Nurses, Scouts and Really Bad Toupees
By Galatea/The 41st Maguanac
Disclaimer: Dragonball Z and all the characters therein are not my property and I make no money from this fiction… more's the pity.
Author's Note: It's been a while since I was on the scene. Anyone remember me? ~Tumbleweed rolls past~ Thought not. For all those wondering, Galatea and The 41st Maguanac are in fact the same person, that person being me. I hope you enjoy my latest offering, and feedback would be appreciated.
My other work is available here on ffnet, and on my website. The address is http://www.angelfire.com/anime4/chez_galatea if you're interested.
41.
It was a cold day. Not just cold, absolutely nut-crunchingly freezing! The ground was hard as a rock, and icicles hung off the side of the shed roof as Bulma went out there to raid the freezer for breakfast supplies. Her boots crunched across the frosty ground. It was too early for snow, being only November, and the sky was heavily overcast, making the whole world appear like some miserable Turner seascape… but without the sea, obviously.
Bulma entered the shed, and pulled on the little light switch string, which hung above her head. The shed was instantly lit with yellow electric light. The light bulb swung back and forth above her head. Bulma took a little key out of her pocket, and attempted to put it in the lock on the freezer. She had got a lock fitted ever since chibi Trunks had eaten all the food one time, and though the lock couldn't keep the little saiya-jin out, she could tell that someone had taken something, because the lock would be in several pieces on the floor.
With a sharp tinkle, the key hit the floor, as Bulma dropped it. It had slipped through her fingers in her mittens. She pulled one glove off with her teeth, picked up the key, and shoved it roughly into the lock, undoing the freezer lid. She pulled out the wheelbarrow, and set about loading it with food.
"Be careful with that!" whispered Goten urgently, as chibi Trunks clutched the shampoo bottle in one hand, and Master Roshi's 'Turbo Glue' in the other. "That glue's really hard to get hold of!"
"I'm careful!" said Trunks, unscrewing the lid of the shampoo, and peering inside. "This is tousan's shampoo. He's the only who uses it."
"Just watch it! Don't use too much, that stuff costs an arm and a leg!"
"And it'll cost us an arm and a leg if we don't hurry and get out of here before tousan takes his morning after-training shower!" Chibi Trunks emptied practically the whole container into his father's shampoo bottle. "Right then," he said, putting the bottle of shampoo back on the shelf, "That's all done. It'll teach dad for foiling our plots to cause general mayhem. Have you got the camera ready?"
"It's right here. You do realise, that if we get caught, we will both die a painful death."
"Don't worry, I've got it all figured out. We'll escape, and live to tell the tale, I've made sure of it. Come on! He'll be coming in soon, let's hide."
Goten and chibi Trunks ran out of the bathroom, and into Trunks' bedroom, where they hid behind the door.
"Now what do we do?" asked Goten.
"Now, we wait."
Mirai Trunks woke up, yawned, and stretched out his limbs. He stared blearily eyed at the alarm clock, which said that the time was 10 o clock am. He was enjoying not having to be up at the crack of dawn anymore, when he had been afraid of the androids. His nose was telling him that something was cooking downstairs.
He hopped out of bed, ran to the door, and took a whiff of the air. It was disgusting. Nothing he had ever smelt had been so utterly putrefying and vomit inducing as what was currently making its way into his nostrils. Hell, Bulma's cooking was bad, but it wasn't THAT bad, was it? He took another sniff, and made an important observation…
"Oh… it's me!" He sniffed his own armpit, and nearly passed out. He sweat dropped. "I guess I'd better take a shower," he said, absent-mindedly, heading for the bathroom.
"Woman!"
Vegeta stormed in through the back door, from where the gravity room was in the back garden. "Woman! Where are you? Where's my damn breakfast?!"
Bulma sighed, and turned over the sausages in the frying pan. She picked up some bread, and popped it into the toaster, then turned around as Vegeta entered the kitchen. She stared at him with wonder as he swept in, towel draped across his neck. It always amazed her how Vegeta was able to 'sweep' from place to place. 'I guess it comes from being a prince,' she thought. The cold air had made his cheeks a little redder than usual, and his skin was glowing, with shiny perspiration emphasizing his muscles.
