Disclaimer: A dead guy owns the Odyssey, not me...
Reduced Odyssey
Book1:
Poseidon- I'm going on a trip
Gods- OK...
Athena- Let's mess up his plans behind his back
Zeus- Whatever
Athena- Telemachos, I am some guy named Mentes, and I say to yell at the old people and demand a boat to find your father.
Telemachos- Sure
Book2:
Telemachos- Please...
Antinoos- Don't listen to him
Elders- Why not...
Telemachos- Give me a boat
Elders- OK
Athena- I am now Telemachos, give me a boat and men by tomorrow.
People- Sure
Book3:
Telemachos- Hello, tell me of my father
Nestor- First let me talk of my trip and how Agamemnon was stabbed in the back
Telemachos- How interesting, now where is my father
Nestor- He is elsewhere, go ask Menalaos
Book4:
Telemachos- Hello Menalaos
Menalaos- Hello, and let me say how good Odysseus was
Telemachos- WAAAAAAAAAAAA
Helen- I think he is Telemachos
Menalaos- Ah, it is, let us talk
Helen- First I must drug you all
Menalaos- Well, an Old Man who likes sleeping with seals told me he is alive
Telemachos- Thank you
Antinoos- I want to kill Telemachos
Suitors- YAY
Penelope- Where is he?
Antinoos- Somewhere
Penelope- cries
Athena- I am your sister and declare he is alive!
Penelope- stops crying
Book5:
Hermes- Calypso, you must send Odysseus away
Calypso- Odysseus, you must leave, but why do you want her when I am so beautiful
Odysseus- I love Penelope
Poseidon- I want to enter the story to blow Odysseus to pieces
Athena- Grab the rock and live
Odysseus- Haha Poseidon, I am alive
Book6:
Nausicaa- Come with me and clean up
Odysseus- Athena, will you please help!
Athena- Obviously
Book7:
Alcinoos- Tell me your story
Odysseus- Poseidon hates my guts
Alcinoos- Oh, well, then we must help you get on a boat
Book9:flashback start
Natives- Sit here and eat leaves forever
Odysseus- No
Cyclops- I am the great Cyclops
Odysseus- POKE!
Cyclops- AHHH Noman has blinded me
Odysseus- BAAAA
Cyclops- I must let my sheep out and hunt Noman
Odysseus- HAHA, my name is Odysseus and I live in Ithaca where I am going and here is my social security, password, bank account, address, personal info, and title. Oh, and take my wallet too.
Cyclops- I want vengeance
Dad (Poseidon)- Grr, die
Book10:
Aiolos- I will help!
Odysseus- Zzzzzzzz
Aiolos- I won't help!
Circe- Hello. turns them to pigs
Crew- Oink
Odysseus- I must go meet her
Hermes- Take this Moly from me, a god
Odysseus- It's Holy Moly, thank you...Roar
Circe- OH my, I will be nice to you now, and turn everyone back
Book11:
Odysseus- Tell me what to do
Teiresias- Don't eat the immortal cattle, go kill the suitors, go bury an oar in the ground, and pray
Odysseus- Hi mom, hi Agamemnon sorry you're dead, hi Achilles.
Everyone- Hi...bye
Book12:
Odysseus- EVIL! Ate my men, oh well
Don't eat the cattle
Crew- Yummy!
Zeus- zap
Crew- We're dead now...
Odysseus- I'm not! (Readers groan) flashback ends
Book13:
Alcinoos- Send the boat
Odysseus- I'm here!
Poseidon- I want to punish him more...again...a few times
Zeus- Whatever
Poseidon- I tap 3 mana to turn you to rock laughs
People- Oh no!
Athena- I will make you look like a beggar
Odysseus- Dang
Book14:
Eumaios- Hello
Odysseus- Let's talk
Book16:
Odysseus- I am your father
Telemachos- No, you are not
Odysseus- Yes, I am
Telemachos- Father!
Odysseus- Let's kill everyone
Telemachos- evil grin
Book17:
Suitors- Lets beat up the beggar
Odysseus-...
Book19:
Eurycleia- Look it's a scar...Odysseus is BACK
Odysseus- Be quiet or you die, because I say so
Book21:
Penelope- Shoot this bow well and win me
Suitors- Yay
Telemachos- Let me try
Suitors- You can't do it, haha
Odysseus- I will try
Suitors- Haha, little old man thinks he ca...
twang, zhomp
Odysseus- Let's party
Book 22:
Antinoos- The little old man killed me, oh no
Odysseus- I am all powerful Odysseus
Suitors- Spare us, we only ate all your food, did stuff to your maids, tried to kill your son, wooed your wife, and said you were dead!
Odysseus- Die
Suitors- Oh no, we're dead
Book 23:
Eurycleia- He is home
Penelope- No, he's not
Odysseus- Your wooden bed is made of a tree
Penelope- YAY, he's back
Book24:
Agamemnon- How did you die
Suitors- Odysseus came back to kill us after 20 years. waits for pity
Agamemnon- Hurrah for Odysseus
Odysseus- I am back, father
Dad- You aren't he
Odysseus- You gave me some trees
Dad- Oh, son, how wonderful you are home.
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Did this for fun during English, enjoy.
My friend actually used this as a study guide for his test, freaky...