Musing and Misgivings

A/N In this story Jackie never returned to Point Place after Chicago. Jackie continued on to Hollywood and made her fame and fortune.

Jackie Burkhart had achieved her dream. She was rich and famous and adored by millions. Jackie was one of the most famous actresses in the world. She was sultry and smoky with an air of innocence about her. Jackie had one problem in her otherwise enchanted life. She was lonely.

The men of Hollywood spent more time in front of the mirror looking at their own reflection then she did. Plus their conversations were all about them and how great they were. Jackie was honest with herself. She wanted a man who adored her and made her the center of his universe.

She knew the man in the street was in awe of her and thought that she was unapproachable. She wasn't and at times longed for the relative normalness that used to be her life.

The limo ground to a halt snapping her out of her daydream. "You're home Miss. Burkhart."

Jackie leaned over and kissed her date for the evening, Slade Johnson, on the cheek. Slade was a fellow actor and Jackie liked him. They usually attended red carpet events together and the tabloids were writing stories about their impending engagement. On occasion she would have Slade and his boyfriend over for dinner and they would read the tabloid articles for after dinner entertainment and have a great laugh.

Slade retuned the kiss and pecked Jackie on the cheek. "Thanks again for being my date. Ralph and I are going to St Croix in the Virgin Islands for Christmas; what do you have planned?"

Jackie smiled ruefully." Nothing Slade; my family is gone and you're the closest thing to a boyfriend that I have."

Slade laughed. "Honey if I was straight you would be at the top of my list, but alas I'm not. Do yourself a favor."

"A favor? What kind of favor?"

"My princess, remember the last time you were truly happy, and go back to where it was."

Jackie smiled. "I'll think about it have a merry Christmas." Then gracefully exited the limo. Her feet were killing her so she kicked off her heels and gingerly walked on the lawn to the front door. Jackie unlocked her door, disabled the alarm system and walked into her seven thousand square foot home.

Her maid Isobel; was off to see her family in Mexico for the holidays. She really did not need a full time maid, and came to realize that Isobel was mostly kept around for companionship more than any other reason. Actually Isobel was thought of more of a companion then a maid.

There was no noise as Jackie walked shoeless into the kitchen. She opened the fridge door to see what Isobel left her. Jackie Burkhart could not cook. Even lessons by Mrs. Forman a master home cook went over her head. Jackpot she thought to herself. Isobel had left a platter of sliced Lamb. Now she could make her favorite sandwich of all time; white bread with mayo a couple thick slices of lamb and plenty of Lettuce. She grabbed a half full container of milk and kicked the fridge door shut with her foot.

Once the sandwich was made she put it on a plate. With plate in one hand and milk in the other hand she walked up the stairs to her bedroom.

Her bedroom was hers. And totally hers. She had an interior designer do the whole house. The house was stunningly beautiful. The designer had decorated the house the way she felt a young movie star should be presented. The furnishings were simple but elegant. Just like Jackie or what the world thought she was. The one room she did not let the designer touch was her bedroom. Jackie designed that. The room looked like a teen girl on steroids had designed it. The room was overwhelmingly pink with stuffed animals and posters of Abba, The Partridge Family and Shaun Cassidy on the wall. Scattered throughout the room were pillows; all of them emblazoned with unicorns in different poses.

Jackie set her food on her nightstand and slipped out of her Donna Karan designed gown. Then put on her favorite Pajama's; the same ones she had for years. White with dancing Unicorns; then her big furry slippers. Once changed she walked into her bath and scrubbed her make up off. The reflection in the mirror showed a pretty girl who looked younger than her age. The smoldering sexuality she projected was gone.

Jackie found a channel showing Road Runner cartoons and giggled like a school girl while eating her sandwich.

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Her eyes opened. Beams of sunlight shone through her windows. After a long cat like stretch she sighed. "God that was good." She murmured to herself. The TV was still on; showing Bugs Bunny cartoons. The next thing Jackie realized was that a mostly devoured lamb sandwich was stuck in her hair. A musical laugh escaped as she thought; what would my adoring fans think of me now? Me the epitome of perfection with a partially eaten sandwich pasted to her face.

