My trip back into IY fanfiction, very brief. It doesn't make sense but it amused me greatly. It isn't mentioned in here but, for even more amusement on my part, the landlady is Tsubaki.

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Inspection!

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There was a knock on the door of his apartment. Renkotsu, setting down his newspaper, assumed it was Suikotsu or Jakotsu or Bankotsu, or anyone else. Because they all needed his help for some reason.

He opened the door. It was definitely not Suikotsu, Jakotsu, or Bankotsu. It was definitely a woman. Their landlady. He had paid the rent, he wasn't quite sure why she was here. She was a pretty woman, tall and stately with long dark hair and light eyes. She smirked.

"What?" he asked, trying to sound polite.

"We've been getting a couple complaints, from neighbors about things going on in your apartment. So I'm here to inspect."

He raised an eyebrow. Why in the world would anyone complain about him? "What kind of complaints?" he asked, letting her inside and shutting the door.

"Loud noises, smoke, fire, strange smells," she said bluntly. "Do you do any drugs?"

"What?"

"Do you do any controlled substances, narcotics, anything?" she asked again, a look of amusement betraying her serious tone. "PCP? Opium? Marijuana? Cocaine? Crack? Heroin? LSD? Mushrooms?"

"No."

"You don't bring strange women home with you on a nightly basis? You don't have a fetish or anything like that?"

"...No."

"Are you a pyromaniac?"

He paused. Caught between a smooth lie or a blunt truth. "Maybe."

She looked around his apartment carefully. "You're very...clean," she noted.

"Is that a problem?" he asked, greatly irritated.

She shook her head. "Usually with younger men you find a great deal of mess," she explained harshly.

She glared at him for a second, he glared back.

"Well, as long as you aren't harboring any illegal habits, I'll be off. I only came because legally if I get complaints and there's something illegal going on and I haven't looked into it I can be held somewhat responsible."

He grunted, perfectly content to have the woman out of his apartment. He wasn't very receptive of guests.

"Well, hopefully we won't see each other again for another month or so," she said, leaving.

As soon as she was down the stairs, he walked out of his apartment and looked to his left. Sticking out of the door to the right of his apartment was the dark-headed feminine form of one of Renkotsu's supposed "friends", Jakotsu.

Jakotsu was only making himself look more suspicious by laughing just a bit too hard.

"So this was your idea?" Renkotsu asked, leveling him with a stern gaze.

"Nu-uh, Bankotsu was in on it too!" he chirped, grinning.

Renkotsu didn't look amused, and Jakotsu frowned. "You're going to kill us aren't you?" he asked quietly. No response. "Lighten up Renkotsu, it was just a joke. We didn't even think she'd take us seriously, we were laughing the whole time when we called her. You haven't had a woman in your apartment for ages!"

"Neither have you but you don't see me sending them over as a joke," he retorted.

"Well, I hate women. You, as far as I know, don't dislike women in general. Unless you aren't telling me something," he concluded.

Renkotsu rolled his eyes and went back into his apartment, slamming the door behind him.