TITLE: Square Dance: Chapter 1
AUTHOR: Kansas J. Miller
PAIRING: CJ/Simon
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: At once everything seemed wonderful; Simon was there and CJ wondered why she'd ever thought of change in the first place.
SPOILERS: One vague-ass references to ITSOTG
DISCLAIMER: Brent Cregg is my own creation but the rest are not. They belong to ABS, who sees it fit to kill good people. G
NOTE: This is fourth in the little CJ/Simon world I've created. Follows "One in Ten Million"
***
She thought about cutting her hair. Maybe with lots of layers…something choppy that would stick out in all the right places and remind people of a photo in W or Vogue. Lighten it up maybe, subtle blonde streaks—with a hint of someone younger in a sideways part. And she could ease up on her eyeliner, find a shimmery shadow, and pluck her brow until it curved even higher. The look of a classy woman, CJ thought, and maybe it was time to replace her broken sunglasses. Nothing under seventy-five dollars, she decided, and they'd have to be from Italy.
"What are you thinking about?" Simon asked placing a hand on her knee, jolting CJ out of her thoughts. Slowly she turned her head, focusing her eyes on Simon as he picked her soda can up from the cement.
"A haircut," CJ said, taking the drink as she rearranged her legs on the lounge. "I might get a haircut."
"Ah," Simon smiled, touching CJ's wet locks of hair briefly before kneeling down to her level. "What kind?"
Her mind feeling hazy, CJ smiled slowly as she looked away from the pool and back to Simon. "The high maintenance kind," she smirked, sarcastically noting how well it fit her.
Simon grinned affectionately up at CJ, tapping her foot before heeding Hogan's call. He looked like a little boy, CJ thought with an unexplainable tightening in her throat, but then he was so much a man…even when he was thrashing around in the pool with a volleyball and her brother. He was just the type CJ hoped that Hogan would find someday; Simon was just the type CJ herself had always hoped to find. She was actually getting married, she realized with a twinge of excitement, not because she HAD to do it, but because she really wanted to be with Simon.
And it bothered CJ only slightly that she was thinking of a haircut. Haircuts always meant change, rather a defense against something bad. CJ had changed her hair after Rosslyn, trying to rid herself of the awful memories, trying to become someone removed of that terrifying night…CJ was never really sure if that tactic had worked, but thinking of getting a haircut NOW…What did it mean? She wanted to stop the rushing ebb and flow of frantic thoughts that tore at her mind; she didn't want to think about changing her hair; she didn't want to think about changing this perfection she thought she'd found. But Simon was right for her, CJ thought with confidence. Another moment passed and CJ sighed. Why did she feel so restless, so volatile?
***
Brent Cregg floated in the pool, relaxing in an inner tube, dodging the volleyball that Simon had hit past his daughter. Hogan seemed to like CJ's fiancé more than she liked her own dad; Simon was usually so much more fun, easier to talk to, easier to be around. Brent felt like he was being an awful father but he was absolutely unable to shake the grief of losing his wife. Hogan's grief would pass faster if his would, Brent knew, but it was hard to move on from love.
Relocating to Washington in the middle of his daughter's junior year had probably been unwise as well, but Brent had turned the only way he knew: towards Claudia. His sister, though five years younger, had always been his rock. She was smarter, she was calmer, and she always had exactly the right solution to any problem. If there was anyone to be near during a hard time, it was Claudia Jean.
Hogan seemed happier here, Brent reasoned; she liked her new school and her new friends. Napa was bound with the past, and though his father remained there, Brent had been eager to get away from the constant surrounding of his wife's memory.
Now, three thousand miles away, Brent still felt his wife's presence, but at least he had CJ's too. She had found them a beautiful home in Arlington—the pool had been an exciting bonus—and CJ had even loaned Brent a couple thousand dollars, knowing that he'd never be able to pay it back. He supposed it was what sisters did for brothers, but there were times when Brent felt totally inadequate next Claudia.
And as he tore his eyes off of Simon and Hogan, Brent moved his gaze over to where his sister sat. She was lying on the chaise lounge in a black bikini, holding a soda and staring into space. Wondering if her troubles were work-related or Simon-related, Brent held off confronting CJ. Likely it was work on her mind, he decided, because for two weeks of engagement, CJ seemed ecstatic with Simon.
