Life In A Song
Part 1 - Voices
-I can still see the blood. It was everywhere, or so it seemed like it was.-
-I couldn't figure out where it was all coming from, how there could be so much, dying the linoleum floor bright red, dripping from the near-lifeless arm, and almost dying those blue eyes black.-
-I can still see the blood, and the silver of the blade that caused it, though I swear it had been red too. I can still see it, and I still feel its consequences.-
Duo closed his journal quietly, frowning.
He had hoped that writing out what he was feeling, and seeing in his mind's eye, would help him to overcome the tragedy that had occurred just a few days ago.
A tragedy that had left the five boys who had been saviors of the Earth Sphere United Alliance over two years ago, and had recently gotten back together, scarred and scared.
One friend had attacked the other in an apparent lapse back to Zero system days, and the second friend had merely gone on instinct, grabbed a knife, pushed the other onto the table and stabbed into them at critical spots, causing the red blood, or more like red rain, to fall and drip to the floor.
There had been a loud scream then, and three boys rushed the kitchen to find a half-dead friend over the table, the other nearby looking uncharacteristically frightened.
Then there had been the ambulance, paramedics, and too many things for Duo to remember. Only a vague, blurred memory for four boys as the fifth was carted away in critical condition, which he still remained in even after three days, still un-waking and condition barely changing.
Sighing, Duo rammed his head into the desk lightly, the dull pain from the act only causing tears to come to his eyes.
However, he brushed these away, refusing, still, to cry. Refusing, still, to let this get to him... Refusing, still, to admit that one of his fellow pilots could die.
"Duo?" A voice called from the other side of his door, waking the sleeping Duo. "Duo, you okay in there? Did you fall asleep?"
Sitting up, Duo looked at the clock, and then down at his desk. He had been asleep a few hours, apparently having fallen into that sleep at some point while thinking.
"Duo?" A small knock this time, and Duo rose, crossing the room and moving to the door.
Opening the door quietly, Duo found Trowa standing outside, looking a bit worried, or maybe a bit relieved. It was still hard to tell with him.
Letting a very small smile move across his face, Trowa asked. "I've been knocking and calling for a while. Did you fall asleep?"
"Yeah..." Duo nodded vaguely and brushed away some loose hair from his face. "Yeah. Fell asleep at the desk, actually."
Trowa nodded, the small smile still on his face. "It's probably for the best. We've a long night ahead of us." At Duo's nod, Trowa turned a bit. "I'll meet you downstairs, so go ahead and get your stuff ready."
Trowa walked off as Duo nodded, and moved to grab the small duffel bag he had packed days before and had used nightly for three, now four, days.
It amazed him. Trowa always managed to cast off that faint smile at him since this had began, though in his eyes even Duo could see the worry and concern. It was almost as if Trowa knew Duo was faring this much worse than the others, and was compensating because of it.
Slinging the duffel onto his shoulder, Duo went to move downstairs. It was going to be another long night of sitting near Quatre's bedside, waiting for any change, as had been requested by his Sisters, and had been, grudgingly, granted by the hospital, who believed that everyone should come only during visiting hours.
Duo yawned softly, curling faintly into the seat of the car as Trowa drove towards the hospital.
Silence loomed between the two boys, a deadly quiet silence of sadness, rather than the usual silence of comfort that Duo and Trowa had usually maintained since they had all gotten back together recently.
Though there had been little time to really feed any close friendships during the two years they spent dealing with all the insanity that the Earth had created, there had been plenty of time since.
Each boy had found a different level of closeness with each other boy in the house, some just a mute friendship which basically only meant that they would defend one another if something happened, cared deeply for one another, but weren't too concerned in talking and doing much together. This had been
illustrated between Heero and Wufei.
Others, like Duo and Trowa, had grown very close friendships which seemed to rely more on the occasional night out, a movie, or some sort of other madness.
Though Trowa remained mostly quiet, as always, when he was with Duo, letting the braided boy talk to his heart's content, there had been a few instances where Duo had become the listener to Trowa's talking. They had grown their comfortable silence from this.
Then there was a third and fourth friendship system that had been set up within the house.
Duo and Heero had the 'all out war' friendship going. This greatly annoyed their now injured friend Quatre, who often had to pick up after the two's bragging-turned-brawling behavior had set in.
Though close, Duo and Heero tended mostly to insult, and annoy, one another. They had had their share of talks, but mostly preferred to be boys.
The fourth kind was how most of the boys reacted around Quatre.
Though all five boys had changed in the last year, Quatre had stayed basically the same. He was now fending for himself a little more than he ever had in the past, but still had a lot of money, and was still as kind as ever.
Quatre was everyone's fall back. Whenever someone got hurt, or hurt another's feelings, Quatre played the nurse, mother, or whatever term you wanted to use for the young Winner heir.
He always greeted each boy with a smile, even when his day had gone bad, and wished each 'good night', even if it meant pulling himself from a report to walk into the main room and say it at 10PM every night.
On the few times Quatre had missed the beat, forgotten to say goodnight, or didn't smile in greeting, the boys had all rushed by his side, trying to find out what was wrong with the blond-headed boy. And almost always had it ended up with Quatre laughing, then getting annoyed as Duo and Heero again broke
something.
In the end, it always all worked out, though, so no one ever thought much of anything.
They had known their fair share of pain, and they could now know when something was important to them, hence why they had struggled to live together.
And now, their most important thing, the one thing that kept most of them centered, and basically happy, was lying in a hospital bed with little chance to survive.
Duo frowned at this, and laid back some, sighing.
"You alright?" Trowa asked, looking to Duo to see the nod he gave off. He then returned his eyes to the road, well aware that Duo would say no more for the moment, but knew Trowa would listen when the time came that Duo wanted to speak.
They walked into the hospital room silently, aware that the occupants presently in the room might, and more than likely, would be asleep.
It hit them as a bit of a shock, then, that one of the occupants in the room was still up, and sitting beside Quatre's bed, his hands folded almost as in prayer in front of him, and eyes closed tightly.
Duo softly set his duffel on the floor and crossed the room to the figure, whose shoulders trembled softly in a desperate attempt and keeping back emotions they didn't want to come.
'Well, one person's having a harder time of this than I am.' Duo thought as he gently rested a hand on the shoulder of the boy, who looked up with his dark blue eyes. "You okay, Heero?"
Nodding faintly, Heero looked down at his clasped hands, which also trembled and had turned partially white due to being clasped together so hard for so long.
Reaching over with calm he really didn't have, Duo slowly unworked Heero's fingers from one another as Trowa woke Wufei in the background.
As Heero's fingers were freed of each other, he looked at Duo with those blue eyes, which were full of self-anger and a very plain look of guilt. "I... did this..." Heero mumbled, for the thousandth time since things had happened.
It had been Quatre who had gone Zero, for whatever reason, and lunged at Heero. Heero had, in response, stabbed the blonde boy.
No charges had been pressed by the family once the boys explained what happened, but Heero was getting a trial still, one that he himself was presenting to himself when he never should have at all.
Duo and the rest understood, however, why it was so painful on Heero.
In the same situation, most of them would probably have reacted in the same way that Heero did, and felt just as bad. Quatre was special to everyone, but at the same time each valued their lives a great deal and had been trained as deadly weapons.
Heero's coping with this, however, was a bit more difficult since the boy was still learning to deal with his long-forgotten humanity returning.
"It's okay..." Duo told Heero, petting his head soothingly. "You only reacted to save yourself. No one's mad at you, and Quatre won't be either."
Heero nodded, and Duo watched his face instananiously harden back to its war face as Heero stood, grabbed his bag and left with an angered flourish to his step.
Watching him for a moment, Wufei then stood, grabbed his stuff and left, only telling Duo and Trowa that two of the Maganacs would be by later in the day, came from Earth, to relieve them.
The two boys nodded, and looked at the hospital bed, monitors, tubes and wires that decorated Quatre.
"Still the same..." Duo sighed and sat down in the seat of honor beside Quatre's bed, the next to assume the guilty, and saddened, conscious that fell with that chair.
Somewhere behind him, Trowa sat down and watched the braided boy with keen eyes, well aware why Duo was the second worse in the group at coping with Quatre's injuries.
"Duo..." The soft whisper and shake brought the God of Death from a restless, dreamless sleep, and he looked up at the uni-banged boy above him.
Trowa let off a very faint smile. "Rashid and Abdul are here to take over for the day... Let's go home and get some proper rest."
Duo nodded weakly, rubbing his eyes then standing, double-taking faintly at seeing Quatre, realizing he had forgotten, somewhere in his sleep, exactly where he was.
Trowa's hand fell to Duo's shoulder, both reassuring and traumatizing him that what Duo saw was real and that the braided ex-pilot was in fact awake.
Duo's face fell to an almost unreadable look for but a moment, caught by green eyes only, before turning to where the aforementioned Maganacs were busy setting their stuff down for the day shift.
They looked up and over at the two boys, smiling but a faint smile.
In the last year neither had changed much.
Rashid had become a bit gray, but otherwise was still as large as an ox and still with beard and mustache. His face still maintained both hard, and soft, looks, and presently his eyes let off the concern which Duo figured was overly Fatherly in appearance.
