Hesitation
I am Heronwing, a warrior of RiverClan. I was once happy; I had a mate, a great life, and a promising future. That all changed the day she left me.
"Heronwing," she said. "I'm going to have kits."
I purred, slightly surprised, and nuzzled her flank. She pulled back sharply, and I looked up, confused.
"Larksong, what's wrong?" I asked, worried.
"Heronwing," she mumbled, looking at her paws. "They're not yours."
I stared uncomprehendingly, unable to believe what she was telling me.
"It was Brambeheart…"
"Did he force himself on you?" I questioned, desperate that it was the case, desparate that she still loved me, and had been taken advantage of. She shook her head regretfully.
"No," she replied quietly. "He didn't. I love him, Heronwing. I'm sorry." She turned and left, presumably to go see her real mate, Brambleheart.
It was that day that a cold, black claw closed around my heart. I became numb to all emotions and sensations except my lust for revenge.
It has now been one moon since she left; one moon since she broke my heart. I get up, yawning and stretching the same way I have every day. The monotony has slowly weighed down my shoulders over time, but today will be different.
I act normal, simply walking over to the prey pile for a tasty trout. I watch out of the corner of my eye as Larksong and Brambleheart head out of camp.
Licking my lips, I follow them, prepared to use the excuse of a hunting patrol if anyone asks. Thankfully nobody does, and I make it through the entrance completely unnoticed. I stalk the two undeserving lovers, who are peacefully walking and sharing tongues.
I gag and break off, catching three minnows to take back when I return. I go back to the clearing I know Larksong and Brambleheart will end up in; they've been using this one since just after she dropped her bombshell on my life. I lurk in the shadows, waiting for the right moment.
"Oh, Brambleheart," Larksong whispers, leaning close to him. "I love you more than I can say."
He purrs in response, closing his eyes.
Yes! This is perfect! They're both completely oblivious! I let out a menacing growl, leaping from the bushes at the two astonished cats. I proceed to tackle Brambleheart, sinking my claws into his chest fur and pinning him down.
Larksong yelps in terror, flinching and crouching low in fear. I laugh, gazing down at the squirming tom beneath me, and the cowering she-cat to one side.
"You thought it would be simple," I cackle. "Just say, 'Sorry Heronwing, they're not yours,' and you can leave and everything will be okay?" I sneer at the pitiful form before me. "It's never that easy."
I glower at Larksong, making her shrink back even further. "I'll give you a choice," I say, allowing a hint of false leniency to creep into my voice. "Either you will be my mate forever, or I will kill this fox-heart—"I gesture at Brambleheart, who struggles some more "—right in front of you."
Larksong whimpers, shedding tears at my cruelty. "I'm sorry; I'm sorry," she weeps, holding my gaze with her petrified yet still beautiful grey eyes. "Please…"
I sneer at her, raking my claws through Bramblestripe's pelt and splattering his blood across the clearing. He screeches in pain, and Larksong screams, begging me to please stop. "I'll do anything—"
"No," Brambleheart wheezes. "Don't… Don't give yourself up… For the kits."
She breaks off into a wordless wail, closing her tear-filled eyes. I slide my paw up to Brambleheart's throat, teasing the fur with my claws.
"This is your last chance," I say. "Join me, or I kill him."
Larksong opens her eyes and looks desperately at Brambleheart, who nods slightly. "I…" she chokes, "I'll never join you."
Suddenly, I doubt myself. Can I really do this? I've been good all my life…
And look where that got you, interject my vengeful thoughts. All that effort, and then your mate leaves you for some stuck-up flea-pelt.
But if you love her that much, surely her happiness would be all you need, right?
I stand there, my mind whirling. Each side of the issue is tossed back and forth, and my head starts to hurt. I need to decide. Thinking of all the emotions I felt that day: the hurt, the longing, and the despair, I know what I need to do.
I flick my forepaw, spraying blood onto Larksong and the ground around her. She shrieks in grief, burying her head in her paws and sobbing. Brambleheart is still alive, barely, and his eyes settle on his mate.
"Now for you," I jeer, leaping onto the calico she-cat. She doesn't resist as I flip her onto her back, exposing her soft underbelly. I sink my claws in just under her ribcage. She squeals in agony as I slowly tear open a thick gash down her stomach, crimson liquid pouring out and soaking my paws. She twitches once more, then is still.
My mission is now complete. Great StarClan, revenge tastes so sweet. I wash off the blood—not in a stream, but with my tongue—savoring the salty taste in my mouth. I sleep in the wild that night, no longer caring for my clan. I wake up in StarClan, with Larksong in front of me.
"Why have you brought me here?" I hiss. "You don't even deserve to be in StarClan!"
"I'd like to show you something," she says, revealing three tiny kits. Two have her calico pelt, but one… One looks exactly like me.
"No!" I whisper, shock rendering my voice tiny and hollow. I raise my head and caterwaul to the now-empty sky, ripping my vocal cords with my horror. "NO!" I wail. "NOOOOOOOOO!"
I am Heronwing, and I truly regret what I did. It's too late now; I killed myself when I found out, and faded from memory forever.