Loki woke up on a bright Saturday morning to the sound of a highly-annoying alarm clock
going off. He rolled out of bed and stood up, dawning his sky-blue pajama bottoms and his
post-Nirvana episode unbuttoned plaid shirt. He walked out to the hallway to see that
Bethany was already out of bed and fixing eggs for him and herself and milk in the
microwave for her daughter, Michael.
"I don't even think God's up at this... ungodly hour," Bethany said, chuckling, as she
looked back at Loki.
"He never sleeps. He's like a fuckin' Energizer battery. It's really unbelievable, but you
should see him play football with the angels!" Loki replied. "And he eats likes a
black-hole, sucking down every damn thing in site."
"You still haven't stopped cursing yet?" Bethany asked.
"Hah... Like your language is any better you-know-when. Oh, and we can't forget while you
were in labor. You were worse than Jay and me put together during those three hours."
"Female angels are so lucky," Bethany muttered.
"Most of 'em are really hot, too," Loki said as he yawned. His eyes were droopy since he
hadn't had much sleep. Being human, he didn't have to worry about not drinking, which made
him human in the first place, and he therefore had a headache like none other.
"I'm human and still don't have a dick," he often complained. "And I can't smite anybody
since I'm trying to get on His good side." Loki had it in his head that Loki the Angel
couldn't get back into heaven, but Loki the human who earned his way to heaven could. Or,
he'd at least be able to go to heaven's gates. He'd be happy as long as he didn't end up
with Bartleby in hell.
The microwave beeped three times when the milk was finished warming up. "Say, Loki, while
I'm fixing breakfast, why don't you take Michael to go watch your morning cartoons?"
"Sure," Loki answered as he picked up Bethany's son. "So what should we watch this morning;
Yu-Gi-Oh or the normal crap on Cartoon Network?" Loki flipped through the channels until
he came to Yu-Gi-Oh. "You know, this may be just me and my obnoxious hangover, but you
really look like Jesus," he said as he stuck the nipple of the bottle into Michael's mouth.
"It's probably just you, since Jesus isn't an actual ancestor of him. His is, though,
a relative," Metatron said to the surprise of Loki, who was slightly startled. "They
probably look alike because both were directly caused by God."
"You've got a good point, Metatron. But why are you here?"
"Abbadon, God's replacement for you, has came up missing. He was last seen in a bar."
Bethany walked into the living room with two plates of buttery eggs, just the way she and
Loki like them. "Why'd She replace Loki. Doesn't seem to me like She'd need them."
"Hullo, Bethany," Metatron said, giving a great example of his accent. "To answer that,
He replaced Loki because there were too many Nazi's during World War II. Hitler was given
messages in the form of dreams, which I delivered, that specifically told Him that if he
didn't stop the war, the Angel of Death would be on the side of America and the UK. Hitler
didn't listen and look who won."
"...Abbadon...?" Loki thought. "I think I know him..."
"He was last seen at a bar, said to be consuming-"
"Don't say it, Metatron. I'll keel over if you say the 'a' word." Loki hastily interrupted.
He didn't like hearing that when he's in hangover mode.
"So, he's a human now?" Bethany asked.
"Yes, he is. So, in order for Abbadon to understand the consequence of what he's done, we
need to find him. I know what you're going to ask, Bethany, and you're still just the girl
in the PJ's."
Bethany smiled as Metatron said that. She stuck her forked buttery eggs in her mouth and
began chewing. "So where do we go?"
"A Hooters bar in Indianapolis. We'd like it if you get there within a week, we don't want
him to leave before we can bear the ad news. Please remember, we're working in a time frame
here." And with that, he was gone.
going off. He rolled out of bed and stood up, dawning his sky-blue pajama bottoms and his
post-Nirvana episode unbuttoned plaid shirt. He walked out to the hallway to see that
Bethany was already out of bed and fixing eggs for him and herself and milk in the
microwave for her daughter, Michael.
"I don't even think God's up at this... ungodly hour," Bethany said, chuckling, as she
looked back at Loki.
"He never sleeps. He's like a fuckin' Energizer battery. It's really unbelievable, but you
should see him play football with the angels!" Loki replied. "And he eats likes a
black-hole, sucking down every damn thing in site."
"You still haven't stopped cursing yet?" Bethany asked.
"Hah... Like your language is any better you-know-when. Oh, and we can't forget while you
were in labor. You were worse than Jay and me put together during those three hours."
"Female angels are so lucky," Bethany muttered.
"Most of 'em are really hot, too," Loki said as he yawned. His eyes were droopy since he
hadn't had much sleep. Being human, he didn't have to worry about not drinking, which made
him human in the first place, and he therefore had a headache like none other.
"I'm human and still don't have a dick," he often complained. "And I can't smite anybody
since I'm trying to get on His good side." Loki had it in his head that Loki the Angel
couldn't get back into heaven, but Loki the human who earned his way to heaven could. Or,
he'd at least be able to go to heaven's gates. He'd be happy as long as he didn't end up
with Bartleby in hell.
The microwave beeped three times when the milk was finished warming up. "Say, Loki, while
I'm fixing breakfast, why don't you take Michael to go watch your morning cartoons?"
"Sure," Loki answered as he picked up Bethany's son. "So what should we watch this morning;
Yu-Gi-Oh or the normal crap on Cartoon Network?" Loki flipped through the channels until
he came to Yu-Gi-Oh. "You know, this may be just me and my obnoxious hangover, but you
really look like Jesus," he said as he stuck the nipple of the bottle into Michael's mouth.
"It's probably just you, since Jesus isn't an actual ancestor of him. His is, though,
a relative," Metatron said to the surprise of Loki, who was slightly startled. "They
probably look alike because both were directly caused by God."
"You've got a good point, Metatron. But why are you here?"
"Abbadon, God's replacement for you, has came up missing. He was last seen in a bar."
Bethany walked into the living room with two plates of buttery eggs, just the way she and
Loki like them. "Why'd She replace Loki. Doesn't seem to me like She'd need them."
"Hullo, Bethany," Metatron said, giving a great example of his accent. "To answer that,
He replaced Loki because there were too many Nazi's during World War II. Hitler was given
messages in the form of dreams, which I delivered, that specifically told Him that if he
didn't stop the war, the Angel of Death would be on the side of America and the UK. Hitler
didn't listen and look who won."
"...Abbadon...?" Loki thought. "I think I know him..."
"He was last seen at a bar, said to be consuming-"
"Don't say it, Metatron. I'll keel over if you say the 'a' word." Loki hastily interrupted.
He didn't like hearing that when he's in hangover mode.
"So, he's a human now?" Bethany asked.
"Yes, he is. So, in order for Abbadon to understand the consequence of what he's done, we
need to find him. I know what you're going to ask, Bethany, and you're still just the girl
in the PJ's."
Bethany smiled as Metatron said that. She stuck her forked buttery eggs in her mouth and
began chewing. "So where do we go?"
"A Hooters bar in Indianapolis. We'd like it if you get there within a week, we don't want
him to leave before we can bear the ad news. Please remember, we're working in a time frame
here." And with that, he was gone.