Bulma resisted an urge to drool, and then remembered that she hated his stupid, arrogant attitude again. "Why! If it isn't the call of the starving bakayaro! Yes, nature watchers, the prince has returned to his habitat to seek nutrients and succour, so that he may continue his endeavours in the outback."
"Bulma, stop talking crap, and get my damn breakfast on the table!" said Vegeta, sitting down and picking up his knife and fork.
"No way, no breakfast until you shower, you know the rules."
"I make the rules. I am the prince, and I demand my breakfast NOW!"
Bulma shrugged her shoulders, "Look, if you want to go around smelling like petrified llama droppings, that's fine by me, honestly, but you know the punishment."
"Couch?"
"You'd better believe it."
"Grrr, fine," said Vegeta, growling and heading up the stairs towards the bathroom.
Trunks turned on the hot shower water, and felt it pound across his skin. It felt good. He had been doing far too much work recently, and his recent 'episodes' with the saiya-brats had been stressing him out, to say the least.
He fumbled around in search of the shampoo, and picked up his own. It was just like his mother's, because they had the same hair type, and it made his hair all soft, silky, and easy to manage… but today, there was none left.
'Typical,' he thought. 'I bet mom used the last of it.' He chucked the bottle out of the shower, and into the waste paper bin, and searched around for something else. 'What's this?' he thought. 'Oh, tousan's shampoo.' Vegeta used a different hair product to everyone else. Firstly, because he was the prince of Saiyans, and secondly, because his had an added stiffener… unsurprisingly!
'Well, there's nothing else left, so I suppose I'll have to use this,' thought Trunks, pouring some of the contents into his hand. He had to admit, it did smell quite strange, and was curiously sticky, but he suspected that this was what made Vegeta's hair stand on end. He poured out a bit more, and started to massage the shampoo into his scalp.
"I'm singing in the rain," he sang, "Just singing in the rain, what a glorious feeling, I'm happy ag-urk!" He stopped singing. Something was VERY wrong.
"Where's that stupid clean drying cloth?!" said Vegeta, half to himself, and half to anyone who happened to be listening. He delved into the back of the wardrobe, and finally pulled out the fluffy blue towel. Checking to see that no one was watching, he hurried over to the bed, and carefully unwrapped the towel.
"Oh Ducky! It's been so long!" he said, taking out the bright yellow rubber duck, and giving it an affectionate squeeze, causing it to squeak. Vegeta put his finger to his lips. "Shhh! Be quiet, you don't want Trunks to hear anything again, do we?"
Ducky, of course, said nothing.
Chibi Trunks peered out further from behind his bedroom door, having noticed his father come up the stairs. "Uh oh!" he whispered to Goten, "If tousan is out here, then that must mean…"
"We're doomed," replied Goten.
'This is not happening to me. It's a dream. If I close my eyes, and count to ten, I won't be here anymore, and I'll wake up in my bed.' Mirai Trunks tried this, but found that it didn't work.
Stuck. Completely stuck to his head. Only his right hand, though. He tried pulling on it hard, but he feared that he would scalp himself if he weren't careful.
'What am I going to do?' he thought. 'I'm standing around, butt naked, with my hand stuck to my head, how could I have been so stupid to not pick up a towel!' He looked around frantically, but if there was anything he could use to cover himself, but the only thing he could find was… not altogether suitable.
'I know! I'll have to make a dash for my room. No one will notice. Hell, I'm faster than light anyway, so no one will see me. Dad'll be downstairs at breakfast, and Trunks is out somewhere with Goten.' Trunks picked up the item with which he covered himself, and crept towards the door, and used his teeth to turn the door handle.
Vegeta collected Ducky back into his towel, and headed out on to the landing. Picking up his dressing gown from the banisters, he went to turn the bathroom door handle.
Then, chaos broke out.
Vegeta was hit by a pinkish blur as it shot out of the bathroom, and bowled him over. Mirai Trunks was toppled over, completely naked except for Bulma's famed shower cap covering his family jewels, on to the carpeted landing. His father dropped his towel, and his beloved Ducky went flying.
"Shimatta!" yelled Trunks.
