Warnings: Reno being devious, and a bit of language as a result.

April Fools

Morning

The clock on the nightstand read 5:47 when Reno heard the shower turn on in the bathroom. It still read 5:47 when he heard a serious of spluttering curses erupt. He smirked into his pillow, picturing the look on Rude's face when he discovered that the adjustable shower head was pointed at his face instead of into the bathtub. Today was going to be a good day.

Across town, another clock read 7:50 when its owner hit the snooze button for a second time, rubbing his eyes wearily before deciding to just shut the alarm off and get up. Tseng usually didn't mind having to get up at 5:45 on Mondays, but he'd had a late night last night and… his eyes widened when he reached over to turn the alarm switch off. He was so screwed; most of the Turks wouldn't say anything, but Reno would never let him hear the end of it for showing up two hours late. He sprang out of bed, bolting for the bathroom to brush his teeth.

Behind him, Vincent sat up in bed, the sheets sliding down to pool at his waist. He stared blankly at the clock for a few moments, before grabbing his cell phone off of the other nightstand. He sighed, debated telling his lover that he'd been duped, and then changed his mind. Maybe if he let Reno get away with it, the redhead would leave him alone for the day. Sighing again, he slipped out of bed and wandered over to the dresser.

Tseng wasn't the only one having troubles with his alarm clock that morning. Lazard watched in sleepy confusion as Genesis tore the room apart, snarling profanities and crushing alarm clocks as he found them. He debated asking Genesis why they had over a dozen alarm clocks stashed around their room, but he decided that it might not be beneficial for his health to do so at this time. Checking his watch, he shrugged and left his lover to his rampage, heading for the shower.

Rufus glared at his toothbrush, lips curled back in a half snarl that made him look almost rabid with the toothpaste foaming out of him mouth. What the fuck was that Gods-awful taste? Shaking his head in irritation, he spit the toothpaste out for a fourth time, threw it and his toothbrush away, and reached for the mouthwash. It also had an odd taste to it, but he grimaced and swished away. It still tasted mostly minty, and it was better than trying to brush with that horrific toothpaste. When he caught a glimpse of blue teeth in the mirror after spitting it out, he froze, alarmed at first and then suspicious. Pressing his lips firmly closed to avoid seeing the blue staining the inside of his mouth, he stalked back to his bedroom, snatching his phone off of his nightstand to check the date. He had to resist hurling the phone at the wall when he saw what day it was; he was going to kill Reno.

Sephiroth frowned at his shampoo bottle in frustration, too tired to understand why he couldn't get the shampoo to come out. He turned it upside down again, shaking it furiously in the hopes that something would magically change this time and he would get some shampoo out of the bottle. Growling in annoyance, he threw it against the wall, blinking in surprise when shampoo exploded out of the bottle and splattered everywhere. Wiping a glob out of his eye, he scowled at the floor of the shower, watching a small piece of plastic wrap get washed towards the drain. His shampoo did not come with plastic wrap over the opening; it wasn't even a new bottle! He wiped shampoo off of the wall and began to lather up his hair, contemplating the issue.

There was really only one explanation for how his shampoo bottle had magically grown a plastic wrap cover since yesterday morning: Reno.

Zack hummed to himself, tossing his shirt on the bed and reaching for his deodorant. It was Monday, which kind of sucked since that meant that the weekend was over, but he was supposed to train with Cloud today, which was always fun. On top of that, Angeal had promised to take him out for Wutaiian food for dinner; hopefully that meant that the older man would also be inviting him back to his apartment afterwards, which Zack was especially looking forward to. Angeal had been away on missions a lot lately, so they hadn't been able to spend a night together for a while.

Smiling in anticipation, Zack had already put deodorant under both arms before he noticed the smell. He used Axe deodorant, had used the same deodorant for many years, and he was very familiar with how it was supposed to smell; this was not right. Baffled, he quickly sniffed under one arm, lip curling up in disgust and confusion as he drew back. Then he smelled the deodorant stick, completely confused. Was that cream cheese? Frowning suspiciously at the stick, he stuck a finger in. Yep, that was definitely cream cheese. Sighing, he began scooping it out, hoping that there was some actual deodorant still in there. He wasn't exactly sure why Reno would have done this to him, but he really couldn't think of anyone else who could be responsible.

This day might be longer than he'd anticipated.

Reeve stared at his car in consternation. There was graffiti all over it! Most of it appeared to be random nonsense ("Jimmy Rulez!" ? Who in the world was Jimmy?), but… was that a penis across the hood? He groaned, burying his face in his hands. He could not take the bus or train today; he was already running late! He was going to have to drive the monstrosity to work.

He was confused when he opened the door and heard the crinkle of plastic wrap; then he was elated when he realized that the car was covered in it and that the graffiti was on top of the plastic. He decided that he could afford to be late to work in order to peel the graffiti off of his car.

He finally climbed into the driver's seat, beaming, and almost missed the note on the seat next to him.

"April Fools! –Love, Reno" He groaned in despair. April Fools? And Reno was pulling pranks? Today was going to be an absolutely horrific day.

A/N:

This is going to be a 3-part nonsense piece, based on Reno's April Fools exploits. Expect the next piece shortly!

I really wish I'd known about some of these jokes back when I lived at home with my dad and siblings…

Salt, and then Methylene Blue, in case you're wondering about Rufus' toothpaste and mouthwash.