Disclaimer: Star Trek is definitely not mine.  And it probably isn't quite in the spirit of Christmas to steal Paramount's characters but I'm doing it anyway.

I know it's a couple days after Christmas.  This would have been posted earlier, but nooo, FF just had to die on me.  Oh well.  Hopefully you can still consider this the Christmas season until New Year's or so.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, SPOCK

Three days till Christmas, and the Enterprise crew had been caught up in the spirit for a couple days already.  That evening in the rec room, while various crewmembers were arguing about the proper placement of garlands, McCoy came to a decision.  Far too long had gone by since he last teased Spock.  He'd have to do something about that, and he didn't care what sort of look Jim wanted to give him.

"So, Spock, after a couple days of exposure, what do you think of Christmas?" McCoy asked, and sipped his drink.

Spock considered for a moment, then answered, "I fail to see the logic in it."

McCoy choked on his eggnog, and Kirk had to pound him on the back.  When he finally stopped coughing and caught his breath, he gasped out, "Did he—he didn't just say—?"

"Yes," Kirk confirmed.  "He did."

McCoy shook his head.  "I don't know what I expected him to say but…that's all you can say, Spock?  You fail to see the logic in it?  In Christmas?"

Spock looked at him.  "I believe I just said that, Doctor.  Christmas appears to be a season to strew greenery around in places wholly inappropriate to the decor, listen to songs about snow, exchange useless and expensive trinkets, and eat far too much food."

Kirk and McCoy looked at each other.

"He's missing it," Kirk said.

"All this time spent around us, and we obviously haven't rubbed off on him at all," McCoy complained.

"Not when he's missing it so completely," Kirk agreed.

"I am not aware of having misplaced anything of significance."

McCoy moaned.  "And he doesn't even know he's missing it!"

"What, precisely, am I 'missing?'" Spock asked.

"The Christmas Spirit!" they chorused.

Spock blinked.  "I was not aware either of you substantiated the existence of specters."

"Not that kind of spirit," McCoy snapped.  "It's…well, it's…you explain it to him, Jim."

"It…"  Kirk stopped.  "Funny, I've never had to explain the Christmas spirit to anyone before.  It's…the gaiety, the general good feeling.  The generosity, the traditions…am I getting through here?"

"I think we're going to have to show him, Jim," McCoy decided.

"You think we could?" Kirk asked doubtfully.  "I mean, get Spock into the spirit?"

"I intend to try.  It could be an interesting challenge.  You game, Spock?"

Spock was mystified.  "Am I what?"

"Willing."

Spock considered.  "It does have possibilities for offering unique insights into human culture.  However, I am failing to see any reasonable explanations for your intention to—"

"Lesson number one," McCoy told him, "getting you into the spirit of things is very much in the spirit of things."

"This should be interesting to watch," Kirk observed.  "How are you planning to go about this?"

"I don't know.  Is there any use going the spiritual route?" McCoy asked.  "That's where it all goes back to, really.  The angels, the shepherds, the baby in the manger…"

"I am not Christian, Doctor."

"All right, then," McCoy said agreeably.  "We won't make it a religious issue, that could get messy, we'll just stick with the secular Christmas and Santa Claus."

"Santa Claus?" Spock questioned.

"That might be a good place to start," Kirk suggested.

"You think so?"

"Sure."

"Okay, Santa Claus."  McCoy grinned.  "You know, Spock, you'd like old Santa.  He gets along well with pointy-eared folk."

Kirk suppressed laughter while Spock gave them both a very strange look.

"See, it's like this," McCoy went on, "Santa Claus is a jolly fat man in a red suit who lives at the North Pole."

Spock's eyebrow quirked, almost as though of its own volition.  "The North Pole?"

"Of Earth.  He likes the low population density.  So he's got this factory up there, and he works with all these elves."  McCoy grinned mischievously.  "Little men with pointed ears.  And they spend all their time making toys for children."

"A noble endeavor," Spock said noncommittally, ignoring the reference to pointed ears.

"Exactly.  So then on Christmas Eve, they load all the toys into a sleigh.  Santa gets in, and the flying reindeer take him all around the world to deliver a present to every child on Earth…and probably in the colonies too."

Spock did not seem impressed.  "That is entirely impossible.  Disregarding for a moment the concept of 'flying reindeer,' the sheer time involved in getting out of the sleigh, picking out a toy, giving it to a child, getting back in the sleigh and taking off again, it would be impossible to reach even a tiny fraction of the children in the world."

McCoy and Kirk looked at each other.

"We may have picked ourselves an impossible task," McCoy said.

"We just might have."