poles, walls, people's faces... Trowa, on the other hand, slips his share of posters under the wipers of parked cars. Wufie just grumbles about injustice and throws posters at frightened children.
Ranma Saotome was walking home from school that day when he saw the mech fighting tournament poster on some guys face.
Ranma: Hey a fighting contest! I'll win it for sure!
Akane: Um, Ranma, that's a tournament for mechs.
Ranma: Uh, sure yeah. How hard could it be?
Akane: If you say so.
Ranma, as they walk home: Say, what's a mech?
The day of the tournament arrives!!!
Announcer Guy: It's me, Fred Lou!
Announcer#2: And don't forget me, Mia Shininui!
Andy: You gotta be kiddin!
Mai: The first round will consist of Terry Bogart vs. Wing Zero!
Andy: Does he know what kind of tournament this is?
Mai: Nope! This should be interesting!
Fred: It looks like the opponents are entering the ring! *Zero fly's in and transforms from bird mode to a mobile suit, fans cheer*
Terry: What the hell is that? Oh well, as the saying goes, kick ass and don't look back!
Mia: Who says that?
Terry: I do- *gets stepped on by Zero*
Fred: And that's round 1! Winner...Heero!
Mai: The next round is Zero vs. Eva 01!
Eva 01 walks into the arena and pulls out an axe. Zero pulls out his beam saber and fly's toward Shinji, who blocks the attack, but gets knocked down.
Heero: Looks like I win again.
Shinji: I'm not worthy of piloting the Eva.
Heero: Have you met Wufie?
Shinji:...
Zero slices off 01's arm and shoots it's buster rifle at the crippled Eva. Shinji dodges and charges Zero.
Fred: Wow! Eva 01 isn't out of the fight yet! *Zero slices 01 in half* Wait, never mind.
Mai: The next challenger is Zechs Marquise on the Tallgeese! *various fans go crazy*
Tallgeese lands and draws it's beam saber.
Zechs: To attain total pacifism one thing is required...
Noin: Uh, Zechs, we aren't fighting for peace...
Zechs: To attain this victory...* to himself* oh, I like that one... I must have a pure heart that can empathize with people. That's what gives me the right to this victory!
Heero, yawning: Are you done yet?
Heero flies head long at Zechs, who does the same. They both slash at each other.
Heero: Victory is mi-- *Zero explodes*
Zechs: I won! I finally won!
Heero, falling to the ground: Death still hurts like hell!
Fred: And now for the half time show! We will get to witness a wedding!
Mai: That's right! Today Tenchi Masaki will wed Me Rebaba Winner!
Meanwhile a sneaky devil child is breaking into the infirmary.
Duo: Where's Heero...gots him a present! *holds up bottle of blonde hair dye*
Duo slinks over to Heero and pours the entire bottle on his head. Right about then Heero wakes up.
Heero: What? Hey Duo... What the hell is going on? Why is my hair wet? *looks in mirror* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! DUO YOU GODDAMNED BASTARD!!!
Duo: You look like Quattra!
Heero: YOU!! * starts to chase Duo*
Duo: Hey! Take it easy!
Heero chases Duo out into the main lobby where a certain groom is waiting for his beloved Me.
Tenchi: Me! There you are! Thank you Mr. for finding him!
Duo, Snickering: Sure thing pal! See ya later Hee- er, Me!
Tenchi drags Heero out into the arena down a long red carpet.
Fred: Such a lucky boy!
Mai, A bit perturbed by that comment: Which one?
Fred: Both. *sighs*
Mai: Hel-loo! Beautiful girl in extremely skimpy ninja outfit sitting not but two feet from you!!
Fred: That's lovely.
Duo: Did someone say beautiful girls? I'm all game! * gets thwacked by Mai*
Duo: ooowwww
Back at the wedding...
Preacher: And do you, Me, take Tenchi to be your loftily wedded husband?
Heero: No.
Preacher: Then I now pronounce you husband and husband! You may now kiss the groom!
Tenchi attempts to kiss Heero, but Heero flings Tenchi over his shoulder and high-tails it away.
Quattra, running up: Sorry I'm late!
Tenchi: Me! Your back!
Quattra: I was never here....
Tenchi carries Qua-chan out of the arena.
Mai, with a tone of disgust: Well, now that that's over...Back to the tournament!
Fred: It's Tallgeese vs. Deathscythe! * Deathscythe walks into the arena and waves to the crowd*
Duo, on loud speaker: HEY THERE MY ADORING FANS!
Fans all hold up signs saying 'I love you Dou!' and 'Dou, I'm pregnant!'.
Zechs: Your arrogance is extremely annoying, as is your obvious lack of respect for those who are much greater than you could ever hope to aspire to be!
Duo, looking in dictionary: Uh, yeah, I'm obligated to fight you in a chivalrous manner!
Zechs: You impertinent fool! No one will talk me out of this transgression!
Duo: The God of Death has returned from hell! *Rhythm Emotion starts to play*
Zechs: What the hell? This music sucks! I will avenge my soul, by destroying the ones who blah blah blah- *starts long speech*
Meanwhile Duo runs over an slices Tallgeeses head off.
