THE MAGIBOXIMP
Owen Burgoyne
It was a bright, sunny Friday morning in the grounds of Unseen University and Modo, the university's dwarf gardener, was mowing the lawns. Mowing the lawns of UU was a task in itself - you had to be really good when you knew that the grass could fight back. He saw something on the edge of his vision and looked over to see a bedraggled-looking figure with a pointy hat walking from the Library in the direction of the High Energy Magic building.
"'Morning, Mr Rincewind," he said, tipping his hat in the direction of the wizard.
"Er... good morning, Modo," replied Rincewind.
"Lovely day for it," said the dwarf.
"Er... yes. Yes, it is, isn't it?" he said wearily. The hangover was still quite fresh and he'd been unable to find any Klatchian Coffee in the kitchens. This was mainly because Mrs Whitlow didn't see the kitchens as a place for a wizard to be, so Rincewind had been hastily ejected.
"Off to see Mr Stibbons?" enquired Modo.
"Er..." hesitated Rincewind. For this time of the morning there were clearly too many questions being hurled in his direction. He hurried off in the direction of the HEM building, trying to avoid the gardener's gaze.
Modo shrugged and sighed to himself. "Wizards..."
The door to the High Energy Magic building swung slowly inwards to reveal the silhouetted figure of Rincewind. From the doorway he could see Ponder Stibbons hunched over a desk, and slowly lumbered over.
"All right, Rinso?" came a voice from nowhere.
"Wstfgl?" managed Rincewind, looking around. He looked up to see Adrian "Big Mad Drongo" Turnipseed suspended from the ceiling.
"How's it going?" asked the floating student.
Rincewind's head spun as he tried to comprehend the scene. Realizing that this was probably asking too much of himself, he wandered over to Ponder.
Rincewind looked blearily over the bespectacled wizard's shoulder. "I don't suppose you've got any, er, coff--" he started. "What's that you've got there?"
Ponder was playing with a small box. "It's a Magiboximp. They're all the rage in Bes Pelargic, you know."
"A Magi-what?" The throbbing feeling in his head was clearly interfering with his brain's ability to absorb new words.
"A Magiboximp. It's a little magic box with an imp inside it. The idea is to try and keep the imp alive and happy. This is my third attempt - the last two died because I kept forgetting to feed them," he said, sounding almost apologetic.
"But imps are magical and don't need to eat," said Rincewind, who had a very basic understanding of things like this, even at this point in his hangover. "How can they die of hunger if they don't eat? And what happens when it does die? Where do you get another imp from?"
"It's all in the programming," said Ponder, waving a hand dismissively. "They're taught to think that they need to eat and that if they don't eat they'll die. And when they do actually die, they just regenerate themselves into a brand new fully-programmed imp. It's all very clever stuff. Those Agateans do come up with some good ideas."
"But what's the point of it?"
"It's, er... recreational," explained Ponder. "Yes, that's right. Recreational."
"Hmmm..." Rincewind was not convinced. "So, how's it going with this one?"
"I'll check." Ponder held up the box. "Everything all right in there?"
"Yes," said a tiny voice inside.
"Not hungry are you?"
"No," said the tiny voice.
"Quite happy then?"
"Yes."
"Amazing," said Rincewind. "Have they ever been known to induce homocidal tendencies in people?"
Ponder looked puzzled at this question. "I, er, don't believe so... They have quite a calming effect, actually."
"Well, they must be a good idea, then," smiled Rincewind. "I fully endorse anything that'll help take people's minds off killing me. And now for that coffee..."
Author's Note: If you hadn't guessed, a Magiboximp is supposed to be the Discworld version of a Tamagotchi, one of those little electronic toys from Japan which you're supposed to keep alive by "feeding" and "putting to bed" during the day by pressing little buttons.
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