Abdul himself hadn't changed really at all. He had put on a few pounds, perhaps, but it seemed all in muscle, and still wore the black glasses, hiding whatever emotion laid in the eyes behind from all who saw him. A faint smile was touching his lips, but was apparently a sad one.
Duo returned the faint smile, then felt a tug on his heart.
Casting his eyes down for a brief moment, Duo then moved, grabbed his duffel bag and stormed from the room without saying a word. He felt tears stinging the back of his eyes still.
Trowa watched still with understanding eyes.
-Perhaps I'm watching this through the wrong eyes. Do you think it's possible?-
-I've created two images of myself, the God of Death and Duo Maxwell. Like most of the people I know, my name is merely made-up, something given to me by both myself and others. Both my names are like that, but the second seems the real one, at least during the war.-
-It's hard to feel for people, you know? Hard when all around is only death. Heero's had this problem, but he was always closed. I had a family, so I wasn't always fully closed, and could never make myself that way. I made strong connections throughout the war, and...-
-Oh, who am I kidding? If I could be the God of Death, then this wouldn't bother me. If I were the real God of Death, this wouldn't be an issue. I'd pop up, big grin on my stupid face and go 'Hey! I choose your life, and your death, so get your ass up and let's go home!'. But I am not the true God of Death, and I can't close myself like he probably does.-
-At the same time... At the same time, I can't close myself off because of who is laying there, injured, waiting for the calling card to the other side. If this were Heero, or even Trowa, it would sting, sting terribly, tear me up, but... But this isn't Trowa or Heero, it's Quatre and...-
"And what, Maxwell?" Duo sighed in frustration, throwing the pen down again.
He couldn't finish his logs anymore, couldn't explain his feelings even to the inanimate. But that was because he couldn't explain his feelings to even himself.
A knock at the door brought Duo up from his thoughts, and he moved to open it.
Again, Trowa stood outside the door, but this time not to tell Duo it was time for their shift. That wouldn't be for another several hours now that Rashid and Abdul made up a third shift.
Instead, Trowa stood outside carrying a tray of cookies and milk, something Duo had introduced him to and of which Trowa had become fond of.
"All for me?" Duo asked, grinning broadly.
Trowa smirked. "Some for me too, Duo."
"Nah, I don't think so!" Duo grabbed the tray from Trowa and moved into the room, his mask of happiness replaced for the moment, though the ice remained in his soul.
Sitting down, a childish grin cascading across his face, Duo half-shouted at the brown-haired boy on the other side of the room. "It's all mine, and you can't have any!"
"Fine." Trowa replied, tone soft, as he closed Duo's door and crossed the room to him. "Then I shall sit and pout."
Duo chuckled. "Now THAT would be interesting to see."
Trowa smiled faintly, reaching forward and grabbed a cookie, watching Duo do the same as the ex-Heavyarm's pilot nibbled at the sweet piece of food.
Duo ate away at the cookies, dipping them into the milk, and smiled softly.
Even in these painful times, some things remained a constant it seemed.
Though it had been some time since they had done it, Trowa and Duo had tended to sit and just eat cookies and milk for no apparent reason other than they liked it, and enjoyed each other's company from time to time.
The ice in Duo's soul melted softly as he nibbled the sweet treats, and drank the cold milk down. It remained only up a little, as if it had melted it would leak out, coming out as tears.
Trowa watched Duo with his green eyes, attentive to the boy's every move, and aware of the ice that was hiding the real God of Death, Duo Maxwell, inside.
Perhaps it could have been easy to mistake them for a couple to anyone who had no problems with homosexuals, and to anyone who could feel presence, but it wasn't true.
Perhaps on one side feelings may have existed, but on the other remained only friendly, more in love with someone else he knew, but content with the first soul in the room.
"Duo..." Trowa placed down the cookie he was nibbling, almost laughing as Duo's sugar-happy face sprang up from diving for more cookies, but his own face remained very stoic, eyes very attentive. "Duo... What do you feel about Quatre?"
Duo's smile melted instantaneously to a very startled look, before he looked away from Trowa, thoughtful. Upon returning to the green-eyed pilot, Duo's eyes had hardened, replaced again by the illusion of the non- caring God of Death.
"He's a friend."
Diving back into the cookies, Duo's air made it apparent he would give no other response at this time.
Trowa watched this with an accepting look, apparently expecting this response.
Heero screamed, causing two heads to dart up from the silence they had long ago fallen into, cookies and milk gone, and only a need of company keeping them together.
Standing, Duo and Trowa moved down the hall to the kitchen and looked inside.
Sitting on the floor, curled into Wufei's arms, was Heero.
He was trembling badly, and beside him lay a knife, apparently dropped as the boy had screamed. His blue eyes, usually so calm, were frightened, darting to the knife with fearful looks.
Moving across the room, Duo carefully lifted the knife as Trowa knelt beside Wufei and Heero, petting the other brown-haired boy's hair, before looking to their Chinese comrade.
"What happened, Wufei?" Trowa asked, voice unwavering in its emotions, but his concern visible within his eyes.
Wufei shook his head faintly, brushing a lock from his face where it had apparently come loose from his usual tail, then returning his arm to the trembling form he held.
Duo frowned darkly, and looked over. "It's just the knife has some blood stains." As both Trowa and Wufei frowned faintly, Duo moved over nearby, knife in hand carefully, and looked at Heero, smiling softly. "It's okay, Heero. It's merely animal blood. We got rid of the knife that hurt Quatre, remember?"
Shakily, the Ex-Wing pilot nodded, and stood, walking shakily from the room.
Three boys exchanged worried glances.
"We've got to do something about Heero." Wufei sighed, attempting to retie his hair behind his head, and failing miserably due to still shaking hands from the incident in the kitchen but moments before.
After the incident, the three boys had opted to move to the small study the house sported, which was typically used late at night by Quatre, or Heero.
Trowa and Duo both nodded, Trowa being the first to speak. "Problem is all his emotions are kind of freaking out. He hasn't been used to them before this, been slowly recovering them, then this happens, and it's sort of snapped him some I think."
"I'll say." Duo said, sighing. "Man, he's acting kooky."
"You would too if you did that, Maxwell!" Wufei hissed, finally giving up on his pony tail for the time being.
"Whoa, whoa!" Duo said, holding up his hands and waving them defensively. "I know that, Wufei, I know. I wasn't putting him down, just stating."
Wufei frowned, and looked down.
After allowing a reasonable amount of time for silence, Trowa said. "I think it's hitting us all really hard. Harder than maybe we're all admitting to, and with Quatre's lack of change in the hospital, the stress is widdling away at us too."
Duo and Wufei nodded faintly. Duo looking over at the calm boy. "How about you, Trowa? You seem awfully calm about all this."
Trowa smiled very faintly at Duo, this one more faint than the rest, and his green eyes moved to conceal something quickly. "I'm not doing as well as you think, Duo, but one of us has to be strong, hm?"
"You'd rather he die..." The whisper came from the door, and three heads turned to look at Heero, all with various expressions.
Duo and Wufei's faces seemed shocked and confused, while Trowa was frowning darkly, almost angrily, towards the thin boy at the doorway.
"And what does that mean, Heero?" Trowa almost hissed.
"Exactly as I said." Heero whispered again, eyes focusing only faintly on the other boys in the room. "You'd rather Quatre die, Trowa."
At this, Trowa did hiss and stood up. "Why the hell would I want Quatre to die, Heero?! Have you gone completely mad?!"
"Have I?" Heero's eyes focused now, directly staring at Trowa's green.
With a loud growl, Trowa brushed past Heero and left. "Asshole! Lost your fucking mind!"
Heero watched after Trowa, as Duo and Wufei exchanged very confused looks.
Trowa flung the book he held down angrily, watching the pictures fall and scatter much in the way his life seemed to be scattering presently.
He let them sit there, feeling a bit guilty over his fit of rage, but just angry enough to let them sit. It's not like it truly mattered, right? Nothing ever mattered, and nothing ever would.
Or at least, the things that mattered were somewhere away from his reach.
He sighed, reaching down to grab the scattered images, and looked at them, the faint smile crossing his face again, this time the sadness allowed to fall into his emerald eyes.
The images in hand were both accurate, and inaccurate, in their captures of life.
He and Catherine in front of the main circus tent, smiling faintly, her attached him and both in costume. An image of himself and Heero taken while Heero recovered from his self-destruction. In it, Trowa was laughing some, while Heero sat quietly in the bed, the faint smug smile on his face.
Then, more recent images. The five boys at a aquarium. Duo was making faces at Quatre like a blow fish, as the blonde tried to get him to instead face the camera. Heero was rolling his eyes, and Wufei and Trowa were watching the two 'younger' boys fight for sanity and insanity.
Trowa smiled faintly. Sometimes it really did seem Duo and Quatre were younger, even though all five boys were about the same age.
Trowa let all but two images drop. The aquarium, and one other recent image.
No one knew about this image, as Trowa had snapped it when no had been paying attention to him.
It was merely an image of Duo reclining on the couch, and Quatre nearby. Duo was the clearer of the two parties, but even in this image, both boys were smiling happily, chatting off camera with the others.
