WARNINGS: This story contains depiction of rape, violence, suicidal thoughts, psychotic behaviors, and Futanari. If you are uncomfortable with the concepts, I suggest you walk out. Thank you.
Disclaimer: I don't own Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha.
When A Bird Sings, It Is Her Who Cries
0ooo0
For the longest time I blamed fate. It was fate that had forced me into leading a pathetic and regretful life. I blamed it for the reason of my misery, for the start of everything, but deep inside, I knew that my fate was of my making. I had choices. I chose mine. I watched them all happened before my own eyes but never did nothing. There was a time when I believed I had a chance to stop it, to change it, but I was too afraid. I was too much of a coward to even acknowledge the truth. I naively held on to a promise, a promise of a better day, when everything was just a bad dream, a bad dream I would woke up from. How could I know, when everything I had ever had was ripped away from me in the most brutal way? They say ignorance is bliss, and yes, I would rather live in ignorance. But what must come, came. And I watched it happen.
0ooo0
I pulled the sheets up to my chest, covering my nakedness as I sat up on bed and watched her. She was naked from the waist up, baring that muscular back, those broad shoulders I used to love so much. She slowly put on her black silk shirt, her favorite, and fastened her belt. She dressed lazily, as though she never wanted to and tried to stall as much time as possible. She was on the phone with someone, her men, and she sounded irritated. Indeed, they had chosen the very bad time to call. They had interrupted her, and to Fate, it was unacceptable. But it was an important call, I presumed, because after grunting some obscene words at the caller, Fate had gotten off the bed begrudgingly, quickly grabbed her revolver and stuck it in her waistline.
"Sorry, princess, but work demands again," said Fate.
She told me that once she had dressed presently. She walked to where I was and kissed my forehead, running her hand through my brown locks. Then, that hand slowly went down to my cheeks, my lips and finally rested on my shoulder. I shivered involuntarily whenever those hands ran over me, and I felt disgusted. I hated my body for its own independent mind, for its own sensitivity to her touch. Yes, I hated the fact that I still desired her.
"I'll make it up to you, tonight," She said, but I remained silent.
Tonight, she said. I usually didn't get much sleep whenever she said the word. It was a surprise, however. She barely came home lately. She slept at her office and even ate there with her people. She left the house to me and a team of security. She said they were to protect me because I was her wife, the wife of the 'Head'. She said she had many enemies, and her enemies were my enemies. But I knew the truth behind all those lies. The guards weren't for my protection. They served as my watcher. She had given them order to watch me ever since that night. I had realized that I was no longer her wife. I was only a bird in a cage where she kept as an entertainment. I was a bird who would sing for her whenever asked and stay obedient in its beautiful prison.
Fate tilted my chin up and kissed me on the lips, and it startled me. She kept on kissing me, from my jaws, down to my neck and so on, and I squeezed my hands on the sheets, hoping for an end. She gently pushed me down on my back and climbed the bed; the creaking sound reminded me of the horrible session earlier, and I couldn't help but cringe.
"S-shouldn't let them wait like that…" I said softly, pushing at her shoulders, hoping silently she would take the hint.
"Saying such thing but here…you're so ready for me…" She whispered. Her hand snaked down and cupped between my legs, and I bit my tongue when I heard a wet noise coming after. And when she pulled her hand back, I could see the pearly-white substance running down her fingers. It was the proof of her claim. "I like seeing you like this…" She chuckled and stood up.
Fate walked out of our bedroom, leaving me naked and ashamed on the cold mattress. I clutched the sheets tighter around me, hugged my knees together close to my chest to save somewhat dignity I had left. I tried not to cry, but the shame had overwhelmed me I felt my vision go blurry.
It never changed, every time she made love to me. After she had satisfied her needs, she would leave me alone in bed, feeling humiliated and used, to go about her unfinished business. I had forced myself to believe it was making love, but it was not, no matter how hard I tried. It was only the physical feeling I felt and nothing more. I stopped feeling loved long ago. When? I couldn't remember.
I wiped my eyes and crawled out of bed. I made my way to the adjacent bathroom and locked myself there. Grabbing the shower head, I turned it on and pointed it toward my privates. The strong streams of water hit my sensitive area, and I couldn't help but whimper at the slight sting. But I needed to wash it away, at all cost. I couldn't risk another pregnancy. After I was certain that it was clean enough, I opened the cabinet and took out a small jar I hid deep at the back. I quickly took out two white pills and down it in one dry gulp, all the while wishing it would work.
I jumped when I heard a knock on the door and realized it was the voice of the maid Fate hired. Her job, aside from changing the sheets every morning and cleaning the bathroom, was to see to my needs. She was, also, responsible for my health. She was to report to Fate how well I ate, I slept…I was the spoiled child, and she was the babysitter.
