A Change of Heart

Prologue

It was the moment of my parents' death that I realized I wasn't human. So what does that make me? I still have no idea. Even at this moment of my death, with those crimson eyes staring at me like I am the most beautiful delicacy in the world, promising slow death, I still couldn't feel myself go cold with fear. Force of habit, I guess. No emotion, no emotion, that was my mantra. The question of my entity is the only thing in my head. And I thought, if I lived through this, I have to convince them that I want to live. To find out what I am, even if it takes forever.

Chapter 1. Not so Human

The death of my parents came as a total shock to everyone we know. Their friends, distant relatives, and even old acquaintances.

It was such a shame, Renee and Phil were such a happy couple, they were so young. Poor Liz who would take care of her now?

Everyone gave me their deepest condolences, offered me help of any kind. Whatever I needed, they said.

We know how you feel.

I just nodded, looking grave. Or maybe even sad. But no one knows what I really feel right now. The guilt that I carry in my heart like a cross. Guilt, because I, Elizabeth Riddle, killed my parents…

Okay, fine, maybe not with my own hands. But I was the cause of the accident we were in. This abnormality that I have that pronounced itself more fully as I mature. And now, at almost 17, it has grown out of proportion. I have seldom thought of anything else since the accident, and right now is no exception. While people patted my shoulder, as they were leaving the columbarium where I had my parents be cremated, I relived again the days when this weirdness first made its presence known.

I was eight when it first happened. I was playing with my friends at my school, running around the playground, horsing around with the little girls and boys --as I was friendly and playful then. Accidents happen to every child, and I am no exception. I was thrown away as I was vigorously trying to make the swing fly to its highest limit. But miracle of all miracles, I wasn't hurt. I could still remember everything that happened as I flew off the swing. It was like a slow motion movie, I was flying and then I slowed down, then I saw on my peripheral vision how a swing tire flew off and caught me before I hit the ground. Nobody thought anything about it though. The kids thought I was just a lucky girl. The tire being there at that convenient time. But I knew better, I saw the tire flew off the chains it was hanging on to.

After that fateful day, the occurrences of these events frequented my existence. Whenever I am in danger, things just miraculously shield me from being hurt. Like when I was 14, a board was about to fall on me, head on, but a centimetre from my head, it stopped in mid-air. No one saw it but me. I knew then what I could do. I can make things move with my mind.

I then tried to make sense of this weird power that I had. I tried to make things move, concentrating very hard on a thing --its physicality, zeroing in on its smallest particles and making it defy the pull of gravity. It took me 3 months to make my pencil stand on its own, and a whole year to make my pillow float on mid-air. I realized that this ability has saved me from the accidents I was in. Like I was subconsciously protecting my body.

I gradually lost interest in anything but my power. I was a freak, a weirdo. What if I subconsciously elevated something or if I walk around and things start to orbit me without me knowing? I became a loner, I alienated everyone, including my parents. They didn't understand what changed in me, and they couldn't do anything about my sudden rebelliousness. Nor could I. With my sudden grave attitude in life, my ability changed with it. It felt like it was trying to make sure I was alone in my world. No one could come near me. Like when someone approaches me at school, something would trip them on the way, or their clothes fall off. I was all alone then. I couldn't control myself. And it protected me all the more.

How did my parents died? It's because all of me. We were in our car, I was at the back. Quiet and depressed. This time I was trying very hard to numb myself. No emotions, no emotions. My telekinesis usually go along with my mood, so whenever I'm with my parents, I was quiet and reserved, no emotions. They were taking me to a psychologist, I heard them the night before. I knew they were worried about me, so I went along with the plan. I wanted to have myself checked anyway, I thought maybe there was something wrong with how my brain works. Not that I would tell the shrink what I can do, maybe with just a few metaphors and symbolisms. But as we were speeding along a busy highway, I saw a moss-green jaguar -my dream car-, overtake us. It was childish and immature, but I lost my concentration and suddenly I coveted the damned car. It gravitated towards our car, and before I could gasp in shock of what I have done, it collided with our car, killing my parents instantly. I was saved of course, nothing touched my skin. Not the shards of glass, nor the front seats. It was like I was in a vacuum. The rescuers thought I was one lucky girl. Again.

I was in terrible shock. When the doctors pronounced my parents dead-on-arrival, I just nodded and went home alone. I told them I would take care of everything in the morning. I am almost 17 and an orphan. No relatives. No friends. Then I cried the whole night.

I woke up the next day and took care of everything with the help of our lawyer. My dad was a professional baseball player, he has a lot of money and is very famous. Our house was filled with mourners, and old friends I barely know. I didn't need to control my emotions then to spare them of dangerous flying objects because I was strangely numb. The loss of the most important persons in my life has cured my inability to suppress my feelings, for now. But what if this numbness fade? Looking at the faces of my parents in their caskets, I realized that I can't live with anyone but myself. I need to live alone, or find myself a place where people are indestructible as me. If there is such a place.

I watched the smoke that came from the place where my parents are being burned to ashes. Accepting pats from people I don't know. These people are better off without someone like me in their world. But where would I go? There is no place on earth where there are no people.

I watched the smoke that are my parents. They reached for the night, they seem to mingle with the stars.

"I'm sorry I am weak. I'm sorry, Mom. Dad, please. Help me. I'm sorry", I whispered. My breathing hitched. I was alone now. My emotions broke free off the chains. My subconscious combined with my consciousness. That's when I felt them. I whipped and looked into the darkened area. I saw a girl and a boy standing about 30 feet from me. I couldn't see the face of the boy but I saw the girl. I gasped as I saw her ethereal face wreathed with pain. She looked like she was crying but no tears escaped her eyes. She was pale and has long dark hair, like an angel. They didn't see me looking, they were too busy. The girl was staring at the smoke, while the boy in the shadows has his arms about the girl's waist, obviously comforting the girl. I took a tentative step towards them, like I was gravitated to the unknown. They immediately felt me then, looked at me so quickly that I didn't see their heads turn. Shocked, the girl took the boy's hand and fled into the night like shadows.

I was sure I've seen that girl somewhere before. Their presence has momentarily spared me from the pain that was slowly engulfing me, and their disappearance felt like I was doused with a barrel of iced cold water. The pain filled my whole body. I felt the trees move around me, the stones fly off, the windows of the crematorium rattling, in danger of breaking. It was the sound of my hitched sobbing that has cleared my head. Making me feel that someone was watching me. Staring around the deserted memorial park, I shivered. If a person was here, I can't possibly lose control now. Somebody might die again. Because of me. I was again assailed by the sad fact that I must leave and live alone somewhere.

No emotions, no emotions.

A man wearing a working suit emerged from the crematorium, carrying a beautiful jade jar that was filled with my parents ashes. I requested that their ashes be put in one container. I was sure this is what they would want. I'm not sure. I really don't know my parents these days. My selfishness made it hard to breathe, but I had to concentrate. I can't lose it now that I am driving along a busy high way. So many indispensable lives. Innocent, unaware lives. So many vulnerable lives that I could all kill. And of course, I would be the only one to survive. And people will again say that I am a one lucky girl.

next chapter: A lone Wanderer