Chapter 1
Before I begin there are a few things I need to clarify. Firstly when I said Michael Jr's name was Hardy, that was wrong - it's his name now, but when I begin this story he had my name, Hutchence. Secondly when I was pregnant I did tell my family - Dad, Kellie, they all knew. What I failed to tell them was who the father was! Mike knew from the beginning & he was fantastic about the whole situation! He understood why I felt the need to keep it secret from everyone for a while & he respected my decision. As for Dad, Kellie & the rest of them, I told them it had been a one night stand, didn't even know the guy, didn't know where he was now or how to find him.........in other words, I lied! When Michael was born he was two weeks over due........I lied again & said he was two weeks early, just incase anyone put two & two together & came up with.....well three!! So, why the lies? Why not just admit everything, go back to Cameron & live happily ever after? Truth was I was scared! You have to understand what I had with Jeff before we slept together & hopefully, if you have already read my first story you will! (If you haven't then I suggest you do or not much of this is going to make much sense!) I was scared because he was the best friend I'd ever had! Because I loved him! Because I didn't want him to feel 'obliged' to take care of a family! We were young.......he was on the brink of major stardom, major wealth too if the truth be known, then along comes Gemma & screws it all up? No thankyou!! At the start it was always my intention to tell everyone! All I wanted was a few months with my baby, a few months to figure it all out & at least this way Dad wasn't forced to lie to his best friend!! Had I told Dad & then begged him not to tell Gilbert, he would've kept my secret, but it would have torn him apart! No, this was the best way & the only way I knew how to handle it, so this was the way it was! Michael Jr wasn't just the centre of my life, Mike totally adored him too & he was thrilled he was his little 'namesake'!! When Mike was killed I kind of 'lost the plot' for a while! I ended up living with Rhett & Jenny & they took care of me & little Mike for a few months.......thank GOD for those two saints!! Anyway I'm glad Michael got to see my son & I'm also glad he knew the truth! So, Gemma lives on, but in looks & name only! The Gemma from the first story is long gone! I'm no longer the little girl you came to know throughout those chapters, I'm someone's mother now! I guess it happens to us all in a way, as we grow up we change, begin to realise our priorities are no longer what we believed them to be, we lose our innnocence. I lost a lot more! I lost 2 brothers, my best friends, my family & my 'surrogate' family & most of all I broke someone's heart! To know you have done that to a person, taken away their happiness with one single selfish act, is enough to change your opinion of yourself forever. It still makes me feel sad when I think of what I did to Adam, in hindsight it should never have gone that far.....running out on him the day before our wedding made me feel like a lowlife, and I believe that's exactly what I was! But we don't have the use of a crystal ball now do we? When I agreed to marry Adam I did love him & I also believed I could make it work! Nothing I did was malicious & I never intended to hurt him the way I did. When all said & done he was a great guy & I was a bitch........he deserved better! I only hope he eventually saw it that way too! I saw him once, a few months after Michael was born. The WWF were in Australia & Edge & Christian were doing an autograph signing session in a local store! I stood outside, among the crowds of screaming girls, and I looked in through the window! I don't know why I went there or why I felt the need to see him for that split second, but I did! He was smiling, joking around with Jay & having his picture taken for the 100th time that day & he looked happy.....it made me smile! Not once did he look my way & not once did I have the urge to go inside, but I went away feeling....oh I don't know, I guess contented is the word! That was the day I went home & began to write the story of my life! I never intended to show it to the world, it was more for my own personal benefit that I put pen to paper! When it was eventually published in the magazine I never thought anyone would read it - I mean it's hardly the action adventure of the century now is it?! But I'm told I was wrong, that people want more so, here I am! Trouble is.......where to start!?!
Before I begin there are a few things I need to clarify. Firstly when I said Michael Jr's name was Hardy, that was wrong - it's his name now, but when I begin this story he had my name, Hutchence. Secondly when I was pregnant I did tell my family - Dad, Kellie, they all knew. What I failed to tell them was who the father was! Mike knew from the beginning & he was fantastic about the whole situation! He understood why I felt the need to keep it secret from everyone for a while & he respected my decision. As for Dad, Kellie & the rest of them, I told them it had been a one night stand, didn't even know the guy, didn't know where he was now or how to find him.........in other words, I lied! When Michael was born he was two weeks over due........I lied again & said he was two weeks early, just incase anyone put two & two together & came up with.....well three!! So, why the lies? Why not just admit everything, go back to Cameron & live happily ever after? Truth was I was scared! You have to understand what I had with Jeff before we slept together & hopefully, if you have already read my first story you will! (If you haven't then I suggest you do or not much of this is going to make much sense!) I was scared because he was the best friend I'd ever had! Because I loved him! Because I didn't want him to feel 'obliged' to take care of a family! We were young.......he was on the brink of major stardom, major wealth too if the truth be known, then along comes Gemma & screws it all up? No thankyou!! At the start it was always my intention to tell everyone! All I wanted was a few months with my baby, a few months to figure it all out & at least this way Dad wasn't forced to lie to his best friend!! Had I told Dad & then begged him not to tell Gilbert, he would've kept my secret, but it would have torn him apart! No, this was the best way & the only way I knew how to handle it, so this was the way it was! Michael Jr wasn't just the centre of my life, Mike totally adored him too & he was thrilled he was his little 'namesake'!! When Mike was killed I kind of 'lost the plot' for a while! I ended up living with Rhett & Jenny & they took care of me & little Mike for a few months.......thank GOD for those two saints!! Anyway I'm glad Michael got to see my son & I'm also glad he knew the truth! So, Gemma lives on, but in looks & name only! The Gemma from the first story is long gone! I'm no longer the little girl you came to know throughout those chapters, I'm someone's mother now! I guess it happens to us all in a way, as we grow up we change, begin to realise our priorities are no longer what we believed them to be, we lose our innnocence. I lost a lot more! I lost 2 brothers, my best friends, my family & my 'surrogate' family & most of all I broke someone's heart! To know you have done that to a person, taken away their happiness with one single selfish act, is enough to change your opinion of yourself forever. It still makes me feel sad when I think of what I did to Adam, in hindsight it should never have gone that far.....running out on him the day before our wedding made me feel like a lowlife, and I believe that's exactly what I was! But we don't have the use of a crystal ball now do we? When I agreed to marry Adam I did love him & I also believed I could make it work! Nothing I did was malicious & I never intended to hurt him the way I did. When all said & done he was a great guy & I was a bitch........he deserved better! I only hope he eventually saw it that way too! I saw him once, a few months after Michael was born. The WWF were in Australia & Edge & Christian were doing an autograph signing session in a local store! I stood outside, among the crowds of screaming girls, and I looked in through the window! I don't know why I went there or why I felt the need to see him for that split second, but I did! He was smiling, joking around with Jay & having his picture taken for the 100th time that day & he looked happy.....it made me smile! Not once did he look my way & not once did I have the urge to go inside, but I went away feeling....oh I don't know, I guess contented is the word! That was the day I went home & began to write the story of my life! I never intended to show it to the world, it was more for my own personal benefit that I put pen to paper! When it was eventually published in the magazine I never thought anyone would read it - I mean it's hardly the action adventure of the century now is it?! But I'm told I was wrong, that people want more so, here I am! Trouble is.......where to start!?!