Brent liked Simon Donovan and thought that he'd make a good husband to CJ, and while he was aware of CJ's fierce independence, Brent was glad that Simon had been able to crack the surface. He'd always wanted someone to take care of CJ. For all her staunch toughness, Brent knew that a vulnerable little girl lay under the surface. He saw that Simon was the perfect one to crack that wall, finally, at last.
Hogan was thrilled for sure; the loud shriek she'd emitted upon hearing the news was still resonating in Brent's ears. CJ had promised Hogan a place in the bridal party if their wedding turned out to be so formal; the teen was thrilled. Brent found it humorously out of place to hear his perpetually-single sister talking about a bridesmaid gown, about a ceremony.
The entire situation was unlike CJ, Brent realized, but her happiness had been so clear. But now as CJ sat distant and almost troubled, Brent wondered if this was really what CJ wanted—three times before, CJ had shirked off marriage. And when her cell phone rang, CJ angrily got up off of the lounge, walking towards the house with an exaggerated annoyance that neither Simon nor Brent could ignore.
***
"CJ," Carol crooned into her boss's ear, "I did some research on these dresses. You're going to love this…"
"Why did you do that?" CJ sighed, standing up from her chair and turning towards the lawn.
Carol laughed. "You told me to. And it's Saturday, I had free time."
Moaning as her feet hit the sprinkler-damp lawn, CJ bit her lip. "Shit, Carol, I didn't actually mean you had to do it."
"I found some extremely under priced yet gorgeous gowns, and I know you said to nix the white, but I think that if…Hey, what's wrong?" Carol breathed out in a rush, ever-excited about her boss's engagement, but not blind to CJ's aversion.
"Oh…nothing. I just don't really feel like planning this thing. Maybe we'll elope," CJ moaned, only half kidding. Turning around, she saw Simon hoisting himself out of the pool. He'd hate that idea…
"No!" Carol cried with a laugh. "No eloping. Just relax, I'll help you with this stuff…there's plenty of time. You haven't even set the date yet."
"Damn right," CJ muttered, not sure she could handle even that. "Let's just focus on real stuff right now? We've only got two weeks before the convention."
CJ heard Carol's amused sigh as the sun seemed to burn brighter on her bare shoulders. Simon's smooth hands on her back startled CJ, and she spun around with a quick goodbye to her assistant.
"You okay?" Simon asked with a soft smile, running his hands down her arms.
"Yeah," CJ shivered, putting her own hands on Simon's biceps. "You're having fun," she smiled, shaking off her annoyance. They'd been engaged for two weeks and already CJ could hardly stand to think about the actual wedding. It was stupid, she reasoned, to organize and pay for a big showy ceremony and reception when all she really wanted was to take the simple vows, to be with Simon.
"Yeah, but are you having fun?" Simon asked, dipping his head a bit to meet her eyes. "You've been out of it all afternoon."
CJ smiled and squeezed Simon's arms as reassurance. Nothing was really wrong but she could not get the major stress of planning a wedding off of her mind. "I'm fine. Just been thinking a lot."
"About a new haircut?" Simon smiled, slipping an arm around CJ's waist as he turned them back towards the pool.
Leaning against Simon, CJ bit her lip and threw her cell phone on the lounge. "Let's not talk about the haircut. I might think about it sometimes, but I don't really want one…"
She smiled at Simon as they approached the pool, knowing that she confused him sometimes; CJ confused herself at times, too, and before her brain could get a serious hold on whatever was really bothering her, the water hit her legs.
"Aunt CJ…" Hogan teased, throwing more water up at CJ, forcing her to give in. Hopping into the pool with a splash, Simon right behind her, CJ let herself enjoy the cool water. At once everything seemed wonderful; her brother was laughing, Hogan was happy, Simon was there and CJ wondered why she'd ever thought of change in the first place.
***
CJ and Simon had gone to Simon's place after the swim, if only for a change of pace. They spent most of their time at CJ's apartment, sometimes forgetting that they did maintain two separate residences. Simon was going home less and less, and as he washed the lettuce for a salad, he knew he had to bring up moving. He thought that they should sell his place—and it would go for a nice price—but he wasn't sure what CJ wanted. Did she want to keep her apartment for the both of them? Did she want to buy a house in the suburbs? Were children in the equation for them? Simon smiled and shook his head, knowing how hard all of that would be with their current jobs.