"My lady?" She called, "Breakfast is ready."
I didn't reply. I opened the door and walked pass her without a glance back. I didn't resent the woman, but I couldn't make myself like her even when she was nothing but kind and considerate toward me. She was very patient regarding my meals. She would sit there for hours just to wait for me to finish eating. And there were times when I felt like I wanted to punish someone for my misery, I had left the meals untouched. Though I knew the poor woman would surfer a great deal from my cruel wife, I did it anyway.
But today was different. I didn't want to see the maid get punished, and also, I didn't want Fate to go wild with rage. She was fearsome when angry, and her tantrum would sometimes resort to violence.
I sat down at the dining table and shuddered as I recalled a typical night when Fate had gone mad. In her fury, she had smashed the China ornaments on the wall; her hands had bled from the cuts the broken pieces had caused. Then, she had charged at me, bent me over her thighs and given me the spanking of my life. I still relived it until now; the bruises were there for a week but the horror and shame had been permanent on my mind. And then she had raped me, indifferent to my teary pleas. But what scared me the most was the fact that Fate had had the decency to act normal the next morning.
I put the egg in my mouth and chewed. It tasted like ash. Then again, it always tasted like this, no matter what I ate. It seemed I had lost my appetite forever, but if I chose not to eat, someone would suffer. I would surfer. And I hated the fact that I was scared of Fate. Her threats weren't just verbal. Her words were her actions.
When had it ended up like this, I sometimes wondered. Though I was living in hell itself, I could clearly remember the happy time, when Fate was still Fate.
I loved her. I had fought bravely to earn the right to marry her. And the first few months after the wedding were like a dreams-come-true. She had shown me what love feel like, had made my heart beat a little faster every time our eyes met, and had made my mind go blank with her burning touch. I was truly happy back then. And it got even better when our first child was born. She had proved to be a very reliable and loving parent. She had cherished, showered our son with love as if he was the only precious thing in the world. I could recall how my heart had warmed at the sight of the two of them playing together. And every night I had thank the Gods for blessing me such happiness.
And then, in only mere seconds, it all crumbled. The assassins had taken everything from me. They had taken away my two-year-old boy as revenge to Fate's mother, a powerful woman in the underworld. When Fate and her mother had managed to pinpoint the kidnappers, it was too late. My boy was killed with a shot in the head. I had fainted when they brought back the dead body of my child.
And on that very fateful day, Fate, standing in front of the stone grave in the pouring rain, had vowed that she would make them pay. She would hunt them down to the last person that was involved in our son's death. She had said that she would see each of them crumble in despair, so much that they would have to beg for death. I had never thought she would keep her words.
Ever since that day, Fate had changed. She had locked herself in her study for hours and had only come out for a fleeting moment when I had announced that I wouldn't leave her door if she kept locking herself from me. And it had only gotten worse when Precia, her mother, was assassinated in her own home. I could still remember the look on Fate's face at the funeral of her mother. It was void of any emotion. Her face was horrifyingly indifferent. She'd never said any words at the funeral; she just stood there looking at the sleeping face of the older woman in her coffin.
Fate had taken over for her mother, to become the head of the organization. And then suddenly, our house was no longer the private little nest. Men in suit had come and gone with that same expressionless face, never stayed longer for a cup of tea. Security guards were everywhere: at the front gate, in the garden, at the back door, etc.
Fate's study was no longer my place. It was always locked, and whenever she and the men were inside discussing, there were two giant-looking men standing outside to guard the door. However, I had once broken inside the room and was terrified until this day of what my own wife had been doing. There, scattered on her desk were various pictures of dead people. Some were shot in the head; their brains were everywhere; some appeared to be stabbed to death, and some were tortured and beaten to the point there was no way you could recognize their faces.
I had confronted her that night, and to my utter horror, she had admitted it without blinking her eyes. It turned out she had been living her vow, hunting the ones that had caused the death of our son and her mother. Fate had been killing people, and I didn't know any of the murders until this very moment.
I had threatened to leave if she kept this up, but she had only smiled, the terrifying smile that had sent chill down my spine. What she had done next was beyond my imagination. She had forced herself on me. The loving wife who had never hurt me before had raped and hit me when I fought back. It was a frightful night, a night I could never forget. That night had marked the change in our relationship. I had become a prisoner in the hell that Fate had created.
I put the fork down with a clink and stood up. I couldn't bring myself to digest the food anymore. At least it appeared that I indeed had eaten something, and the maid wouldn't have a hard time in reporting to Fate. I walked out of the dining room and passed two men in black suit at the door. They immediately followed after me. You would probably question why I didn't seem to have any reaction regarding the men, but the truth is I was too used to it. Whenever I went, whatever I did, there were always those two who followed, who watched. It was their job to keep an eye on me, and it was certainly Fate's doing. She never trusted me ever since that day when I had tried to kill myself.