Trowa's smile faded slowly as he let the images slowly go, and looked at the wall his desk was against.
Standing, he rammed a fist into it, shouting to accompany. "I would never wish for his death!" He then trailed over to his bed and laid down silently, hoping sleep would take him away from this mess.
In the room adjacent, Heero looked at the wall where he had heard the fist, and only sighed.
Slowly, raising from hazy sleep, Trowa looked outside his window for the sound which had cut into his sleep; Rain.
It was pouring down as it did sometimes up here on the colonies. Pouring as if it had no concern of anything, and as if it didn't realize what was going on in many people's lives.
Rain, music, so many things could occur at points in your life that met up with your emotions, and right now the rain was falling, pouring down as the emotions in the house, in the small group of boys was slowly starting to pour into shattered crystal tears.
Sliding from his bed, Trowa looked only briefly at the clock on his stand, 3:43AM, before walking silently out into the hallway, his padded feet making little noise on the wooden floor of the second floor.
No one seemed awake, and in fact Wufei and Heero were probably gone, their watch now up.
He slid down to the kitchen, and paused silently.
"Heero..." Trowa whispered, and the blue-eyed pilot looked up.
"Some of Quatre's Sisters showed. Wufei and I are staying here the night, and they said not to worry till tomorrow evening about returning."
Trowa nodded, and moved to the fridge, grabbing out a small bottle of chocolate milk.
As he poured the milk and got it ready to microwave for warm chocolate milk, the replacement since Duo had finished the cocoa the other day and no one had gone to replace it, Heero spoke quietly.
"Why don't you just admit it?"
"Heero, don't start." Trowa pressed the start switch, starting the milk to warming, even as he felt a sharp pang of anger. "Not now especially, with everyone else asleep."
"Feh." Heero said, and looked away from the uni-banged pilot.
There was a long bout of silence before the microwave beeped and let Trowa know his chocolate was warm.
He grabbed it from the microwave, and turned.
Heero was still looking mostly away from the other pilot, at the blood stain that had soaked into the table.
"Heero, go to bed." Trowa sighed faintly, watching blue eyes come up to look at him. He took a small sip from his hot chocolate, then responded to the slightly confused look. "The more you sit here, and the more you stare at that spot, the worse off you'll be. Go to bed."
Heero nodded faintly, Trowa's words making sense. He stood, carrying his drink over to the sink, and poured out the dark contents. Coffee Trowa suspected.
Standing there, silent, for several moments, Heero finally looked at Trowa. "It IS true, isn't it, Trowa? You'd rather want Quatre dead, wouldn't you?"
Trowa frowned deeply, darkly, and glared at the shorter boy. "Didn't I just tell you not to start?"
"Feh." Again, Heero looked away from Trowa.
This time, however, instead of staying in place, Heero moved from the kitchen silently, to the stairs then presumably on up to bed.
Trowa took another sip of his chocolate but at its now bitter taste poured the creamy substance down the drain and also went up to try and get back to sleep.
Duo woke with a start, looking around into the still blackness of the night, and hearing the rain outside that must have started recently.
Looking to the side at his clock, Duo frowned. It was only 4:15 in the morning, and he was already waking up? Why?
Duo didn't remember. He just remembered dreaming, and something in that dream had frightened him into consciousness.
He flicked on his lights and looked around his room, almost paranoid like a child after a bad dream, and frowned. Nothing. Calmness in the house too.
'Must just be nerves...' Duo thought and sighed, climbing from the bed. He knew he wouldn't get any sleep now, even if he tried.
These non-memory nightmares were one of the reasons Duo hadn't slept so well in the last few nights, along with just generally not wanting to sleep.
Sleep brought nothing to Duo but nightmares and darkness. And darkness took him away from the things he needed right now, the things he was struggling to hold onto.
Sighing, he moved to his window and looked outside at the rain.
"It's still raining..." Trowa said, his soft voice cutting through the frail silence of the room.
Wufei looked up, nodding his assent even as Heero made a move on the chess board.
Duo made no move at all, merely stared out one of the many windows in the house, watching the rain.
Silence resumed, and the God of Death laid his head against the window, feeling the freezing glass against his hot cheek, and closed his blue eyes.
'Perhaps...' Duo began his thoughts, before darkness over took him.
"Duo, Duo wake up now..."
He felt the hand shake him, and tried to shrug it away. Tried to keep away the effects it was bringing. Tried to keep away the light that was starting to hit his lids, bringing him out of the content darkness which had finally settled after so many nights.
But the hand was insistent, and so was the quiet voice, forcing Duo to open his eyes, look up at the faintly smiling face above him.
"Trowa...?" Duo watched the boy move ever so slightly away as Duo's consciousness came.
"Sorry to disturb you, you seemed comfortable, but..."
"Quatre's Sisters called." Heero interjected, not allowing Trowa to finish. The tall Ex-Heavyarms' pilot glared only faintly, but let Heero continue. "They said they need to see us right away."
"I see..." Duo replied, something inside turning and dropping to the bottom of his stomach, leaving him feeling cold and numb.
The trip to the hospital had been somewhat quiet, with no one talking very much other than the occasional request to turn the heater up, or down, and the occasional outburst between Heero and Trowa over nothing in particular.
Luckily, it was Wufei who was driving or those short bursts could have landed them in the hospital along with their silent friend Quatre. Trowa sat in the back, with a dazed Duo, and Heero sat beside Wufei.
As they pulled into the parking lot, Trowa took a good look at Duo.
In just the last night, the boy had gone downhill, and in just the last hour, the change had been very apparent. Something was on Duo's mind, and it had brought the often jesterly God of Death down.
"You okay, Duo...?" Trowa asked, ignoring the strange look Heero gave him as he unbuckled and prepared to leave the car, which was now securely, and dryly, parked in one of the hospital's parking structures.
Duo nodded faintly, sitting up fully and unbuckling.
Moving almost like a Marionette, or a computer following its program, Duo got out of the car, shut and locked the door, then proceeded to fall in behind Heero, who was moving towards the parking structure's elevator to the hospital.
Trowa followed soon after, trailing beside Wufei instead of with either Heero or Duo, and watched the braided pilot closely, knowing, or at least guessing, what was going on within him.
He had felt it too. Both the emotion and the stomach drop at news of the Sisters calling for them prematurely.
Duo looked out the glass elevator as they ascended, watching the rain slide by, falling to the ground.
At this moment, that's where he wished to be. On the ground, not going up to where his friend (and more?) was laying in critical condition. Not going where he knew bad news awaited him.
Closing his eyes for but a moment as the elevator stopped, Duo waited patiently for the doors to open, and then followed his friends out the door.
He felt it now, strongly. He felt a pain in his chest that he couldn't get rid of, a pain spurned from several things.
First of all, he had seen Heero fall in the last few days, and then begin bickering with Trowa, saying cruel things to the uni-banged boy.
How many of them were true, Duo didn't want to know, but he knew that words spoken without thought could leave painful scars on the heart, and he worried that if Heero's words were merely out of anger, then he and Trowa would have a hard time.
Yes, a hard time...
Second, he knew. He knew something was wrong the second he was told they were called by Quatre's sisters, the second he slept dreamlessly, in a comforting darkness.
And third... Third was Quatre, but that was all he would say on the matter. All he would think on the matter. Quatre was a friend, and he was slowly fading away.
Duo could feel it...
"Thank you for coming on such short notice," The girl said, bowing faintly as the boys entered the room. Her blonde hair stood out, designating her as definentely being one of Quatre's many sisters.
To the side, Rashid and Abdul sat, looking quite gloomy. Even the second sister, her hair a bit more brown, who sat in the room didn't look so happy.
The boys noticed this and returned their attention to the first sister, who again began to speak.
"We've a lot to discuss, please sit."
The boys all decided to stand, with exception of Wufei who sat in a chair against the far wall of the room, and looked at Quatre, who looked no better than he had the day before.
In fact, in some ways he looked paler.
Closing his eyes, Wufei listened to Quatre's sister as she spoke.
"The Doctors have finally made a judgement on Quatre's condition," Her head turned to look at her only brother, restlessly asleep upon the bed in a coma. "and it isn't good."
Duo closed his eyes, feeling a sharp pull. Trowa watched silently, as Heero as well seemed to steady himself from the minor blow that had just been struck.
"What is it?" Trowa asked, face impassive.
"Basically," The second sister turned from her position near Quatre's bed. "Though out little Brother's mind is in one piece, his body isn't. If he were to be taken off the life support he would die, but on it..."
She sighed and turned to face the four boys directly. "The Doctor doesn't see it being possible for Quatre's body to recover. So far it hasn't improved, and he's suggested pulling the plug. Thing is..."
"Thing is?" Heero asked this time, watching the sisters with an unreadable look more than his usual written on his face.
"Thing is," The first Sister took over. "Quatre apparently sought a lawyer recently to revamp his views on things such as comas. He's no longer placed it in the family for decision."
"He's instead opted you four to choose for him." The second Sister said, watching three sets of eyes widen in various degrees, and a fourth set pop open to watch the Sisters in an almost state of shock. "And presently, it is the suggested option."
