The Real Abjurers
By Rob Morris

Captain's Log: As we approach The Great Barrier, I have managed to help Spock, Bones and Scotty shake off Sybok's influence. Now, the only question is, what do we do if Sybok is wrong and the entity we might find here is hostile?

"Gentlemen, fighting anything that can send out messages this far by mind alone sounds much like an exercise in futility."

"Hell, Jim---imagine Starfleet's reaction, devil or angel, if we came home with the damned thing strapped to the hull!"

"Doctor, even if this being is merely posing as God--its power is by definition immense. Even as a broad outline, your notion of imprisonment is at odds with all logic."

"Maybe not so, sir. Cap'n--I based some raw theories on our encounters with Gorgan, Redjac and their ilk. And whilst we were fetching George and Gracie back in the 20th Century, I had occasion to meet the top man in that era on the subject of non-corporeals. A bit of an egghead, but he gave me some ideas..."

"Get to it Mister Scott. All speed."

Log: Stashing our surprise packages out of Sybok's site, we watch as he summons his would-be deity. Predictably, all it takes is my questioning his need of a starship to set him off. We run for the packages, while Sybok argues.

"Lightning? But the God Of ShakaRee would never...."

While the entity mocks poor Sybok, we suit up. Scotty offers some last minute advice.

"These puppies are nae phasers! Dinnae cross their beam-paths. That would be...bad."

"Point noted, Mister Scott. Now....."

We emerge from over the hill, the altered phaser rifles hooked directly to portable proton/anti-proton emitters.

".....Lets show this prehistoric bastard how we do things in Starfleet!"

The creature roars its defiance, which only makes my job sweeter.

"No, you may not contain me!"

"Captain---the trap!"

At Spock's cue, I let my beam slack off a bit, and we activate the trap. All but the barest whisper of the thing's energy is contained. Spock cautions us.

"Clear your thoughts! It is likely to try and tempt or control us."

A rumbling in the distance tells me we failed. We all glare at Sybok, who is holding a tin Spock gave him.

"Spock, these marsh-melons are quite good!"

We stare at what emerges from the pit in complete disbelief. At Scotty's suggestion, we do something bad.

"Try rowing your boat up four crossed streams!"

The end result is...messy. When we dig a glazed-over Sybok out of the muck, Bones sarcastically asks him a question.

"Can I take a sample of your brain for analysis?"

"Oh...alright."

Back on Vulcan, we signal Sarek to ready the woodshed.

-----------------------------------------------

"Yes, this is Commander Uhura speakin'. Well, Admiral, I realize that these demon life-vampires are giving you trouble, but we are just sooooo booked up, lately. Try us after we get rid of the ghost of Molor on Q'onos!"

Captain's Log: Not only have our new duties earned us all a reprieve from possible retirement, but I have little doubt that our achievements will benefit future generations.

"Jim! This replicator's not working right."

"Indeed, Captain. Look at the size of this Twinkie."

A green slimy apparition came straight at Kirk.

"Jimmmmmmmmmmm........!!!"

2364, Approaching Farpoint Station

The Q entity arrogantly strode the Enterprise's deck.

"Blah, Blah, Blah...grievouslysavage ...Blah...commies..."

"Now, Captain?"

"No, Number One. Wait till he's standing directly over the trap, then......."

I AIN'T FRAID' O' NO....ER, NON-CORPOREAL ENTITY OF ECTOPLASMIC ORIGIN!