I turned and entered the library, and as if on automatic mode, the men stopped following me and waited outside. They closed the white double-door gently, leaving me with myself, and for once I was thankful for their consideration. Truthfully, there was not a single thing in this room that I could find useful to harm myself. Unless I suddenly decided to bang my head on the wall, which they would certainly know, there was no reason for them to be with me inside.
I stretched my arms forward before heading to the self near the brick fireplace where all of my favorite books lay. I took out a novel I had been reading and sat down on the scattered cushions on the floor in front of the fire. This was the only thing I could do to take my mind off depressing thoughts. Since Fate had made me quit my job the day her mother died, I had nothing better to do. I would woke, eat hot served meals the servants brought me, take luxury baths with expensive attars, but that was it. I had been allowed to go shopping on my own, but that was before Fate had found me unconscious on the bathroom floor that day. Now, I only got to go outside for a specific time with a team of guard tagging along every step. So, reading had become my sole purpose of the day. The library had turned out to be my only sanctuary.
As I turned the pages, I reminisced about that first time we had moved to the mansion. Fate had specifically designed this library just for me. It was a wedding gift from her, and I remembered throwing myself at her when she had introduced me to this grant-looking masterpiece of a library. I wasn't entirely overwhelmed by the beauty of it but rather was touched by the fact that Fate had known exactly what I had always dreamed of owning. I was a bookworm at birth, and it was at a library that we'd had our very first encounter. This library served as a reminder of the reason we had fallen in love.
I didn't realize I had wetted the current page with my unexpected tears until I looked down at the opened book in my lap. I was pretty sure it was after our son death that Fate had turned into a complete stranger: someone cruel and violent, someone who could kill without batting an eyelid. I had seen her execute people, her people. Those warm red eyes were replaced with cold, dark liquid red. Her trademark dorky grin had turned into a straight, thin line as she had grabbed the gun on her desk and fired at once. And the lifeless body of the man had fallen on the floor; his wide eyes were void of soul.
I closed the book and put it aside as I suddenly felt tired. I'd been getting tired very quickly and frequently. I slept almost all day and only woke when Fate was home. Sometimes I would pretend to be asleep when she came back, but Fate had always known how to work my body into submission. I sighed and lay down on the carpeted floor, watching the fire. I decided to take a nap. I would need energy for tonight as Fate had said she would come home. And whenever she was home, I never got any sleep at night.
0ooo0
Something smoothed itself across my cheek, and I startled awake. Before me was her. Fate had a smile on her face, a rather amused smile, and I guessed it was because she had caught me sleeping in here, unguarded.
"Lie still…" Smiling, she pushed me back down when I moved to sit up. She then moved on top of me; a hand had already run its way up my leg. "You shouldn't be sleeping here, leaving yourself exposed like that."
"Fate, not here…"
"Why not?" She chuckled. Her hand was now running high up my thigh, pulling my dress along.
"The guards are outside. T-they could hear…" I placed a hand on her chest and wrapped the other around her wrist to stop it from going further.
"Then let them," Fate said before straddling me. She began unbuttoning her shirt. She did it quickly, and soon the shirt came off, flying to the side. She smirked down at me as she unfastened her belt; the clinking sound of the buckle had me shiver in fear.
"Fate, please…" I pleaded, pushing at her shoulders. I tried to close my legs but it was too late. She was now in between them.
"Of course, princess. Just let me get this pretty dress of yours off…" She said as she tugged at the tie on my neck. The piece came off to reveal my breasts to her. "Come to think of it, I'd like to take you with your dress still on. It looks sexy on you, by the way," She said as she leaned down and kissed my bare breasts.
I bit my tongue when her lips came in contact with my skin and looked to the side. I didn't want to see Fate unzipped her pants and let that out. She bunched the hem of the dress up to my waist, and without warning, she ripped off my underwear. I yelped at the sudden force and instinctively looked down. It was a wrong move. Fate's was hard and pulsing with need. I caught her smiling at my staring. It was a smug smile that indicated what would come next as she sat up and spread my thighs apart. I suddenly felt very embarrassed and humiliated. I heard she growl before I sensed a rough thumb press hotly to my clit, and I cried out. She was working me again as I was too dry before, and she succeeded every single time. Unable to do anything but lay there and let my body be violated, I clutched the cushions tightly, biting my lip as a wave of pleasure slowly built up inside me. I couldn't help a sob as I felt wetness pool at my entrance. I was terrified at the fact that she had only used her thumb to get me ready; her fingers alone could have made a mess of me.
"Fate, please don't…" I choked out the words. I knew I was crying but didn't know how to stop. And Fate liked it. She had this sadistic thing in her that would always take possession every time I begged or cried.