Nothing was on her agenda for the day. She had declined invitations to a couple of Christmas parties. She just wasn't up to going out with some guy she hardly knew. And act like she was having the time of her life. The other thing she did not feel like doing was facing all of the photographers who for some reason thought her life was fascinating and everyone wanted to see pictures of her.

December in Southern California could be very warm. After her shower Jackie slipped on a pair of cutoffs and rummaged around her bottom draw for a t-shirt. Neatly folded in a corner of her dresser draw she found a worn somewhat raggedly T-shirt. It exactly matched her mood so she put it on.

Jackie cleaned up the mess on the bed and in her bare feet walked to the kitchen. There was no way in hell Jackie was cooking an egg so she toasted a bagel and poured herself a large glass of orange juice. Sitting at the island in the center of the kitchen nibbling absent mindedly on her bagel; she wondered what she was going to do for the day. There was a script to read and some endorsement contracts to review. A feeling of restlessness and being trapped engulfed her. It wasn't an easy thing to just leave and go strolling around town. And she was not in the mood to hang around the pretentious places the rich and famous frequented. Fifteen dollars for a cup of coffee was ridiculous; even though she could easily afford it.

Finished, Jackie stood up and put the dishes in the sink and started to walk around her house. Maybe she would find something to do as she wandered. The actress slowly walked from immaculate room to immaculate room; wondering why she even had all of this. The only room that really saw any use was her bedroom. She shrugged and knew why. It was what was expected of her. Jackie stopped in front of a large mirror and looked at herself. The reflection in the mirror was the same as last night; a pretty girl who looked younger than her age. Suddenly what was written on the faded shirt caught her eye. It took her back to a time in her life that seemed like eons ago. Written across her shirt were the words Led Zepplin.

Jackie was jolted back to a time she thought she had put behind her. Also the image of tall boy with piercing blue eyes flooded her thoughts. Memories of Steven Hyde were stored in the back reaches of her mind. She had to keep those memories suppressed. Steven was the only man she truly loved. Jackie looked around and realized she was standing in the formal dining room. She grasped a heavy chair and pulled it away from the table and sat. The realization came to her; that if a half- naked Kelso did not walk in her motel room and instead Hyde had walked in and proposed as he intended to; she would not be here. Jackie would have gladly accepted and now would be Mrs. Steven Hyde. Jackie wondered if she would've had children by now and what kind of mother she would be. The thought of having children frightened her. What if she turned into a mother like her mother? No child deserved that. Slade's words came rushing back to her. Do yourself a favor go back to the last place you were truly happy.

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When was the last time she was truly happy? Jackie was very proud of her accomplishments; rapidly she had progressed from a couple of minor roles till she played heroine's best friend in a movie called "Jenny James" And totally stole the movie from the lead actress; who hated her to this day. After her critically acclaimed performance "A" list movies were offered and she made the best of it. Jackie was a professional and dedicated. She was an awesome actress and knew it. Which led her to be nominated for a Golden Globe and there was talk of her getting an Oscar nomination; that didn't pan out. But was she happy?

Jackie rose from the chair and walked back to the kitchen. She knew Isobel kept some beer in the fridge. After rummaging around she found a bottle of Coors and sat at the island. There was something she wanted but it kept eluding her. This was frustrating. When Jackie left Chicago; she had turned her back on everyone and everything from her former life. She did miss the Forman's and Bob. They were the closest thing she ever had for parents, and it still bothered her that she walked away. Did Red and Kitty watch her movies and tell people that they knew her? What about the rest of the gang what did they think of her?

Jackie sat motionless at the kitchen island letting waves of nostalgia wash over her. Thoughts of Eric, Donna, Fez, the Forman's, Kelso and Steven rushed through her mind. Did Eric and Donna ever get married? What were the rest of them up to? The tiny brunette realized that she wanted to go back to Point Place and be a not famous Jackie Burkhart. She wanted to be part of the gang and Steven Hyde's girlfriend.

To be continued….