"Ducky!" yelled Vegeta, as the two of them scrambled around. Vegeta grabbed Ducky into his hands, and Trunks tried to get himself into a position so Vegeta could see as little of him as possible, one hand still stuck to his head, the other clasping the shower cap.
After the calamity, which had just occurred, a heavy silence fell across the pair, each one too embarrassed about their own situation to care about the others'.
"You saw nothing," said Vegeta.
"So did you," replied Trunks.
"Then we're agreed."
"Nothing happened."
"I didn't see you."
"And I didn't see you either."
There was another long pause. "… People wear that on their heads, you know."
"Sorry."
"This never happened."
"Right."
"WRONG!" yelled chibi Trunks, leaping out from behind the doorway, clutching a camera in his hands.
Goten quickly followed him. "It's a Kodak moment!" he said with a grin, as the saiya-rascals fled.
"Nooooo!" yelled Vegeta, who pounced after them, dropping Ducky as he went. This was when chibi Trunks' master plan came into play. Vegeta flew at them, and they headed down the stairs. Vegeta was so enraged, that he neglected to notice the skateboard, which had been carefully positioned at the top of the stairs.
"Waaaaaah!" he yelled, as he skidded over, and fell down the stairs, with a 'thump, thump, crash, bang, SPLAT!,' as he hit the bottom.
"Owww! My arse!"
"Don't worry, dad, I'll get them!" yelled Trunks, running down the stairs, and jumping over his father's body. Unfortunately, he didn't notice the catch by the back door, and he was de-shower capped as he ran past it.
"You are so dumb!" yelled Goten, "We were supposed to hide in the freezer, but it's locked, and now we're cornered in the shed!"
"How was I supposed to know that mom locked it!" yelled chibi Trunks defensively, as mirai Trunks flung the door open, and walked in.
"Hah! I've got you now!" he said, triumphantly.
Goten and chibi Trunks sweat dropped.
"Uhh… Trunks?"
"Don't even try to talk your way out of it! I've caught you now, and there is nothing you can do!"
"Yeah, but…"
"Face it, you never had a chance to defeat me!"
"That's all very well, but…"
"You will now all suffer for the pain you have caused!"
Finally, Goten cut in. "Kinda draughty, isn't it, Trunks?"
Trunks looked down.
"Waaaaaaaah!" he yelled, the cold suddenly gripping him in places he'd rather not mention. In the moment he was distracted, the saiya-brats ran past him, and took off into the sky. He was about to follow them, when he remembered something, and hurried back to the catch on the door, and picked up the shower cap.
"This time, I'll…"
"TRUNKS!" Bulma came out of the kitchen to see what all the commotion was about. "What ARE you doing with my shower cap?!"
"I really need a vacation."
"Are you hurt?"
"Aside from my pride in ribbons, no."
"Well, Trunks sweetie, I've done the best that I could with it. It was turbo glue after all, there was very little I could do with it." Bulma took a step backwards, and looked at her handiwork. Trunks was not going to be pleased.
"Hand me a mirror."
"Now darling, I don't know if we're quite ready for the mirror yet…"
"Give me the mirror."
"Do you really think that's a good idea? You've been under a lot of stress recently, and I don't want to upset you again. Trunks, honey, the vein on your head is starting to stick out again…"
"Give me that mirror!" Trunks pounced, and whipped the mirror out of Bulma's grasp before she could do anything about it. He held it in front of him, and looked at his reflection.
"Now Trunks, I know it looks bad, but…"
"W-w-what have you done to me? M-my hair! M-m-my wonderful hair!"
"I know it'll take some getting used to, but it really doesn't look… too bad…"
"Too BAD??!! I'm bald!!!" It was true. There was not a single lavender coloured hair left on his head
He knelt on the floor, picking up the gluey bits of hair, and holding them to his chest, as though they were his long lost children. "I won't lose you, my darlings, I'm sorry… say it ain't so, please!! Say it ain't so!!"
"Okay, now you're beginning to scare me…"
Trunks gathered up what hair he could, and leapt to his feet. "It will be mine again! I'll have a wig made of my old hair, and then we'll see who's laughing!! It'll be me! Me I tell you! Bwahahahahahaha!!" Cackling insanely, Trunks ran out of the front door, and down the street.
"He sounded a bit upset," said Goten, coming into the room.