"The... Suggested option?" Duo asked, trembling faintly.
The Sisters nodded, and turned to look at the Emerald eyes of the next to speak. "In other words you called us here to ask us to pull the plug on Quatre?"
"Yes," The blonde said, even as the brown-haired sister looked down silently. "His chances of recovery are slim to none, and we..."
"Don't want to give him a chance?" Heero offered in before the sister could finish.
Though a bit taken aback, she shook her head and looked at Heero quietly. "We don't want him to suffer anymore than he has to. The ultimate choice is up to you, but where we stand on options right now..."
"You don't seem very upset." Wufei chipped in, and ignored the injured look the two Sisters gave him.
"We know it's hard, but please, we have to present the options to you... We need you..."
"NO!" Duo shouted as loud as he could, all eyes moving quickly to look at him. "I won't give up on Quatre! None of us will, whether you ask or not! He's survived two wars, he can survive this!"
"Duo..." Trowa started, and back-stepped as deep blue eyes filled with deadly anger looked to him.
"I said NO!!!" His fists clenched, and Heero moved to try to lend the trembling boy a bit of comfort, which was rejected in a sharp blow to the stomach that sent Heero reeling over in shock.
"I won't sign any paperwork allowing you to kill Quatre!"
"Duo..." Wufei started, and shivered when the death blue eyes came to rest on him.
"I said no already..." His voice had dropped an octave or two, deep and deadly sounding. "And none of you... None of you... Will change my mind!!! Now leave me alone!!!"
Turning, Duo darted quickly from the room, Trowa starting to move after him before a cold voice stopped his step.
"Happy Trowa?" Blue eyes glanced on green ones, even as Heero finally pulled himself to a fully standing position. "Now you have a good reason..."
"Go to hell, Heero Yuy!" The tall boy turned then and took off after Duo, leaving the smaller pilot of Wing confused, along with four others in the room.
The fifth sighed faintly, brushing back a stray lock of slicked black hair. "Heero... It really is enough now..."
"....." Heero looked down, before sitting heavily on the chair beside Wufei, letting the Chinese boy put a seldom seen comforting arm around his shoulder.
Silence overtook the room.
'I won't...!' Duo thought, darting quickly down the hallways of the hospital, not caring about the shouts to slow down, or the people he almost knocked over, and not caring about the shout of his name from behind him.
'I won't just let Quatre die!' Duo thought and burst out the doors to outside, only faintly feeling the cold rain begin to drench him. 'I won't just give up on him! I can't!'
Turning his head up to the sky, the rain intermixed with the tears which had started to fall, washing them away as if they didn't exist, though the burning heat from them still scorched Duo's cheeks.
'I can't give up on him until...' Duo looked down and relaxed as he felt the gentle arms embrace him from behind, heard Trowa's silent voice whisper his name.
Turning to the tall boy, Duo buried his head into his chest and finished crying.
Trowa just stood there, silent.
"Did you find him?" Heero asked as a very soaked Trowa entered Quatre's room, and at the nod asked another question. "Where is he, then?"
"I left him in the waiting room..." Trowa looked around. "Where are Rashid, Abdul and Quatre's Sisters?"
"They went to get something to eat... Why leave him in the waiting room?" Wufei asked, arms now folded across his chest, no longer needed for the boy who was sitting beside Quatre's bed.
"To think..." Trowa replied, and sighed, looking at the pale form lying on the bed, and at the form beside it.
There was silence, as Trowa continued watching Heero and Heero continued watching Quatre.
Finally, Wufei stood. "I'll leave you two for a bit..." He slid out the door silently, and stood where he would not be visible.
More silence loomed, the two conscious boys unable to say things that needed to be said.
Finally, Trowa cleared away a dripping piece of bang, brushing it behind his ear. "Heero... Your answer..."
Heero looked up silently at Trowa, eyes searching the two visible ones in front of him. "Yes?" He replied, though almost inaudible.
Trowa looked down silently. "Your answer... As much as I could sometimes think it, and for the few times I have thought it... Never... I would never want Quatre dead....."
Heero nodded, and looked to the blonde boy.
He reached a gentle hand forward and brushed away a lock of blonde hair that had fallen into Quatre's face. "Gomen nasai to...Sayonara..."
Trowa closed his eyes, and outside, standing against a wall a Chinese boy slid to the floor, allowing his composure to break for but a moment.
It was quiet now, here, in the waiting room. All the emergency patients seemed to have gone on in already, and only a young boy and Duo remained.
The boy listened quietly to a CD Headset, and only occasionally glanced at Duo, apparently too concerned with his own problems to care about those of another, though a faint smile, returned by the braided-boy, indicated they both knew the other's pain, even if it may not have been the same.
Trying to recover his thoughts from outside, Duo sighed.
'Why can't I give up on him?' Duo asked himself, eyes sliding tiredly shut, but too tired to sleep. 'Is it because I know he can make it...? Because I don't ever give up...?'
'No...' Duo's eyes opened silently. 'No... It's because...' He looked down at the floor, watching nothing and yet everything as his mind's eye revealed memories.
The first time he had met Quatre, saved him, the events in Quatre's the town and then the blonde sacrificing his mobile suit to get them all to space. The point of insanity as the boy lost his Father and Sister, and then not knowing where people were.
The attempted destruction of the Gundams, only to be recovered, and then the final farewell to those pieces of armor which were both used for war and for peace.
The question to see if everyone wanted to live with one another for a time...
'And the smiles as I come home each night...' Duo thought sadly, a sad smile touching his lips.
Closing his eyes, Duo let the silence of the room reach him, then clenched his teeth as the boy started singing.
The voice wasn't bad, but the lyrics...
"The first word was 'dream'," He carried it out some. 'It came to me as I slept. Gently bringing out the darkness deep inside my heart..."
--Quatre had freaked out, and Heero had stabbed him from instinct... Duo wasn't mad at Heero...--
"The second word was 'wind', show me the way... I beat my wings and fly into the arms of God..."
--Quatre would make a beautiful angel, wouldn't he? Blonde hair sparkling in the rays of sun, smile lighting all around him.--
"As if counting out the sorrows that have melted all away... The golden apples fall... Falling one at a time..."
--Duo lost everyone close to him. Sister Helen, Father Maxwell, Solo... Everyone. Only the four pilots, and Howard, had stayed with him...--
"To a place with nothing to see is where I must return... A place I only have one life to struggle to get back to..."
--It felt normal in that house, though odd too. But everyone was happy with each other. Happy and content. The war through, the feelings able to be known...--
"An old book of magic spells... The curtain of the silent moonlit night holds... The promise of our being together again... Only that..."
--Could Duo believe in Heaven, even after claiming only the God of Death existed? Could he believe in it for Quatre...?--
"We can fly... We have wings... We can touch... Floating dreams..."
--It seemed all a dream, perhaps. Perhaps Duo was never to have been happy in the first place. But if so, why then...--
"Call me from... So far... Through the wind... in the light..."
--Duo couldn't call Quatre back now. Even if he could tell Quatre the words he wanted, it would never wake the boy. And Duo couldn't be selfish... Couldn't let Quatre hurt...--
"The third word was hmm... If I can just listen closely..."
--Quatre wouldn't want to lay there like that forever... Or for an undetermined amount of time. Quatre was life... Life being sucked away... Life to Duo, to the others...--
"These trembling arms of yours that I hold..."
--A soft smile, a soft touch. Images of Quatre embedded in his mind and his heart...--
Duo opened his eyes, seeing the boy watching him, and whispered with him the last line of the song.
"I can gently set free..."
Duo lowered his head, letting the last tears of the night fall as the boy watched him with compassionate eyes, silent now.
"Duo..." Heero looked up as the black-clad boy entered the room.
He moved silently to Quatre's bed side, ignoring those assembled in the room.
A boy, small now in comparison to before, dressed in a green tank top, a jean jacket over it and blue jeans, sitting beside the bed of the one Duo had come to...
A false man, always talking about weakness, never showing his own tears if could be avoided. Face red slightly from tears which had fallen, fallen for the one...
A tall boy, still wet from outside, watching silently every move Duo made, and every move Heero made. Watching silently with eyes hiding his own pain at the fact...
Two girls, brown hair and blonde, watching with emotions unreadable, but apparently concerned. They didn't want to...
Two grown men, of forty, close to the blonde in the bed. Their faces pain stricken, the one's glasses removed as a few tears escaped his eyes. Their Master...
Leaning near Quatre silently, his voice so low no one could hear, Duo whispered words he felt he'd never get to speak again...
"Quatre..." He trembled silently, all his tears gone. "I love you....."
The words unheard, everyone understood what had just happened. The light they had held for so many years would soon disappear... Forever...
-The End-
Author's Notes: Alright, I can't recall fully what this fic came from, but a lot of it was just that Voices, from Macross Plus, kept slipping into my mind. I don't write very many angst fics, though recently I have written more, and I never write death fics. This is a very unusual story for me to do, then.