"Keep begging, princess. You know I like it. You know daddy likes it," She said before lowing herself to my hips, and to my horror, she took me in her mouth.
I immediately bit down my tongue to prevent a scream. Fate showered my privates with open-mouthed kisses. She sucked hard at my clit, lapped hungrily at my folds, coaxing out from me more and more wetness. I squeezed my eyes shut, refused to watch her ministration for I was too ashamed of myself. But the sensation was too great, too strong that biting my tongue wasn't enough. I quickly place the back of my hand on my mouth and bit down. This way it would help me from screaming. I knew she would punish me after this but I couldn't risk my voice. There were people just outside the thin door.
"No…please, s-stop…I can't...n-no more-" I moaned, hoping she would stop. But to answer my plea, she dove her tongue inside abruptly, making me scream. I raised my hips, trying to pulled away from her head, but her calloused hands gripped my thighs firmly that I was sure would leave bruises after. She kept thrusting her relentless tongue in and out of me and at the same time, rubbing her nose harshly against my sensitive clit. I knew I would crumble soon. "No…don't…Ah-" I mumbled as I thrashed around hopelessly under her curse.
And then a white flash engulfed my mind. I arched my back and screamed, feeling my orgasm in every fiber of my body. I felt her lap at my release even when my mind was now nothing but chaos. I was too weak to even open my eyes, so I let her. Then, I felt a hard body press against me. And when I opened my eyes, my vision was invaded with red. Fate's stare burned me to my core, and I shuddered involuntarily. The sanity had left her. Her pupils were dilating, shifting into those of a wild animal's. Without a word of warning, she hooked my legs around her waist, lifting my hips along. I felt something pressed against my opening and immediately knew what it was. Fate grunted as she rubbed her shaft up and down my wet folds, coating her wide head with my juices. Every time the head hit my little bud, I gasped and moaned despite myself. My body ignored my pleading mind as it welcomed the sensation Fate's cock was giving. I could feel more and more wetness flowing out to the point I believed I had ruined the cushions underneath.
"Stop it, please…I-I don't want this…" I sobbed pathetically.
"Don't lie to me, princess. You totally want it. Your body was asking for this the whole time," She groaned, rubbing our privates together more vigorously.
Then I suddenly felt her head pushing forward. It began stretching my entrance, and I quickly bit my lip to stop myself from crying out. I could feel the head pop inside first, then came the middle section and soon after, I felt the base of her shaft rub against my folds.
"You're so tight…" Fate let out a low growl when all of hers was inside me. "No matter how many times I take you, it always feels like the first time."
I choked with sobs. I gave up holding my voice back. I was too exhausted from the earlier orgasm, and what Fate was doing added even more pressure to my body that had my mind crumbled. I could only hope for it to end soon.
"Look at you. You're so beautiful, and the way you keep pulling me in, deeper and deeper…You're really eager, aren't you?"
Despite my situation, I was surprised that I still have a decency to blush at her dirty teasing. I quickly covered my face with my arms. I didn't want to look at the sight before me, of Fate's lean body rocking back and forth against my own, but Fate had none of it. She roughly yanked my arms away and dragged them over my head. She pinned my wrists to the cushion above me with a hand of cold steel; the other, she hooked it under my knee and pushed it back even further to my chest. Fate had an accursed talent of breaking me completely. She knew how to angle her hips so that the base of her shaft hit my sensitive bud with every thrust she make. It sent a powerful wave of pleasure throughout my body. I was so close to my second orgasm. I squeezed my eyes as tightly as possible as Fate's thrusts were about to send me over the edge.
"Look at me when I fuck you!" Fate growled. She forced her hips upward with a powerful thrust that her massive head hit the sensitive area inside of me hard when I didn't obey. The act forced a scream from me, and I had no choice but to open my eyes. "That's better," She chuckled, "I never wanted to be rough, but you forced me to, little one. It's your fault."
I adverted my eyes from hers, focusing on a spot behind her blonde head. I didn't want her to see the weakness in me. But Fate suddenly moved. She hoisted my hips on her lap and also raised herself up on her knees. She threw my legs over her shoulders, bending my lower half forward in the process until my knees hit my breasts. She trapped my wrists in painful grips and pinned them beside my head as she resumed her pumping. As my body and limbs were locked completely, I could do nothing but look into those horrifying red eyes. I felt tears leak from the corners of my eyes as I watched the triumph on that terrifyingly handsome face.
Then it hit me like a thousand of needles, raking its claws all over my being. My back formed into an arch; my heels dug into her back; my mouth agape, forcing out a shattering scream as I came. But she kept on thrusting, using my extra contraction to help release her own orgasm. And seconds later, I felt it. The hot stream of her come splashed itself all over my trembling walls.