"Not as upset as he'll feel when he realises that he forgot his shower cap again…"
Vegeta laid his head back against the back of the sofa. Broken. His leg was well and truly busted in about 3 separate places. He was going to be stuck on the couch for days and days. Where was a senzu bean when you needed one? The doctors had been and gone, leaving behind them numerous bottles of stupid medicines for him to take, painkillers, vitamins… even some Demerol for Bulma to dose him up on in case he got irate. Vegeta? Irate? Surely not…
'Baka doctors with their baka medicines,' he thought. 'Still, at least Bulma will have to wait on me hand and foot until I'm better. That's got to be worth something…'
At that moment, Bulma herself walked in, keys in one hand, a mobile phone in the other. "Listen, Vege-chan, I've been called up to a conference in the city again. It's a bit of an emergency."
"What happened? One of your baka employees break a fingernail?" Vegeta sneered, trying to shift so he could see her more comfortably, without moving his leg.
Bulma spoke into her mobile phone again before turning back to Vegeta, "Listen V, I don't need any attitude, we've got a big sales crisis, and I might not be back for a couple of days."
Vegeta practically fell off the sofa, "A few DAYS??!!"
"Is that a problem?"
"Yes! What about me??!" yelled the typically self-absorbed Prince of Saiyans.
"You've got the boys here to take care of you if you need anything, I told Goten that he was welcome to stay over to help take care of you."
"Where Mirai?"
Bulma pulled a worried expression. "I don't know. I haven't seen him since he ran off down the street naked, so keep your eyes out for him. There's microwavable food in the freezer. I've left the lock off just in case. If you see Mirai, just tell him that I said not to worry and that it'll grow back."
Vegeta growled to himself. "How can you leave me at home with the brats by myself? If I wanted to live in perpetual Hell, I'd ask you to sing to me."
Bulma's eyes narrowed coldly. "Don't worry hun," she said, pursing her lips, "I called in someone else to help take care of you." As if on cue the doorbell rang, "And that should be him now."
She stalked off into the corridor. "You're telling me you got me a babysitter??! My God woman, how incapable must you think… wait a minute, you said 'he'?? BULMA!!! That had better not be who I think it is!!!"
Oh, but it was.
Most people were pretty surprised to see a naked young man running down Main Street, clutching a bundle of lavendar coloured locks to his chest. Most people agreed that he was either very hairy on his chest, totally insane, very cold, or a mixture of all three of these.
"Wigwigwigwigwigwigwig…" he mumbled incoherently as he dashed from shop window to shop window, scaring the resident sales assistance and generally causing havoc wherever his naked body went.
Inevitably, someone called the police.
The Saiyamen (or rather Saiyapersons as they had now become known in a politically correct world) both 1 and 2, turned up a few minutes later. Gohan was rather shocked to find his student and friend Trunks running up and down the street in less-than-appropriate attire. "Trunks?" he attempted, as the young man ran past and peered into another store, causing the woman on the counter to faint from the sight of his manly package.
"Trunks, please, you're scaring me!" insisted Gohan, grabbing Trunks by the shoulders and whirling him around to face him, for the first time noticing the bundle of lavendar locks in his arms. "Trunks, what happened to your…"
"Wig?" Trunks interrupted.
"I beg your pardon?"
Trunks eyed Gohan suspiciously, as though not even recognising him, before beginning to pat Gohan's uniform. Gohan, not overly happy about the idea of being frisked, back swiftly away.
"C'mon buddy, you're not making any sense!" he attempted.
"WIG!" roared Trunks, shooting out a hand and grabbing some of Gohan's black spikes tightly, wrenching at his hair as though trying to pull his head off. Gohan yelped in surprise and pain.
"Gohan!" yelled Videl, trying to pry Trunks from Gohan's head, but not able to do so. The poor man was possessed, gone mad from the loss of his sacred locks. "Don't worry!" she cried, looking desperately about. "I'll… render him unconscious with an Ionian nerve-grip!" she added, grabbing Trunks by the shoulder, then a split second later, bringing her fist down on to his bald head. The poor and slightly insane youth slumped to the ground.
Gohan rubbed his sore head. "That wasn't an Ionian nerve-grip!" he commented. "That was smashing him over the head!"
