I've seen Master cry only once.
I was around thirteen at the time and we were staying at some in near the mountains. It had been a long day and Master had been kind enough to get us separate rooms. I suspected he'd been planning to drink. He'd been in an odd mood all day. I remember having looked at him and shaking my head before heading into my room to sleep.
I woke up around midnight. The room was cold and I pulled the blanket tighter around myself, but no matter how much I tried I couldn't go back to sleep. I threw a glance at the window and quickly sat up to watch the slowly falling snow. No wonder it was cold. That's when I remember hearing a noise coming from master's room. I don't know why I felt I needed to check if he was okay, but before I knew it I was out of the room and quietly making my over to his room. I didn't knock, but simply pushed the door open as quietly as possible.
Through the small crack in the door I could clearly see him sit by the window. The left side of his face, the side without the mask, was visible to me. The room was dark, but his face was illuminated by a street lamp outside the window. A nearly untouched glass of wine was in his hand. I remember frowning and taking a closer look at his face. Lower lip trembling, glistening eyes staring down at the wine and a shaky breath leaving him as he opened his mouth. Now I was really paying attention. I noticed how the hand holding the wine was shaking. I watched in fascination as he put the glass down and dug his fingers into his arm instead. A drop of water landed on the back of his hand. My eyes widened in surprise as I saw the tears rolling down his cheek. I had never seen him cry and never had I thought I would. I wanted to comfort him. I wanted to hug him and tell him that it was okay.
It felt as if I was watching something I shouldn't, which probably was the case. If he had known I had been standing there he probably would've murdered me. He let out a choked sob and bit down on his lower lip. He must have been biting hard since he managed to draw blood. His whole body was trembling by this point. I realized he was trying to be quiet. He probably didn't want to wake anyone up. The walls were pretty thin after all. Maybe he was just worried that I would hear. He lowered his head and quiet, very quiet, sobs reached my ears. By now I definitely felt like I was intruding. I went to close the door and that's when I heard it.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
I remember feeling guilt as I finally closed the door and went back to bed. I remember how hard it was to fall asleep again. And I definitely still remember that despite his efforts I could hear him.
When next day came around he was acting just as he usually would and I remember how much it bothered me. For the first time I saw how false that smile was. For the first time I noticed the pain in his eye.
I still wish I had hugged him that night.