I really did enjoy writing this, though at the end I felt very sad. There is more, so please let me know if you want to see what happens. Sometimes, after all, things aren't always as they appear. ^_^
Part 1 - Voices
-I can still see the blood. It was everywhere, or so it seemed like it was.-
-I couldn't figure out where it was all coming from, how there could be so much, dying the linoleum floor bright red, dripping from the near-lifeless arm, and almost dying those blue eyes black.-
-I can still see the blood, and the silver of the blade that caused it, though I swear it had been red too. I can still see it, and I still feel its consequences.-
Duo closed his journal quietly, frowning.
He had hoped that writing out what he was feeling, and seeing in his mind's eye, would help him to overcome the tragedy that had occurred just a few days ago.
A tragedy that had left the five boys who had been saviors of the Earth Sphere United Alliance over two years ago, and had recently gotten back together, scarred and scared.
One friend had attacked the other in an apparent lapse back to Zero system days, and the second friend had merely gone on instinct, grabbed a knife, pushed the other onto the table and stabbed into them at critical spots, causing the red blood, or more like red rain, to fall and drip to the floor.
There had been a loud scream then, and three boys rushed the kitchen to find a half-dead friend over the table, the other nearby looking uncharacteristically frightened.
Then there had been the ambulance, paramedics, and too many things for Duo to remember. Only a vague, blurred memory for four boys as the fifth was carted away in critical condition, which he still remained in even after three days, still un-waking and condition barely changing.
Sighing, Duo rammed his head into the desk lightly, the dull pain from the act only causing tears to come to his eyes.
However, he brushed these away, refusing, still, to cry. Refusing, still, to let this get to him... Refusing, still, to admit that one of his fellow pilots could die.
"Duo?" A voice called from the other side of his door, waking the sleeping Duo. "Duo, you okay in there? Did you fall asleep?"
Sitting up, Duo looked at the clock, and then down at his desk. He had been asleep a few hours, apparently having fallen into that sleep at some point while thinking.
"Duo?" A small knock this time, and Duo rose, crossing the room and moving to the door.
Opening the door quietly, Duo found Trowa standing outside, looking a bit worried, or maybe a bit relieved. It was still hard to tell with him.
Letting a very small smile move across his face, Trowa asked. "I've been knocking and calling for a while. Did you fall asleep?"
"Yeah..." Duo nodded vaguely and brushed away some loose hair from his face. "Yeah. Fell asleep at the desk, actually."
Trowa nodded, the small smile still on his face. "It's probably for the best. We've a long night ahead of us." At Duo's nod, Trowa turned a bit. "I'll meet you downstairs, so go ahead and get your stuff ready."
Trowa walked off as Duo nodded, and moved to grab the small duffel bag he had packed days before and had used nightly for three, now four, days.
It amazed him. Trowa always managed to cast off that faint smile at him since this had began, though in his eyes even Duo could see the worry and concern. It was almost as if Trowa knew Duo was faring this much worse than the others, and was compensating because of it.
Slinging the duffel onto his shoulder, Duo went to move downstairs. It was going to be another long night of sitting near Quatre's bedside, waiting for any change, as had been requested by his Sisters, and had been, grudgingly, granted by the hospital, who believed that everyone should come only during visiting hours.
Duo yawned softly, curling faintly into the seat of the car as Trowa drove towards the hospital.
Silence loomed between the two boys, a deadly quiet silence of sadness, rather than the usual silence of comfort that Duo and Trowa had usually maintained since they had all gotten back together recently.
Though there had been little time to really feed any close friendships during the two years they spent dealing with all the insanity that the Earth had created, there had been plenty of time since.
Each boy had found a different level of closeness with each other boy in the house, some just a mute friendship which basically only meant that they would defend one another if something happened, cared deeply for one another, but weren't too concerned in talking and doing much together. This had been
illustrated between Heero and Wufei.
Others, like Duo and Trowa, had grown very close friendships which seemed to rely more on the occasional night out, a movie, or some sort of other madness.
Though Trowa remained mostly quiet, as always, when he was with Duo, letting the braided boy talk to his heart's content, there had been a few instances where Duo had become the listener to Trowa's talking. They had grown their comfortable silence from this.
Then there was a third and fourth friendship system that had been set up within the house.
Duo and Heero had the 'all out war' friendship going. This greatly annoyed their now injured friend Quatre, who often had to pick up after the two's bragging-turned-brawling behavior had set in.
Though close, Duo and Heero tended mostly to insult, and annoy, one another. They had had their share of talks, but mostly preferred to be boys.
The fourth kind was how most of the boys reacted around Quatre.
Though all five boys had changed in the last year, Quatre had stayed basically the same. He was now fending for himself a little more than he ever had in the past, but still had a lot of money, and was still as kind as ever.
Quatre was everyone's fall back. Whenever someone got hurt, or hurt another's feelings, Quatre played the nurse, mother, or whatever term you wanted to use for the young Winner heir.
He always greeted each boy with a smile, even when his day had gone bad, and wished each 'good night', even if it meant pulling himself from a report to walk into the main room and say it at 10PM every night.
On the few times Quatre had missed the beat, forgotten to say goodnight, or didn't smile in greeting, the boys had all rushed by his side, trying to find out what was wrong with the blond-headed boy. And almost always had it ended up with Quatre laughing, then getting annoyed as Duo and Heero again broke
something.
In the end, it always all worked out, though, so no one ever thought much of anything.
They had known their fair share of pain, and they could now know when something was important to them, hence why they had struggled to live together.
And now, their most important thing, the one thing that kept most of them centered, and basically happy, was lying in a hospital bed with little chance to survive.
Duo frowned at this, and laid back some, sighing.
"You alright?" Trowa asked, looking to Duo to see the nod he gave off. He then returned his eyes to the road, well aware that Duo would say no more for the moment, but knew Trowa would listen when the time came that Duo wanted to speak.
They walked into the hospital room silently, aware that the occupants presently in the room might, and more than likely, would be asleep.
It hit them as a bit of a shock, then, that one of the occupants in the room was still up, and sitting beside Quatre's bed, his hands folded almost as in prayer in front of him, and eyes closed tightly.
Duo softly set his duffel on the floor and crossed the room to the figure, whose shoulders trembled softly in a desperate attempt and keeping back emotions they didn't want to come.
'Well, one person's having a harder time of this than I am.' Duo thought as he gently rested a hand on the shoulder of the boy, who looked up with his dark blue eyes. "You okay, Heero?"
Nodding faintly, Heero looked down at his clasped hands, which also trembled and had turned partially white due to being clasped together so hard for so long.
Reaching over with calm he really didn't have, Duo slowly unworked Heero's fingers from one another as Trowa woke Wufei in the background.
As Heero's fingers were freed of each other, he looked at Duo with those blue eyes, which were full of self-anger and a very plain look of guilt. "I... did this..." Heero mumbled, for the thousandth time since things had happened.
It had been Quatre who had gone Zero, for whatever reason, and lunged at Heero. Heero had, in response, stabbed the blonde boy.
No charges had been pressed by the family once the boys explained what happened, but Heero was getting a trial still, one that he himself was presenting to himself when he never should have at all.
Duo and the rest understood, however, why it was so painful on Heero.
In the same situation, most of them would probably have reacted in the same way that Heero did, and felt just as bad. Quatre was special to everyone, but at the same time each valued their lives a great deal and had been trained as deadly weapons.
Heero's coping with this, however, was a bit more difficult since the boy was still learning to deal with his long-forgotten humanity returning.
"It's okay..." Duo told Heero, petting his head soothingly. "You only reacted to save yourself. No one's mad at you, and Quatre won't be either."
Heero nodded, and Duo watched his face instananiously harden back to its war face as Heero stood, grabbed his bag and left with an angered flourish to his step.
Watching him for a moment, Wufei then stood, grabbed his stuff and left, only telling Duo and Trowa that two of the Maganacs would be by later in the day, came from Earth, to relieve them.
The two boys nodded, and looked at the hospital bed, monitors, tubes and wires that decorated Quatre.
"Still the same..." Duo sighed and sat down in the seat of honor beside Quatre's bed, the next to assume the guilty, and saddened, conscious that fell with that chair.
Somewhere behind him, Trowa sat down and watched the braided boy with keen eyes, well aware why Duo was the second worse in the group at coping with Quatre's injuries.
"Duo..." The soft whisper and shake brought the God of Death from a restless, dreamless sleep, and he looked up at the uni-banged boy above him.
Trowa let off a very faint smile. "Rashid and Abdul are here to take over for the day... Let's go home and get some proper rest."
Duo nodded weakly, rubbing his eyes then standing, double-taking faintly at seeing Quatre, realizing he had forgotten, somewhere in his sleep, exactly where he was.
Trowa's hand fell to Duo's shoulder, both reassuring and traumatizing him that what Duo saw was real and that the braided ex-pilot was in fact awake.
Duo's face fell to an almost unreadable look for but a moment, caught by green eyes only, before turning to where the aforementioned Maganacs were busy setting their stuff down for the day shift.
They looked up and over at the two boys, smiling but a faint smile.
In the last year neither had changed much.
Rashid had become a bit gray, but otherwise was still as large as an ox and still with beard and mustache. His face still maintained both hard, and soft, looks, and presently his eyes let off the concern which Duo figured was overly Fatherly in appearance.