Videl shrugged, "It all leads to the same thing," she countered, picking up Trunks' prone, naked body. "Now, let's get him down the station."
"Hadn't we better take him home?" asked Gohan worriedly. "I mean… he doesn't even belong in this time. How are the police going to book him?
Videl gave her boyfriend a withering glare. "He was caught streaking Gohan, he has to be reported, put in a cell, and someone will have to come and pay his bail. That's the way the law works. Seeing as you are a defender of it, I would have thought that you of all people would know that."
The eldest son of Goku put his hands on his hips, "Fine, fine, you obviously know best. Let's take him down the station."
"Great!" said Videl, starting into the air.
"And then you can go home and watch your favourite reruns of 'Judge Judy' and 'Divorce Court'," he muttered under his breath.
"I heard that!"
"This is going to be so much fun!" said Goku grinning as he pottered around the living room, generally getting in the way of the television and irritating Vegeta no-end. "You and me together for a few days… it'll be just like old times!"
The Prince of Saiyans gritted his teeth, "Firstly, Kakarot, we do not have any 'old times'! We grew up on different planets, were not childhood friends, and if the truth be known, I hate your wretched guts! Secondly, I am planning to spend as little time as possible this weekend in your company, in order to keep in tact what little sanity I have remaining, and FINALLY, get out of the way of the damn television so I can finish watching 'Yu-Gi-Oh!'!"
Goku turned around to look at the television, "Hey, my kids watch this," he said with a laugh as Yami Yugi sent another lousy duellist to their grave. "I didn't know you were into this kind of thing?"
Vegeta snorted, "My son watches this mindless drivel. It's about the only thing on television during the day time which doesn't involve over-proportioned American people flaunting their bodies, or some excessively boring man in a suit sitting on a couch and discussing someone's latest 'bestseller'.
"Hey, don't diss Richard and Judy, man!" replied Goku with feeling. [1]
Vegeta folded his arms and glared at his broken leg, wishing he could heal it by sheer force of will. Oh well, maybe when the cast was off he could use it to beat Kakarot over the head with…
"No one's signed your cast!" said Goku from out of the blue.
"Why on earth would I want you to sign the thing? You're not a celebrity," Vegeta replied as Goku once again blocked his view of the television. He pulled out his crutch and prodded the big orange-clad oaf until he moved.
"It's a tradition," Goku explained. "On earth, when you have to get a cast put on your body, your friends and family write things on it… like 'get well soon!' and that kind of thing."
The Prince sighed heavily. He would never get over these stupid little human traditions. Things like saying 'after you' and letting someone else walk through a door ahead of him. Things like saying 'bless you' if someone sneezed… not to mention a peculiar one that Bulma insisted on - putting the toilet seat down. Was she not capable of doing it herself? Did it really matter where he squeezed the tube of toothpaste? Humans… pedantic little things.
"Fine, write on the stupid thing," he replied, folding his arms. "If it will give you some brief entertainment… also I seem incapable of getting away from you at the moment."
Goku grinned and used one of little Trunks' felt tip pens to write, 'Best wishes, from your bud. Goku.' "There we are!" he said when he was done. "Now if I ever get famous, you can sell this cast for millions of zenni!"
Vegeta rubbed his temples, but decided he couldn't be bothered to point out that he was already married to a woman who had millions of zenni. Also, the thought of getting rich off of something of Goku's filled him with bile. Now there was something he could live without.
Son Goku plumped up the pillow that Vegeta was leaning against, "There, comfy? Anything else I can do?" he asked hopefully.
"Yes, you can start by getting out of my…" Vegeta started, but then he had an idea. A cunning idea – as if he came up with any other kinds. Maybe being stuck with Kakarot all weekend wouldn't be such a bad thing after all… "I feel a bit thirsty…"
"Coming right up!" replied Goku, disappearing into the kitchen and reappearing a short time later with a glass of lemonade. Vegeta took it and took a swig.
"And now you mention it, I am a little hungry too…"
Once again Goku disappeared, and the sounds of a refrigerator being raided could be heard. Vegeta smirked in the manner he is so well known for and took another sip of his lemonade. This was going to be good.
To Be Continued.