But jobs weren't forever, Simon realized, and they were both getting older. Maybe the time was right. Maybe…Simon's thoughts were interrupted when his eye caught the blinking red light on his answering machine.
CJ was in the shower, and as he grabbed a pen and pad of paper, Simon hoped this was nothing work-related that would take time away from dinner. Hitting the playback button, Simon leaned over the counter and restlessly flicked the pen against the counter.
His back straightened as the soft, feminine voice filtered into his ears, and as Simon let the sudden surprise of the message sink in, he didn't notice CJ leaning skeptically against the kitchen doorframe.
***
Simon had mentioned Kelly to CJ exactly two times during the course of their relationship. All CJ knew was that she was in the Secret Service, she was young, and that she'd been a hurricane in Simon's life. The picture in CJ's mind of the mysterious ex-girlfriend was of a tall, blond, gorgeous model type, one who also happened to wield a gun and could shoot it, too. Intimidating, yes. But even more intimidating to CJ was the fact that Simon could not—would not—talk details about what Kelly had put him through. That gave away so much; Kelly likely meant a lot to Simon, and she'd likely hurt him terribly. It had been a serious relationship, and as CJ leaned nervously against the doorframe, she didn't want to believe that Kelly had called.
Instantly insecure, CJ hated the woman's young, light voice as it played out of the message machine; she hated that the call contained the perfect mix of work and flirtation. A drink. Kelly wanted to have a drink with Simon and Simon wanted to forget just how badly this woman had twisted his heart. He didn't want to see Kelly—he wanted CJ—but subconsciously as he deleted the message Simon knew he'd end up at a small table somewhere, having a drink with Kelly.
CJ knew it, too, the moment she saw Simon's posture turn rigid. And when Simon hit the erase button—not bothering to copy down a number that he knew by heart—CJ thought again, about that haircut. About that uneasy need for change…It was almost like a square dance, she reasoned with a growing lump in her throat, the one where the partners change…But Simon wouldn't do that to her, Simon was a constant… *
AUTHOR: Kansas J. Miller
PAIRING: CJ/Simon
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: At once everything seemed wonderful; Simon was there and CJ wondered why she'd ever thought of change in the first place.
SPOILERS: One vague-ass references to ITSOTG
DISCLAIMER: Brent Cregg is my own creation but the rest are not. They belong to ABS, who sees it fit to kill good people. G
NOTE: This is fourth in the little CJ/Simon world I've created. Follows "One in Ten Million"
***
She thought about cutting her hair. Maybe with lots of layers…something choppy that would stick out in all the right places and remind people of a photo in W or Vogue. Lighten it up maybe, subtle blonde streaks—with a hint of someone younger in a sideways part. And she could ease up on her eyeliner, find a shimmery shadow, and pluck her brow until it curved even higher. The look of a classy woman, CJ thought, and maybe it was time to replace her broken sunglasses. Nothing under seventy-five dollars, she decided, and they'd have to be from Italy.
"What are you thinking about?" Simon asked placing a hand on her knee, jolting CJ out of her thoughts. Slowly she turned her head, focusing her eyes on Simon as he picked her soda can up from the cement.
"A haircut," CJ said, taking the drink as she rearranged her legs on the lounge. "I might get a haircut."
"Ah," Simon smiled, touching CJ's wet locks of hair briefly before kneeling down to her level. "What kind?"
Her mind feeling hazy, CJ smiled slowly as she looked away from the pool and back to Simon. "The high maintenance kind," she smirked, sarcastically noting how well it fit her.
Simon grinned affectionately up at CJ, tapping her foot before heeding Hogan's call. He looked like a little boy, CJ thought with an unexplainable tightening in her throat, but then he was so much a man…even when he was thrashing around in the pool with a volleyball and her brother. He was just the type CJ hoped that Hogan would find someday; Simon was just the type CJ herself had always hoped to find. She was actually getting married, she realized with a twinge of excitement, not because she HAD to do it, but because she really wanted to be with Simon.