Eventually, she stopped her hips. She collapsed on me, panting. I wished for nothing right at this moment to push her as far away from me as possible but my arms were still glued to the cushion underneath me. And I guessed even if she released my wrists, there was no way I could move a muscle in me. I was spent, drained of energy to even lift a finger.
Fate finally sat up. She pulled out of me, a smirk on her face as she stared at my womanhood. I hid my face in the cushions, unable to look at her face while she blatantly admired her creation. Fate had this sick fetish of watching her semen slowly drifting out of me. There were times when she had forced me to walk around the bedroom in exhibition with her hot come still inside of me. I could still remember the victorious look on her face at that moment as she watched each robe of pearly-white slowly run down my thighs.
After a torturous long time, Fate dragged her gaze away from my overused sex and leaned down to kiss me. The kiss was sudden that I let out a small gasp, and she had used it as an advantage to dive her tongue in my mouth. She attacked my mouth, my tongue with her own, biting and sucking my lips. I felt nothing but disgust.
Fate rose and slowly put on her clothes. And I quickly sat up, pulling my dress back in order. It was crumbled and some of the come had stained the white fabric but as a whole, it wasn't too bad to look at. I only needed to walk a short way to get to my room. The only people who could figure out what had happened in the library were probably the guards at the door, but I guessed they would have gotten used to their boss's kinks by now. However, as I stood, I realized I must face an even more dreading problem. Fate's come was running wildly all over my inner thighs, and I didn't have anything to wipe it off. I didn't even have my underwear to cover it. The poor, worthless thing had joined its sisters' fate as it lay on the floor, ripped in half.
"What is it, princess?" Fate asked.
"I-I can't walk out like this…" I felt my face heat up with embarrassment as I answered her. I stood bumping my knees together to hide the disgusting mess.
"Why not?"
"I just can't…" I finally looked her in the eyes, praying she would get my point. She stared at me and then slowly glanced down and saw the cause of my distress. But to my utter shock, she chuckled.
"I don't see any problems. You're gorgeous, Nanoha."
"Stop it!"
"Stop what?" Fate cocked her head to the side, faking ignorance.
"Just look at this fucking thing you've done to me!" I yelled.
"Watch the language, little one…" She clicked her tongue in fake annoyance, putting a finger on her smiling lips.
"Don't tell me what to do! H-How dare you?" I snapped, feeling my tears on my cheeks, "How could you do this to me?"
"I love you."
"Liar! This isn't love. You raped me!"
"I didn't. You liked it. You wanted it." Fate said casually; that sickening smile was still in place.
"I-I did not…I didn't like it!"
"Yes, you did."
"No! You're lying!"
"You want me, I know. You want me inside…" She took a stepped forward, smirking.
"Stop! Stop talking…You forced me! I don't want it! You've tricked my body…" I protested weakly. I stepped back out of instinct when she took another step forward. "Don't come near!" I cried.
Fate did stop but she never dropped her smile. "Either we can walk out of this room and have a perfect dinner, or we could stay here and fuck until morning. Your choice," She spoke in that low, soft voice.
I was defeated. As much as I wanted to think of her words as lies, I knew they weren't. They were the truth. I had wanted it. I had liked it when she entered me. I could never understand why I still wanted her or why I could enjoy my own rape. The only truth I knew was that I had become a slave to her touch. I craved it. I yearned for it. I admit I felt lonely and empty when she wasn't inside, and I blamed it all to the isolation she had forced me to suffer.
"Send the guards away. I don't want them to see," I said as I wiped the tears away, looking down in shame, "Please…"
"Of course."
And Fate walked to the great double-door, cracked it open and stepped out. She came back minutes later, holding out her hand, "They're gone. Let's go."
I walked awkwardly to her direction but never took her hand. I opened the door myself and stepped out. I didn't wait for her as I walked straight to where my room was and when I got inside, I locked the door in case Fate decided to play some of her sick games again. I slid down the length of the wooden door and buried my face in my hands. Now that I was at last alone, I cried. I sobbed loud enough I knew anyone who walked by could have heard me. I cried for shame, for fear, and other reasons I couldn't explain. I felt pity and hatred toward myself. How could I live like this, I wonder? How could I let that woman humiliate and violate me day after day? And worse, I still welcomed it. At this point, I believed I was the worst kind of a masochist, an abomination who shamelessly took pleasure from the pain.
A soft knock on the door and a female voice startled me. It was the old maid.
"My lady?" She repeated, "Master requires your presence."
"I'm not hungry. Just leave me alone!" I snapped, walking away from the door.
The old maid was silent for a moment and with a gruff voice, she continued, "My lady, Master said she won't take no for an answer…"
"Master this, master that…You can tell her and her men to fuck themselves and leave me be!"