Abdul himself hadn't changed really at all. He had put on a few pounds, perhaps, but it seemed all in muscle, and still wore the black glasses, hiding whatever emotion laid in the eyes behind from all who saw him. A faint smile was touching his lips, but was apparently a sad one.
Duo returned the faint smile, then felt a tug on his heart.
Casting his eyes down for a brief moment, Duo then moved, grabbed his duffel bag and stormed from the room without saying a word. He felt tears stinging the back of his eyes still.
Trowa watched still with understanding eyes.
-Perhaps I'm watching this through the wrong eyes. Do you think it's possible?-
-I've created two images of myself, the God of Death and Duo Maxwell. Like most of the people I know, my name is merely made-up, something given to me by both myself and others. Both my names are like that, but the second seems the real one, at least during the war.-
-It's hard to feel for people, you know? Hard when all around is only death. Heero's had this problem, but he was always closed. I had a family, so I wasn't always fully closed, and could never make myself that way. I made strong connections throughout the war, and...-
-Oh, who am I kidding? If I could be the God of Death, then this wouldn't bother me. If I were the real God of Death, this wouldn't be an issue. I'd pop up, big grin on my stupid face and go 'Hey! I choose your life, and your death, so get your ass up and let's go home!'. But I am not the true God of Death, and I can't close myself like he probably does.-
-At the same time... At the same time, I can't close myself off because of who is laying there, injured, waiting for the calling card to the other side. If this were Heero, or even Trowa, it would sting, sting terribly, tear me up, but... But this isn't Trowa or Heero, it's Quatre and...-
"And what, Maxwell?" Duo sighed in frustration, throwing the pen down again.
He couldn't finish his logs anymore, couldn't explain his feelings even to the inanimate. But that was because he couldn't explain his feelings to even himself.
A knock at the door brought Duo up from his thoughts, and he moved to open it.
Again, Trowa stood outside the door, but this time not to tell Duo it was time for their shift. That wouldn't be for another several hours now that Rashid and Abdul made up a third shift.
Instead, Trowa stood outside carrying a tray of cookies and milk, something Duo had introduced him to and of which Trowa had become fond of.
"All for me?" Duo asked, grinning broadly.
Trowa smirked. "Some for me too, Duo."
"Nah, I don't think so!" Duo grabbed the tray from Trowa and moved into the room, his mask of happiness replaced for the moment, though the ice remained in his soul.
Sitting down, a childish grin cascading across his face, Duo half-shouted at the brown-haired boy on the other side of the room. "It's all mine, and you can't have any!"
"Fine." Trowa replied, tone soft, as he closed Duo's door and crossed the room to him. "Then I shall sit and pout."
Duo chuckled. "Now THAT would be interesting to see."
Trowa smiled faintly, reaching forward and grabbed a cookie, watching Duo do the same as the ex-Heavyarm's pilot nibbled at the sweet piece of food.
Duo ate away at the cookies, dipping them into the milk, and smiled softly.
Even in these painful times, some things remained a constant it seemed.
Though it had been some time since they had done it, Trowa and Duo had tended to sit and just eat cookies and milk for no apparent reason other than they liked it, and enjoyed each other's company from time to time.
The ice in Duo's soul melted softly as he nibbled the sweet treats, and drank the cold milk down. It remained only up a little, as if it had melted it would leak out, coming out as tears.
Trowa watched Duo with his green eyes, attentive to the boy's every move, and aware of the ice that was hiding the real God of Death, Duo Maxwell, inside.
Perhaps it could have been easy to mistake them for a couple to anyone who had no problems with homosexuals, and to anyone who could feel presence, but it wasn't true.
Perhaps on one side feelings may have existed, but on the other remained only friendly, more in love with someone else he knew, but content with the first soul in the room.
"Duo..." Trowa placed down the cookie he was nibbling, almost laughing as Duo's sugar-happy face sprang up from diving for more cookies, but his own face remained very stoic, eyes very attentive. "Duo... What do you feel about Quatre?"
Duo's smile melted instantaneously to a very startled look, before he looked away from Trowa, thoughtful. Upon returning to the green-eyed pilot, Duo's eyes had hardened, replaced again by the illusion of the non- caring God of Death.
"He's a friend."
Diving back into the cookies, Duo's air made it apparent he would give no other response at this time.
Trowa watched this with an accepting look, apparently expecting this response.
Heero screamed, causing two heads to dart up from the silence they had long ago fallen into, cookies and milk gone, and only a need of company keeping them together.
Standing, Duo and Trowa moved down the hall to the kitchen and looked inside.
Sitting on the floor, curled into Wufei's arms, was Heero.
He was trembling badly, and beside him lay a knife, apparently dropped as the boy had screamed. His blue eyes, usually so calm, were frightened, darting to the knife with fearful looks.
Moving across the room, Duo carefully lifted the knife as Trowa knelt beside Wufei and Heero, petting the other brown-haired boy's hair, before looking to their Chinese comrade.
"What happened, Wufei?" Trowa asked, voice unwavering in its emotions, but his concern visible within his eyes.
Wufei shook his head faintly, brushing a lock from his face where it had apparently come loose from his usual tail, then returning his arm to the trembling form he held.
Duo frowned darkly, and looked over. "It's just the knife has some blood stains." As both Trowa and Wufei frowned faintly, Duo moved over nearby, knife in hand carefully, and looked at Heero, smiling softly. "It's okay, Heero. It's merely animal blood. We got rid of the knife that hurt Quatre, remember?"
Shakily, the Ex-Wing pilot nodded, and stood, walking shakily from the room.
Three boys exchanged worried glances.
"We've got to do something about Heero." Wufei sighed, attempting to retie his hair behind his head, and failing miserably due to still shaking hands from the incident in the kitchen but moments before.
After the incident, the three boys had opted to move to the small study the house sported, which was typically used late at night by Quatre, or Heero.
Trowa and Duo both nodded, Trowa being the first to speak. "Problem is all his emotions are kind of freaking out. He hasn't been used to them before this, been slowly recovering them, then this happens, and it's sort of snapped him some I think."
"I'll say." Duo said, sighing. "Man, he's acting kooky."
"You would too if you did that, Maxwell!" Wufei hissed, finally giving up on his pony tail for the time being.
"Whoa, whoa!" Duo said, holding up his hands and waving them defensively. "I know that, Wufei, I know. I wasn't putting him down, just stating."
Wufei frowned, and looked down.
After allowing a reasonable amount of time for silence, Trowa said. "I think it's hitting us all really hard. Harder than maybe we're all admitting to, and with Quatre's lack of change in the hospital, the stress is widdling away at us too."
Duo and Wufei nodded faintly. Duo looking over at the calm boy. "How about you, Trowa? You seem awfully calm about all this."
Trowa smiled very faintly at Duo, this one more faint than the rest, and his green eyes moved to conceal something quickly. "I'm not doing as well as you think, Duo, but one of us has to be strong, hm?"
"You'd rather he die..." The whisper came from the door, and three heads turned to look at Heero, all with various expressions.
Duo and Wufei's faces seemed shocked and confused, while Trowa was frowning darkly, almost angrily, towards the thin boy at the doorway.
"And what does that mean, Heero?" Trowa almost hissed.
"Exactly as I said." Heero whispered again, eyes focusing only faintly on the other boys in the room. "You'd rather Quatre die, Trowa."
At this, Trowa did hiss and stood up. "Why the hell would I want Quatre to die, Heero?! Have you gone completely mad?!"
"Have I?" Heero's eyes focused now, directly staring at Trowa's green.
With a loud growl, Trowa brushed past Heero and left. "Asshole! Lost your fucking mind!"
Heero watched after Trowa, as Duo and Wufei exchanged very confused looks.
Trowa flung the book he held down angrily, watching the pictures fall and scatter much in the way his life seemed to be scattering presently.
He let them sit there, feeling a bit guilty over his fit of rage, but just angry enough to let them sit. It's not like it truly mattered, right? Nothing ever mattered, and nothing ever would.
Or at least, the things that mattered were somewhere away from his reach.
He sighed, reaching down to grab the scattered images, and looked at them, the faint smile crossing his face again, this time the sadness allowed to fall into his emerald eyes.
The images in hand were both accurate, and inaccurate, in their captures of life.
He and Catherine in front of the main circus tent, smiling faintly, her attached him and both in costume. An image of himself and Heero taken while Heero recovered from his self-destruction. In it, Trowa was laughing some, while Heero sat quietly in the bed, the faint smug smile on his face.
Then, more recent images. The five boys at a aquarium. Duo was making faces at Quatre like a blow fish, as the blonde tried to get him to instead face the camera. Heero was rolling his eyes, and Wufei and Trowa were watching the two 'younger' boys fight for sanity and insanity.
Trowa smiled faintly. Sometimes it really did seem Duo and Quatre were younger, even though all five boys were about the same age.
Trowa let all but two images drop. The aquarium, and one other recent image.
No one knew about this image, as Trowa had snapped it when no had been paying attention to him.
It was merely an image of Duo reclining on the couch, and Quatre nearby. Duo was the clearer of the two parties, but even in this image, both boys were smiling happily, chatting off camera with the others.