And it bothered CJ only slightly that she was thinking of a haircut. Haircuts always meant change, rather a defense against something bad. CJ had changed her hair after Rosslyn, trying to rid herself of the awful memories, trying to become someone removed of that terrifying night…CJ was never really sure if that tactic had worked, but thinking of getting a haircut NOW…What did it mean? She wanted to stop the rushing ebb and flow of frantic thoughts that tore at her mind; she didn't want to think about changing her hair; she didn't want to think about changing this perfection she thought she'd found. But Simon was right for her, CJ thought with confidence. Another moment passed and CJ sighed. Why did she feel so restless, so volatile?
***
Brent Cregg floated in the pool, relaxing in an inner tube, dodging the volleyball that Simon had hit past his daughter. Hogan seemed to like CJ's fiancé more than she liked her own dad; Simon was usually so much more fun, easier to talk to, easier to be around. Brent felt like he was being an awful father but he was absolutely unable to shake the grief of losing his wife. Hogan's grief would pass faster if his would, Brent knew, but it was hard to move on from love.
Relocating to Washington in the middle of his daughter's junior year had probably been unwise as well, but Brent had turned the only way he knew: towards Claudia. His sister, though five years younger, had always been his rock. She was smarter, she was calmer, and she always had exactly the right solution to any problem. If there was anyone to be near during a hard time, it was Claudia Jean.
Hogan seemed happier here, Brent reasoned; she liked her new school and her new friends. Napa was bound with the past, and though his father remained there, Brent had been eager to get away from the constant surrounding of his wife's memory.
Now, three thousand miles away, Brent still felt his wife's presence, but at least he had CJ's too. She had found them a beautiful home in Arlington—the pool had been an exciting bonus—and CJ had even loaned Brent a couple thousand dollars, knowing that he'd never be able to pay it back. He supposed it was what sisters did for brothers, but there were times when Brent felt totally inadequate next Claudia.
And as he tore his eyes off of Simon and Hogan, Brent moved his gaze over to where his sister sat. She was lying on the chaise lounge in a black bikini, holding a soda and staring into space. Wondering if her troubles were work-related or Simon-related, Brent held off confronting CJ. Likely it was work on her mind, he decided, because for two weeks of engagement, CJ seemed ecstatic with Simon.
Brent liked Simon Donovan and thought that he'd make a good husband to CJ, and while he was aware of CJ's fierce independence, Brent was glad that Simon had been able to crack the surface. He'd always wanted someone to take care of CJ. For all her staunch toughness, Brent knew that a vulnerable little girl lay under the surface. He saw that Simon was the perfect one to crack that wall, finally, at last.
Hogan was thrilled for sure; the loud shriek she'd emitted upon hearing the news was still resonating in Brent's ears. CJ had promised Hogan a place in the bridal party if their wedding turned out to be so formal; the teen was thrilled. Brent found it humorously out of place to hear his perpetually-single sister talking about a bridesmaid gown, about a ceremony.
The entire situation was unlike CJ, Brent realized, but her happiness had been so clear. But now as CJ sat distant and almost troubled, Brent wondered if this was really what CJ wanted—three times before, CJ had shirked off marriage. And when her cell phone rang, CJ angrily got up off of the lounge, walking towards the house with an exaggerated annoyance that neither Simon nor Brent could ignore.
***
"CJ," Carol crooned into her boss's ear, "I did some research on these dresses. You're going to love this…"
"Why did you do that?" CJ sighed, standing up from her chair and turning towards the lawn.
Carol laughed. "You told me to. And it's Saturday, I had free time."
Moaning as her feet hit the sprinkler-damp lawn, CJ bit her lip. "Shit, Carol, I didn't actually mean you had to do it."
"I found some extremely under priced yet gorgeous gowns, and I know you said to nix the white, but I think that if…Hey, what's wrong?" Carol breathed out in a rush, ever-excited about her boss's engagement, but not blind to CJ's aversion.
"Oh…nothing. I just don't really feel like planning this thing. Maybe we'll elope," CJ moaned, only half kidding. Turning around, she saw Simon hoisting himself out of the pool. He'd hate that idea…
"No!" Carol cried with a laugh. "No eloping. Just relax, I'll help you with this stuff…there's plenty of time. You haven't even set the date yet."
"Damn right," CJ muttered, not sure she could handle even that. "Let's just focus on real stuff right now? We've only got two weeks before the convention."