"Please, milady, this old woman doesn't want to suffer Master's fury anymore. Please have some mercy…" The woman pleaded in a cracking voice.
I cursed under my breath. Fate's rage was one to fear. She punished me by punishing someone else and made me watch it. And usually, this old maid was the most convenient option for her to vent her anger on. I remembered she had once practically knocked down the door to our bedroom just to get to me. Then, she had forced me to watch as she kicked the maid with her feet. The poor woman couldn't sit up for 3 days long after that.
"Alright. Just wait for me. I need to get ready," I said and made my way to the bathroom. I quickly washed up my lower half and wiped my face clean of tears. I then got to the dressing room. Standing in front of rows of dresses, I contemplated on which one I should wear. As if I had many choices. All of the dresses were from Fate, and they were on the borderline between revealing and too-much-skin-shown. I never imagine I dreaded wearing dresses this much. One of the many reasons was that they gave Fate an easy access to my most forbidden areas. I sighed and reached at random for a dress and put it on without looking at my reflection. I then chose a pair of silver-colored flats to match the color of the dress. I pulled my auburn hair up in a low ponytail, ruffled my bangs to brush off some wet locks and walked to the door again. I took a deep breath and opened the door, and to my expectation, the old maid was in front of me, ready to take me to hell.
She led me to the brightly lit, western-styled dining room, and I looked on to see Fate had already sat at the long wooden table; her seat was always at the head. The maid pulled out the chair of the other end for me, facing Fate's one, and I sat down. I carefully studied my wife as the maid draped a white napkin over my lap. I caught Fate smiling at me. She looked completely relaxed and pleased as she sipped her wine.
"I'm so glad you could join me, love," Fate said.
"Like I have a choice," I sniffed ungraciously, grabbing my own glass of wine and poured it down my suddenly dry throat.
Fate only smiled. She picked up a grape and popped it in her mouth gracefully, humming, "Sweet and sour, just like you…"
Just when I was about to hurl another insult at her, the servants appeared with various plates of food on silver dinning trolleys. They began scooping food down onto plates and set them in front of me and Fate. I busied my eyes with watching the servants work so that I didn't have to face those cold red orbs. Even though I didn't look directly at her, I could tell she was watching me. I always felt that chill running down my spine when her burning gaze was upon me.
"Ah… steak, my favorite," Fate clapped her hands together and smiled. She then started using her knife to cut the meat. "The new cook is amazing," She hummed, chewing on her bite.
I didn't say anything in reply, but I caught the servants cringe at the mention of the cook. Everyone in this mansion knew about the cook's incidence. He had been dealing drugs behind Fate's back for a long time. Fate had found out about his underhand business and had her men taken care of it. I had overheard a servant talking to his friend that the police had found pieces of the cook's body scatter around the bank of a river, but what had surprised me was the fact that there was not a single word from the authorities considering the matter. It was as if the cook had never existed.
"So, your father called…"
"What?" I finally looked at Fate at the sudden mention of my father.
"He called, asking for you. Last night."
"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you give him to me?" I bombarded her with questions. My voice laced with rage.
"Relax, princess. You were sleeping so peacefully. I didn't have the heart to wake you," Fate sipped her wine, calmly answered me.
"Oh, really? But you had the heart to wake and fuck me." I spat, feeling my own bitterness. My eyes started to sting as the memory of the night resurfaced. Fate had come home very late that night, around 3 in the morning, and had forced herself on me while I was still in the middle of sleep. She was drunk; her breath stank alcohol. I remembered myself startling out of sleep as a hot and rough mouth from nowhere was suddenly in between my legs.
"We can discuss this later, once we have finished dinner-"
"No! I want to talk about it now! I want to talk to my Dad."
Fate looked at me for a long while and then slowly nodded her head. She waved her hand, and the servants hastily left the room, leaving only the both of us in the spacious oval dining room. She put down her folk and reached for her napkin. She dabbed it at the corner of her mouth before picking up her glass and graciously took a sip. She was stalling deliberately, and I could tell she enjoyed it tremendously as I waited, feeling uncomfortable in my own chair.
"What did he want, Fate?" I scowled at her, losing my patient at last.
"Impatient, aren't you? Anyway, the old man seemed to be not very happy with me again," Fate put down her glass. She intertwined her fingers together and placed them under her chin, staring at me at the other end of the table. "He demanded that I was to release his daughter," She chuckled darkly, "As if you were being held in custody. What nonsense…"
I swallowed, waiting for her to continue. I gripped the napkin in my hands tightly. My eyes were on her every move as she, once again, sipped at her drink casually. Though her demeanor showed no other than calm, I could see the rage heightening within her.