Duo: I WIN!!! I'M THE BEST!!! WHOOOOHOOOOO!! *Duo jumps out of the cockpit hatch and signs some autographs while posing with a bunch of chicks, all the while Rhythm Emotion is still playing*
Zechs, who has climbed out of the Tallgeese wreckage: Where is that music coming from?
Mia: We'll be right back to the fight after the commercials! *droops down and talks in an annoyed voice* This sucks! why do we have to have these gay commercials? They SUCK! Wha-? we're still on the air? Oops.... *Goes to commercial*
Zechs appears on the TV screen and smiles.
Zechs: I use Crust multi-care plaque fighting toothpaste why? Because it has all the whitening, gingivitis killing action I need to keep my traitorous smile nice and shiny. Buy Crust multi-care or I'll avenge the death of my country on your ass!
The next commercial starts. Heero is standing in front of a light post dully watching the cars go by when Akane walks up and stares at Heero's pants.
Heero: Nice pants Huh?
Akane: No, you spilt your coke all over them. And they're to tight for my taste.
Heero:......
Ayeka appears on the screen in front of a backdrop of Jurai.
Ayeka: Hello, I am the first royal princess of Jurai, and as you all know spring break is right around the corner...what will you do? Where will you go? The answer is Jurai! It has lovely beaches, beautiful forests.. Blah blah blah.... * babbles about Jurai*
As Ayeka is talking Ryoko teleports behind her and starts to make faces at her.
Ryoko: You suck Ayeka! Hahahahahahahaha! Tenchi loves me more!
Ayeka, ignoring Ryoko: And Jurai is much better than the planet that mummy woman comes from.... *smiles to herself as Kamadake and Azaka come up from behind Ryoko and put her in a force field*
Ryoko, muffled: I'll get you Ayeka! You better watch your back!! *Azaka and Kamadake throw Ryoko into the air* I'll get you, you little- * voice fades as she recedes in the distance*
Commercials end and Mai reappears smiling.
Mai: Welcome back to the semi-finals! This round will consist of Deathscythe vs. the Eva 00 and 02 tag-team!
Fred: Deathscythe's partner will be Rick piloting the Valkerie!
Mai: The tension is so thick you could cut it with a spoon!
Deathscythe moon-walks into the arena and waves to the crowd, while Rick's Valkerie swoops in and transforms into Gerwalk mode. Eva 00 and 02 jump into the ring and pull out some extra large guns.
Rick: I'll get you!
Asuka: It's that angel from before!
Rick: I know I'm saintly, but I'm not an angel....
02 jumps on Rick's Valkerie and shoots a chunk out of it's wing. 00 does nothing.
Rick: Blast you!
Asuka: BASTARD!!!
Asuka shoots her gun through the Valkerie's fuel tank.
Rick: ....nuts....*Valkerie explodes*
Asuka and Rei turn to Deathscythe, Deathscythe stands still.
Asuka: Your move, braid boy!
Duo, inside cockpit: Snnnoooooorrrre!!
Asuka: WAKE UP YOU IDIOT!!!
Duo: Wha- uh, yeah *yawns* I'm comin...
Asuka and Rei charge Deathscythe. Duo whips out his beam scythe and slices 00 in half.
Duo: Ha! got your comrade!
Asuka: So? No one liked WonderGirl anyway.
Duo: Well then, looks like that helps my conscience! *swipes at Asuka, She dodges and draws the Lance of Longinus.
Asuka: I have the advantage!!!
Duo: Because you have a little toy spear?
Asuka: It's a lance!!
Duo: Spear!
Asuka: Lance!
Spear!
Lance!
Spear!
Lance!
Mai: Well the tag team tournament has wound down to an argument of idiocy.
Fred: It appears Asuka is winning!
Asuka: You long haired moronic good for nothing bastard of a piece of shit!!!!
Duo: No!...must...not....give....in! YOU CHEAP UGLY WHORE!!!!
Asuka: NO!!! *02 collapses*
Duo: I win again!
Mai: AND THE ROUND GOES TO DUO!!! * Crowd goes insane and start chanting 'Duo, Duo, Duo, Duo!'
Fred: The hansom pilot is exiting his mobile suit to talk to his adoring fans!!
The next round will consist of Deathscythe vs.-
Mysterious person: I challenge you Deathscythe!
Mai: It's Ranma! He's challenging Duo!!
Duo: You gotta be kiddin me...
Ranma: Come on! DS # 2! FOX FU!!! * does some karate moves on Deathscythe's foot.*
Duo: Some people don't know when to quit.... *picks up Ranma and flicks him through the arena wall*
Mai: Anyway this next round will consist of Deathscythe vs. some mobile suit lookin' deal!
Patlabor pilot: IT'S A PATLABOR!!
Mai: Whatever...
Fred The match is about to begin!
Deathscythe and the anonymous Patlabor start to fight.
Meanwhile in the locker rooms...
Tenchi, Kairaishi spell wearing off: Huh? Who are you? *Points to Quattra*
Quattra: I'm you wife! My name is Me!
