Neither Wind Nor Rain, Nor Sleet Nor Snow…, a yu-gi-oh fanfic

Disclaimer: Freezingly not mine.

A/N: Gift fic for Hales731, whose Christmas is turning out to be a bit of a damp squib, and who needs cheering up as a result. This may not do it, but hopefully it'll make you smile anyway, babs

Neither Wind Nor Rain, Nor Sleet Nor Snow…

"Oh fuuuuuh -"

"Finish that sentence at your own risk."

"I'll take that risk. It's fucking cold out here! Ow!"

"I warned you."

"It ain't bad enough I'm freezing my nuts off, you gotta yank on my ear too?"

"I said I warned you. I can't help it if you didn't listen to the warning."

"Dumb girls."

"Do you want me to go for the other ear too?"

Jounouchi tried to bury his entire face in his collar. When he couldn't manage it his grumbling increased tenfold. "How much further, Yuugi?"

"Not far." The drifts were affecting Yuugi far more than the rest of them, owing to his height. He was, quite literally, up to his armpits in snow, but staunchly refused all offers of help. He relied on his friends and his friendships in a lot of things, but his height had always been a sore point after a lifetime of being mistaken for an elementary schooler, and he was fiercely independent about it.

"How far is not far?" Honda asked, trying to keep his tone casual.

Yuugi was about to reply, but his words turned into a squeak as he stumbled and disappeared completely. Anzu yelped, and all three of his friends dived to help him. They came up as one spluttering mass, their coats, hats, scarves and gloves soaking and bobbled with snow. Yuugi's hair drooped like a spider-plant left too long without water.

"Okay, this officially sucks," Jounouchi gritted. "My ass is numb, my nose is red, I can barely see a thing in his blizzard, I lost all feeling in my toes three blocks ago, and we're still not there yet? Officially! Sucks!"

Yuugi sneezed. Anzu tried to wrap her own scarf around him, but since it was as wet as the rest of their clothes it made little difference. "Yuugi, we need to get out of this weather."

"It's not far," Yuugi said in the kind of stalwart voice they'd come to associate with him when he was ten life-points away from defeat but about to pull his fat out of the fire in spectacular fashion. If they hadn't left the Millennium Items buried in the desert, they would have thought it with his other self in control. "C'mon, this is important."

Anzu sighed but helped him to his feet and hooked her arm through his. It was difficult to tell through the redness brought on by the cold whether he blushed or not. "All right, but this time you hang on so we don't lose you in another pothole."

"Yeah, man." Honda took his other elbow. "They should really resurface these roads. It's like highway acne out here."

"That is such a lame comparison," Jounouchi grumbled, picking up what he'd dropped and trotting after them.

"Like you could do any better," Honda sniped.

"With my eyes shut."

"Yeah right."

"And standing on my head."

"Suuure. Your literary skills are so brilliant that way."

"And both hands tied behind my back." Jounouchi skidded slightly, throwing up his arms to save himself from another snowdrift-plunge. "Argh!"

"Guys."

"Have a nice trip?" Honda asked sweetly.

"Uh, guys."

"Damn it, Honda, it is too cold for you and your big mouth."

"Guys."

They both looked down at Yuugi. "What?"

Yuugi pointed. "We're here."

"Awright!" Jounouchi lurched past them to bang on the door of the house. "They'd better have central heating. I swear, I'm getting frostbite in my, uh …" He glanced at the snow, which was up to his waist, and then at Anzu. "Never mind."

She rolled her eyes. "Boys."

The door opened a crack. "Hello?"

"Yo." Jounouchi cocked a sloppy salute. "Can we come in? It's freaking cold out here."

"Um …" A pair of round eyes looked out at them, filled with a mixture of confusion, disbelief and alarm. "Uh …"

"Sorry about him." Anzu grabbed Jounouchi's ear and pulled him backwards. "We forgot his leash."

"Hey, hey, hey! I thought we agreed to quite with the mutt jokes!"

"Who's joking?"

Yuugi stepped forward. "Sorry. This might seem a little strange, I guess."

"That's … one word for it," said the owner of the eyes.

"Are you Hales?"

"… Yeeees."

"Oh, good." Yuugi's face lit up. "For a second there I thought the dimensional portal had taken us to the wrong place."

"More like dumped us," Jounouchi chipped in. "It left us four blocks from your house. Do you know how far four blocks feels like in a freaking blizzard? Hrrrmf!"

Honda clamped his hand tighter over Jounouchi's mouth. "Dude, totally not helping. She looks freaked out enough already without you yelling at her."

The girl at the door shook her head and ran a hand through her hair. "This has got to be some sort of joke," she said, half to herself. "Or a dream. Yeah that's it. This has to be a dream. Things like this don't happen in real life." She eyed Yuugi. "Is that your real hair?"

Yuugi just smiled, like he was asked that all the time. He held out what he'd been carrying ever since the dimensional portal opened from Subreality into this world. It was a brightly wrapped box topped with red ribbon and a bow. Honda, Jounouchi and Anzu each carried similar boxes. "We heard you weren't getting any visitors for the holidays this year, so we decided to fix that. Merry Christmas."

The noise wasn't really a thump. It was even a thud. It was more of a 'floomph'.

Jounouchi prised Honda's hand away from his mouth. "Dude, you killed her!"

"You idiot, Jounouchi." Anzu strode past them and hooked her arms under the comatose girl's arms. "She just fainted. C'mon, let's get her inside before she gets as frozen as we are."

"Yes!" Jounouchi bounded past her into the warm kitchen.

"Isn't this breaking and entering?" Honda wondered.

"Nah. We're guests." Jounouchi perched on a radiator with an expression of pure bliss.

"But -"

"Dude, we crossed a dimensional divide to bring her some Christmas cheer – and we brought her gifts. The least she can do is let us defrost."

"I guess. Yuugi?" Honda looked at the last member of their party still outside.

Yuugi nibbled his lip, then sighed and entered the house. "This isn't quite the reception I was hoping for."

"Look on the bright side," Jounouchi said sagely. "At least she didn't try to rip out clumps of your hair like the last chick did when we crossed into this world. Your fans here are scary."

Fin.

Subreality is a pretty well-known concept in fandom, but for those unfamiliar with it I got into a lot more depth and detail in Stop the Fic, I Want to Get Off! (www. /s/1653740/1/Stop_the_Fic_I_Want_to_Get_Off)