I don't own Trigun or "Mary Jane" by Alanis Morissette.
I pulled this story out of my little "dancing in the moonlight" vignette from "Together Again." Milly's a bit blue, and Wolfwood's remembering. Wolfwood's POV. He's being a bit pessimistic. (Wow, what a surprise. He seems like a pessimist a lot to me...) Takes place sometime between episodes 25 and 26. If you can figure out why Milly's so sad, you've found the implied spoiler for episode 23.
The Last Great Innocent
I relish the thought of that dance, our first and last dance together. Mysterious strains of a song were in the air that night, and we danced. I forget who started it, but I remember it was one of the best things ever to happen to me. I felt redeemed from my all-too-many sins my night with her.
I watch her down on that planet, the one I hated so much. I hated everything about it, how dangerous it was, the blood-thirstiness of the people, having to travel around with that trouble-maker, Vash the Stampede. I hated everything about it, and everyone there, except her. I loved her.
As I watched her, I could see that she was sad.
*What's the matter, Mary Jane
You had a hard day
As you place
The don't disturb sign on the door*
I watch her lock the door, not letting Meryl in. Not that her companion and co-worker would bother her. She's too busy taking care of the presently depressed Vash the Stampede. I silently hope he would end up resorting to suicide, even though he disapproved.
In my head I reprimand myself. I had befriended that man, and I cared about him. Why was I hating him so much all of a sudden? And Meryl too?
*You lost your place in line again
What a pity
You never seem to want to
Dance anymore*
Of anyone in this building, the one I should be hating is myself. I spirit myself to Milly nightly, wishing that she could know that I'm there, that I was there physically, to have her, to hold her.
She's so wonderfully naive, she made that last night perfect. I loved her for it. She's not as stupid as she lets on, but still naive.
It's been a bumpy ride for her ever since I left.
*It's a long way down
On this roller coaster
The last chance streetcar
Went off the track
And you're on it*
I hear a knock on the door. "Milly?" I hear her comrade say.
Milly walks over and unlocks the door. "Come in," she whispers.
Meryl lets herself in slowly. "He's leaving tomorrow." I can tell by the way she is carrying herself, and how her disposition is that she had just slept with him. She's quiet, but happy within herself.
Milly can tell, too. I feel the pain tearing through her, the jealousy of having a living lover. I can feel her pain. I wish I was there to be able to love her.
*I hear you're counting
Sheep again, Mary Jane
What's the point
Of tryin' to dream anymore*
"Are you all right, Milly?" Meryl asks, looking sincerely worried. Bitterly, I think she probably doesn't care, that the sincerity is just an act. What does she care about Milly?
I study her myself. She seems thinner than she was when I left, and she looks hollow, not to mention tired. I knew she hadn't been sleeping well.
*I hear you're
Losing weight again, Mary Jane
Do you ever wonder
Who you're losing it for*
Once again I snap at myself for being so cruel. Meryl's wonderful as well. She's caring for two people who are depressed to the point of near insanity. Vash over the fact that he's killed Legato and broken his promise to Rem, and Milly because she's lost me.
I keep myself in a dark corner, so not even the moonlight can make them catch a glimpse of me. I need to stay unnoticed.
The moonlight makes me want to grab her and dance, though.
*Well, it's full speed, baby
In the wrong direction
There's a few more bruises
If that's the way
You insist on heading*
Milly looks so upset and something in the room tells Meryl to leave.
"Bokushi-san," I hear her whisper, choking up. The tears start to drift silently down her face, and I want to hurt whatever it is that causing her pain. Then I remember that it's me.
"I love you," she whispers.
*Please be honest, Mary Jane
Are you happy
Please don't censor your tears*
She rubs her tears away. "You taught me so much. I love you."
I loved Milly for her naivete, for the way that she was so pure, so innocent. I had stripped her of those qualities, of what had made her who she was. Had I done the right thing?
I felt like crying myself.
*You're the sweet crusader
And you're on your way
You're the last great innocent
And that's why I love you*
Milly was beautiful, naive, innocent. I had taken two of the three away from her, but she was still beautiful, and her sweetness had lived through. She was still innocent in her own sweet way, if not in the metaphor.
I wanted to take my innocent Milly and dance with her, under the glow of the moons, to mysterious music. I wanted that night back.
And I reprimanded myself one last time that night, for being so selfish.
*So take this moment, Mary Jane
And be selfish
Worry not about
The cars that go by
All that matters, Mary Jane
Is your freedom
Keep warm, my dear, keep dry
Tell me
Tell me
What's the matter, Mary Jane...*