Tenchi: AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Ayeka trudges in: Lord Tenchi, if you insist on marrying that girlie man then go right ahead, for I have found a new love!! * Ash walks in*
Ayeka: There he is now!
Ash: What? Um, who are you? *looks down at Ayeka hugging his midsection*
Ayeka: Why, I'm your fiance'!
Ash:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
Elsewhere... Asuka is sitting and wondering.
Asuka: No one has ever beaten me before that guy! Do you think I'm weak?
PenPen:...........
Asuka: Anyway, he was cute ya know, and that's the only time anyone has survived my verbal beatings.
PenPen:..........................
Back at the match...
Deathscythe finishes kicking the Patlabor's ass, when Mia comes on the loud speaker.
Mai: Well ladies and gentlemen! That's the worlds first Mech Fighting Championship with Duo, piloting Deathscythe as the winner!!!! Wait! It looks like someone is walking into the arena! It looks like a kid with a hat!!
Ash: I challenge you! If I win I get a Tree Badge!
Duo: Really...when will they learn?
Ash: Pikachu, I choose you!
Mai: HOLD IT!!!! * Deathscythe's blade comes within an inch of Ash's nose*
The Judges say you can't battle kid, sorry.
Ash: But that Terry creep got to fight!! * points to mangled corpse* and so did that Ranma guy! Why can't I?!
Mai: The Judges said so. *looks at Judges who are asleep*
Fred, whispering: Thanks again Mai, I just couldn't let such a cute guy get killed now could I?
Mai, grossed out: Never mind.... GO AHEAD AND FIGHT ASH!
Ash: YAY! Pikachu! I chose you! * Pikachu appears* Pikachu, thunder bolt attack!!
Pikachu: PIKA---CHUUUUUU!!! * Giant thunder bolt strikes Deathscythe*
Duo: Hey, I think I felt something...did a fly land on my head?
Misty: Hey, Pst! Ash! Gundanium doesn't conduct electricity!
Ash*sweat drops*: Oops...heh heh, well, see ya! *tries to run away.., but Deathscythe foot comes down on him*
Suddenly Deathscythe falls onto it's back. Ayeka is standing in front of Ash with her force field.
Ayeka: I will not allow you to harm Lord Ash! Ryo-oki! GO! * fluffy thing becomes giant pink bunny thingy*
Ayeka: I challenge you!
Duo: Sheesh! What's with all the challenges?
Ryo-oki attacks Deathscythe viciously before a large shadow appears in the arena.
Asuka: STOP RIGHT THERE ALIEN CHICK! NO ONE KILLS DUO BUT ME! GOT THAT!?
Ayeka: Bring it on!
Nine other white Evas appear.
Asuka: I brought some friends, hope you don't mind!
Ayeka: Ha! What a pathetic display! Heart Snatchers! Go! * several villains come out of nowhere and attack the Evas.
Dou: Battling chicks! Alright!
Mai: It appears that this fight is out of control! There are dozens of mechs fighting in the arena!
Fred: The crowd seems to love it ! Look at 'em go!
About then all the other mechs decide now would be a good time to attack each other.
Mai: We have a giant Mech melee' goin on here! It's amazing!
Deathscythe slices several heart snatchers in half and moves in on a Patlabor.
Asuka finishes dicing up a Valkerie and command the other Evas to attack Ryo-oki.
Asuka: Forget about the others! It's the pink thing we want!
Ayeka sees the oncoming Evas and activates her 'secret weapon'.
Ayeka: Jigglypuff go!
A tiny little puff thing enters the arena and starts to sing.
Fred: Would you look at that! A secret Poke'Mon weapon!
Jigglypuff: Jigglypuff, Jiggly, Jigglypuff ! * All pilots fall asleep except Evas 05-13.
Asuka, yawning: You...fool, the...Evas,....have....dummy...plu..gs...ha...h...a.*yawns again*
One on coming Eva steps on poor Jiggly-thing and the music stops.
All mech pilots: Get Ayeka! She's the one made that marshmallow make us sleep!!
Ayeka: Uh, oops...
A giant cloud of dust erupts from the dozen or so mechs all fighting Ryo-oki.
Mai: I don't believe it!! It's unbelievable!
Fred: You said that already....
The dust clears and Ryo-oki is the only mech left standing.
Mai and Fred:..............................
Ayeka: Well, it looks like I win!
Part of the spot lights from the roof fall and crush Ryo-oki.
Ayeka: Owwww!
Mai: I saw that coming.
Fred: Hey look! Who's that guy on the rafters?
Heero holding saw: Sorry Ayeka, but I can't go letting a pink thing take home the trophy.
Mai: Well that's that.
Fred: Thank you for tuning in to the First Annual Mech Fighting Tournament.
Announcer guy: This show brought to you in part by Crust Multi-Care, Buy Crust or I'll avenge the death of my country on your ass.
*Author's note. There you have it. The first of three parts of the most messed up fic I've ever written!! Great huh? Well, feedback is sometimes welcomed at Mathis478@hotmail.com so feel free to flame me, send love letters, hate mail......you get the picture.