CJ heard Carol's amused sigh as the sun seemed to burn brighter on her bare shoulders. Simon's smooth hands on her back startled CJ, and she spun around with a quick goodbye to her assistant.
"You okay?" Simon asked with a soft smile, running his hands down her arms.
"Yeah," CJ shivered, putting her own hands on Simon's biceps. "You're having fun," she smiled, shaking off her annoyance. They'd been engaged for two weeks and already CJ could hardly stand to think about the actual wedding. It was stupid, she reasoned, to organize and pay for a big showy ceremony and reception when all she really wanted was to take the simple vows, to be with Simon.
"Yeah, but are you having fun?" Simon asked, dipping his head a bit to meet her eyes. "You've been out of it all afternoon."
CJ smiled and squeezed Simon's arms as reassurance. Nothing was really wrong but she could not get the major stress of planning a wedding off of her mind. "I'm fine. Just been thinking a lot."
"About a new haircut?" Simon smiled, slipping an arm around CJ's waist as he turned them back towards the pool.
Leaning against Simon, CJ bit her lip and threw her cell phone on the lounge. "Let's not talk about the haircut. I might think about it sometimes, but I don't really want one…"
She smiled at Simon as they approached the pool, knowing that she confused him sometimes; CJ confused herself at times, too, and before her brain could get a serious hold on whatever was really bothering her, the water hit her legs.
"Aunt CJ…" Hogan teased, throwing more water up at CJ, forcing her to give in. Hopping into the pool with a splash, Simon right behind her, CJ let herself enjoy the cool water. At once everything seemed wonderful; her brother was laughing, Hogan was happy, Simon was there and CJ wondered why she'd ever thought of change in the first place.
***
CJ and Simon had gone to Simon's place after the swim, if only for a change of pace. They spent most of their time at CJ's apartment, sometimes forgetting that they did maintain two separate residences. Simon was going home less and less, and as he washed the lettuce for a salad, he knew he had to bring up moving. He thought that they should sell his place—and it would go for a nice price—but he wasn't sure what CJ wanted. Did she want to keep her apartment for the both of them? Did she want to buy a house in the suburbs? Were children in the equation for them? Simon smiled and shook his head, knowing how hard all of that would be with their current jobs.
But jobs weren't forever, Simon realized, and they were both getting older. Maybe the time was right. Maybe…Simon's thoughts were interrupted when his eye caught the blinking red light on his answering machine.
CJ was in the shower, and as he grabbed a pen and pad of paper, Simon hoped this was nothing work-related that would take time away from dinner. Hitting the playback button, Simon leaned over the counter and restlessly flicked the pen against the counter.
His back straightened as the soft, feminine voice filtered into his ears, and as Simon let the sudden surprise of the message sink in, he didn't notice CJ leaning skeptically against the kitchen doorframe.
***
Simon had mentioned Kelly to CJ exactly two times during the course of their relationship. All CJ knew was that she was in the Secret Service, she was young, and that she'd been a hurricane in Simon's life. The picture in CJ's mind of the mysterious ex-girlfriend was of a tall, blond, gorgeous model type, one who also happened to wield a gun and could shoot it, too. Intimidating, yes. But even more intimidating to CJ was the fact that Simon could not—would not—talk details about what Kelly had put him through. That gave away so much; Kelly likely meant a lot to Simon, and she'd likely hurt him terribly. It had been a serious relationship, and as CJ leaned nervously against the doorframe, she didn't want to believe that Kelly had called.
Instantly insecure, CJ hated the woman's young, light voice as it played out of the message machine; she hated that the call contained the perfect mix of work and flirtation. A drink. Kelly wanted to have a drink with Simon and Simon wanted to forget just how badly this woman had twisted his heart. He didn't want to see Kelly—he wanted CJ—but subconsciously as he deleted the message Simon knew he'd end up at a small table somewhere, having a drink with Kelly.
CJ knew it, too, the moment she saw Simon's posture turn rigid. And when Simon hit the erase button—not bothering to copy down a number that he knew by heart—CJ thought again, about that haircut. About that uneasy need for change…It was almost like a square dance, she reasoned with a growing lump in her throat, the one where the partners change…But Simon wouldn't do that to her, Simon was a constant… *