"He sounded as though I was hurting you. Me? Hurting you, the only woman I've ever loved?" Fate continued in that terrifyingly cool voice, "Maybe it's time I showed him how wrong he was, showed him how much I love you…He's needed to be reminded of-"
"No, Fate. Don't!" I panicked, "He-…Maybe he was just missing me. It's been a while since the last time I saw my parents. I guess…they were just worried."
Fate didn't say anything for a moment. She sat there, still staring at me with red eyes which had now turned dark. Then suddenly, she stood up, walking toward me. I froze as I watched her approaching like a predator. Fate made her way around the back of my chair, and I suddenly felt her hands on my shoulders. She massaged them gently, and I cursed silently at the instant effect those hands had caused. I couldn't help but let out a content sigh as her fingers found their ways to untangle my knots. Then, I felt her breath next to my ear, whispering, "Are you sure, little one?"
"Y-yes…" I managed a weak answer.
"Your father angered me for a moment there, do you know?"
"I-I'm sorry…but I'm sure he didn't mean it…He was being a father, Fate." I said breathlessly when her hands had dropped down to my collarbones; they were on their way down the neck of my dress. True to my anticipation, those calloused hands reached under the fabric to grab my breasts. "Ah…" I gasped.
"Apology accepted, princess, even if it's not from your father's own mouth," Fate said, kissing my neck, "And you smell so good to deny, my love." She rained kisses on my jaws, my shoulders…
"Fate, wait…we're having dinner. The food's going to get cold…" I protested weakly, gripping her wrists as a silent plea. "I-I really want to finish my meal."
Thankfully, Fate did stop. She slowly pulled her hands from my chest but not before giving my breasts a light squeeze. "You're right. You should eat. You haven't eaten anything since morning, and I am not very happy about that," Fate said as she readjusted the neckline of my dress before walking back to her seat.
Dinner went by without any more incidents. We had our desserts in silence, and I was thankful for the lack of conversation. I couldn't stand her voice. It was no longer gentle and loving. It was now cold, sharp, and void of soul.
We moved to the library later. Fate made me sat in her lap as she braided my hair. We sat on the carpeted floor, in front of the fire. I let her play with my hair as I stared at my open book, pretended to read. That way, I wouldn't have to answer any of her questions regarding the day. Fate held me close to her body and watched me read after she had finished braiding my hair. She occasionally ran her hands along my arms, kissed the back of my neck, or simply just rubbed her nose in my hair. I used to enjoy such caress from her, but now all I felt was dread.
"It's time for bed, little one."
Fate's whisper startled me out of the story. I looked up and saw the fire had burnt out; only its embers remained. Fate took the book from me and threw it on the tea table nearby. She then moved to stand, urging me along. Upon sitting for a long time and focusing my vision only on the pages, I wobbled and stumbled on Fate. She caught me easily. I immediately pulled away, but she gripped my arms and kept me in place. Then, Fate suddenly bent down. I felt something brush against my legs before moment later, I was in her arms, carried bridal-style.
"Fate!" I squawked and held onto her shoulders out of instinct.
"Sorry, princess, but I won't risk you falling on the floor on those clumsy little feet of yours," She said before walking out of the library. She strode confidently to the direction of our bedroom, and I suddenly felt my stomach churn. I knew exactly what came next after we were alone in our room, and I couldn't escape, not when she was holding me protectively in her firm grip.
Fate gently set me down the mattress, and I quickly scooted away from her. I watched in horror as she began to unbutton her shirt. Fate threw the silk shirt on the floor carelessly before unbuckling her belt, all the while staring at me; a small smile tugged at her lips. She slowly crawled in bed and joined me, and I turned my face away. I didn't want to look at her naked body, didn't want to see her arousal.
I took a deep breath when Fate pushed me down on my back. I bit my lip as she slowly undressed me. And the moment I tasted the iron on my tongue was when I felt the first shiver as my bare body came in contact with the air. I closed my eyes as my hands were pinned on the soft sheets and my thighs were pried apart. I held my breath when I felt hot lips on mine, and I began chanting prayers.
0ooo0
The phone on the bedside table rang in the dark of the night, startling me awake. Next to me, I heard Fate groan. I sat up and pulled the sheets to my chest. The phone kept ringing, and Fate swore. She scrambled up to turn on the lamp; it cast a soft orange glow over the room, creating dark shadowy figures on the walls.
"What?" Fate snapped. Her voice laced with sleep and anger.
I watched Fate's face turn from annoyed to surprised and triumphant in mere seconds. She sat up straight, didn't bother covering her own nakedness; her back was facing me. Fate lowered her voice to just whispers and I had to strain my ears, but in the end, I couldn't catch a proper sentence.