Trowa's smile faded slowly as he let the images slowly go, and looked at the wall his desk was against.
Standing, he rammed a fist into it, shouting to accompany. "I would never wish for his death!" He then trailed over to his bed and laid down silently, hoping sleep would take him away from this mess.
In the room adjacent, Heero looked at the wall where he had heard the fist, and only sighed.
Slowly, raising from hazy sleep, Trowa looked outside his window for the sound which had cut into his sleep; Rain.
It was pouring down as it did sometimes up here on the colonies. Pouring as if it had no concern of anything, and as if it didn't realize what was going on in many people's lives.
Rain, music, so many things could occur at points in your life that met up with your emotions, and right now the rain was falling, pouring down as the emotions in the house, in the small group of boys was slowly starting to pour into shattered crystal tears.
Sliding from his bed, Trowa looked only briefly at the clock on his stand, 3:43AM, before walking silently out into the hallway, his padded feet making little noise on the wooden floor of the second floor.
No one seemed awake, and in fact Wufei and Heero were probably gone, their watch now up.
He slid down to the kitchen, and paused silently.
"Heero..." Trowa whispered, and the blue-eyed pilot looked up.
"Some of Quatre's Sisters showed. Wufei and I are staying here the night, and they said not to worry till tomorrow evening about returning."
Trowa nodded, and moved to the fridge, grabbing out a small bottle of chocolate milk.
As he poured the milk and got it ready to microwave for warm chocolate milk, the replacement since Duo had finished the cocoa the other day and no one had gone to replace it, Heero spoke quietly.
"Why don't you just admit it?"
"Heero, don't start." Trowa pressed the start switch, starting the milk to warming, even as he felt a sharp pang of anger. "Not now especially, with everyone else asleep."
"Feh." Heero said, and looked away from the uni-banged pilot.
There was a long bout of silence before the microwave beeped and let Trowa know his chocolate was warm.
He grabbed it from the microwave, and turned.
Heero was still looking mostly away from the other pilot, at the blood stain that had soaked into the table.
"Heero, go to bed." Trowa sighed faintly, watching blue eyes come up to look at him. He took a small sip from his hot chocolate, then responded to the slightly confused look. "The more you sit here, and the more you stare at that spot, the worse off you'll be. Go to bed."
Heero nodded faintly, Trowa's words making sense. He stood, carrying his drink over to the sink, and poured out the dark contents. Coffee Trowa suspected.
Standing there, silent, for several moments, Heero finally looked at Trowa. "It IS true, isn't it, Trowa? You'd rather want Quatre dead, wouldn't you?"
Trowa frowned deeply, darkly, and glared at the shorter boy. "Didn't I just tell you not to start?"
"Feh." Again, Heero looked away from Trowa.
This time, however, instead of staying in place, Heero moved from the kitchen silently, to the stairs then presumably on up to bed.
Trowa took another sip of his chocolate but at its now bitter taste poured the creamy substance down the drain and also went up to try and get back to sleep.
Duo woke with a start, looking around into the still blackness of the night, and hearing the rain outside that must have started recently.
Looking to the side at his clock, Duo frowned. It was only 4:15 in the morning, and he was already waking up? Why?
Duo didn't remember. He just remembered dreaming, and something in that dream had frightened him into consciousness.
He flicked on his lights and looked around his room, almost paranoid like a child after a bad dream, and frowned. Nothing. Calmness in the house too.
'Must just be nerves...' Duo thought and sighed, climbing from the bed. He knew he wouldn't get any sleep now, even if he tried.
These non-memory nightmares were one of the reasons Duo hadn't slept so well in the last few nights, along with just generally not wanting to sleep.
Sleep brought nothing to Duo but nightmares and darkness. And darkness took him away from the things he needed right now, the things he was struggling to hold onto.
Sighing, he moved to his window and looked outside at the rain.
"It's still raining..." Trowa said, his soft voice cutting through the frail silence of the room.
Wufei looked up, nodding his assent even as Heero made a move on the chess board.
Duo made no move at all, merely stared out one of the many windows in the house, watching the rain.
Silence resumed, and the God of Death laid his head against the window, feeling the freezing glass against his hot cheek, and closed his blue eyes.
'Perhaps...' Duo began his thoughts, before darkness over took him.
"Duo, Duo wake up now..."
He felt the hand shake him, and tried to shrug it away. Tried to keep away the effects it was bringing. Tried to keep away the light that was starting to hit his lids, bringing him out of the content darkness which had finally settled after so many nights.
But the hand was insistent, and so was the quiet voice, forcing Duo to open his eyes, look up at the faintly smiling face above him.
"Trowa...?" Duo watched the boy move ever so slightly away as Duo's consciousness came.
"Sorry to disturb you, you seemed comfortable, but..."
"Quatre's Sisters called." Heero interjected, not allowing Trowa to finish. The tall Ex-Heavyarms' pilot glared only faintly, but let Heero continue. "They said they need to see us right away."
"I see..." Duo replied, something inside turning and dropping to the bottom of his stomach, leaving him feeling cold and numb.
The trip to the hospital had been somewhat quiet, with no one talking very much other than the occasional request to turn the heater up, or down, and the occasional outburst between Heero and Trowa over nothing in particular.
Luckily, it was Wufei who was driving or those short bursts could have landed them in the hospital along with their silent friend Quatre. Trowa sat in the back, with a dazed Duo, and Heero sat beside Wufei.
As they pulled into the parking lot, Trowa took a good look at Duo.
In just the last night, the boy had gone downhill, and in just the last hour, the change had been very apparent. Something was on Duo's mind, and it had brought the often jesterly God of Death down.
"You okay, Duo...?" Trowa asked, ignoring the strange look Heero gave him as he unbuckled and prepared to leave the car, which was now securely, and dryly, parked in one of the hospital's parking structures.
Duo nodded faintly, sitting up fully and unbuckling.
Moving almost like a Marionette, or a computer following its program, Duo got out of the car, shut and locked the door, then proceeded to fall in behind Heero, who was moving towards the parking structure's elevator to the hospital.
Trowa followed soon after, trailing beside Wufei instead of with either Heero or Duo, and watched the braided pilot closely, knowing, or at least guessing, what was going on within him.
He had felt it too. Both the emotion and the stomach drop at news of the Sisters calling for them prematurely.
Duo looked out the glass elevator as they ascended, watching the rain slide by, falling to the ground.
At this moment, that's where he wished to be. On the ground, not going up to where his friend (and more?) was laying in critical condition. Not going where he knew bad news awaited him.
Closing his eyes for but a moment as the elevator stopped, Duo waited patiently for the doors to open, and then followed his friends out the door.
He felt it now, strongly. He felt a pain in his chest that he couldn't get rid of, a pain spurned from several things.
First of all, he had seen Heero fall in the last few days, and then begin bickering with Trowa, saying cruel things to the uni-banged boy.
How many of them were true, Duo didn't want to know, but he knew that words spoken without thought could leave painful scars on the heart, and he worried that if Heero's words were merely out of anger, then he and Trowa would have a hard time.
Yes, a hard time...
Second, he knew. He knew something was wrong the second he was told they were called by Quatre's sisters, the second he slept dreamlessly, in a comforting darkness.
And third... Third was Quatre, but that was all he would say on the matter. All he would think on the matter. Quatre was a friend, and he was slowly fading away.
Duo could feel it...
"Thank you for coming on such short notice," The girl said, bowing faintly as the boys entered the room. Her blonde hair stood out, designating her as definentely being one of Quatre's many sisters.
To the side, Rashid and Abdul sat, looking quite gloomy. Even the second sister, her hair a bit more brown, who sat in the room didn't look so happy.
The boys noticed this and returned their attention to the first sister, who again began to speak.
"We've a lot to discuss, please sit."
The boys all decided to stand, with exception of Wufei who sat in a chair against the far wall of the room, and looked at Quatre, who looked no better than he had the day before.
In fact, in some ways he looked paler.
Closing his eyes, Wufei listened to Quatre's sister as she spoke.
"The Doctors have finally made a judgement on Quatre's condition," Her head turned to look at her only brother, restlessly asleep upon the bed in a coma. "and it isn't good."
Duo closed his eyes, feeling a sharp pull. Trowa watched silently, as Heero as well seemed to steady himself from the minor blow that had just been struck.
"What is it?" Trowa asked, face impassive.
"Basically," The second sister turned from her position near Quatre's bed. "Though out little Brother's mind is in one piece, his body isn't. If he were to be taken off the life support he would die, but on it..."
She sighed and turned to face the four boys directly. "The Doctor doesn't see it being possible for Quatre's body to recover. So far it hasn't improved, and he's suggested pulling the plug. Thing is..."
"Thing is?" Heero asked this time, watching the sisters with an unreadable look more than his usual written on his face.
"Thing is," The first Sister took over. "Quatre apparently sought a lawyer recently to revamp his views on things such as comas. He's no longer placed it in the family for decision."
"He's instead opted you four to choose for him." The second Sister said, watching three sets of eyes widen in various degrees, and a fourth set pop open to watch the Sisters in an almost state of shock. "And presently, it is the suggested option."
"The... Suggested option?" Duo asked, trembling faintly.
The Sisters nodded, and turned to look at the Emerald eyes of the next to speak. "In other words you called us here to ask us to pull the plug on Quatre?"
"Yes," The blonde said, even as the brown-haired sister looked down silently. "His chances of recovery are slim to none, and we..."
"Don't want to give him a chance?" Heero offered in before the sister could finish.
Though a bit taken aback, she shook her head and looked at Heero quietly. "We don't want him to suffer anymore than he has to. The ultimate choice is up to you, but where we stand on options right now..."
"You don't seem very upset." Wufei chipped in, and ignored the injured look the two Sisters gave him.
"We know it's hard, but please, we have to present the options to you... We need you..."
"NO!" Duo shouted as loud as he could, all eyes moving quickly to look at him. "I won't give up on Quatre! None of us will, whether you ask or not! He's survived two wars, he can survive this!"
"Duo..." Trowa started, and back-stepped as deep blue eyes filled with deadly anger looked to him.
"I said NO!!!" His fists clenched, and Heero moved to try to lend the trembling boy a bit of comfort, which was rejected in a sharp blow to the stomach that sent Heero reeling over in shock.
"I won't sign any paperwork allowing you to kill Quatre!"
"Duo..." Wufei started, and shivered when the death blue eyes came to rest on him.
"I said no already..." His voice had dropped an octave or two, deep and deadly sounding. "And none of you... None of you... Will change my mind!!! Now leave me alone!!!"
Turning, Duo darted quickly from the room, Trowa starting to move after him before a cold voice stopped his step.
"Happy Trowa?" Blue eyes glanced on green ones, even as Heero finally pulled himself to a fully standing position. "Now you have a good reason..."
"Go to hell, Heero Yuy!" The tall boy turned then and took off after Duo, leaving the smaller pilot of Wing confused, along with four others in the room.
The fifth sighed faintly, brushing back a stray lock of slicked black hair. "Heero... It really is enough now..."
"....." Heero looked down, before sitting heavily on the chair beside Wufei, letting the Chinese boy put a seldom seen comforting arm around his shoulder.
Silence overtook the room.
'I won't...!' Duo thought, darting quickly down the hallways of the hospital, not caring about the shouts to slow down, or the people he almost knocked over, and not caring about the shout of his name from behind him.
'I won't just let Quatre die!' Duo thought and burst out the doors to outside, only faintly feeling the cold rain begin to drench him. 'I won't just give up on him! I can't!'
Turning his head up to the sky, the rain intermixed with the tears which had started to fall, washing them away as if they didn't exist, though the burning heat from them still scorched Duo's cheeks.
'I can't give up on him until...' Duo looked down and relaxed as he felt the gentle arms embrace him from behind, heard Trowa's silent voice whisper his name.
Turning to the tall boy, Duo buried his head into his chest and finished crying.
Trowa just stood there, silent.
"Did you find him?" Heero asked as a very soaked Trowa entered Quatre's room, and at the nod asked another question. "Where is he, then?"
"I left him in the waiting room..." Trowa looked around. "Where are Rashid, Abdul and Quatre's Sisters?"
"They went to get something to eat... Why leave him in the waiting room?" Wufei asked, arms now folded across his chest, no longer needed for the boy who was sitting beside Quatre's bed.
"To think..." Trowa replied, and sighed, looking at the pale form lying on the bed, and at the form beside it.
There was silence, as Trowa continued watching Heero and Heero continued watching Quatre.
Finally, Wufei stood. "I'll leave you two for a bit..." He slid out the door silently, and stood where he would not be visible.
More silence loomed, the two conscious boys unable to say things that needed to be said.
Finally, Trowa cleared away a dripping piece of bang, brushing it behind his ear. "Heero... Your answer..."
Heero looked up silently at Trowa, eyes searching the two visible ones in front of him. "Yes?" He replied, though almost inaudible.
Trowa looked down silently. "Your answer... As much as I could sometimes think it, and for the few times I have thought it... Never... I would never want Quatre dead....."
Heero nodded, and looked to the blonde boy.
He reached a gentle hand forward and brushed away a lock of blonde hair that had fallen into Quatre's face. "Gomen nasai to...Sayonara..."
Trowa closed his eyes, and outside, standing against a wall a Chinese boy slid to the floor, allowing his composure to break for but a moment.
It was quiet now, here, in the waiting room. All the emergency patients seemed to have gone on in already, and only a young boy and Duo remained.
The boy listened quietly to a CD Headset, and only occasionally glanced at Duo, apparently too concerned with his own problems to care about those of another, though a faint smile, returned by the braided-boy, indicated they both knew the other's pain, even if it may not have been the same.
Trying to recover his thoughts from outside, Duo sighed.
'Why can't I give up on him?' Duo asked himself, eyes sliding tiredly shut, but too tired to sleep. 'Is it because I know he can make it...? Because I don't ever give up...?'
'No...' Duo's eyes opened silently. 'No... It's because...' He looked down at the floor, watching nothing and yet everything as his mind's eye revealed memories.
The first time he had met Quatre, saved him, the events in Quatre's the town and then the blonde sacrificing his mobile suit to get them all to space. The point of insanity as the boy lost his Father and Sister, and then not knowing where people were.
The attempted destruction of the Gundams, only to be recovered, and then the final farewell to those pieces of armor which were both used for war and for peace.
The question to see if everyone wanted to live with one another for a time...
'And the smiles as I come home each night...' Duo thought sadly, a sad smile touching his lips.
Closing his eyes, Duo let the silence of the room reach him, then clenched his teeth as the boy started singing.
The voice wasn't bad, but the lyrics...
"The first word was 'dream'," He carried it out some. 'It came to me as I slept. Gently bringing out the darkness deep inside my heart..."
--Quatre had freaked out, and Heero had stabbed him from instinct... Duo wasn't mad at Heero...--
"The second word was 'wind', show me the way... I beat my wings and fly into the arms of God..."
--Quatre would make a beautiful angel, wouldn't he? Blonde hair sparkling in the rays of sun, smile lighting all around him.--
"As if counting out the sorrows that have melted all away... The golden apples fall... Falling one at a time..."
--Duo lost everyone close to him. Sister Helen, Father Maxwell, Solo... Everyone. Only the four pilots, and Howard, had stayed with him...--
"To a place with nothing to see is where I must return... A place I only have one life to struggle to get back to..."
--It felt normal in that house, though odd too. But everyone was happy with each other. Happy and content. The war through, the feelings able to be known...--
"An old book of magic spells... The curtain of the silent moonlit night holds... The promise of our being together again... Only that..."
--Could Duo believe in Heaven, even after claiming only the God of Death existed? Could he believe in it for Quatre...?--
"We can fly... We have wings... We can touch... Floating dreams..."
--It seemed all a dream, perhaps. Perhaps Duo was never to have been happy in the first place. But if so, why then...--
"Call me from... So far... Through the wind... in the light..."
--Duo couldn't call Quatre back now. Even if he could tell Quatre the words he wanted, it would never wake the boy. And Duo couldn't be selfish... Couldn't let Quatre hurt...--
"The third word was hmm... If I can just listen closely..."
--Quatre wouldn't want to lay there like that forever... Or for an undetermined amount of time. Quatre was life... Life being sucked away... Life to Duo, to the others...--
"These trembling arms of yours that I hold..."
--A soft smile, a soft touch. Images of Quatre embedded in his mind and his heart...--
Duo opened his eyes, seeing the boy watching him, and whispered with him the last line of the song.
"I can gently set free..."
Duo lowered his head, letting the last tears of the night fall as the boy watched him with compassionate eyes, silent now.
"Duo..." Heero looked up as the black-clad boy entered the room.
He moved silently to Quatre's bed side, ignoring those assembled in the room.
A boy, small now in comparison to before, dressed in a green tank top, a jean jacket over it and blue jeans, sitting beside the bed of the one Duo had come to...
A false man, always talking about weakness, never showing his own tears if could be avoided. Face red slightly from tears which had fallen, fallen for the one...
A tall boy, still wet from outside, watching silently every move Duo made, and every move Heero made. Watching silently with eyes hiding his own pain at the fact...
Two girls, brown hair and blonde, watching with emotions unreadable, but apparently concerned. They didn't want to...
Two grown men, of forty, close to the blonde in the bed. Their faces pain stricken, the one's glasses removed as a few tears escaped his eyes. Their Master...
Leaning near Quatre silently, his voice so low no one could hear, Duo whispered words he felt he'd never get to speak again...
"Quatre..." He trembled silently, all his tears gone. "I love you....."
The words unheard, everyone understood what had just happened. The light they had held for so many years would soon disappear... Forever...
-The End-
Author's Notes: Alright, I can't recall fully what this fic came from, but a lot of it was just that Voices, from Macross Plus, kept slipping into my mind. I don't write very many angst fics, though recently I have written more, and I never write death fics. This is a very unusual story for me to do, then.
I really did enjoy writing this, though at the end I felt very sad. There is more, so please let me know if you want to see what happens. Sometimes, after all, things aren't always as they appear. ^_^