Fate finally hung up. She sat motionless for a moment longer before facing me. In the soft light, her eyes stood out, blazing with liquid red. She kept staring at me, burning me with the gaze that had me squirming every time. For a moment, I had thought she wanted sex again and had pressed myself tightly against the headboard, but Fate grinned, a maddening grin that seemed to bore a hole through my very own soul. And I couldn't help but shiver.
"I did it," Fate said, "I found him."
I could feel my eyes widen and my mouth go slack at the words. "W-what…?" I muttered. My trembling hands clutched at the sheets tighter.
"I found him, the bastard that killed our son," Fate repeated quietly. She stood up, grabbed her clothes on the floor and began to dress. "I'm needed at the office." was all she said before shutting the door closed.
I froze in bed. My eyes were glued to the now closed door, but my mind was already running a hundred miles per second. She had found him, he, the one who had caused the chaos, the only reason for my misery. Should I be happy, I asked myself. But oddly, I felt nothing but numbness. Fate would make him pay. He would probably be dead by now. But what does it do? My son was still dead. Fate was still a murderer and a rapist. No, it wouldn't change a thing if the bastard was dead or not. My suffering stayed.
And I lay back down, staring at the dark ceiling. My tears silently fell. I didn't know why nor how, but I did felt it, the immense pain in my chest. I turned on my stomach, burying my face to the pillow. I wet the white fabric as I listened to my own muffled sobs. There was no escape from this hell, the hell I used to call home.
I thought of my parents and pondered on their words when they first had known about Fate. They didn't want me to marry her. They had warned me of the consequences I couldn't see at the moment. But I was too blind. My childish love for Fate had drowned out all the warning and advice from people. I dropped school for love, be a bride as the age of seventeen, thought my life would fill with pink and glitter. I had distanced myself from family and friends just because they had said bad things about Fate and her heritage. I had isolated myself from the ones who cared for me because of Fate. And look at where I was standing now. She had taken everything away from me: my love, my freedom, my life. I wanted so badly to blame it all to Fate, or to the monster who killed my child, but deep down, I knew the only person I could ever blame was myself.
0ooo0
"I have avenged our son's death," said Fate, "I've made those bastards pay." She chuckled as she sipped her tea. "Are you happy, princess?"
I didn't answer. I busied myself with the book in my lap. Though pretending to read, I watched Fate from my peripheral vision. She put her teacup down and stretched out next to me. She wound an arm around my waist and pulled me down with her, letting me rest my head on her chest. I struggled a little but finally succumbed to her strong grip.
"The sky is so blue today," Fate said as she ran her fingers through my hair.
I turned to look up and despite my mood, I couldn't deny the beauty of the sky above us. It was so blue, an aqua blue. Giant white dust of clouds dotted here and there, concealing the rays from the sun; only a few sparkling streaks could get passed, shining down through canopies of trees, creating funny dark shapes on the mat and our bodies. Today was beautiful, and somehow being in the garden lifted my mood a little.
"Now that the last one was dead, I can finally focus my mind on you," Fate whispered. She kissed the top of my head and pulled me closer. I could smell her fragrance of pine and dried leaves. "We can start all over again, just me and you."
I didn't want to forgive what she had done to me, but my heart did a funny lift when I considered her words. And worse, I let myself hope, let myself imagine a life with her again. I let my mind picture the scenarios of Fate and I happy together, that we talked and laughed like we used to do. And I almost cried when I thought of how good it used to be when she had made love to me. Could Fate ever be her old self again?
"I'm sorry for everything…" She kissed my forehead, "You do want to start over, don't you, Nanoha?"
"Y-yes…" I sniffed, rubbing my face to her chest.
"That's better. We can do it. Because you know I love you, more than anything, and I know you love me, too."
At that moment, I fooled myself by believing in her words. I shamelessly let go all of the terrible things she had done to me. I felt my heart beating faster, and for a second I thought I was my seventeen-year-old self again, awestruck by a striking blonde. I clutched her shirt and cried, for happiness or for anguish I wasn't sure. I just felt like crying at the moment.
"It's okay, sweetheart. Everything's going to be fine from now on…" Fate raised my face to hers and kissed my tears away. She used her thumbs to wipe at my cheeks, and I felt myself crying harder. "Shh…It's alright. I'll take care of you."
I had believed her. I had thought she meant what she said. I was wrong.
The End
A/N: Hello! This is an old story I wrote last year. I wasn't happy with it, so I didn't publish it. But now that it's almost the end of the year, and I must say 2016 is a very shitty year for me, with breakups and a sick family member, I decided to dump everything here. It was supposed to be much longer, but I didn't have the time to finish it, so I stopped here. If you like it and want more of it, and depend on how many of you want a continuation, I will consider writing more. And also, I will try to finish and publish the new chapter for YMAV before New Year Day. That's all I have to say. Happy Holidays, guys! Wish y'all the best!